I did the Morning Offering and then got myself ready for the day. Today the 102 quote comes from Chapter One and the concept of catalyst:

Chapter One

Life, Catalyst, and Emotions


“The catalyst, and all catalyst, is designed to offer experience. This experience in your density may be loved and accepted, or it may be controlled. These are the two paths. When neither path is chosen, the catalyst fails in its design, and the entity proceeds until catalyst strikes it which causes it to form a bias towards acceptance and love or separation and control. There is no lack of space/time in which this catalyst may work.”[1]

From our point of view within incarnation, there is something mysterious about how catalyst comes into our lives. It is never completely random. And as we wake up and, as Players, become more attentive to the flow of events in our lives, we start looking for deeper meaning in what happens to us. And our catalyst obligingly comes to contain more and more synchronicity. Spiritually interesting coincidences and feelings of déjà vu become more and more common.

Logically, we Players should notice this and trust our catalyst more and more as our lives unfold. However, it is doubtful that we ever really learn to accept catalyst without interpreting it immediately according to our previous prejudices, or distortions, as the Confederation would call them. Here is one good example from my life.

When I was three and a half years old, at three a.m. on New Year’s Day of 1947, my brother, Jim, was born. He was a seven-month baby, but the premature birth went well until the doctor, drunk and fresh from a New Year’s Eve party, clocked the back of his little head with his forceps which he was swinging freely without paying attention to what he was doing. This placed a big dent in the back of infant Jimmy Rueckert’s head. Jimmy immediately went into spasms.

Until Jim was five years old, these spasms continued intermittently. His molars did not grow in properly. He could not speak English, although I could understand the sounds he made sufficiently to communicate with him, and he could understand me. He was a happy child, loving and wishing to please me, but simple.

Then came my catalyst, in the form of the neighborhood bully, a fully-grown 15-year-old named Donny. I was baby-sitting my brother one summer’s day as he played with a stick at a mud-hole near the curb of our front yard. Donny walked by, carrying a board over one shoulder. As he passed my brother, he gave his head a whack with the board. Jimmy keeled over, unconscious.

I flew at Donny with the crystal-clear intention of killing him on the spot. I thought he had murdered Jimmy! However, I was mistaken. The blow happened to hit at the exact spot where the dent was. The dent popped out. My brother came back to consciousness able to speak clearly and without spasms. His teeth grew in. He was able to enter school as a first-grader and has lived a normal life ever since. He now resides in Denver, an excellent teacher and a beloved husband and father.

In responding to the catalyst of Donny’s assault on my little brother, I had no thought for spiritual practice. I was a small, thin, nine-year-old Goddess of Vengeance; a witch on a broom; Donny’s Nemesis personified. Nevertheless, in the long view, I was quite wrong! in the way of real life, which is often stranger than fiction, Donny’s carelessly violent act had healed my brother. (I would like to suggest that as uniquely amazing as this incident was, it was not wrong of Carla to do all she could to protect her brother. Accepting abuse should not be seen as a kind of healing. Keeping one’s heart open while protecting a loved one might be the highest path to follow. Jim)

We cannot often achieve, within our human lives, the point of view which is able to see a bully strike a defenseless child and still see the bully as the Creator. However, as Players, that is where we are aiming.

Since the spiritual life contains continual cycles, we meet the same kind of catalyst again and again. This gives us many chances to practice. As Q’uo says:

“One shall indeed meet each experience again, but it is a spiral of experience and catalyst, and experience and catalyst, and each time you meet the same type or class of catalyst you have a new opportunity to recognize the catalyst, to locate the trigger of the catalyst, to examine the equation of the catalyst: what is going into the chemical experiment, what’s being ‘cooked,’ and what comes out at the other end. And you have the opportunity, if you choose to use the will and the discipline to take it, to alter by removing various, shall we say, chemicals of your emotions, your thoughts, and your triggers, thereby changing the equation and changing the result of this particular little experiment in the life of your self.”[2]

Was it predestined that my brother would be healed in this peculiar way? The Confederation suggests that this is not the case, at least, not precisely. Later in that same session, Q’uo remarks:

“There is a causative factor inherent in the carefully made agreements that were entered into before incarnation. Biases were set up in the very currents of destiny surrounding the particular nexus of energies that represents the opportunity for an incarnation. When the body and parents and so forth are chosen, this nexus becomes potentiated and that particular little destiny that is your pre-game plan clicks into place and begins to unroll the scroll of space/time as you, as an entity, enter into a body, become embodied and enfleshed, take form by birth and begin to unravel that great tale that is the story of your life.”[3]

While the Confederation information does not suggest that our fate is predestined, it does suggest that there is a sense to its causation, not from within the veil but from beyond it, in that place within the inner plane where we and our guidance systems set up the basic fabric and themes of our incarnations.

Q’uo uses the word trigger in talking about catalyst. Some triggers are inherent in human experience and common to all. A mosquito bite or sexual arousal triggers the unthinking desire to scratch the itch. The feeling of burning heat triggers an instinctive move away from the heat. Breathing in smoke will trigger coughing. An odor which is foul will trigger the wrinkling of our noses.

Many other triggers, however, are unique to each of us and are a product of our previous lives. They may well stem from early childhood experiences that were very painful. Perhaps the most common trigger of all is the product of hasty, harsh words or even physical abuse, which we experienced from one or both of our parents. If you have ever been beaten or sexually abused, you cannot help gaining the strong impression that you are unworthy and should feel ashamed. Even if no physical violence takes place, verbal abuse can create deep pain.

It is a parent’s responsibility to guide and advise a child. It is good, in the Confederation’s opinion and in mine, to set boundaries, teach manners and otherwise prepare a child for the realities of the adult world in which he will have to take his place. Along the way, plenty of constructive criticism occurs. The parent explains what the child did incorrectly and how to do it rightly. That is helpful, necessary, and profitable.

On the other hand, blanket statements which offer no explanation or correction, such as “you are no good,” “you never get it right,” and “that is unacceptable,” are not constructive but destructive. The child is judged by that judge who, as far as it knows, is supreme. And unworthiness sinks into the child’s self-definition and stays buried, a little nugget of crystallized pain. Later on in life, similar statements or even seemingly implied judgments of the same sort will trigger the painful emotions connected with unworthiness. Often these emotions will seem to be hugely out of proportion to the catalyst, which seems minimal. This is because you cannot see the buried trigger.

Once we become Players, we start the long process of identifying our personal triggers, with an eye to digging down to them, pulling them up into the daylight and dismantling them. We do not want to have them constantly tripping us. We want to create peace in our inner lives and keep our hearts open. Each time we identify a trigger, we gain the power of knowing ourselves better. It is a wonderful feeling. It is hard-won, but this self-knowledge helps us to mature spiritually and become responsible for ourselves at the soul level. We free ourselves from victimhood as we become able to recognize triggers as they are activated. Q’uo said:

“As you can identify those repetitive types of catalyst that point to incarnational level lessons, you as a seeker can begin to see into the game plan; to begin to think not like the victim of circumstance but the person who planned all this and finds that certain things have simply slipped her mind. If you can find this attitude in times of stress, that ‘you really have responsibility for this situation but, my goodness, you seemed to have forgotten just a bit of the pattern and now there is work to do,’ then you may do the work of identifying catalyst, locating the trigger, and, to the extent possible in situations, doing what you can to remove the trigger or to alter the circumstances. You have become far more a person of power than you were before.”[4]

Job One in our incarnative game plans is to polarize, to become people of metaphysical power. As Players, we are playing the Game of Life to win, and that means polarizing. Readers of this book and I are polarizing in service to others. And we want to learn to react to catalyst in ways that “form a bias towards acceptance and love”, rather than “separation and control.”[5]

If we simply try to control our reactions to catalyst, we are going down a service-to-self path. We do not wish to stuff our responses to catalyst away. We want to dance with what is happening to us in ways that keep us open-hearted and energized. In this same session, Q’uo notes:

“It is only as a person begins to be able to see into the process of these repetitive, cyclical testings, or introductions of catalyst into the environment, that one begins to be able to settle into a relationship with catalyst which sees catalyst, destiny and unexpected events in general, with an eagerness and a freshness of attitude that invites that which is to come and looks forward to the next lesson, the next test, the next introduction of discomfort into an otherwise serene atmosphere.

Within the confines of your illusion and the life which you experience consciously, awake and working with your day, there is a tremendous amount of power in becoming eager for that next piece of catalyst. When you at last find an appetite for change, for learning, for newness, then you are more able to invoke discipline when it would seem that difficult or unpleasant circumstances arise.”[6]

I was talking to a counseling client today who has seemingly come to the end of one path of service. He is very eager to know where he is headed next and what his next path of service will be. His catalyst of the moment is the feeling of chaos that occurs when one reaches a decision point without having a clue as to how to move forward.

Our every instinct at a point like that is to grab at the future and try to control it; to move into the future immediately. The discipline of waiting for events to unfold organically is a tough one. Yet I encouraged him to slow down, to find his faith and to allow his next path of service to open up for him, event by event, as he cooperates with his destiny rather than pushing it around. It is unnerving to live by faith. At the same time it makes of life a grand adventure. As Q’uo says:

“There is tremendous power in knowing why something is happening to one. Not in knowing what provoked a certain person to do something or what strange machinery created a coincidence that is complex and deep but rather knowing that one is in good hands, one is in the hands of guidance, and having faith in the process that will deliver one, at the end of that process, a greater gift to the Creator and a greater asset to the self because the balance of the energy body that has been worked on has improved, has come closer to that which was hoped before incarnation.”[7]

This morning I went outside and used my garden tiller in the area where new pipes were installed a couple of months ago to be hooked up to the new, very large sump pump in the basement. My goal was to till the bare ground so that I could then use a garden rake to smooth the soil and make it ready for planting grass seeds in a couple of days.

This afternoon I drove to The Plant Kingdom Garden Center and bought ten bags of pine straw and two bags of grass seed that I will plant tomorrow in the area that I tilled and raked this morning.

From A Book of Days, channeled by Carla L. Rueckert:

March 21

The Building Block Of Faith

I am of the principle of Jesus the Christ. I greet you in the full consciousness of love divine, unending and eternal.

How brave an instrument who admits it needs the practice! How brave any seeking entity who admits the need for constant improvement, for constant mindfulness, and for constant seeking.

How firm the faith of one who knows that the gift of the spirit of Jesus the Christ is given to those who are humble as dust before it. Such humility will not be scattered to the winds. Such humility cannot be trampled upon. Such humility is the building block of faith. Such determination is the foundation of will.

Let each day be a day in which you are prostrate before the infinite love of Jesus the Christ. For it was in humility to the physical death that Jesus the Christ expressed love, not in bragging or boasting but in opening the self completely to the will of the one God of all.

Open yourself to that will. Be humble as dust before it. Yet know that you carry it within you, if you are mindful of it.

Let your light shine through your humility; through your humanity; through the ashes of the life of the mundane world. Heaven may shine through your eyes! The kingdom is that near!

Yet the kingdom shall never shine through the eyes of one who boasts that he knows of the kingdom and has no more to learn. Be humble and faithful and bow before the Lord God, that, as you rise, you may shine with the eternal light of unity, love and peace.

We leave you in the eternal love and peace of Jesus the Christ, now and forever. May you be saved by an awareness of this holy love. Peace be with you. Amen.

I said the prayer at the Gaia Meditation tonight:

We come in the name of love and open our hearts, minds, and souls to send love, light, and healing energy to Mother Earth as she brings forth a new Earth in the fourth density. We ask that the infinite love, light and healing energy of the One Infinite Creator heal the hearts of all souls in pain on Earth tonight. May all souls on Earth feel our love, light, and healing energy in their hearts, their minds, and their souls. Amen.

[1] The Ra Contact: Teaching the Law of One, 46.16.

[2] Q’uo, May 2 2004.

[3] Q’uo May 2, 2004.

[4] Q’uo, May 2, 2004.

[5] The Ra Contact: Teaching the Law of One, 46.16.

[6] Q’uo, May 2, 2004.

[7] Q’uo, May 2, 2004.