I completely understand how you feel, since I have a similar thing going on with me, except not with physical pain. For me it's a balancing act of being warm with people, and being cold hearted...and knowing when is the proper place for each. I believe that given your description of how you control your urge (not suppress, I mean control), it seems like you have a more healthy way of expressing this desire. Only you can judge if your desire is "right" for you, but you're definitely "on the right track" by keeping out of sight of those who might find it disturbing.
Feel your whole self, and all of it's desires. Seek to balance your methods for fulfillment of desire with clarity, as you already seem to be doing....of course this is only my opinion, but I hope it helps.
Godspeed!
Feel your whole self, and all of it's desires. Seek to balance your methods for fulfillment of desire with clarity, as you already seem to be doing....of course this is only my opinion, but I hope it helps.
Godspeed!