12-22-2009, 01:29 AM
First of all, I would like to state up front that the topic I want to discuss is considered a bit (okay, maybe a lot) taboo by many people. I do not think anything in this post will be explicitly sexual but I do feel that sexual energies are a contributing factor in the issue, so I sincerely hope I don’t offend anyone.
That being said, I’d like to talk about pain.
From an early age I’ve had fascination with physical pain. In my teenage years it developed into full fledged masochism. I’m sure there were a lot of emotional contributors when it came to the behavior I displayed, such as cutting myself...the discussion of those can go on forever. However, I feel that a part of this behavior remained rooted in the base element of physical gratification. Pain felt, still feels, good to me on certain levels. Not every type of pain causes an opposite pleasure, but at times the need to feel it has caused a nearly insatiable craving.
Needless to say, this is nowhere more obvious than in my sex life. In attempt to avoid graphic details, I will simply say that pain and sex at the same time is fine with me. In fact, it is more than fine. I don’t need it to enjoy sex, and have had many sweet, purely peaceful exchanges that were greatly satisfying, but at times I just need that element of roughness.
Up until recently I’d simply thought this was a random quirk that didn’t mean much. Some people like dressing up in animal costumes or using props in the bedroom. I like pain. It’s all a matter of personal preference. However, today I was going through book II of the Ra Material and session 31 caught my particular interest. It was discussing orange ray sex, and how some gain pleasure out of displaying power or being forced to submit, and it all seemed to be described in a sense that made it sound very unhealthy.
Outside of physical pain, I do find myself craving the opportunity to submit in controlled circumstances (largely through role play). I am a perfectionist, and don’t like to let a single detail slip out of place. I work at a job that requires me to manage my own actions and take the initiative. I am usually the one who handles the cumbersome details of family life such as financial obligations and simple things like making sure there is food in the fridge and none of it is rotting. So many times I am simply forced to take the lead, and it feels so good to just let go of all that every once in a while and be put into a state of complete submission. Often I have wanted to enter an even deeper state of submission, being completely out of control of the situation, but my husband refuses because he doesn’t want to end up harming me (which I respect). I don’t enjoy being humiliated and have no desire for this type of relationship to exist outside of these circumstances, but being dominated in such an aggressive fashion can be such a release. My husband, on the other hand, often feels like he has no control over anything in his life and it makes him feel good to try to be the dominant personality, even in a fictitious situation.
For a while I felt like this was a healthy thing. Yet reading about all these orange ray blockages, I’m wondering if I have this inner need to be possessed. I often find myself fantasizing about being in a slave’s position, and I’m wondering if I simply don’t want to face my responsibilities. Is this just an escape attempt or a healthy outlet? Am I helping to clear my chakras or only making them more knotted up? I try to keep myself balanced, but I would say that orange ray is the hardest chakra to work through for me.
My guides have told me that my physical enjoyment of pain is somewhat of a defense mechanism. My empathy causes me to take in the pain of others like it was my own, so what better way to adapt to that overload of stimuli than to learn to enjoy it? I am unsure as to what level it in its physical sense is rooted in with my enjoyment of being dominated. There have been times that I have felt so satisfied from being being beaten that it seemed like I’d entered an altered state of consciousness. I would like to say that I do not try to put myself in dangerous situations that could do me serious bodily harm. I do not even cut myself anymore, but is there anything wrong with getting this crazy rush from feeling a sharp pain that you know you can truly call your own? From knowing that for once everyone isn’t counting on you to make it all okay?
I feel this lifestyle quirk would be a very hard one to get rid of if I decide it is unhealthy in my quest to serve others. I feel like the efforts involved could only increase the difficulties I am experiencing for a good while, so in your opinion, is it worth giving up? Do you think this behavior could do serious spiritual damage or could it simply be a way my soul has chosen to express itself?
Once again, I apologize if this topic makes anyone uneasy. I’ve gotten a lot of strange looks when I talk about this type of stuff, even from people on my wavelength. Still, any serious input would be appreciated.
-Lynn
That being said, I’d like to talk about pain.
From an early age I’ve had fascination with physical pain. In my teenage years it developed into full fledged masochism. I’m sure there were a lot of emotional contributors when it came to the behavior I displayed, such as cutting myself...the discussion of those can go on forever. However, I feel that a part of this behavior remained rooted in the base element of physical gratification. Pain felt, still feels, good to me on certain levels. Not every type of pain causes an opposite pleasure, but at times the need to feel it has caused a nearly insatiable craving.
Needless to say, this is nowhere more obvious than in my sex life. In attempt to avoid graphic details, I will simply say that pain and sex at the same time is fine with me. In fact, it is more than fine. I don’t need it to enjoy sex, and have had many sweet, purely peaceful exchanges that were greatly satisfying, but at times I just need that element of roughness.
Up until recently I’d simply thought this was a random quirk that didn’t mean much. Some people like dressing up in animal costumes or using props in the bedroom. I like pain. It’s all a matter of personal preference. However, today I was going through book II of the Ra Material and session 31 caught my particular interest. It was discussing orange ray sex, and how some gain pleasure out of displaying power or being forced to submit, and it all seemed to be described in a sense that made it sound very unhealthy.
Outside of physical pain, I do find myself craving the opportunity to submit in controlled circumstances (largely through role play). I am a perfectionist, and don’t like to let a single detail slip out of place. I work at a job that requires me to manage my own actions and take the initiative. I am usually the one who handles the cumbersome details of family life such as financial obligations and simple things like making sure there is food in the fridge and none of it is rotting. So many times I am simply forced to take the lead, and it feels so good to just let go of all that every once in a while and be put into a state of complete submission. Often I have wanted to enter an even deeper state of submission, being completely out of control of the situation, but my husband refuses because he doesn’t want to end up harming me (which I respect). I don’t enjoy being humiliated and have no desire for this type of relationship to exist outside of these circumstances, but being dominated in such an aggressive fashion can be such a release. My husband, on the other hand, often feels like he has no control over anything in his life and it makes him feel good to try to be the dominant personality, even in a fictitious situation.
For a while I felt like this was a healthy thing. Yet reading about all these orange ray blockages, I’m wondering if I have this inner need to be possessed. I often find myself fantasizing about being in a slave’s position, and I’m wondering if I simply don’t want to face my responsibilities. Is this just an escape attempt or a healthy outlet? Am I helping to clear my chakras or only making them more knotted up? I try to keep myself balanced, but I would say that orange ray is the hardest chakra to work through for me.
My guides have told me that my physical enjoyment of pain is somewhat of a defense mechanism. My empathy causes me to take in the pain of others like it was my own, so what better way to adapt to that overload of stimuli than to learn to enjoy it? I am unsure as to what level it in its physical sense is rooted in with my enjoyment of being dominated. There have been times that I have felt so satisfied from being being beaten that it seemed like I’d entered an altered state of consciousness. I would like to say that I do not try to put myself in dangerous situations that could do me serious bodily harm. I do not even cut myself anymore, but is there anything wrong with getting this crazy rush from feeling a sharp pain that you know you can truly call your own? From knowing that for once everyone isn’t counting on you to make it all okay?
I feel this lifestyle quirk would be a very hard one to get rid of if I decide it is unhealthy in my quest to serve others. I feel like the efforts involved could only increase the difficulties I am experiencing for a good while, so in your opinion, is it worth giving up? Do you think this behavior could do serious spiritual damage or could it simply be a way my soul has chosen to express itself?
Once again, I apologize if this topic makes anyone uneasy. I’ve gotten a lot of strange looks when I talk about this type of stuff, even from people on my wavelength. Still, any serious input would be appreciated.
-Lynn
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