My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
09-26-2016, 06:11 PM,
#1
My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
This is to all the beautiful souls on this planet that have awakened to the fact that we are infinite potential expressing itself. You have awakened and I have awakened. I firmly believe I am a wanderer and here to be the messenger and help the planetary transition towards a more evolved civilization. My purpose is to grow in my expression and feeling of unconditional love, message fellow souls who desire awakening about the magic this universe offers and be truly compassionate. I share this story with all those who are interested and want to be inspired to follow their Wanderer mission.

My true awakening has really occurred over the past summer with an unbelievably loving intensity. To facilitate understanding I will give a rough general idea of my life before the summer as some parts are especially interesting.

I was born in Germany in 1994 and due to my birth being a caesarian section it was already quite a traumatizing start into this life. My dad recently told me that I seemed to be very scared as a boy, suggesting that I had really suffered through this birth process. I still desire to reintegrate that experience into the present by becoming one with an emotion that was permanently manifested back then. I believe that reliving the memory of birth might be of immense release, with the integration of this memory being able to energetically release blockages.

My childhood seemed great, I do not remember a lot of it though, so I cannot say definitely. There are some traumatizing memories I have recalled consciously. For example, diving into the feeling of loneliness consciously allowed me to enter a memory where my mother had left me for a while with my grandmother. Having had no real intimate connection with my grandmother, being separated from my mother was traumatizing. It was pleasant to go back into the memory and give my inner child the comfort and needs it desired. I remember a traumatizing event where the wife of my grandfather locked me into a room once, creating in me that feeling of rejection as well as being totally lost. Thinking back then, maybe my childhood was not that great and was already paving the way for the emotional collapse that was coming later. But in the past when looking at my teenage years, I often thought that my childhood was smooth and lovely. I do remember in school that I was called the "chaotic professor" and that I was always lost in thought, often not totally present with what was happening. Like living in my own world. I would love to dive back into the world I was experiencing as a child - Maybe there were many beautiful experiences in my day dreaming.

My teenage years were on the surface quite good, but there was a lot of emotional pain that was created as a result with me being constantly in alignment with self depreciating thoughts and fears. This resulted in me attracting a lot of bullying. It was interesting that actually someone whom I considered a friend was a real big bully towards me - making me look bad in front of others all the time and bullying me for being gay although this was not true. It was a weird space where I was in one way fully integrated and accepted into this social circle and also loved and then also in another way depicted as gay and always laughed at for that. Still I stayed in that social circle, it was like the connection to the perpetrator that I also needed - now I realize I needed that as part of my incarnate learning experience. It was immensely painful though and writing this right now results in emotional pain around my soda plexus. I shall more integrate these emotions to dive back into that pain and make it conscious to become more aligned with my sensitive, but beautiful being.

A cut came when I lived in Australia for a year, my mother desiring an exit. So we tried it out and living there was an amazing experience as far as I recall. Although there were obviously struggles I did love life there more than I did back home - and was devastated when we had to leave again after ten months. Nice weather, surfing, different culture - it was an amazing adventure to have experienced. Unfortunately we went back and I went to an english private school. This was nice in a way since I did not really want to go back into the social circle that I was in before, where I was bullied partly. I desired new experiences.

Having not been doing properly well in school before, I started to do really well. I was seen as intelligent and a smart kid. This appreciation was nice to receive, having kind of always felt not fully validated for the energy and power that I really had. Being more powerful and appreciated I started at times to become a bit arrogant - to actually give out the bullying that I had received - to a lesser extent, but looking back it was interesting. I must have liked to be in the upper position for once. Still I was vulnerable in the inside and this outward expression was just facade. A facade that was going to break.

When I was 17 stuff started to get really interesting. With my parents having separated a year and a bit earlier a journey full of struggle really got rolling. I suppressed a lot of this pain to cope with myself but that repression was doomed to explode and change my path forever. I am eternally grateful that it happened. I started to become attached to this one girl that I was in love with but knew I could not have. She was out of my league, yet she was my best friend. A classic. An ex-business partner of my dad threatened my dad and indirectly us, forcing my dad to pay him off. If not, we would not be safe. My dad's new girlfriend went crazy mad at times and the sensible being that I was could just not cope. All these experiences culminated and the stress got too intense. I developed a psychosis. I was seeing, believing and hearing things that were not real.

It started when I was almost reading this girl's mind (the girl I loved) and writing her a extremely long email about her struggles and everything. Amazed at her reply that she was so grateful that there was someone out there who could understand here I went on board. I became maniac in the sense of believing that she was now in love with me and told her that I loved her. Then she suddenly turned against me saying that the stuff I wrote was not actually true, which started this unbelievable confusion within me that just broke me. I was lost in this bipolar episode, where at times I felt really depressed, then manic as If I knew everything. It got really bad when I believed people were following me, trying to kill me. I was then handed into a psychiatry, believing in the beginning in this big conspiracy that the people there were still part of this group that wanted to kill me. Oh, poor me, back then, so confused. I was at a point where my mind was in total confusion, my thoughts in total disconnect and everything just seemed to fall apart. I had no real realization of self anymore. Slowly I dug myself out of this hole and again became more "normal."

I believe that point was the beginning of my awakening and a necessary rock bottom clash for my transformation towards my infinite potential. The beginning after that clash was quite difficult. I can remember that the hardest part was reintegrating into society being seen as this very vulnerable being that needs help. I wanted so badly to be normal and it were my constant thoughts and beliefs that I would be seen as weird that were to an extent creating that reality. I struggled more with myself than with other people, but with the aid of a great therapist I slowly got back up.

It was a year later when I first found Eckhart Tolle and "The Power of Now" that was the first gateway into spirituality and from then my interest just increased gradually with continuous circles. Sometimes I found spirituality dumbfounded and stupid, then I loved it. I started meditating and trying to be more present in day to day life. Despite the psychoanalysts and psychiatry teachers saying I would never be able to mentally fully cope with school and should just do the best I could, I aced my A levels very smoothly and did exceptionally well. I reintegrated into my new social circle group fairly well. I started getting out there more and slightly expressing more of myself, what felt good.

I want to skip a bit now to condense this whole piece in order to emphasize on the experience that was the most important in finding out my purpose and why I am here.

I am skipping to the previous summer. I had just finished my first year of university, which was full of ups and downs, where I socialized a lot and became a real likable guy. During the summer back home I was just working to make some earnings and it got extremely boring. I began to feel really depressed, starting to feel something was missing in my life. One evening, not feeling great at all, I was watching a video of one of my spiritual teachers, who I really love, Teal Swan. I went onto her website and saw that there was a Teal Tribe European Gathering. It was close to Prague, held in a little chalet and quite cheap. Feeling not satisfied at all and longing for a changing experience I decided to go. Right before I took the bus to Prague I knew intuitively that these 4 days were going to be really helpful, this mindset already made me much happier.

I knew it was going to be helpful, but the extent of groundbreaking realizations I made were not expected at all. My life thoroughly changed in an instant. I am going to list the experiences I made that were part of the paradigm shift.

-Being around people that gave a perfect energetic space of unconditional love and acceptance, vulnerability and honesty, I healed so much of myself. We did exercises such as an Honesty-Exercise, where we sat in groups of 4. Each person had 20 minutes to talk about how they were being dishonest about themselves and others. So you had to start the sentence with "I am being dishonest about..:" and then go with it. At the beginning I needed some time to start out with something, but then it just flowed. It did not come from my brain, my thoughts and expressions came from the heart and I opened in a way I never had before. For a long time I tried to make myself cry, but it never seemed to work. Suddenly I was weeping for 20 minutes straight, having the support of three beautiful souls being there with me at this important moment of my expression of vulnerability and pain. I felt an intense relief afterwards I had never felt before

-I started to feel so much more authentic, honest and full of expression, loving. I started to really look into the eyes of the people, before I had always had the tendency to just have short eye contact and then stop.

-We had a men's circle where we were meant to talk about our purpose and what we want to achieve in this life. When it was my turned, I began channelling I think. I started to talk about how I am here to find my purpose and that we, men, should support each other in finding each other's purpose and fully supporting that, loving it. My body was vibrating, my voice was so clear, firm and strong. Afterwards I was told that what I said was really inspiring and powerful.

-We did a firewalking ritual. As part of the ritual we were dancing consciously to psychedelic trance for 45 minutes trying to find an aspect of ourselves we want to release - for me it was the core belief that I had learnt before: That conflict = death - and afterwards find an aspect we want to add instead - for me it was unconditional love. During the dancing I experienced the most amazing things ever as if I was on drugs. I saw a lion come up to me and I felt like I was the lion. I felt like these visuals I had were my past lives. I started to behave like a lion, roar like a lion - inspiring the other people to scream as well. I felt so empowered, felt that I was a warrior, here to lead people, to show people their way. This was an amazing experience - I felt so powerful! We wrote a note with what we wanted to release and when I threw my piece of paper into the fire I cried. Knowing I had released something. I was the first one that walked over the 500 degrees hot coal with the firm belief that it would cause no pain. I knew I had to do it first, I felt powerful and like a leader. It felt amazing, absolutely amazing.

-On the last day I asked a healer what she thought about my breathing problems that I had for a while. She touched me and asked me if I took care of my siblings, especially my sister. I told her I had no sister. She was surprised and touched me some more. She then told me that I had a sister sitting on my shoulder, another consciousness that is experiencing life besides me. When she said that I felt the purest form of energy flowing through my body, I got goosebumps x 100, it was amazing - I knew what she said was true although it sounded so unbelievable. I was overwhelmed.

-On the way back to Prague I got closer to this young woman as she said she felt really attracted to me, being around her made her happy. I felt so strong, so filled with joy and bliss. I was supposed to leave that night and we just had a couple of hours to go through Prague and enjoy the city. This was the happiest day of my life by far. I felt like I was on ectasy but 100 x stronger and it felt real and authentic. My heart felt like it was exploding. I felt unbelievably in love with the world - everything looked so beautiful, so amazing. I could just say "wow" all the time. We walked over the bridge and someone was playing amazingly beautiful deep emotional music on a steeldrum. We sat down around him, meditating for thirty minutes. It was pure bliss. I was asking myself if this was all a dream and when am I going to awake? We were sitting in the park and my foot started to get really swollen. I knew this was a sign that I had to stay with this woman since our connection grew more and more. I cancelled my bus trip - The last days were so transforming that I knew I needed to absorb more, needed to learn more, needed to love more.

-I had an amazing time in Prague with the people. I fell in love with this young woman and so she did. But it was short lasting. Our love grew from romantic into friendship, especially from her part. She was much older and saw me more as a brother after a while.

-We did a mushroom spiritual ritual on a mountain in Prague with an amazing Shaman. We did it on a certain mountain where there was supposed to be amazing energy. The Shaman had felt quite a calling to come. I had never done mushrooms and was until the very end before taking it unsure if I should do it. I asked my intuition - It said " Do it!"
So I did. What I experienced is so amazing that I cannot put it into words. The experiences I had underline to me that I am a wanderer and here to be of service.

I saw rainbow colour energy when I closed my eyes. In the beginning I was just laughing and happy but then I started to get really deep into it. I went into the ritual with the intention of finding my purpose and I wanted to find it. Since I had seen a lion in so many visions and when closing my eyes (it was the time of the Lion's Gate) I asked out loud: I need to find the lion. The shaman was standing in the middle of the mountain area saying in an unbelievably powerful voice: I am the lion. I felt like I was attracted to him, it was like my feet were just moving towards him without me walking. I asked him for answers. He just said that the plants are annoyed at him for peeing at him. I looked at the plants and that was an amazing moment of realization. I saw them so alive. I saw them living in their own civilisations and realizing that they were really living. I felt so connected to them. It was so powerful. They looked like they had faces. Everything was in tranquil harmony. Then I started saying things of wisdom, I started to channel my higher self I believe. I was saying things that just came to me without even analysing it and I realized the things I said were simple truths. I said things such as "Time is an illusion, there is no time." At that moment I was not feeling any time. It was just all in the present moment. The feeling of time was just not there. It was amazing. I said "There is no death - death is in illusion. We are eternal." I got goosebumps after saying this knowing it was true. The shaman agreed with me in all things, we felt so happy, so connected. I was asking him what place we were in. It felt like everything that mattered, everything that was real was just us on this little mountain. The home being where the fire was and the rest being the world. I felt so unbelievably pure, realizing that is all that I need. Pure connection to beings I love, a home and being with nature. It was like a movie. We got back to the bonfire and then stuff got intense. I felt so powerful, so conscious, the energy was flowing freely through me. I suddenly said "We create our own realities" The friends I was with, they were just stunned by all the things I said. They started to ask me questions and I answered in simple statements and it made so much love. "Who are we?" "We are love, everything is love" I then, to test the principle of creating your own reality, started to create my own emotions on the spot. It was amazing. I said "I am angry" and suddenly I felt the purest sense of anger I had ever felt, but there was no blockages, it was just a pure stream of energy, beautiful. I said "I am sad" and suddenly I felt the same pure feeling of sadness, beautiful in a way, since there was no judgement upon it, no resistance, there was no suffering, just being at one with the emotion. I then started to talk about how we can create anything we want with our beliefs and thoughts: I was thinking of building a new civilsation once the matrix system breaks down where love is the currency - where people produce and are of service because they love and receive from people who do the things out of love - It makes so much sense now having read Ra Material with the service-to-others part. I saw this civilisation and I knew I could create it. This mushroom experience was life changing. When I asked what my purpose was the Shaman said "You are the messenger! That is why you are here" I felt a sudden spurt of energy in me, knowing that this was the truth. This mushroom experience was life changing. I realized how what our society lives in is just a fraction of truth and the real truth is so so so much bigger.

-I was heartbroken when that young woman told me she saw me more as a brother in a way. She fell in love with the shaman of the ritual and I was in love with her. Her love was not fully answered and mine was not. She said she needed some distance. I spent the day meditating and writing in my journal. I then skyped with a friend I met at the gathering. She told me how when we love people that they are just channels for our own love - that we see things in them that we love because these parts are within us and we love those too. When she said that I just suddenly felt love coming up in my body. I felt so much love, having felt just heartbroken before. I knew what she said was true. I walked home to tell my friend Thomas. I was laughing out of pure bliss, having realized that. I told him and my loving energy affected him. I told him this and suddenly it made so much sense to him as well. Nathalia, the woman I was in love with, came in as well, still heartbroken. I told her and suddenly she shifted into this loving energy with this new realisation. It was amazing. We started filming our experience https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZAu5oqZiSs Here you can watch it! It is nice Smile

I am back at university now. I feel like my high has slowed down a bit. I am integrating all my experiences. I feel a bit at loss of time sometimes with all university work and still that passion in me to express love, share, doing videos writing my blog. I feel like time limits me but it is okay. I will find a way. Right now it is all about expressing and sharing that love to people unconditionally as much as I can to increase the vibration of this social complex Smile

Please follow and read my blog also:

https://www.findyourmeditation.com

Love to you all! Beautiful wanderers and beings, I love you so much! I am you and you are me! We are all one. Let us just explore and express this oneness, it is amazing Smile
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anagogy, BlatzAdict, Bring4th_Jade, Bring4th_Plenum, Elaurian, Fuse, Galina, hounsic, isis, kevn, Nicholas, octavia, rva_jeremy, Sabou, siriusaqua, sunnysideup, YinYang
09-26-2016, 09:00 PM,
#2
RE: My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
Thanks for sharing your story Mr Lion.

Also cool that you have an Australian connection.  If you ever find your way down here again, drop me a line Smile

Plenum
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09-27-2016, 06:05 PM,
#3
RE: My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
Hi LionMessenger.

What a great read, it sounds like Teal provided quite a catalyst for you  Smile  

Welcome!
...the highest wisdom is to suffer all men to have full liberty to think on all subjects in their own way. - OAHSPE  
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09-28-2016, 07:23 PM, (This post was last modified: 09-28-2016, 07:27 PM by Sabou.)
#4
RE: My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
Ah, I enjoyed reading your story very much. I've found some strong parallels between your earlier life and those catalysts you experienced and those that I experienced and it is nice to see that shared experience. It has allowed me to see I need to look at some of these things again and tend to some wounds, and hopefully find some healing. I've read your story a few times and it has helped me in quite a few ways, so thank you for taking the time to share it here, with all of us.

Also, I watched your video when I was having a particularly low night and I have to say, it lifted my spirit tremendously. I've watched it a few times now since then and it truly is contagious, I find myself having the biggest smile while watching and laughing along !!

I hope you continue to do what your doing and wish you the best.

P.S. The link to your blog is not working
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Nicholas
09-29-2016, 09:57 AM,
#5
RE: My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
(09-28-2016, 07:23 PM)Sabou Wrote:  Ah, I enjoyed reading your story very much. I've found some strong parallels between your earlier life and those catalysts you experienced and those that I experienced and it is nice to see that shared experience. It has allowed me to see I need to look at some of these things again and tend to some wounds, and hopefully find some healing. I've read your story a few times and it has helped me in quite a few ways, so thank you for taking the time to share it here, with all of us.

Also, I watched your video when I was having a particularly low night and I have to say, it lifted my spirit tremendously. I've watched it a few times now since then and it truly is contagious, I find myself having the biggest smile while watching and laughing along !!

I hope you continue to do what your doing and wish you the best.

P.S. The link to your blog is not working

Hey my lovely friend,
interesting to hear that you had similar catalysts - what were they if you do not mind me asking, how were they similar? Smile
I think past trauma and past experiences should never be supressed, but worked on and loved with compassion, this resulting in the process of integration of these experiences. These seem vital for our learning experience and being less reactive when trauma triggers appear Smile


Also I am really pleased that you found comfort with the video - I watch it as well sometimes to cheer myself up in times of lower vibration!

Love to you!
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03-24-2017, 01:13 AM, (This post was last modified: 03-24-2017, 01:15 AM by kevn.)
#6
RE: My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
(09-26-2016, 06:11 PM)LionMessenger Wrote:  She told me how when we love people that they are just channels for our own love - that we see things in them that we love because these parts are within us and we love those too. When she said that I just suddenly felt love coming up in my body.

Well done Smile In terms of realizations, I feel like that is a pretty big one!

Here's a famous song from the opera adaptation of "Faust":





English Translation (Marguerite is speaking to herself while looking in a mirror)

Ah! I laugh to see myself
so beautiful in this mirror,
Ah! I laugh to see myself
so beautiful in this mirror,
Is it you, Marguerite, is that you?
Answer me, answer me,
Respond, respond, respond quickly!
No! No! That is no longer you!
No... no, this is no longer your face;
It is the daughter of a king
It is no longer you,
One must greet her as she passes!

Ah if only he was here!
He would see me thus
Like a lady
He would find me beautiful, Oh
Like a lady,
He would find me beautiful!
Let us complete my metamorphosis,
I am late, but I look forward to try on
this bracelet and necklace!
God! It's like a hand
Which arises on my arm! Ah! Ah
Ah! I laugh
to see myself so beautiful in this mirror!
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07-20-2017, 06:00 AM,
#7
RE: My way to finding the wanderer in me! I am the Messenger!
Very inspiring, your honestly is so humane that I felt as if I was there experiecing your story.
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