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Member: PaulOfOne
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Gender: Male
Interests: Positive polarization, Astrology, Lapidary,

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Cosmic Intoxication
Published by PaulOfOne on August 26, 2009 10:33pm.  Category: General

Let me tell you at length about the bus ride dynamic that went on yesterday.  Cosmic.  


I get down to the stop at 2nd and Santa Monica, and take my spot at the stoop of a building that has an AA meeting going on inside.  It was the first brick building in Santa Monica, and was  a tavern originally.  Sitting out there across from me was an older guy who was dressed in somewhat new clothes but was was nonetheles rather tore up.  He had a Big Gulp in his hand with some milk in it and what i immediately spotted (I can do that) as a liter of vodka in the bushes next to him.  He was wasted, and kept muttering to himself about the AA meeting inside the building.  "..., and I'm an alcoholic." in a derisive fashion.
There are usually only 1 or 2 people waiting for the bus, but this time the bus filled up at this stop, and one of them was the drunk guy, with his Big Gulp full of the intoxicating blend.  Right behind him sat a seemingly respectable guy who talked at length with a young woman about travelling around the East Coast.  The drunk started to pass out and at some point spilled his beverage on the repectable guy, who yelled at him and theatened to beat him up..A rather pointless display of teenager-like frustration.  The drunk guy was no more dignified than the respectable guy, but we would expect unseemly behaviour from the drunk in that state.  Not to mention that you'll make no impression on a drunk guy while he's drunk.
After a bit, the bus stopped so that we could all transfer to a bigger bus for the remainder of the trip.  All was quiet for the next 6 hours.  But I knew that the drunk guy had a liter of vodka, and that we hadn't heard the last of him.  
Sure enough, he starts heading down the aisle for the restroom at the back of the bus.  We are in stop and go traffic at this point, and it is obvious what a hard time he's having  staying upright.  AND, he's got his Big Gulp of Intoxicant with him.  I guess he felt it too precious to leave at his seat up front.  He makes it past me without a hitch but, right next to the guy that he dumped on before, the bus lurches and he spills his drink on that SAME guy.  The seemingly respectable guy erupts once again in a speal of epithets and threats to do bodily harm to the drunk guy.  
I am hardly able to contain my amusement.  I was priveledged to watch a staged comedy.  Out of at least 35 people, the drunk guy had absently dumped his drink on only ONE person-TWICE.  I say absently, because there is no way there was any malice in him, it must have been staged at another level not only for those two, but for all of us who could see-me especially-because I was in on it from the start.
So I decided to try and "see the love in the moment".
OK More wierdness.  Just now I stopped typing to go outside and further my own tobacco addiction, and I saw a Sparrow fly into the neighbour's window-Blammo.  I climbed a fence to see if it was all right.  It wasn't.  It had been knocked senseless, and was laying on the ground, barely moving.  Just then, a young Hawk  lands and picks it up.  It seems to fly away with the Sparrow, but from my point of view it just completely disappears.  I come back here and try to see the love in THAT moment.  How are you supposed to read the signs if you can't interpret them?
Anyways...I am wondering why the respectable guy didn't just tell the Bus Driver and have the drunk guy given the boot from the bus during the first leg while we were still in Los Angeles?  I even considered it, because I was unsure of what a problem an entire liter of vodka would become.  If that was me, they would have been leaving me on the side of the Interstate in the middle of the San Juaquin Valley to die of exposure-sooner rather than later-I can guarantee it.  I didn't because I didn't want to interfere with the drunk guy's ability to get to where he was going.   Maybe the respectable guy had a father/uncle/brother with a drinking problem and so he was being compassionate.  I guess in certain respects, the respectable guy was meeting his own intolerance face to face.  Why yell at and threaten a guy with a Big Gulp and stomache full of hooch?  You won't make an impression. I can tell you that from experience.  If it is remembered at all, it will be stuffed as another embarassing moment that you'd like to forget, and at least half of the blame for it can be put on the other guy for  being so belligerent (drunk logic).  There is no way the drunk conciously planned the event.  I think those two planned this out on another level and performed it as a dance for us.  Mainly me, since I was in on every aspect of the build-up and the climax.  It was no coincidence that the bus lurched so significantly at the exact right moment for the dumpage to hit the exact right guy.  And I laughed, but I was honestly laughing at the Majesty of the metaphysical workings or the "Unseen Hands" at play behind the scenes, and not just the mere spectacle itself. So the drunk guy allowed himself to be used in this little dance for the benefit of all of us, just as the Sparrow let herself be food for the aspiring Hawk, just as the respectable guy showed his remarkably unrespectable side.
AAAAAHHHH....the pageant of life!  I am still laughing about it.  I guess all this ties into the 3rd Step of AA, which is to turn your will over to the care of your higher power, and what Dr. Carolyn Myss says about the 5th Chakra,  surrendering your will to God.  (or words to that effect).  As if you really have control over anything, anyway.  The Sparrow thought it was getting away.  The drunk thought carrying his drink down the aisle would keep it from spilling.  The respectable guy thought that threatening the drunk would keep him in check.  The Hawk thought the Sparrow had outrun him.  I thought the drunk would become a problem. (He did, but only for one guy) 
I just realized, the Sparrow couldn't see the window, and we can't see the reason  "...for why things happen as they do."


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Introductory BlogOfOne
Published by PaulOfOne on July 27, 2009 2:43pm.  Category: General

Good Morning.  Today I will be talking about how you've got to start somewhere.  Yes, you're right, I have no burning need to rant about a particular subject, nor have I some keen insight to impart.  All I know is that I want to share the ideas and concepts that I have been turning over and over in my mind about the Law of One series with others and engage in a dialogue with people of a like mind.  I am new to this, and like most of you I am sure, when I found this series and read it, I had few people to talk with about it who didn't quietly think I'd suddenly gone off kilter.  But I am excited about it, and so I talk anyways.   Not that I've been evangelizing or prosyletizing (sp?), but I have yet to interest anyone in it.  But you are all the converted and I have no desire to preach.




I have had this theory burbling up in my mind.  I am alcoholic. (sober) I have taken the Wanderer questionnaire and scored fairly high, but I am not 100% sure and I don't think it matters too much at this point but the one thing that stands out for me in the test is the significance of having a profound sense of alienation.  That has been one of the hallmarks of my life.  I have always felt like an outsider anywhere I go, any time I go there.  I have described myself as an alien before I ever heard of Wanderers.  Alcohol distracted me from feeling that way for a while.  So I made alcohol my friend.


If you go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, and you hear people share there early drinking history, 70-80% of them will mention that they too suffered a profund sense of alienation their whole life that alcohol inhibited.  Is alcoholism and substance abuse in general an illness which infects Wanderers in a disproportionately high incidence, when compared to non-Wanderers?  I am sure that i am not the first to see the possibility of a connection here, and I would love to hear from anyone who has anything to say about this subject.



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