When one does not feel in harmony with a person or group of people...

[Adonai One]

Is it best to just let go and leave and accept your feelings as they stand? Are some relationships not worth building further?

[Bring4th_Austin]

I've found that the best place to start when I don't feel in harmony in some aspect of my life is to try to become as aware as possible of my own role and participation in the disharmony. It's key to realize that when we're catalyzed by an apparent outer disharmony, it's because there exists an inner disharmony. I believe that following our emotions to their roots within our mind, journeying into the unconscious mind to bring light to our own shadows, is the first and most important step in dealing with any catalyst, especially that catalyst of disharmony with others.

Once this is done and acceptance is brought to the feeling of disharmony and its roots, allowing it to fall away, relationships with others can be addressed from a completely different light, in balance, where true harmony may be found. From this viewpoint, the answer of whether one should walk away or build things further should be clear.

[kanonathena]

Depends on what you mean by not in harmony. If you and the group have different interests based on different view of life, like you want to seek spiritually, others more center on material world, then it's not necessary to force yourself together.

If you have negative feeling towards certain people no matter how different you are in what aspect, that might involve acceptance. A balanced entity feel nothing but love for anyone.

42.4 Questioner: Would a perfectly balanced entity feel an emotional response when being attacked by the other-self?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. The response is love.

I found that as long as I am persistent in my intention to accept people and see all as creation, then it will eventually become clearer to me what the situation is and accept it quite readily. in some cases, this may take quite a long time, but once you see clear you feel much better and greater.

[Aloneness]

I've been thinking about this because as much as I love my family I always feel as if they are only capable of loving me under certain conditions. They say they love me but I don't really feel it. I keep interacting with them but it's absolutely draining which makes it more and more difficult. To be honest, I always feel like I'm giving so much energy and they are unable to give in return. I actually enjoy making people happy but I don't know how to deal with this stuff.

[ChickenInSpace]

I've been thinking about this because as much as I love my family I always feel as if they are only capable of loving me under certain conditions. They say they love me but I don't really feel it. I keep interacting with them but it's absolutely draining which makes it more and more difficult. To be honest, I always feel like I'm giving so much energy and they are unable to give in return. I actually enjoy making people happy but I don't know how to deal with this stuff.

I deal with this issue by centering myself around the desire to help. Take half an hour or so (depending on how much time you need, obviously) and rest in the attitude that you want to give and that it's okay if you don't recieve much or anything back.

[Aloneness]

I've been thinking about this because as much as I love my family I always feel as if they are only capable of loving me under certain conditions. They say they love me but I don't really feel it. I keep interacting with them but it's absolutely draining which makes it more and more difficult. To be honest, I always feel like I'm giving so much energy and they are unable to give in return. I actually enjoy making people happy but I don't know how to deal with this stuff.

I deal with this issue by centering myself around the desire to help. Take half an hour or so (depending on how much time you need, obviously) and rest in the attitude that you want to give and that it's okay if you don't recieve much or anything back.

Thanks for responding. I tend to do that already what my 'problem' is is that their point of view, or state of being is so different than I believe my own to be, I don't really know how to communicate with them anymore with all the words and stuff. If that makes any sense..

(no arrogance intended)

[ChickenInSpace]

I tend to meet this problem by giving people two versions of explanation for what I do.

For example I can say something like:

"I want to help. This gives me a positive attitude which in turn affects the surrounding attitude to a nominal degree. Or you can say that I want to help because I feel myself polarizing to search for the metaphysical knowledge and helping explores spiritual depth while being beneficial. Whichever explanation you like the best; keep it"

These are my words, though. It's what I've said out loud to people (in my language) to make them understand. Problematic for this approach is the level of confidence/integrity needed. Unwavering calm and security is the foundation from which these words come and when people feel this, acceptance (on some level) is quite near.

I'm also blessed with a fairly allowing society/country.

EDIT: To clarify, I try to give one rather mundane explanation and one shorter in depth explanation. People will generally pick one and be happy with it, thus easing the understanding part and shifting attitude in favour of continued work.

[Aloneness]

Thanks again, Chicken.
I don't really say very much.. But it's nice to see some people being uplifted anyway.
I think I'm just really, really fed up and tired of helping other people, as well as myself, this way.
That's probably the reason why I'm so angry all the time..

[ChickenInSpace]

Maybe it is.

Please forgive yourself for being so angry. It happens for everyone but you seem to not want to be angry. I think you can forgive yourself for that?

[Aloneness]

I don't like being angry, but i am and that's ok. In a way i'm also afraid of my own anger, it's quite forceful and it would be nice to turn it in to something more fruitful.

[kanonathena]

I don't like being angry, but i am and that's ok. In a way i'm also afraid of my own anger, it's quite forceful and it would be nice to turn it in to something more fruitful.

I don't know if this helps, but maybe you can try turn this forceful anger into forceful love? Kinda like playing devil's advocate with yourself. Once you get a feel of how it feels like to express love regardless, then get rid of the forcefulness. I tried this when dealing with people, very odd when people including myself expect anything but gratitude. But I feel better afterwards because I didn't slip into the trap of "eye for an eye", feel uplifted and more understanding of why anger is not necessary at all, we are not bound to it.

[Aloneness]

I don't like being angry, but i am and that's ok. In a way i'm also afraid of my own anger, it's quite forceful and it would be nice to turn it in to something more fruitful.

I don't know if this helps, but maybe you can try turn this forceful anger into forceful love? Kinda like playing devil's advocate with yourself. Once you get a feel of how it feels like to express love regardless, then get rid of the forcefulness. I tried this when dealing with people, very odd when people including myself expect anything but gratitude. But I feel better afterwards because I didn't slip into the trap of "eye for an eye", feel uplifted and more understanding of why anger is not necessary at all, we are not bound to it.

I'm a bit confused about the the anger, still. Because I feel as if I've been doing all those things for a long time. At least, always to the best of my abilities at that particular moment.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I've always felt so extremely vulnerable compared to other folks but for me it's a perfectly normal state of being. People sometimes tend to find me unrealistic, a dreamer, intrusive, selfish or arrogant, for me it is a perfectly normal state of being. I think I'm capable of seeing things quite clearly but it's frustrating when I don't really know how to say it without hurting other peoples feelings and I feel as if nobody really wants to hear it anyway. So, that's why I was born angry, I guess.

Lots to ponder about, thank you all.

[ChickenInSpace]

Stop worrying ^^.

[Aloneness]

lol. ok.

[caycegal]

What a great topic! My experience - sometimes you have to walk away. Ultimately we are all one, and my salvation depends on my ability for forgive all and love all at some point in my development. Try not to burn too many bridges. Try to leave in a loving way without hurting anyone's feelings if possible. Realize these people are not the cause of your problems, but rather they are teachers for you. If it's your family, maintain at least some contact with them - as much as you can without impeding your own spiritual development. There is no need for drama or recriminations. Better to make up a polite excuse - such as "I've been offered a terrific job in Oregon" - something like that.

At some point in my development I will need to learn how to stay in relationship with those who make me feel uncomfortable. That may involve moving to a higher level of awareness and frequency first.

---

Codependents Anonymous really helped me a lot. Some groups are better than others.

[xise]

There is an enormity of catalyst in our lives. Do not feel like you have to learn all of it immediately. It is ok to walk away so speak for a while to regain your stamina and to focus on other areas of learning.

[kanonathena]

I don't like being angry, but i am and that's ok. In a way i'm also afraid of my own anger, it's quite forceful and it would be nice to turn it in to something more fruitful.

I don't know if this helps, but maybe you can try turn this forceful anger into forceful love? Kinda like playing devil's advocate with yourself. Once you get a feel of how it feels like to express love regardless, then get rid of the forcefulness. I tried this when dealing with people, very odd when people including myself expect anything but gratitude. But I feel better afterwards because I didn't slip into the trap of "eye for an eye", feel uplifted and more understanding of why anger is not necessary at all, we are not bound to it.

I'm a bit confused about the the anger, still. Because I feel as if I've been doing all those things for a long time. At least, always to the best of my abilities at that particular moment.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I've always felt so extremely vulnerable compared to other folks but for me it's a perfectly normal state of being. People sometimes tend to find me unrealistic, a dreamer, intrusive, selfish or arrogant, for me it is a perfectly normal state of being. I think I'm capable of seeing things quite clearly but it's frustrating when I don't really know how to say it without hurting other peoples feelings and I feel as if nobody really wants to hear it anyway. So, that's why I was born angry, I guess.

Lots to ponder about, thank you all.

You can try to hold an intention all the time like "I don't want to be angry anymore" or even better "I want to see all as love, all as creation". Try to refrain from vocally express anger to people or curse, when you feel angry, think about how you don't want to be angry. After you calm down think deeply about the reason for your anger, like "I am angry because I don't accept this kind of behavior... " Basically let the desire to accept sink into your deeper mind. If you did express anger, reflect on it and try to refrain and reflect in the future. It helps if you can spend some quite time with yourself.

To me medication daily is essential and make it much easier to learn lessens. Nearly all my progress is made after I started meditation.

I find it easier to understand the reason on a intellectual level first, then hold the firm intention to change myself. Most likely you won't see why you are angry right away, holding the desire to see through works the same.

[Aloneness]

I don't like being angry, but i am and that's ok. In a way i'm also afraid of my own anger, it's quite forceful and it would be nice to turn it in to something more fruitful.

I don't know if this helps, but maybe you can try turn this forceful anger into forceful love? Kinda like playing devil's advocate with yourself. Once you get a feel of how it feels like to express love regardless, then get rid of the forcefulness. I tried this when dealing with people, very odd when people including myself expect anything but gratitude. But I feel better afterwards because I didn't slip into the trap of "eye for an eye", feel uplifted and more understanding of why anger is not necessary at all, we are not bound to it.

I'm a bit confused about the the anger, still. Because I feel as if I've been doing all those things for a long time. At least, always to the best of my abilities at that particular moment.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I've always felt so extremely vulnerable compared to other folks but for me it's a perfectly normal state of being. People sometimes tend to find me unrealistic, a dreamer, intrusive, selfish or arrogant, for me it is a perfectly normal state of being. I think I'm capable of seeing things quite clearly but it's frustrating when I don't really know how to say it without hurting other peoples feelings and I feel as if nobody really wants to hear it anyway. So, that's why I was born angry, I guess.

Lots to ponder about, thank you all.

You can try to hold an intention all the time like "I don't want to be angry anymore" or even better "I want to see all as love, all as creation". Try to refrain from vocally express anger to people or curse, when you feel angry, think about how you don't want to be angry. After you calm down think deeply about the reason for your anger, like "I am angry because I don't accept this kind of behavior... " Basically let the desire to accept sink into your deeper mind. If you did express anger, reflect on it and try to refrain and reflect in the future. It helps if you can spend some quite time with yourself.

To me medication daily is essential and make it much easier to learn lessens. Nearly all my progress is made after I started meditation.

I find it easier to understand the reason on a intellectual level first, then hold the firm intention to change myself. Most likely you won't see why you are angry right away, holding the desire to see through works the same.

Well, I've learned that I'm afraid to go totally bonkers so when I'm not centered or off balance it often feels as if someone is misleading me or trying to control me and that's when I implode quite easily. It's like all hell breaks loose internally but I'm almost always able to keep a straight face and remain calm on the outside, It's a rather hazardous situation and a very, very dark and toxic place to be.
I believe I've come to understand more about it on a concious level though and I appreciate your perspective very much. Thank you.

[caycegal]

We have been reading/watching/listening to Eckhart Tolle. His concept of the Pain Body is helpful for me with regard to other people. He talks about how mass consciousness has created this "Pain Body," which I take to be some kind of thought form that seems to have a life of its own at times and wants to be fed.

It's helpful for me when I start feeling bad and don't know why to suddenly remember - Oh, these are not my feelings - I'm just picking up on somebody else's transmission, and I can turn it off if I want to. I can choose a different channel.

It's a learning process for me - I believe I'm getting better and better at it.

[Hototo]

A chaos god? A god (body with self awareness) that needs to be fed pain?

[Jeremy]

What I don't particularly understand about the concept of seeing ones imbalances from an other self is that how then can this same opinion be shared among others? Take a coworker for instance. It's been agreed upon that she just isn't well like due to pot stirring tendencies and over lack of trust. Now does this mean that we all are exhibiting the exact same imbalance?

I mean I can still accept her as myself and see the all is one aspect but that doesn't change the consensus regarding her actions.

It's a bit paradoxical to me

[kanonathena]

What I don't particularly understand about the concept of seeing ones imbalances from an other self is that how then can this same opinion be shared among others? Take a coworker for instance. It's been agreed upon that she just isn't well like due to pot stirring tendencies and over lack of trust. Now does this mean that we all are exhibiting the exact same imbalance?

I mean I can still accept her as myself and see the all is one aspect but that doesn't change the consensus regarding her actions.

It's a bit paradoxical to me

My understanding is that there are different levels of love. Pot stirring is certainly not green ray love; seen from a human's perspective, this is not an expression of kindness/compassion/love.

But since all is love, a bird flying in the sky is an expression of love, a eagle hunting a small animal is an expression of love, people fighting each other is also an expression of love. The later two don't sound nice but they are still expression of love, within the illusion of separation.

Each motion is driven by love, is a manifestation of love. I think the more intense the action is, whether positive or negative, the more intense love is contained. Sometimes when I see people keep arguing with each other, I feel it's really desperate expression of love.

[xise]

What I don't particularly understand about the concept of seeing ones imbalances from an other self is that how then can this same opinion be shared among others? Take a coworker for instance. It's been agreed upon that she just isn't well like due to pot stirring tendencies and over lack of trust. Now does this mean that we all are exhibiting the exact same imbalance?

I mean I can still accept her as myself and see the all is one aspect but that doesn't change the consensus regarding her actions.

It's a bit paradoxical to me

There are at least two sub-types of mirror effects I find (thanks to Greg Braden for breaking it down, but also I have found this to be true):

(1) The other self is an identical mirror of you
(2) The other self is a mirror of what you have not yet accepted, understood, and integrated fully; a shadow mirror - essentially, they mirror the part of you that you have rejected

In your example Jeremy, perhaps you should study whether you truly accept her 100% and understand her eccentricities, or whether you in fact do not accept her fully because you judge her actions as wrong or feel disapproval in some significant way. Feelings of "I can't understand why she does that at all" would be also of the same nature. Acceptance is without judgement; Love is without judgement, without conditions, and comes from acceptance and understanding.

That being said, unless you seem to run into people similar to her a lot, or this one particular person keeps coming up in your life, it's probably not a major lesson - there are billions of different people out there. But if the universe seems to hone you in on her, then it's probably a significant mirror and an important lesson. Then again, you brought her up as an example in your post, so perhaps there was a reason for that.

[caycegal]

What I don't particularly understand about the concept of seeing ones imbalances from an other self is that how then can this same opinion be shared among others? Take a coworker for instance. It's been agreed upon that she just isn't well like due to pot stirring tendencies and over lack of trust. Now does this mean that we all are exhibiting the exact same imbalance?

I mean I can still accept her as myself and see the all is one aspect but that doesn't change the consensus regarding her actions.

It's a bit paradoxical to me

There are at least two sub-types of mirror effects I find (thanks to Greg Braden for breaking it down, but also I have found this to be true):

(1) The other self is an identical mirror of you
(2) The other self is a mirror of what you have not yet accepted, understood, and integrated fully; a shadow mirror - essentially, they mirror the part of you that you have rejected

In your example Jeremy, perhaps you should study whether you truly accept her 100% and understand her eccentricities, or whether you in fact do not accept her fully because you judge her actions as wrong or feel disapproval in some significant way. Feelings of "I can't understand why she does that at all" would be also of the same nature. Acceptance is without judgement; Love is without judgement, without conditions, and comes from acceptance and understanding.

That being said, unless you seem to run into people similar to her a lot, or this one particular person keeps coming up in your life, it's probably not a major lesson - there are billions of different people out there. But if the universe seems to hone you in on her, then it's probably a significant mirror and an important lesson. Then again, you brought her up as an example in your post, so perhaps there was a reason for that.

Your reply to this question seems very much right! I was wishing someone would give a good answer to this question, and you did.