(05-22-2009, 09:42 PM)Ali Quadir Wrote: Dear Tim, you live in interesting circumstances. Hang in there.
I'm also an all black kinda guy, at least I used to be, I pick greens and browns now. It helps people relate to me easier without considering me "A black hole" I've actually been called that..
Don't take the next bits the wrong way. (Some do) It is my understanding that we are what we send out. And at the same time, we become what we receive. This type of loop easily creates an upward or downward spiral. I assume you're in a self enforced negative feedback loop. It's not easy breaking out of those. Certainly not by doing more of the same.
Perhaps you should do something radical. All the meditating clearly didn't help you.And in my opinion living with the negativity of the new world order hurt you profoundly. It's not that you're doing it wrong or that you're not worthy or able. That's nonsense. Maybe you should try all other suggestions first if you must. If they succeed you're all done! If those do not succeed. Stop meditating and energy work and stop keeping an eye on the new world order for at least a month. The world isn't going to hell this month. And putting that weight on your shoulders is not a recipe for ascending. So screw the NWO. Let them worry about themselves for a change. I can guarantee they're already terrified for their own continued existence.
In that time continue with what you need to survive, make the efforts, do the job. But take a vacation from "Raising your energy". It hasn't helped you one bit so far clearly. I'm thinking you might be emitting the "Spiritual guy in survival mode desperately trying to improve his setting but not succeeding" vibe. The universe is giving you this.
So to answer your question "WHY?" : If it's not what you want. Why do you ask for it?
I asked the same question once. WHY? I was depressed in a romance that wasn't working. And failing in my then academic setting. I got an answer, crystal clear. Why? Because you love it! That's why! We don't really love our misery but it can be so addictive we keep asking for more. I managed to rectify my situation by stating clearly that I did NOT enjoy this. And I decided to do things I did enjoy.
Hi Ali Q, thanks for your thoughtful response, you do have a lot of good ideas in your message. I stopped wearing all-black after highschool, actually after the Columbine thing because I had been wearing a black trench coat for several years and didn't want to start getting called "Columbine Boy" or something, you know? For the last few years I've really enjoyed finding organic and natural fibre clothes like hemp, bamboo and soy, I wear mainly earth tones and cool colors now.
To be honest I don't really relate to the idea of sending out a vibration that I WANT to be in some sort of survival mode. I don't feel as though I "love" it at all, or feel comfortable in it. My depression feels like a baseline that i always return to, I'm either kinda high or kinda low (or really low). I think you are right about not focusing so much on the energy work, because yeah it frustrates me that I have put so much effort in, and I've read so many other peoples' accounts of "I did *such-and-such* and after that I was never depressed again, it was like magic!" that I wonder what is keeping me from having any sort of "break-through". I focus on the things I enjoy most of the time, but its like when there is a dull moment and I stop to think again, all the sadness is there, especially if I am looking back at my past in any way.
I am recently trying some new techniques, and particularly focusing on silencing my thoughts... just DROPPING it, not thinking about things, silence.
You're also right about the negativity of being aware of the NWO apparently hurting me, but again it wasn't like intentional that I became aware of them, I just started reading about it and became fascinated, and by the end of it I had learned so much that it was very overwhelming in terms of my day-to-day perception of the world. In the past couple years I have focused a LOT less on the negative conspiracy theories, but I also think it must have been important in some way for me to have been lead to the information I found.
Finally, I am actually lucky in that I got a proper record deal with an independant label and signed a contract, so I have two full-length albums guaranteed through them, thus I won't have to be "self-releasing" my full-length albums. The Amazon thing does sound cool, and I will check it out. I enjoy making hand-painted 3" CDR EPs, and have just recently put a new one up for sale on my website.
Anyway I won't go on too long here. Your post gave me a lot to think about and I appreciate it.
Tim
You know what it is? I DON'T feel like I'm asking for this at all! I have honestly felt that all of my efforts and meditation work have been an affirmation and ritualization of my intent and will, stating that I DO NOT want to be in survival mode, that I AM open to abundance and balance, and asking the Creator to guide me there.
I really don't feel like I've "asked" for this, or "attracted" this situation at all, I just feel like I'm stuck in it. Hmm.
Tim