Sexual Revolution

[Bring4th_Austin]

I've had a rather unique experience regarding sex, I feel. I believe that my experiences so far are because of preincarnative agreements, for reasons I can only speculate on but am completely comfortable with, now anyways.

From the perspective of most "normal people" (the average among my friends, anyways), I've had a rather sexless life. I had two serious long relationships during my teen years, in which both girls were waiting to have sex (one for marriage, one until she moved out of her parents'). They were sexually active relationships though, we just never went "all the way." They were very healthy relationships sexually and otherwise in a teenage sense, being able to safely explore sexuality with others as curious and innocent as I. However, they were nowhere near conducive to allowing me to understand the true potential behind sex in a spiritual sense.

I'm almost 5 years out from the latter of those relationships, have been single ever since, and have had sex with one person since then during a three day fling. It was before my spiritual awakening, and was pretty forced on my part. I felt frustrated because I was a 22 year old male, living in a house with 4 other guys who had sex all the time and loved to boast and talk about it. I never looked at sex as they did, in a "typical male" sense, but not only did I feel pressure from social norms, I felt (and still feel) I was missing out on an amazing part of life.

Why have I lived my life in a perpetual dry-spell? I fully believe it has been a preincarnative agreement to reach a certain point of spiritual awareness in my life before I entered a sexually active relationship. I've had an active social life and have met plenty of girls, but ever since my last relationship 5 years ago I have not been drawn to any girls, and no girls to me. It just hasn't happened. The relationships I have been in have basically just happened, without any effort or planning to find a partner. I've gone through several periods of extreme loneliness, feeling like there was a void in my life that someone needed to come along and fill, trying to think of ways to find a mate.

I had to learn that the void had to be filled myself. A lot of people search for a mate to become their "other half," and when they're single they feel like they live "half a life," etc etc. I feel the preincarnative agreements partially had to do with helping me learn that I was a whole person on my own as quickly and easily as possible, without disturbance from romantic relationships to confuse me. When I meet someone, I don't want them to complete me, and I don't want to complete them. I want two complete energies, coming together to create a brighter third.

Another reason for the preincarnative agreements have to do with the fact that being outside of a typical human society relationship, I've been able to shed most of my notions on how a relationship is supposed to be. Relationships in our 3D society tend to imply ownership of the other person. In typical relationships, we feel we have a right to know that person in a way that no one else can, as if they are our property, our belonging. We want to restrict them from interacting with others in the same way they interact with us (sexually, etc) because we feel like if they love someone else, they will have love for us less. "If my girlfriend is sleeping with someone else, that's less attention and energy for ME. She's mine and you can't have her!" Who am I to say where her attention goes? Why should I stop her from doing something she wants to do?

Another aspect of relationships in our society that I've been able to dissect and throw away is the "break up" period. I've never known anyone in my life to have a pleasant breakup. But I personally feel like, if I were committed to someone and it stopped working out, then there is a reason it stopped working out. We are not supposed to be together any more...and that's okay with me! It should really be a happy thing, parting with someone and being comfortable with it, knowing that you aren't losing anything by saying goodbye to that person. Breaking up should not be a loss to me, it should be a mutual understanding that this is how life works...things change, and sometimes you have to move on and experience new things to get the most out of life. The experience you had with that person is timeless...it cannot be lost.

I'm completely okay with the idea of an open relationship, though I would not have a problem with an exclusive relationship, as I understand there is virtue there and it is a valid spiritual path to take.

I honestly believe that my sexless life has led me to a very open understanding about sex and relationships, and I can't see my lonely experience to this point doing anything but serving me in the future.

But, I feel very deep in my heart that I am very close to meeting someone incredibly special, and this is a very exciting feeling for me