I'm a bit confused as to how to apply the concept of respecting the free will of others to children and pets (particularly dogs, since cats are so independent and easy to deal with I don't see it as an issue...cats demand that their free will be respected whether we want to or not!).
I raised my son as a free spirit...I was more of a friend than an authority. My husband had no trouble being authoritative, but whenever I tried it, I failed miserably! It was difficult for me, and my son never responded to it...in fact, the more authoritative we were, the more trouble we had. He responded best when he understood what we wanted (and agreed with it).
Now that my son is grown up, I'm finding a repeat of the same issues I had with him...in my relationship with my dog!
I'd always been a cat person...was never around dogs until I got a Lab for my son 16 years ago. That dog was easy - he loved to get my approval, so I never had any problems with him.
Later, we got Schipperkes...they are extremely intelligent and independent. They are affectionately known as 'little black devils' !!!
My first 2 Schips were also easy. They respect and adore me. But, 2 years ago we acquired another Schip (another rescue like the others) who has a much more dominant disposition.
This little guy is continually challenging the older male. But he loves to snuggle in my lap so I thought we were cool.
Well, it turns out that I had just been lucky the past 2 years, in that I hadn't ever asked him to do something he really didn't want to do! A few weeks ago that ended. I wanted him to go outside and he didn't want to, and he challenged me very aggressively!
He crossed a line! I can't have dogs biting family members! So I started doing my homework. I found an excellent dog training site that says I had neglected to establish pack rank. Had he respected me as pack leader, this wouldn't have happened.
Evidently, dogs have an instinctive need to either be dominated or to dominate.
Hellllooo does this sound familiar?
Doesn't this describe the STS path???
Say, what? No wonder I've always been a cat person!
I'm NOT saying dogs are STS! Far from it! I absolutely love my little pack of adorable, affectionate, yet feisty Schipperkes (just as I loved my Lab). And I know they love me! What really blew my mind was that this dog training expert (who trained police dogs for many years) says that dogs can love us while not respecting us.
Hmmm...my hubby thinks I didn't quite 'get it right' with my son, and now am being given another chance to earn respect as well as love!
My question is: How does this fit in with the Law of One concept of Free Will? Are we to honor the free will of our those other-selves who are on their way to 3D? I had always disliked the idea of training my dogs to the point where they do every little thing I ask of them...that has always seemed so...well, dominating! So STS! I thought that if I allowed my dogs more freedom and independence, they might make better humans when they graduate to 3D!
But now I learn that the very concept of honoring the free will of others and allowing independence doesn't work with dogs. We might get away with it if the dog doesn't have a dominant disposition (as I got away with it all these years), but with a dominant dog, such an approach is asking for trouble. Schipperkes, for example, though small, can be very fierce! They absolutely must be managed.
So, here I am ordering my beloved dog around, keeping him tethered to me so he has no freedom, making him submit whenever he wants anything, etc. Ugh! I'm not enjoying this at all! The tethering part is supposedly temporary, to establish pack rank, but the status must be maintained. He must know in no uncertain terms who's the boss!
Children, too, obviously need discipline. I struggled with that when my son was little and I still don't completely comprehend how to balance necessary discipline with the respect of free will.
What could be the purpose of this catalyst I have attracted? Why isn't this dog easy-going like my other dogs? What is the value of my being forced to learn to be controlling and dominating to a small degree?
Thanks for listening!
I raised my son as a free spirit...I was more of a friend than an authority. My husband had no trouble being authoritative, but whenever I tried it, I failed miserably! It was difficult for me, and my son never responded to it...in fact, the more authoritative we were, the more trouble we had. He responded best when he understood what we wanted (and agreed with it).
Now that my son is grown up, I'm finding a repeat of the same issues I had with him...in my relationship with my dog!
I'd always been a cat person...was never around dogs until I got a Lab for my son 16 years ago. That dog was easy - he loved to get my approval, so I never had any problems with him.
Later, we got Schipperkes...they are extremely intelligent and independent. They are affectionately known as 'little black devils' !!!
My first 2 Schips were also easy. They respect and adore me. But, 2 years ago we acquired another Schip (another rescue like the others) who has a much more dominant disposition.
This little guy is continually challenging the older male. But he loves to snuggle in my lap so I thought we were cool.
Well, it turns out that I had just been lucky the past 2 years, in that I hadn't ever asked him to do something he really didn't want to do! A few weeks ago that ended. I wanted him to go outside and he didn't want to, and he challenged me very aggressively!
He crossed a line! I can't have dogs biting family members! So I started doing my homework. I found an excellent dog training site that says I had neglected to establish pack rank. Had he respected me as pack leader, this wouldn't have happened.
Evidently, dogs have an instinctive need to either be dominated or to dominate.
Hellllooo does this sound familiar?
Doesn't this describe the STS path???
Say, what? No wonder I've always been a cat person!
I'm NOT saying dogs are STS! Far from it! I absolutely love my little pack of adorable, affectionate, yet feisty Schipperkes (just as I loved my Lab). And I know they love me! What really blew my mind was that this dog training expert (who trained police dogs for many years) says that dogs can love us while not respecting us.
Hmmm...my hubby thinks I didn't quite 'get it right' with my son, and now am being given another chance to earn respect as well as love!
My question is: How does this fit in with the Law of One concept of Free Will? Are we to honor the free will of our those other-selves who are on their way to 3D? I had always disliked the idea of training my dogs to the point where they do every little thing I ask of them...that has always seemed so...well, dominating! So STS! I thought that if I allowed my dogs more freedom and independence, they might make better humans when they graduate to 3D!
But now I learn that the very concept of honoring the free will of others and allowing independence doesn't work with dogs. We might get away with it if the dog doesn't have a dominant disposition (as I got away with it all these years), but with a dominant dog, such an approach is asking for trouble. Schipperkes, for example, though small, can be very fierce! They absolutely must be managed.
So, here I am ordering my beloved dog around, keeping him tethered to me so he has no freedom, making him submit whenever he wants anything, etc. Ugh! I'm not enjoying this at all! The tethering part is supposedly temporary, to establish pack rank, but the status must be maintained. He must know in no uncertain terms who's the boss!
Children, too, obviously need discipline. I struggled with that when my son was little and I still don't completely comprehend how to balance necessary discipline with the respect of free will.
What could be the purpose of this catalyst I have attracted? Why isn't this dog easy-going like my other dogs? What is the value of my being forced to learn to be controlling and dominating to a small degree?
Thanks for listening!