I need someone to talk to

[kycahi]

Neo, you need lots of hugs and listening to, but here we are on a forum where we write stuff out. :-/

The LOO says we live these lives for the experiences of them. Book reading and movie watching aren't nearly as useful to the One as full, 100% experience. Obviously, you have had some very dramatic experiences that pierced all the way to your heart. On behalf of the One, thanks! Now you want to recover from them, no small challenge.

Your mom also had and is still having experiences aplenty too, and her experiencing what she did provided the awful experiences that you got.

I drew two conclusions about her from reading your post, both of which can be incorrect: First, her behavior reads like the mental illness called schizophrenia. The doctors probably figured that out and gave her pills, but those have dreadful side effects. They stop the voices but they also shut down living a life. It must be something like wrapping the patient in 50 layers of gauze. They don't see, hear or think very well and can't do much. That's why they stop taking them.

The other conclusion, after reading that she behaved darn well when she got outside of the house, is that the house itself, or its near environment, can be a factor. Some people with schizophrenia are affected by high-voltage transmission lines that cross the country on those high tower structures. Some are even affected by regular house wiring and work hard to remove it from their walls. If that isn't the issue, read the Law of One Book Four (I think) where Ra describes cleaning a house of negative influences using salt and garlic.

But enough of this geeky stuff. You need love, understanding and respect. I can offer this kind, but I hope you can meet with like-minded people in your area where you can share common stories and know that you (plural) are not alone. Where to find? Google searching can turn up something. I just searched using the words "support for children of mentally ill parents" and got good looking stuff.

Jessica is among the 23 per cent of Australian children who live with a parent with a mental illness and witness mood swings, hallucinations, self harm and depression on a daily basis. Often they are the sole carer for a mother or father crippled with illnesses that, despite the efforts of mental health groups, are shrouded in shame and silence.

This looks good: http://www.schizophrenia.com/family/FAQoffspring.htm

Also you can visit a mental health clinic or hospital and look for notices of meetings.

Here's hoping that you get relief, from this community and others closer to home.

We all care here.