what ive been feeling lately

[Ankh]

Dear brother, my hearts aches for you. I feel the same in the deapth of my heart, but usually I ignore it. Today it rised up on the surface though. Couldn't bear it anymore.

That magnificence you talk about I feel too. Everyday - and I can't bring it through that thick wall (veil?) into everyday life.

I am not intersted in "normal" life activities anymore. I don't watch TV or buy any new clothes or do all that ordinary stuff people around seem to take such interest in. And I am 33. I get bored beyond any words talking about the superficial subjects with others. But what are we supposed to do? We came to serve. I don't know if we knew in advance that it's going to be this hard, but we probably felt bravery screaming "All for one, and one for all".

I don't have any advices to give, and I don't want to do it either. I just feel in my inner essence that I don't want to be here anymore, as you. But everyday I push it back to the deapth where it came from and force myself through another day filled with catalysts.

I've been feeling for a very long time that this is my last 3D incarnation and that I should use it well. But what you think and what you feel can sometimes be two completly different things. So I admit it right here and right now - I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home.

But I won't do it yet. I will constinue to fight to my very last breath, for my daughter at least.

Here is one song to listen to when that Wanderer's blues is overwhelming:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz6c0bhINeg

Take care, my brother! May the One protect and guide your path!

Namasté