11-04-2011, 03:40 AM
I greet you now; I am a most weary wanderer. I spent my entire life up to this point seeking what was "wrong" with me. My scientific mind desperately needed to find the root problem to what had gone wrong with my life. In doing so, I stumbled over the tip of a gigantic iceberg.
I have had some variable difficulties with social interaction since elementary school, which was mistaken for a child who has difficulty reading because of a stutter-pause filled session of reading aloud to the class. I have also have had extreme difficulties wanting to get a "job" since high school.
I have had a most tumultuous relationship/marriage for my entire adult life, which has more recently left me with only my cat and my thoughts to keep me company. Her leaving was largely due to my state of "funk" that I had been stuck in after a very serious motorcycle accident 2 years before this posting in Nov 2011. She is a very career driven woman; she has had a thus-far unquenchable desire to seek degrees in higher education. This makes her feel completely useless (historically:to the point of break down at getting fired from her job) unless she is either full time school or work, or both. She projects this upon me, although she wont admit it. I have always been a free soul, though, and know how to resist even the dreaded passive-aggression.
Its been 6 months now since shes been gone... Two things resulted from this, in essence: The first 2 months or so was the lowest point in my life. The second thing was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me in this current incarnation, my awakening. I actually lept into the air and yelled "eureka!" like a big crippled dork.
Since my awakening, I went from someone who has always respected and honored the scientific method and rationalism while being completely apathetic and/or cold to any religion or spirituality; to a spiritual virgin suddenly exposed an entire plane of existence that I had previously discounted as "highly unlikely". I was astonished at what I found, especially when many of my metaphysical, science-only based theories just before my awakening.
As I have been reading the Ra Material, many (if not all) my metaphysical theories came true in the words of the Ra entity. It has happened more times than I can count now. It is both exhilarating and unsettling, in equal proportions. It feels so unsettling because so many other times throughout my life, I have always ended up making poor decisions that I have deeply regretted in the past; dwelling upon it in a most negative way.
So to have everything come true... is a bizarre sensation to me.
Now I seek the same humble thing I have sought since I was an adolescent: to find a woman to share love with in a meaningful way, and to contribute to the happiness and well-being of society as a whole in some meaningful way. I seek love, knowledge, and also to teach. I value the service to others in regards to love, laughter, and I seek to protect others from pain and slavery.
But the discovery process brought me to the brink, and luckily, back out of my sleeping-stupor that I was stuck in. I feel most weary... And what little I have learned on the proper way to communicate with the majority of the population has been lost to me. Also, I have been almost entirely alone in all this. I dont know a single person "irl" that I can talk to about this. I have 0 support in this, and almost non-existent acceptance and support from my friends and family. I love my wife... and I also love another girl (that I fell in love with before I understood the consequences
)... They are the only two people who I become concerned with at the end of this cycle. I fear for them... I do not know if they are ready to graduate or not. I would very much like to graduate with 1 or both of them... I dont want them to get "left behind". The idea of that saddens me deeply. But I wish to move on now; I cant stand the thought of being a 3rd density being on a 3rd density planet, and all the violence, pain, and sorrow that came with it.
But I did not tell you this to dwell on the negatives: I came to share, grow, comfort, and learn. In a more tangible way, I also have been semi-interested meeting people locally so I might seek to channel or possibly seek aid in healing ~myself~ in damaged portions of my body/mind.
I invite you to ask questions freely, I do not offend easily.
I have had some variable difficulties with social interaction since elementary school, which was mistaken for a child who has difficulty reading because of a stutter-pause filled session of reading aloud to the class. I have also have had extreme difficulties wanting to get a "job" since high school.
I have had a most tumultuous relationship/marriage for my entire adult life, which has more recently left me with only my cat and my thoughts to keep me company. Her leaving was largely due to my state of "funk" that I had been stuck in after a very serious motorcycle accident 2 years before this posting in Nov 2011. She is a very career driven woman; she has had a thus-far unquenchable desire to seek degrees in higher education. This makes her feel completely useless (historically:to the point of break down at getting fired from her job) unless she is either full time school or work, or both. She projects this upon me, although she wont admit it. I have always been a free soul, though, and know how to resist even the dreaded passive-aggression.
Its been 6 months now since shes been gone... Two things resulted from this, in essence: The first 2 months or so was the lowest point in my life. The second thing was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me in this current incarnation, my awakening. I actually lept into the air and yelled "eureka!" like a big crippled dork.
Since my awakening, I went from someone who has always respected and honored the scientific method and rationalism while being completely apathetic and/or cold to any religion or spirituality; to a spiritual virgin suddenly exposed an entire plane of existence that I had previously discounted as "highly unlikely". I was astonished at what I found, especially when many of my metaphysical, science-only based theories just before my awakening.
As I have been reading the Ra Material, many (if not all) my metaphysical theories came true in the words of the Ra entity. It has happened more times than I can count now. It is both exhilarating and unsettling, in equal proportions. It feels so unsettling because so many other times throughout my life, I have always ended up making poor decisions that I have deeply regretted in the past; dwelling upon it in a most negative way.
So to have everything come true... is a bizarre sensation to me.Now I seek the same humble thing I have sought since I was an adolescent: to find a woman to share love with in a meaningful way, and to contribute to the happiness and well-being of society as a whole in some meaningful way. I seek love, knowledge, and also to teach. I value the service to others in regards to love, laughter, and I seek to protect others from pain and slavery.
But the discovery process brought me to the brink, and luckily, back out of my sleeping-stupor that I was stuck in. I feel most weary... And what little I have learned on the proper way to communicate with the majority of the population has been lost to me. Also, I have been almost entirely alone in all this. I dont know a single person "irl" that I can talk to about this. I have 0 support in this, and almost non-existent acceptance and support from my friends and family. I love my wife... and I also love another girl (that I fell in love with before I understood the consequences
)... They are the only two people who I become concerned with at the end of this cycle. I fear for them... I do not know if they are ready to graduate or not. I would very much like to graduate with 1 or both of them... I dont want them to get "left behind". The idea of that saddens me deeply. But I wish to move on now; I cant stand the thought of being a 3rd density being on a 3rd density planet, and all the violence, pain, and sorrow that came with it.But I did not tell you this to dwell on the negatives: I came to share, grow, comfort, and learn. In a more tangible way, I also have been semi-interested meeting people locally so I might seek to channel or possibly seek aid in healing ~myself~ in damaged portions of my body/mind.
I invite you to ask questions freely, I do not offend easily.
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