The Weed Thread

[meadow-foreigner]

I had some bad experiences as a small child. I tried to explain seeing fractals when I closed my eyes to my dad, who started acting like an a****** and saying basically "either your imagining it or your sick and there's something wrong with you and you have to see a doctor". I knew there was nothing fucking wrong with me, so I just went with "yeah must just be my imagination". That built resentment and the beginning of me shutting down some of my own "extra" faculties that had become nothing but a nuisance and pariah for me in 3d. I had many odd dreams and probably ET contact, too much to go into detail and no specifics anyway. There was one time at night it must have been that specific time between 3 and 4 when the third eye was most active, I was awake looking at shadows in my room and felt scared and watched/saw floating little eyeball things popping in and out of visibility.

Since you mentioned fractals, do know that the THC component may actually fractalize inputs on your system; which is why time often seems to dilate when you use it — you're actually fractalizing your perception of every input, much like an overdrive, at the expense of immense energy compensation afterward: for instance, but not limited to, the so-called "munches"; and a somewhat compensatory perceptual fatigue due to the perceptual overdrive. It works in a similar way to caffeine, in which the body may get somewhat exhausted a while after its peak absorption.

This can be recreational, or even useful when used with intent, as you mentioned. However, since THC enhances psychic ability, negative experiences may inevitably occur, as there's the need for balancing within the individual, and also within The Creation.

Also, keep in mind that there should be a really good amount of care to evaluate the people and/or beings you interact with. Use your discernment. There are, for instance, individuals on 3D whose life plans are not related to transcendental experiences, so they will most probably — and comprehensibly — consider you to be wrong, as they can't possibly fathom that they might be the ones erring.

There was a lot like this and over the years I suppressed it more and more, but it suppressed a lot of my creativity and spirituality and so many good things too. When I first started smoking weed and it "blasted the doors open", it's like the good stuff came back first, but then over time, weed started to lead more and more often into the fears, the pain body, the shadow, and just all the baggage, including from experiences I had at about 11 years old that were intense existential panic attacks that were so awful it  must have been psychic or psychotronic attacks. I don't even know how I got through it(though I have some idea and it involves something Agua said about wanting to leave and making an agreement with my soul where only part of me stayed). I could not handle the mental anguish, so at that point in my life I split more of my soul off and became more of a shell.

One of the ways individuals deal or cope with trauma is by compartmentalization and separation. This is done deliberately in some types of programming out there, such as — but not limited to — programming caused by certain spiritual entities, but may also occur as a survival adaptation for the individual during emotionally adverse situations in which there's no reassurance or comfort from an external source.

For more info in this regard, you may read the following book: Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre. It's very dense and maybe a triggering book, but it provides you with tools to overcome this by yourself.

Also, DeProgram Wiki is another good source to get to know better about negative programming.

All of this is why I was so incredibly veiled/blocked by the time weed forcibly blasted everything back open. So, I want to quit but it's just another annoying and frustrating challenge/demand of myself on a long list of them and I don't have a lot of willpower and driving force right now.

The rational mind is often short-circuited in the dynamic of need(s) [ἔρως] and satisfaction(s) [ἀταραξία]. Breaks in this cycle may often lead to the impression of a lack of willpower or meaning in life endeavors.

The rewards you get are proportional to the struggles you go through, though.

You talk about asking for help, and I suppose at this point in my life I've stopped doing that, because of how many times I asked for help when I most needed it in my life, and it wasn't there.

Take into account that, even for a 4D entity, the 3D time is easily manipulated. Imagine what 5D entities can do with 3D time?
A human lifetime is nothing compared to the thousands of years a 4D entity might live. So, your own stopping from doing that means the attack was successful in this regard up to this point, by effectively isolating you from other positive sources, and nullifying your own potential because of isolation.

When I was 11 going through those psychic attacks, I could have used help. So many times I've been betrayed, and then what do all these "materials" tell me? "You create your own reality.

To a limited extent, yeah.

Nobody's going to save you. Can't break your free will. There's no such thing as a victim."

Read the above quote's underlined part again, and then read the first post of this thread once again. Then think carefully about what "you" have been led to believe.

I had had severe and absolutely shattering traumatic experiences. Abandonment and betrayal became expectations from where I grew up. There was no human being on which I could truly rely: no family, friend, relative, nothing. I was left out to die, yet I ironically didn't die. Now I may be needed: there are people who seek me. But you know what? And this is what you may not usually be aware of: I, you, and everyone else also need everyone else. These needs may be explicit and may be met explicitly, such as with a formal request, or not, in more subtle ways.

During hell school, I also learned that there are other individuals who shatter and simply aren't able to fix themselves. We live in a social environment here, and this means that the Self isn't the only Self out here. Furthermore, because The Creation allows life to flow through me, I decide to somehow honor it and leave this world a better place than it was when I came here. Just because it is possible.

"Don't wish for another planet. Wish for another book."

Regardless all of this, there are simply some things and some assistances that insist on going unnoticed. It's just their style, so to speak. The mere fact that you are still here, and have had the opportunity to interact with other-Selves who went through similar experiences as you, is an opportunity to forge your statue in the fire of 3D. Why not make a badass statue, if you will?

Rejoice, there aren't many with this privilege down here. Be the master of your fate and cap'n of your soul; don't lean on anyone else. Be self-sufficient, and maybe then you can be the best possible version of yourself down here.

Alright so "toughen up your on your own" is the message I'm getting.

Part of the message. Be attentive. Be better.

Why would I even want to be dependent on fickle beings who abandon me at their whim when I need them most?

Well, I could be sweet and answer you sweetly, but that wouldn't be much effective with you, would it?

The reason why you ask why you would even want to be dependent on other-Selves is that you like other-Selves. Simple as that.

Your emotional self may look have looked up to some of them, and still try to justify this childhood desire through rationalization. Perhaps when you take into account that your own needs and desires are as important as other-Selves needs and desires and that each one is wearing their respective shoes in this road, you could reconcile these apparently dissonant centers of feeling and intellect, and come to the grips with the fact that people are different and struggling and broken just like any and everyone else.

Having said that, it is still necessary to emphasize that there are people like you out there, regardless of your belief in this or lack thereof. However, if you are biased, or programmed, to appeal to those incompatible with you, you may overlook those who are, in fact, compatible with you.

They abandoned me, so I reject them.

You may think to do so intellectually, but you still hold them as a referential, emotionally. Therefore, your justification may be but an attempt to try to cry out loud until you are properly recognized, nurtured, and taken care of, as babies do, regardless of their chronological physical body age.

They can go 69 with the negatives and cancel eachother's polarity out into fucking nonexistence(I think to myself sometimes when I'm really angry).

As a display of goodwill on my part, I'll warn you of the keyword you just used: nonexistence.
This keyword is associated with known patterns employed by 5D entities who wish to get rid of individuals thought to be annoying from their perspective.
Nonexistence is also known as negative time/space, a topic somewhat covered in The Ra Material.

68.9 Questioner: Incarnation in negative space/time, then, in a condition like that would result in incarnation into which density level for, let us take as an example, the instrument?

Ra: I am Ra. The answer to this query violates the First Distortion.

Use your own consciousness to think why Ra refused to answer directly this question, for it would be a so-called Free Will violation. Assess your own situation.

Q: (L) Well, if a black hole continues to suck stuff in, is it possible that it would eventually suck in the entire creation?
A: No.

Q: (L) Why is that?
A: Universe is all encompassing. Black holes are final destination of all STS energy.

Q: (F) So, does this mean that we, or anyone else who is classified as STS, remains on said path, that we will eventually end up in a Black Hole?
A: Close.

Q: (L) Well, that is pleasant. And what happens to energy that is “total non-existence”?
A: Total non-existence balances total existence. Guess what is total existence?

Q: (L) Well, is it kind of like a balancing force?
A: “God.”

Q: (T) Are we talking about the creator god as in the Pleiadians?
A: Not Pleiadians. Prime Creator.

Q: (T) What is the difference between the Prime Creator and “God?”
A: None. As long as you exist, you are of the Prime Creator.

Q: (L) Now, this stuff that goes into Black Holes, that goes into non-existence, is that, then, not part of the Prime Creator?
A: Correct.

Q: (L) How can Prime Creator lose any part of him or itself?
A: Prime Creator does not “lose” anything.

Q: (L) Well, then, how would you describe this energy that was in existence and then is no longer in existence because it has become or gone into a Black Hole?
A: Reflection is regenerated at level 1.

Q: (T) How do we feed on the positive energy?
A: Progression toward union with the one, I.E. level 7.

Q: (L) In other words, you fuel your own generator instead of fueling someone else’s.
(T) You are at level 6, what do you feed on?
A: You have the wrong concept. We give to others and receive from others of the STO. We feed each other.

Q: (L) So, by feeding each other you move forward and grow but those of the STS path do not feed each other so must feed off of others.
(T) Now, you are talking to us now. This is considered STO?
A: Yes.

Well, Ra may have not wanted to disclose the information about negative time/space but someone else took the toll and provided some feedback about the possibility of what could happen (you know, hypothetically) when you end up in total non-existence, or negative time/space, in Ra terms.

Ask for help and get silence.

Well, you just got something to process.

That's where I feel "I have to help myself, and I'm not going to nice about it". It's not a problem when crap blunders into my dream state looking for trouble, but but the waking world does not accommodate my will so smoothly and seamlessly as my own dream state, so I find it a lot harder to defend myself.

Well, maybe because the waking world is spacetime, contrarily to the dream world, as relative stillness in space means relative movement in time and vice-versa, and when you sleep your body is actually relatively still in space.

You may want to re-evaluate your will or to tweak it a little better if you encounter so much resistance. Maybe letting go of rigidity and intransigence in order to progress further towards perfection would be intelligent to do. As it was mentioned before, there are people like you out there, though your own wishful thinking prevents you from seeing things outside your expectation cone.