Raising your Energy (Way of the Peaceful Warrior) (Rant-edited [focused])

[Ankh]

WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!? WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS WANDERING/AWAKENING thing??? I GOT SUCKED INTO IT! THE WORLD'S FALLING APART, AND NOTHING ELSE MADE SENSE! I could be happy!... kind of.. I think...? Other people seem happy in their worlds.. those friends I had at school... doing plays, going to classes... and I'm about to starve myself in hopes that I can get some vitality and joy back in my life. I've been in hell for a long time, might as well go for broke, right!

Why does it have to be so hard? I have to be down here for a purpose. God isn't giving me any signs, so, god****it, this must be what I have to do. Pretty much a reboot of my entire system. A hard formatting of my chakras. To balance and remember what I am, why I am, and what I really want to do. F**K!

Give me some pointers. Or an escape. This density sucks with the way we've been conditioned since birth. My thoughts are shadows or shadows, and this is my desperate attempt to come back to my senses. What do you think, my friends, My brothers and sisters?

I *sooo* recognize this!! "What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I be like normal people?!" etc, etc... Maybe you programmed something really, seriously awesome for yourself, and your Higher Self is feeding you now with catalysts so that you can wake up and seek that which you came here for. That's why you are not happy with stuff that "normal" people might be happy about. Or perhaps you experience a sharpness in catalysts as well, because your subconsciousness had enough now. Time to wake up. To seek that awesome plan of yours. Now that you have experienced what you had to experience, maybe it's time to work?

I had these thoughts anyway, and remember that. And I also thought "why it has to be so hard?!". I don't know. Perhaps in order for us to wake up from the illuision and start seeking what is beyond it?

But listen, and this is just my opinion: this life is already hard as it is, why torture yourself, and force yourself to do something that you obviously don't feel is good for you? That which is obvisouly doesn't resonate with you? If you feel so much negativity towards stop smoking, and starting to eat whatever you said that you are about to eat, then leave it. At least for a moment. People have different opinions, and I am sure that you will get other advices and tips. So this is mine: *Find your heart first*. What makes you happy, cause this diet of yours doesn't seem to do the job yet. Then you can come back to it, when you have that energy, or interest. Finding the heart is what gives you energy to do that other difficult things that are needed to be done in this density. That is what made me happy, and gave me energy. And I am not saying that it was easy, or didn't take waaay to long time, or was a road made of fluffy clouds and sweet dreams. But one day I've just had it, and started to walk. And I am not saying that when I started to walk that path, I suddenly didn't drink too much, or stopped smoking or eat junk food, or everything else that is considered to be "bad" for spiritually awaken people. I am just saying that, that wasn't important for me at that time. And I had only limited amount of energy, which I put wholly into spiritual seeking, or finding the heart of myself, which I at that time, and still am, found to be the most important. Rest just had to wait their turn. So if I needed to take a smoke (cigarettes), I took a smoke. If I had to take a drink, I took a drink. If I happened to drink too much, so be it. But I kept seeking that heart. That *which is important* to you.

Good luck, man! Have my fingers crossed for you.