(05-01-2012, 12:13 PM)godwide_void Wrote: Confused, I very much enjoyed reading these words of yours:
I'd like to make a proposal. I say, as a token of gratitude in honor of Confused's devotion (who should probably change his username to Illumined, Enlightened, or Awakened given that those are much, much more fitting terms to describe him! ) and just to help out our dear friend and brother in the One, we should start a "Get Confused A Friggin' Computer" Fund!! This idea just came to me so I haven't yet worked out all the fine points of how to go about this, but nevertheless my intuition tells me that this is the absolute best thing to do. Though I'm personally not so financially well off, I would be willing to donate absolutely anything I can to help and I'm hoping this community could help too!
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Peace be with you.
Dear godwide, I am not all that wonderful person that you make of me. Because of being exposed to constant fear, trepidation and terror of bodily pain, I have knowingly or unknowingly made my being the storehouse of dark energies. In order to escape the pain of my being and to prove my self-worth before my tormentors, I even tried polarizing negative in order to increase my personal sense of self-importance and will-power. I even tried courting the loyal opposition, as Carla would put it.
In the deepest core of my being, are such violent thought-forms that I could be classified as mentally insane or dangerous to society. In fact, I have been on the verge of committing the most grotesque of physical violence on my aged parents, though always some invisible hand has so far, by the grace of the ONE, has prevented it from happening. All the self-righteous words that you read from me here are hollow in terms of teachings that are not being practiced personally by me.
Quote:1.9 Questioner: If an individual makes efforts to act as a catalyst in general to increase the awareness of planetary consciousness, is he of any aid in that direction, or is he doing nothing but acting upon himself?
Ra: I am Ra. We shall answer your question in two parts, both of which are important equally.
Firstly, you must understand that the distinction between yourself and others is not visible to us. We do not consider that a separation exists between the consciousness-raising efforts of the distortion which you project as a personality and the distortion which you project as an other personality. Thus, to learn is the same as to teach unless you are not teaching what you are learning; in which case you have done you/they little or no good. This understanding should be pondered by your mind/body/spirit complex as it is a distortion which plays a part in your experiences at this nexus....
I have been guilty of the above underlined, Godwide. I am saying all this to you because I want my shadow side or the dark side to experience the pure white light of the ONE, so that it is transformed into a tool of service of the light, rather than that of the darkness, even in an inadvertent fashion. I even feel that probably my aura has been punctured and encroached upon, due to years and years of negative mental mentations, inspired mainly by fear for the bodily self; but including extreme pride and arrogance, stemming from the need to be part of the elite, at least in personal mental thought of the self. That seed-thought has been there with me right from my days of childhood, and my various spiritual wanderings were an accessory for that purpose. No more am I able to hide the sick state of my internal spirit and the dissimilitude of my spiritual existence. All my words stem from pure intellectual reasoning and understanding, gv, and more or less are devoid of the heart. There is a long way to go for me, my friend, though that way can collapse and be reached in a moment by the grace of the One Infinite Creator.
I have taken a conscious decision to submit and seek the heart of the One Infinite Creation, for my stench can be transfigured into the most pleasant fragrance, only by the grace of the mysterious ONE, the force behind and beyond all manifestation. I am truly a confused and terrified soul, gv; albeit one who is now trying to seek the spirituality of the true heart. I do not know how long this phase will last before I slip back into the old mental ruts of fear, delusions, hallucinations, guilt and violent thought-forms. What I need most now is not a computer, my dear brother; but prayers from you and from fellow brothers and sisters here, who may be interested to hold me in their thoughts. I have been on the verge many times before, gv, and I am afraid now. Terrified and petrified even. I do not often say this as I believe I may have already made wary, some very close friends and acquaintances on these forums.
Pray for me and send me rays of healing and love. That alone will suffice and will help. I am trying to walk the path of universal love, godwide, after a brief sojourn into the pits of darkness, due to prior extreme negative mentations. I can only come out in one piece with the help of collective prayers and positive thought-forms, including probably visualizations from brothers and sisters of the spiritual path, like you. I wish to walk the path of the authentic self, filled with universal unconditional love. However, I need to first be able to turn that on myself before I can in any meaningful fashion radiate that love outside, for the benefit of others. If possible, please send your love and light everyday to me. That is the greatest gift you can give me. I first need to set right my relationship with my dear long-suffering mother, who has suffered terrible psychological pain at my hands. She is even afraid often that I will end up hurting her physically through violence, and I feel deeply sad for that. I am not that beautiful, my brother, at least in normal earthly parlance, though we all know that all are beautiful in final analysis, due to the Law of One. My first priority is to make my mother feel loved, special and wonderful. I will have to do some restitution while we still share the earthly journey as mother and son.
Thank you for the book, my brother. I am sure going to read it! I think it came my way for a reason, just like the Ra material came my way when I was most ready for it. Much love to you, gv.