I feel bad about being judgmental in the past.
When I thought I was talking to God, I wanted George Bush and The Amazing Atheist to die.
The amazing Atheist:
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheAmazingAtheist
Even though he's very entertaining.
I thought I was doing God's work by wanting them dead so they could be "judged by God".
How negatively polarizing was this? Or is it not if you're mentally sick?
If you have schizophrenia, do your thoughts negatively polarize you?
And then I heard that George Bush had a heart attack, and I thought it was God answering my desire.
To negatively polarize takes great effort. One must consistently focus upon the singular goal of isolating and strengthening the self, excluding anything (or anyone) that doesn't line up with that goal. Having reflexive thoughts toward something that angers you doesn't even come close to what it takes to be even mildly polarized in this sense.
In my opinion random thoughts and reactions don't polarize in one way or the other, as emotional responses tend to be spontaneous and uncontrollable. It is the understanding of these thoughts, and the decision to accept or control them, that do the polarizing. When this is done consistently, one begins to gradually come to shape the pattern of their own thoughts, which enables a higher platform to work from, so-to-speak.
Regarding the schizophrenic aspect, I suppose much would depend on whether or not you recognize specific thoughts as the byproduct of schizophrenic symptoms. If you understand your own propensity toward entering delusion, I would think that it is not the delusions you are responsible for, but what you choose to do with those delusions once they are realized. Do you reject them outright? Try to harmonize them with your standard of reality? Do you react toward yourself with anger, compassion, fear? If you feel you harmed someone while you were delusional, do you make efforts to reverse that harm? These parts of your experience are more easily influenced than your actual psychotic experiences, at least in the general sense. The most depolarizing thing you could do in this case, in my opinion, would be to stop at the recognition stage and simply blame the schizophrenia. I don't think doing so would negatively polarize you, but it would keep you from getting a lot of positive work done.
A theme I see running through many of your posts, Gemini, is a fear of unworthiness or of "not making it." I think a deep examination of the roots of this fear and the desires that correspond with it would help you tremendously.
I'm not worried about harvesting negative.
Just a little about losing positive polarity through my thoughts.
You can view being judgmental as an opportunity to to perceive an imbalance in you. How you perceive others is a mirroring of your perception of things, it is useful as we are not born being perfect, we can only work toward how we want to become through experiences.
Being judgmental is something that I want to avoid but it does happen and it teaches me about my self and others as I correct my imbalances.