05-05-2011, 06:14 PM
I just don't GET what my problem is. Like you said, Ankh, I hate it and fantasize about it at the same time. Characters in my story get tortured a lot, but I build them tough so they are able to take it.
It...god, it's hard for me to talk about this. I feel like such a freak. The thing I fantasize about, is torturing someone with their permission. Convincing them they enjoy it. Making them beg for more. It's erotic or something, but it disgusts me at the same time. It only ever goes so far in my fantasies. I've fantasized about whipping or beating people (not to mention having those things done to me), even branding them or something like that, but never the really weird, crazy stuff like what I saw online last night. That just makes my stomach turn. I wanted to throw up. I still do.
A lot of times in these fantasies, I am both people at once. ARRRGH...I sound like such a psycho. This stuff comes up again and again and I don't know WHY. I've been this way since I was freaking FIVE and it's CREEPY!
It...god, it's hard for me to talk about this. I feel like such a freak. The thing I fantasize about, is torturing someone with their permission. Convincing them they enjoy it. Making them beg for more. It's erotic or something, but it disgusts me at the same time. It only ever goes so far in my fantasies. I've fantasized about whipping or beating people (not to mention having those things done to me), even branding them or something like that, but never the really weird, crazy stuff like what I saw online last night. That just makes my stomach turn. I wanted to throw up. I still do.
A lot of times in these fantasies, I am both people at once. ARRRGH...I sound like such a psycho. This stuff comes up again and again and I don't know WHY. I've been this way since I was freaking FIVE and it's CREEPY!