02-10-2021, 03:00 PM
hey everyone, I want to bump this post because I've been experiencing some new things that coincide with my depressive tendencies
so I've been experiencing depressive episodes for like, most of my life. Sometimes it's been a "low-grade" depression, sometimes it's been really intense. I've always sort of like a "depressed" person. Like, I always tend to go to that side of things. Perhaps that has had to do with my perspective on life up until now? Not sure. Joy isn't something I have experienced as much as depression.....
but anyways, for the last month or so I've been experiencing some really potent depression. But it's been, ummmm, different. Lately I have been having really, really dark days. Usually, this feeling would knock me out for the day. Stay in bed. Don't eat. Try to forget the feeling. And that has sort of been there still. I'm still not feeding myself properly, been knocking myself out with Zzquil before bed because the feeling feels overbearing. All that stuff.
But at the same time, I've been experiencing more joy in the midst of these depressive episodes than I have in well..... a long time I guess.
It's really been very jarring for me.... it almost feels like I am balancing out a little bit.
The only thing I can think of that may have catalyzed this, was my recent contemplation on the topic of non-duality and the paradoxical nature of all things. I've just been resting easier in the confusion, I suppose. And that seems to have initiated some processes in my mental space.
Idk, just wanted to share with y'all!
much love
so I've been experiencing depressive episodes for like, most of my life. Sometimes it's been a "low-grade" depression, sometimes it's been really intense. I've always sort of like a "depressed" person. Like, I always tend to go to that side of things. Perhaps that has had to do with my perspective on life up until now? Not sure. Joy isn't something I have experienced as much as depression.....
but anyways, for the last month or so I've been experiencing some really potent depression. But it's been, ummmm, different. Lately I have been having really, really dark days. Usually, this feeling would knock me out for the day. Stay in bed. Don't eat. Try to forget the feeling. And that has sort of been there still. I'm still not feeding myself properly, been knocking myself out with Zzquil before bed because the feeling feels overbearing. All that stuff.
But at the same time, I've been experiencing more joy in the midst of these depressive episodes than I have in well..... a long time I guess.
It's really been very jarring for me.... it almost feels like I am balancing out a little bit.
The only thing I can think of that may have catalyzed this, was my recent contemplation on the topic of non-duality and the paradoxical nature of all things. I've just been resting easier in the confusion, I suppose. And that seems to have initiated some processes in my mental space.
Idk, just wanted to share with y'all!
much love