Seeing my daughter without the negative past

[Jeremy]

One of the bigger things I struggle with is seeing and loving my daughter without seeing the multitude of mistakes. I can't begin to explain what the last 5 years of hell have been like but there are so many things that I wish were different.

So when I look at her, all I see is mistake after mistake instead of truly seeing her with the love that she looks back at me with. It tears me to pieces that I can't seem to love without the reminder of these mistakes and I can't figure out how to remedy it.

[Unbound]

What mistakes?

[Jeremy]

Good answer lol

[Unbound]

That she looks at you with love shows many things done right, my friend.

[Goldenratio]

Sounds like highly efficacious catalyst in action to me

[Jeremy]

Yea you guys are right but it's obviously quite difficult to see it that way. I mean it has nothing to do with providing material items or anything that lacks substance. I just feel like I could have done a better job but failed in many aspects. I know she doesn't see it that way and I'm trying to figure out what the reason for such an intense catalyst would be but I can't seem to put my finger on it. I'm thinking it has to do with unconditional love as this has been an issue of mine my whole life considering I've never even felt very attached to my family either

[βαθμιαίος]

This was helpful for me. Look into a mirror and say to yourself, "I love you and I forgive you."

[Patrick]

I have always had an issue with spending time with my son. Even being aware of this did not really help. So I managed to ameliorate the situation somewhat. BUT mostly, I worked on accepting my Self this way and even more importantly FORGIVING my Self.

My son is quite happy and he's a wonderful person, so I can't have messed up that much.

I'm sure from what you are saying, it's the same for your daughter. Remember that she chose you knowing full well how it was likely to be.

[Unbound]

Maybe it's really just you reflecting on yourself, and thinking "I would have wanted things differently", but really that's just an indication that you have not yet accepted your own flaws and weaknesses, and therefore see them reflected in your daughter.

[BrownEye]

So when I look at her, all I see is mistake after mistake instead of truly seeing her with the love that she looks back at me with.

Ha you are looking at your belief. If you look at her through her own eyes she may see herself much different than you do.

Others will see her much different than you do as well.

What you are seeing is a perspective that you believe in, which is your choice.

Belief is what I call the source of all problems.