07-20-2012, 06:48 AM
Had this super vivid dream last night. The emotional impact was so strong I couldn't go back to sleep.
I was an Asian man, probably in my late twenties to early thirties. From what I can tell, I had been bought as a child by this assassin order, and had been rigorously trained my entire life to be a soulless killing machine. I had been brainwashed from an early age to have absolute, utter devotion to the order's cause. I had a master who was directly in charge of me who was a dick, and I pretty much hated his guts, but to the actual order I was very loyal.
I also had a wife. She was a beautiful woman with golden brown curls and soft features and I loved her very much. She was in the order as well. At some point we got called to stand before the council, and they revealed that my wife had committed a grave offense. She had taken some of the artifacts she was supposed to recover on her mission and had kept them for herself, operating out of her own secret agenda. The penalty for such an action was death. I told them I would kill her, because I wanted her death to be as merciful as possible, and just like that I turned toward my wife to kill her.
She smiled at me and started fighting me. She had a blade. I was empty handed. But my reflexes were so much better than hers that she seemed to be moving in slow motion. I simply blocked each of her moves, then I finally pulled the blade out of her hands and stabbed it into her chest. She fell onto the ground, coughing up blood and spitting curses at me. Apparently I had missed her heart because she was taking a long time to die. I picked up a sword and cut off her head to end her pain quickly.
After that I fell on the ground and wept, utterly devastated. No one even tried to console me. They looked down on me for showing emotion. I was supposed to simply kill her and act as if nothing had happened, but the sobs coming out of my throat were wracking my whole body. I murdered my own spouse and there are just no words for the despair I felt. It was just awful.
There was also another dream that may or may not have been connected to the last one. I think I was still some sort of assassin, and I had an older brother who had pretty much gone on a vendetta. He was going beyond his duties and seeking out people he found repulsive and killing them, such as child molesters, serial killers, etc. At first I was helping him, but then I realized what monsters we were becoming. I had a very clear vision of him being murdered by the next man he tried to kill, and I was doing everything I could to attempt to convince him to abandon that particular hit. I loved him so much and I was so afraid he would get killed by this cause he just couldn't let go of. He thought he was invincible. I even went to the man he was going to kill and begged him to get out of town while he still could. I woke up before finding out what actually happened.
I suppose all these dreams are speaking to my own stubborn mindset. There are certainly parts of myself I've dueled with in the past, though I've been going for the inner harmony thing lately. The balancing work is never done, it seems.
I've also been experiencing a lot of the "lucid sleep" described on this thread, and it was interspersed throughout my dreams last night. I am not just lucid dreaming, but consciously aware while I am asleep. I'm usually doing some sort of metaphysical work that is just too complex for my waking mind. At the same time I'm aware of being in my bed and everything that is happening around me. I have talked to my husband in this state before, completely aware that he was in the room, but I had no real way of explaining to him what I was doing so my words sounded like gibberish. It's like operating out of two completely different platforms at once. Usually when I have these sorts of dreams I don't feel as rested in the morning. It's like I was working all night, then getting up to go to work, which is the case right now. >:-[
I was an Asian man, probably in my late twenties to early thirties. From what I can tell, I had been bought as a child by this assassin order, and had been rigorously trained my entire life to be a soulless killing machine. I had been brainwashed from an early age to have absolute, utter devotion to the order's cause. I had a master who was directly in charge of me who was a dick, and I pretty much hated his guts, but to the actual order I was very loyal.
I also had a wife. She was a beautiful woman with golden brown curls and soft features and I loved her very much. She was in the order as well. At some point we got called to stand before the council, and they revealed that my wife had committed a grave offense. She had taken some of the artifacts she was supposed to recover on her mission and had kept them for herself, operating out of her own secret agenda. The penalty for such an action was death. I told them I would kill her, because I wanted her death to be as merciful as possible, and just like that I turned toward my wife to kill her.
She smiled at me and started fighting me. She had a blade. I was empty handed. But my reflexes were so much better than hers that she seemed to be moving in slow motion. I simply blocked each of her moves, then I finally pulled the blade out of her hands and stabbed it into her chest. She fell onto the ground, coughing up blood and spitting curses at me. Apparently I had missed her heart because she was taking a long time to die. I picked up a sword and cut off her head to end her pain quickly.
After that I fell on the ground and wept, utterly devastated. No one even tried to console me. They looked down on me for showing emotion. I was supposed to simply kill her and act as if nothing had happened, but the sobs coming out of my throat were wracking my whole body. I murdered my own spouse and there are just no words for the despair I felt. It was just awful.
There was also another dream that may or may not have been connected to the last one. I think I was still some sort of assassin, and I had an older brother who had pretty much gone on a vendetta. He was going beyond his duties and seeking out people he found repulsive and killing them, such as child molesters, serial killers, etc. At first I was helping him, but then I realized what monsters we were becoming. I had a very clear vision of him being murdered by the next man he tried to kill, and I was doing everything I could to attempt to convince him to abandon that particular hit. I loved him so much and I was so afraid he would get killed by this cause he just couldn't let go of. He thought he was invincible. I even went to the man he was going to kill and begged him to get out of town while he still could. I woke up before finding out what actually happened.
I suppose all these dreams are speaking to my own stubborn mindset. There are certainly parts of myself I've dueled with in the past, though I've been going for the inner harmony thing lately. The balancing work is never done, it seems.
I've also been experiencing a lot of the "lucid sleep" described on this thread, and it was interspersed throughout my dreams last night. I am not just lucid dreaming, but consciously aware while I am asleep. I'm usually doing some sort of metaphysical work that is just too complex for my waking mind. At the same time I'm aware of being in my bed and everything that is happening around me. I have talked to my husband in this state before, completely aware that he was in the room, but I had no real way of explaining to him what I was doing so my words sounded like gibberish. It's like operating out of two completely different platforms at once. Usually when I have these sorts of dreams I don't feel as rested in the morning. It's like I was working all night, then getting up to go to work, which is the case right now. >:-[
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