what ive been feeling lately

[NegaNova]

I feel for all of you.
Personally, yeah, I've been feeling kind of exhausted. It's not that I feel the world is wrong, I know there is great good being done all the time and that the Earth is experiencing that love, and I think that that is probably largely ignored or unnoticed by me and a lot of people, because I tend to put my focus onto the things that make me sad about the world, or things that are painful, etc.

It's like,
I feel as if I'm in some sort of spiritual chaos. Like, since I've had experiences recently that have been particularily painful, it makes me feel almost like... I cannot rely on the Universe, because anything can happen, and it's like... I'm not gautanteed to be protected from struggle, because that is apparently what makes us grow so well, but I wish I didn't believe it had to be like that. And once I think about that, it feels like... I am doomed to this roller coaster of good and bad things happening, and there will never been eternal peace,
and yet I know it exists,
and I know that love surrounds me, and that God is watching, and understands, and that it truly all is part of a perfect plan,
but it's so frustrating when I cannot see it.

Still,
I also think Harmony and Love are coming our way.
It is like... you are all pushing through a little tunnel together with me,
and it's become very narrow and difficult to press on,
but when we finally figure it out,
and get through the opening,
we find on the other side that it is very expansive and open, and very deeply coloured, which is a reflection of who we have become and who we have discovered with each other.