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Member: Alanea
Location: Ohio
Gender: Undisclosed
Interests: The Spiritual, the mysterious,. the otherworldly.

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Jesus, Merlin and I and our journey through this earth life.  The only one holding us down is me! But they tell me they couldn't do very much without my hands! Merlin says this body, that I find so burdensome, is my magic wand!? He always laughs at me, I never understand!

Merlin and Time
Published by Alanea on April 26, 2011 1:47am.  Category: General

Merlin laughs at me again, just like he always does.

I am glad he finds me so amusing, good for something then I guess I am.

"30 min, at least twice a day, just to lie down on your back and breathe"

Wow, you know that’s a lot of time. I cannot figure out if I am lazy or if I work too hard, it is a mix, I can be truly lazy but not because I am lazy because I don't feel good!

But am I being lazy by not taking the time to take care of myself?!

"Yes!" Merlin says, "yes. "I am very lazy that way.

It takes so much time! There is never enough time!

Merlin laughs and makes a frizzy motion in the air in front of him with his hand as if he is erasing time.

"Time isn't!", he shouts at me, because I should already know this.

"It is illusion," and he puffs a ball of a bubble into the air and pops it when he points at it,

"Poof, gone, it could be that easy to make it disappear, he seems to be telling me.

But! It is engrained into the human mind like on a computer chip and it gets reinforced and honored every day, every minute, hah! MINUTE! Humans divide things up when nothing is divided. All flows together and he makes a waving world shaped ball that is swirling in his hands.

Well I got interrupted now I have to get busy.

I am feeling pressured by time! Hah! Oh Merlin, you are just in a different world! You don’t know what it is like to live here where we make our own cages!

"Mama Said There Would be Days Like That"
Published by Alanea on April 26, 2011 1:27am.  Category: Journal Entry




Oh Gosh I was Crazy today! My emotions were running all over the place!  Is it my age? Is it the times? Is it my hormones?  Is it the world? A young girl called my beekeeping husband this morning.  She had a swarm! So early for a swarm.  He gave her some advice but he had to run to work. It made me cry, to think of this young girl out there keeping her bees, or trying to keep them anyways.  Later I cried again when I saw a video of a women standing up and speaking for what she believed in.  Gosh, cry, all day why don’t ya. THEN, then things really began to happen because I started to get MAD, yes mad, gentle, ole, peace-lovin’ Quaker persuaded me. Mad! Seething!


The chickens started it when they got out of their coup and left me unhealthy deposits right at my front door. I cleaned it up then as I carried brush to the compost I came upon one little rabbit who has been escaped and there he lay collapsed as if in shock, so I cried as I carried him to his cage. Poor little traumatized thing. Then I just got mad at the entire world and how it just isn’t right and who in their right mind ever made up such dangerous circumstances for us to live in anyhow!?


I water the horse as I am shaking my fist at the Gods above, dummies.  I decided to drive into town, buy myself an iced cappuccino, maybe it would cheer me up.  I got mad at us crazy humans driving so fast on the way there, THEN the most terrible thing happened, the coffee cafe did not give me my usual treat, instead they said they were out of cups and were using this little paper things instead, “same size” they told me at the window.  Yeah sure.  NOT!  I wanted to ask for my money back, I wanted to tell them they were being mean.  I just stared at my server, knowing it was me that was insane, the restaurant really was not trying to use and abuse me, surely, Yes they were!


The disappointing cappuccino did not make me happy.  Working in the yard in the rain did not even make me happy like it usually does.  The news that I am to watch the Grandchildren tomorrow did not make me happy.  I felt like giving up, just lie down and do nothing and so I did.  Some days are just like that.  Days when the inspiration and the comforts of the spirit world are hidden from my soul by my own struggle, my own panic.

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