Raising your Energy (Way of the Peaceful Warrior) (Rant-edited [focused])

[Gribbons]

This is just GREAT!

So my life has changed from being a somewhat ordinary, dignified student in a highly prestigious acting program to a person living with his parents, stuck with thoughts about the universe, how to improve myself, how to get A GIRL (when I can't even leave the house except for church, mind you!) and I'm reading through the Way of the Peaceful Warrior book again for the third time, and I can't help but think I gotta take this sh*t seriously now!

Yes. I have bad habits. I've been smoking more, cigarettes; been clean of marijuana for about a month now. I drink, probably more than I should. Probably drink 4-5 days out of the week. Don't get drunk all the time, but my god, what the HELL am I supposed to do? Hard as hell to get a job, especially since I can't just go roaming to find one! Only have a couple friends around here, and they're constantly working, and they'd have to come to my house, and to do what? ... -_- .....

So I'm reading/highlighting, and I understand,

"Fear and sorrow inhibit action; anger generates it. When you learn to make proper use of your anger, you can change fear and sorrow to anger, then turn anger to action. That's the body's secret of internal alchemy."

Ok, well I'm feeling some anger. But I want to talk it out to the only people I can (and probably the only people that would understand!) [Bear with me ]

Cause, this is hard as it is. But what he's suggesting would KILLLLLL ME!

"To rid yourself of old patterns, focus all your energy not on struggling with the old, [the past that got me onto this miserable and embarrassing path] but on building the new."

Ok, I get it. And yes, "emotions don't need to be controlled.. they're natural like passing weather.. spend time with a baby, they accept their emotions completely...Learn their lessons and you'll dissolve old habits."

OK! He is saying that I need personal discipline to conquer these bad habits, to raise my energy, to raise my awareness, to be able to get all the stuff I want, but simultaneously, not NEED them!

Figures! 'Cause (and it makes sense)

"People, animals, and even things are attracted to energy fields. That's how it works."

So, just so I can get through this funk, and be attractive enough to get a girl, this discipline includes: no eating for a week, and then after that, no donuts/candy/hamburgers/etc., No sexual releasing!??? Only whole wheats, salads, nuts, water... I've fasted for a few days before. Feels great, except for the part where you realize half the day you spend thinking about food, what exactly you want, making it, eating it, etc. So that's more time I have to fill with more nothing! I can't even go run around the block, which means exercise is pushups or jogging in place. Can't afford organics foods, but I would be eating less afterwards. But HOLY HELL, what the ****???????????!!!! Why does it have to be this hard to get my life straight? I know cigarettes, alcohol, and treating my pants don't make me really happy, but ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH, they've at least been getting me through the days! They are pleasurable most of the time! And ugh.... I just. I don't have any other option but to do this. I virtually have no choice!

I have all this time to myself, and I've been meditating more, but this guy's saying that my thoughts have been controlling me, inducing the moods that got me in trouble in the first place (even though I have been erratic, what got me in trouble was standing up to fear,) so I virtually have lost a lot, or nearly all of my yellow light. I got some of it back yesterday, but I need my sense of ego back. My personal power! Motivation! Integrity! Action!!!!

I need ACTION! And this, disciplinnnne, makes me want to cry. inside anyway. I'm really just f****ng annoyed that this is what it's come to. WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!? WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS WANDERING/AWAKENING thing??? I GOT SUCKED INTO IT! THE WORLD'S FALLING APART, AND NOTHING ELSE MADE SENSE! I could be happy!... kind of.. I think...? Other people seem happy in their worlds.. those friends I had at school... doing plays, going to classes... and I'm about to starve myself in hopes that I can get some vitality and joy back in my life. I've been in hell for a long time, might as well go for broke, right!

Why does it have to be so hard? I have to be down here for a purpose. God isn't giving me any signs, so, god****it, this must be what I have to do. Pretty much a reboot of my entire system. A hard formatting of my chakras. To balance and remember what I am, why I am, and what I really want to do. F**K!

Give me some pointers. Or an escape. This density sucks with the way we've been conditioned since birth. My thoughts are shadows or shadows, and this is my desperate attempt to come back to my senses. What do you think, my friends, My brothers and sisters?

Love/Light :-/ :@

---

Look. I'm trying to find my solar plexus again. For the majority of my college career, it only flickered. I haven't had it since I didn't even know about it, high school. I was popular, important, had a steady girlfriend, a sex life... and after I left that, I recessed into myself. Found hope and understanding in the Ra texts. My life was simple before, and I'm trying to get back to that. My yellow chakra is missing.. but!

I found yesterday when looking about healing it, it says the process is revolution, involution, narcissism, and evolution. The revolution has already taken place. I'm no longer attending the university that I felt was caving in on me. Involution, "what do I believe? what else do I think?" I believe God brought me back here for something bigger. That it was out of love. I think maybe I'm supposed to spend this time with family and solitude to train myself, develop my own authority and beliefs. I want to lighten up, find the humor in life. I'd like to get this 2012 training on the go and find out what's super about being me.
Narcissism. Believing in myself. Loving myself. "I AM the One." I am the only one I have control of, and the only one I need to be concerned about. This is myy time. I gotta love being me, before my heart chakra can open up. And trust me, it's hard right now loving me, letting go of the past. (I got in some serious trouble, and I felt like I was doing the right thing!)
Evolution...

So where do I go with this. To me, the above discipline is extreme. I don't want to do it! But I need more energy! And it's all within, but, damn is it hard to let flow.

maybe this thread will just turn into 3rd chakra exercises, I don't care! Let's take this one step at a time! I'm ready for some evolution! HOOOYAH!

[Aureus]

I think it would be healthy to take one step at a time. The fact that you made this thread means that you want to evolve and grow Don't put so much pressure on yourself. It's about carefully changing your habits and thought patterns.

Also YOU have to want it. Who are YOU?

If you just detach from all your intense thoughts and emotions you can let the new come in. "The key is silence". Don't worry, the being behind all those thoughts and feeling is at peace. "All is well".

Don't treat yourself badly, that is not the way. Instead observe, try to be conscious at all times. And when a negative habit or thought arises, balance it with its opposite.

You are not doing anything wrong. Take one step at a time, and find love in each moment.

Namaste

[Meerie]

Try to view the time you have been given as something positive.
Just like Carla said in her radio interview, when she had to spend almost a year bed-ridden, with a wound that would not heal, she saw it as an opportunity for her, as a gift to have that time.
There is so much you could do, instead of drinking and complaining you don't have a sex partner -
meditate. Read books you always wanted to read, and did not have time for. Etc etc.
Help your mum clean the house. Cook for your family.
Try to do something for those around you, instead of going "me me me".

[Ankh]

WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!? WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS WANDERING/AWAKENING thing??? I GOT SUCKED INTO IT! THE WORLD'S FALLING APART, AND NOTHING ELSE MADE SENSE! I could be happy!... kind of.. I think...? Other people seem happy in their worlds.. those friends I had at school... doing plays, going to classes... and I'm about to starve myself in hopes that I can get some vitality and joy back in my life. I've been in hell for a long time, might as well go for broke, right!

Why does it have to be so hard? I have to be down here for a purpose. God isn't giving me any signs, so, god****it, this must be what I have to do. Pretty much a reboot of my entire system. A hard formatting of my chakras. To balance and remember what I am, why I am, and what I really want to do. F**K!

Give me some pointers. Or an escape. This density sucks with the way we've been conditioned since birth. My thoughts are shadows or shadows, and this is my desperate attempt to come back to my senses. What do you think, my friends, My brothers and sisters?

I *sooo* recognize this!! "What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I be like normal people?!" etc, etc... Maybe you programmed something really, seriously awesome for yourself, and your Higher Self is feeding you now with catalysts so that you can wake up and seek that which you came here for. That's why you are not happy with stuff that "normal" people might be happy about. Or perhaps you experience a sharpness in catalysts as well, because your subconsciousness had enough now. Time to wake up. To seek that awesome plan of yours. Now that you have experienced what you had to experience, maybe it's time to work?

I had these thoughts anyway, and remember that. And I also thought "why it has to be so hard?!". I don't know. Perhaps in order for us to wake up from the illuision and start seeking what is beyond it?

But listen, and this is just my opinion: this life is already hard as it is, why torture yourself, and force yourself to do something that you obviously don't feel is good for you? That which is obvisouly doesn't resonate with you? If you feel so much negativity towards stop smoking, and starting to eat whatever you said that you are about to eat, then leave it. At least for a moment. People have different opinions, and I am sure that you will get other advices and tips. So this is mine: *Find your heart first*. What makes you happy, cause this diet of yours doesn't seem to do the job yet. Then you can come back to it, when you have that energy, or interest. Finding the heart is what gives you energy to do that other difficult things that are needed to be done in this density. That is what made me happy, and gave me energy. And I am not saying that it was easy, or didn't take waaay to long time, or was a road made of fluffy clouds and sweet dreams. But one day I've just had it, and started to walk. And I am not saying that when I started to walk that path, I suddenly didn't drink too much, or stopped smoking or eat junk food, or everything else that is considered to be "bad" for spiritually awaken people. I am just saying that, that wasn't important for me at that time. And I had only limited amount of energy, which I put wholly into spiritual seeking, or finding the heart of myself, which I at that time, and still am, found to be the most important. Rest just had to wait their turn. So if I needed to take a smoke (cigarettes), I took a smoke. If I had to take a drink, I took a drink. If I happened to drink too much, so be it. But I kept seeking that heart. That *which is important* to you.

Good luck, man! Have my fingers crossed for you.

[cosmicgiant]

I reckon you will only be truly happy if you pick a new hobby [like bodybuilding ] AND you stick with the old ones you probably really enjoy, like weed, alcohol, masturbation, etc.

It's when you begin to think that something like weed is bad, that you begin to have issues. What is 'bad' is all the crap that you aren't doing whilst being high? Rather have the balls to be high AND productive.

Other than that, sincerely all the best. My best wishes have been sent to you...

[Gribbons]

Thank you Ankh. Your post, just gave me a really good idea I could spend the whole day trying to figure out and put together... I'll let you know later if I get this going. THANK YOU YOU ALL!

New posters, don't hesitate to share your thoughts either.

---

Being high and productive, LOL, maybe others can do it, but that concept has always been fleeting for me. I like your style though. You have a good point. hahaha have the balls... you don't know how long I've been saying that. forgot what it meant to have em.

[Avocado]

Help your mum clean the house. Cook for your family.
Try to do something for those around you, instead of going "me me me".

Ya know, when people post their problems they always seem to indirectly help me.

I have a question jar to ask the universe questions. I put my query in, imediately forget about it to get it off my mind and just go about my life. Eventually, if needed, reality supplys me with what I need and well... here it is!

I've been wanting to know how to live in my heart more. Now i've realized that since a child I was programed that the universe operates on the principle of "me,me,me". So today I just helped with stuff around the house and this weekend I chose to help my brother instead of satysfying my selfish impulse. I'm starting to understand on a subconscious level why doing the right thing is a better alternative. (you have to change behavior to change the childhood programs!)

"Give and you receive" This saying is generally speaking to people about the joy of helping. While that is wonderful for the heart, it is lesser understood that you will receive everything you physically need too so the ego need not worry. This is the paradigm I'm slowly adopting. Be gone worries, you have outgrown your usefulness. It is time to love.

Thank you meerie. The lesson in your words is simple but it's what I needed to hear.

[TheFifty9Sound]

It's ok, to not be ok.

[Gribbons]

What's not ok is keeping your problems to yourself. I love this forum, and every one that chose to be apart of it. Thank you.

[zenmaster]

What's not ok is keeping your problems to yourself.

It's fine to 'keep your problems to yourself'. But that is quite impossible.

[Gribbons]

Like, bottling up anger will manifest itself as physical and/or psychological problem later on down the road.

[Parsons]

I finally got around to reading (most) of this and have been blown away so far. I was pleased by the philosophical parallels in this book to my own awakening. I was shocked (spoiler alert!!) that the main character reached a new level of awakening after shattering his right leg in a motorcycle accident by someone who turned left in front of him, which is precisely what happened to me before my awakening.

[Plenum]

the movie is a good watch too.