01-01-2018, 01:21 PM
(01-01-2018, 01:01 PM)xise Wrote: I have a little trouble following your writing (I'm probably just tired/little sick) - just wanted to comment on two things that stood out.
1) I've repeatedly noticed that full moons affect me emotionally and energetically and especially give me insomnia. It's funny cause I never track this stuff and always have an 'ah-ha movement after whining about some strange energy/insomnia' when I later discover there is a full moon. I get mild insomnia often (30-40 mins to fall asleep), but the night before the full moon I am full of energy and can't sleep. Inevitably I b**** and whine, just thinking its random insomnia, and then like 80% of the time I realize later that day and into the night it was a full moon, again. This has probably happened like 12-16 times in the last 2 years, always the night before a full moon.
2) Everyone is unique, but the general scientific consensus, which also seems true for me, is that people who say they never experience anger or feel that anger is an unfamiliar emotion have actually suppressed/repressed their anger unknowingly into their subconscious. This is true for myself and others, though it may not be true for you. And if you do suppress your anger unknowingly, it doesn't necessarily mean you have a ton of anger. I feel that although I've suppressed my anger in the past, after giving it space for it to come out, I found that I didn't have a lot of anger to begin with. Your mileage may vary.
Sorry
It’s pretty convoluted lol
Actually this reply will be no better because the subject is a bit like talking in circles.
I don’t experience anger in general because my go to outlet for pain has always been sadness or fear. I see anger as another route those emotions take. I think most unconscious ego is on a spectrum. Some manifests more towards anger(action/outward projection) some more towards sadness(nonaction/inward projection). Because I started my healing with a near complete orientation towards inward projecting of pain I never in this life really explored outward projection through anger. I’m learning about it through this.
I know that is not a perfect summation of anger vs sadness as one can be angry at self too but I think generally that’s a later development.
I have experienced anger in the last 10 years I can think of 3 days total... no maybe 5 but it resolves quickly because like I said I grew up with a bent toward sadness as my path of exploriation. The paths we practice become impulse. I assume in other lives I have gotten very angry so in this one chose to pick a vessel and life that would explore the other path through pain.
Anger has been in darkness for the most part in life. One of my first memories was learning to run and when I fell my father yelled in anger. I remember turning around and thinking it was such a bizarre reaction. I couldn’t yet speak but was already lacking how my stumble could rationally provoke anger.. I wasn’t angry at his anger but I didn’t get it at all. lol
Actually after last nights experience I do get it. Poor guy was likely feeling out of control and me falling was more than he could take.