05-05-2011, 05:38 PM
I apologize to people for dumping this here. The mods can delete it if they want.
After that...stuff...I saw last night, some old memories came rushing back. Stuff I try not to remember.
It's about this "vision" I had about a year ago, during one of my fits. I was suddenly transported to this forest, where all the trees were black and the sky was red. I saw this old cabin, and I didn't want to go in but I got drawn in anyway.
The first floor didn't look so bad. There was a living room and what looked like an office, with a desk and papers and stuff. Then I went downstairs, into this crude type of basement. There were people down there...horrible things had been done to them. They'd been tortured in the most unimaginable ways. They were all terribly mutilated, but the most horrifying thing was that some of them seemed to still be alive.
I was freaking out at this point and I went back upstairs, and ended up stopping on this other floor. It was this big empty room, and there was this lone man chained to the wall. He had the most beautiful face, but the beauty was lost because of all the suffering I saw on his face. There was nobody around but it looked as if he was being tormented.
I tried to talk to him but he didn't seem to hear me at all. His eyes were glazed over. I felt the most powerful need to help him. I went over and started pulling on the chains that held him to the wall with all my strength. They broke, and he fell to the floor, but he still didn't move or give any sign that he even noticed I was there. It was like no matter what I did, there was nothing I could do to help him.
As soon as this happened I got sucked back upstairs. There was a man in the office, and the sight of his face chilled me to the bone. His skin was grayish black, with cracks in it as if it was charred. He had these leering yellow eyes...the sight of him filled me with terror. He said something like "What are you doing here? You shouldn't have done that." He seemed extremely angry. After that I got forcefully expelled out of the cabin and came back to my senses.
Walter had had his head on my stomach the whole time. He'd been holding me, trying to comfort me. When I came back he asked "Was it all in red and black?" I was blown away. Apparently he had seen parts of it as well.
After that the vision of that man haunted me for days. I kept seeing him hanging there, suffering, with no one to help him. I also had continuous other "visions" that had the same level of disturbing imagery. In one I was pulled onto a spaceship where people were being tortured and experimented on. In another I wound up in this room where everyone was going crazy and eating each other.
This stuff was real to me. And it was horrible. It was a very dark time in my life. For the most part I tried to just forget all about it, but that stuff I saw yesterday brought it all back. Every once in a while I'll ask W "remember that thing we saw" and he'll grimly be like "yeah." and then we just don't talk about it anymore, because it bothered both of us so much.
It pisses me off that my subconscious would produce crap like that. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of effed up nutcase. No matter how hard I try, I can't get the memories out. I've tried going back and changing it all in my mind, making everyone alive and happy and sending lots of light and love, but it doesn't really work. I want to forget it.
After that...stuff...I saw last night, some old memories came rushing back. Stuff I try not to remember.
It's about this "vision" I had about a year ago, during one of my fits. I was suddenly transported to this forest, where all the trees were black and the sky was red. I saw this old cabin, and I didn't want to go in but I got drawn in anyway.
The first floor didn't look so bad. There was a living room and what looked like an office, with a desk and papers and stuff. Then I went downstairs, into this crude type of basement. There were people down there...horrible things had been done to them. They'd been tortured in the most unimaginable ways. They were all terribly mutilated, but the most horrifying thing was that some of them seemed to still be alive.
I was freaking out at this point and I went back upstairs, and ended up stopping on this other floor. It was this big empty room, and there was this lone man chained to the wall. He had the most beautiful face, but the beauty was lost because of all the suffering I saw on his face. There was nobody around but it looked as if he was being tormented.
I tried to talk to him but he didn't seem to hear me at all. His eyes were glazed over. I felt the most powerful need to help him. I went over and started pulling on the chains that held him to the wall with all my strength. They broke, and he fell to the floor, but he still didn't move or give any sign that he even noticed I was there. It was like no matter what I did, there was nothing I could do to help him.
As soon as this happened I got sucked back upstairs. There was a man in the office, and the sight of his face chilled me to the bone. His skin was grayish black, with cracks in it as if it was charred. He had these leering yellow eyes...the sight of him filled me with terror. He said something like "What are you doing here? You shouldn't have done that." He seemed extremely angry. After that I got forcefully expelled out of the cabin and came back to my senses.
Walter had had his head on my stomach the whole time. He'd been holding me, trying to comfort me. When I came back he asked "Was it all in red and black?" I was blown away. Apparently he had seen parts of it as well.
After that the vision of that man haunted me for days. I kept seeing him hanging there, suffering, with no one to help him. I also had continuous other "visions" that had the same level of disturbing imagery. In one I was pulled onto a spaceship where people were being tortured and experimented on. In another I wound up in this room where everyone was going crazy and eating each other.
This stuff was real to me. And it was horrible. It was a very dark time in my life. For the most part I tried to just forget all about it, but that stuff I saw yesterday brought it all back. Every once in a while I'll ask W "remember that thing we saw" and he'll grimly be like "yeah." and then we just don't talk about it anymore, because it bothered both of us so much.
It pisses me off that my subconscious would produce crap like that. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of effed up nutcase. No matter how hard I try, I can't get the memories out. I've tried going back and changing it all in my mind, making everyone alive and happy and sending lots of light and love, but it doesn't really work. I want to forget it.