Are we all wanderers forever lost until we leave this incarnate experience? Does nothing allow us to feel whole, to feel the love of the One Creator, to feel the love of unity?
I often wonder when the testing will be over, and a more peaceful existence allowed, for it seems never so here for me. It feels like now I have found and understood my place, I still have yet to find it. This density, such a mystery, and not just the veil.
Perhaps we have to totally let go of the 3rd? Yet how to do that and still exist in the 3rd...? I don't know. Many of you know my story, having lost almost everything, and not really worrying about it, yet there always seems to be another bottom, and I keep finding them. I am beginning to feel like Wiley Coyote, falling off a cliff, picking myself up, and then finding another cliff, giving that "Oh no" look, as I get ready to make the quick whistling descent resulting in a small puff of dust when I hit the bottom... It's kind of a fruitless lesson, for I already accept it, yet it seems it must play out to the end, and there I am.... stuck in a life matching the Bugs Bunny Roadrunner Hour... perhaps this is a lesson that I shouldn't try to be as clever? To forget the rabbit? Whatever the rabbit symbolizes... the ever elusive understanding of what we cannot understand in 3D?
This is just a small vent, I'm tired. I'm being pushed by the cosmos to lose my very self, and I know that is where I must go, but it is difficult. The ego in this body is firmly entrenched, and is fighting for what it can, to hold onto itself, and for what? I'm not really looking for advice here, nor looking for sympathy. This is the only place where I feel I can say this, for the rest of the world does not feel these feelings. The many belong here on earth. I know some of you feel this way, and just knowing I am not as alone as I feel right now... is a help. I feel like I am in a sort of Egyptian chamber initiation, and my sanity is being stretched...
I find myself at this time, being of service to family, at home, if one could call it that. I am at my mother's residence, a place I lived for about eight years before leaving home at the age of fifteen. There has been illness, so I came to help, and I find this house to be that of extreme negativity, with a vibration of such so strong it is difficult to find my balance. My mother is a very spiritually confused being. The house is adorned with hundreds of Buddha's, Egyptian papyrus paintings, Inca, Aztec, and countess other symbols of ancient spirituality and civilizations, a small museum of sorts, and with beauty at every turn, yet she has lost her path, delving so far into confusion of the spirit, it is just sorrowful to me to see. At one time she was so very sto... Now her great negativity is mirrored back to her and it is painful to watch, for she just can't see it, and I can't explain it to her for the obvious and other reasons. I can see her incarnate lessons laid out like a carpet, yet she has failed to learn them.
I came here feeling loving and positive, and it took less than 24 hours to bring forth in me a helpless rage the likes which I would say is not unlike a storm on the open sea. This has happened more than once, and in my daily contemplations, I try to find this emotion again, to bring it to the surface, to intensify it, yet it consistently eludes me. How may I distill that which I cannot find? Perhaps these are not my feelings? They come and go so quickly. Perhaps it is the house, screaming to be set free of this pain.
I have set my intent to be an instrument of the Creator, and this is the catalyst cutting to the bone. This is the storm which I become part of. I know The Creator will not help me, for it is my path to walk. I am so weary. As I wrote this last part, my little girl moved and laid her head on my arm... she instills in me hope...
Thanks for listening (reading).
oh peregrinus, i am awed at how in the midst of such negativity and catalyst you remain able to write about your circumstances with such eloquence, beauty and humility. i hope you find a good outcome from this particular situation.
thank you for sharing x
thanks for sharing.
I feel your emotions. you are a strong person. the very fact that you have not become negative enveloped with this negativity speaks a lot. you are able to observe it and write about it. still looking to transmute it. i think you may be feeling overwhelmed with this sudden shift in energies. it might be helpful to break out for outside for few minutes and be with nature which is still untainted. maybe ask your fairies and guides to provide you a clear and warm and fuzzy state. i have found that dwelling on negativity or any situation just helps to fuel it further.
Catalyst having to do with the family is some of the most powerful and difficult catalyst ever, my friend. But you are where you are right now for a reason. And if you can't seem to find the answer this this puzzle, it would be laid out for you in another form. There's no need to worry.
We are here for you.
From the way you've described your mother here and in other threads, I think that if anyone can offer her the deep and cool flowing water of love that she so craves in this existence, it would be you, brother. But how do to that? How to get past her oh so reactive and closed off mind? A small thing I have learned while accepting and working through catalyst of the blue chakra lately, is that not everyone communicates on the same level. In order to communicate to someone more dense than you, communicate in a denser way. Find the most powerful way she seems to communicate with you, and do that back to her in your naturally loving and positive way. Maybe love cannot be communicated to her by words, she might not be ready. Maybe it can be communicated to her by doing something for her, or showing something to her.
I'm not trying to sound saintly here, or even pretend like I wouldn't be "falling to the same level" if I was in your situation. haha If you want to give us more advice about how she is interacting with you on an ego level, more of what she is doing, then we might be able to help more specifically.
P.S. I might also say that the emotions she makes you feel can be shared positively with her. In making you feel the emotion, even the negative, she's giving a gift to you. Share the emotive experience with her, and laugh at how she is making you angry. I understand it's hard to do this because with old friends and especially family, it is VERY difficult to not react with them in the expected egotistical way. Maybe you could even tell her how some of things she's doing and saying make you angry, then maybe thank her and jokingly tell her it's because you have a hard time feeling emotions on your own. Maybe you can thank her for looking so harshly upon your flaws, because you might not be able to see them so clearly on yourself. But remind her that nobody is perfect, and she would become angry if someone were to do the same to her.
Good luck, P!
Reading your post and Aaron's post in the end about the negative emotions offered I couldn't get out of my head the significator of the mind. The entity which sits bound in the third density illusion with a weird twist. The negative polarity fruits or catalysts are the intensifiers of the being's chosen path, the radiant one. And vice versa.
http://www.lawofone.info/images/tarot5.jpg
Quote:Questioner: I was wondering why the dark entity was on the right side of the card in relation to the Significator. Could Ra comment on that after making the instrument cough?
Ra: (Cough) The nature of … We pause.
(Ten second pause.)
I am Ra. There was a serious pain flare. We may now continue.
The nature of polarity is interesting in that those experiences offered to the Significator as positive frequently become recorded as productive of biases which may be seen to be negative, whereas the fruit of those experiences apparently negative is frequently found to be helpful in the development of the service-to-others bias. As this is perhaps the guiding characteristic of that which the mind processes and records, these symbols of polarity have thusly been placed.
You may note that the hands of the central image indicate the appropriate bias for right and left-hand working; that is, the right hand gestures in service-to-others, offering its light outward. The left hand attempts to absorb the power of the spirit and point it for its use alone.
Thank you for your thoughts and insights all
Understand I have read them and have taken from them what resonates with me.
The most difficult thing here is that my mother, who at one time was a strong person, is now in a relationship with a man who goes back and forth between his wife and my mother, a man who is obviously self serving and manipulative, for he plays both women against the other. He has great fear for me, and has told her he doesn't like how I have showed up and "have taken over", even though all I have done is clean. The house was such a mess, filthy. He does, of course, fear I will expose his game, to topple his little coven of deceit, even though I have no intent to do so. My mother's catalyst is her own to learn or pass by. She lost a son already (my brother) and failed to learn the lesson from that, to love and cherish her children, yet she still chooses this man over her children.
I have also caused friction when it comes to food, and my mother has asked me not to mention food again. Of course, I try to eat healthy and want the same, though even more, for my daughter, since she is a growing child and I wish her to be healthy. Most people I have run into seem to think I am being "way out there", or "over the top" when it comes to eating healthy, and my mother and her bf clearly eat very badly. My mother has only aluminum pots, eats sugar and greasy food items like they are air. She says using aluminum pots haven't hurt her, when she has been found allergic to all but about three things on earth, to me what is a sign of aluminum and pesticide poisoning. She says that my daughter "needs to eat pesticides so she builds up a tolerance to them"... such ignorance. People hide behind ignorance and fear as though they want to die, and really, don't they? To live without the truth of unity is the most difficult thing.
Now, when it comes to the gag order. I have always been outspoken if it is right. Should I respect her wishes or leave? I will not be told to shut up about something that should be a basic right as a human being. That means food and anything else. Am I wrong?
To link the last post I will insert this, I have used these concepts in the excerpt to be provided more than once to peek at the nature of argument, view and judgment. This I find connecting to the following excerpt if I have so minimally grasped the situation.
Oxal Sunday Meeting October 17, 1976
Quote:We ourselves know that we are not perfect beings, and that we cannot judge or be judged by any of our brothers. There is no way, my brothers, of judging yourself or others in a spiritual manner. You can never know precisely how you are doing along the spiritual path, for those things which signify to your eyes as being one way or the other, good or evil, positive or negative, may in the eyes of the Creator signify something quite different.
It is a difficult thing to give up, that judging of yourself and of others. It is a difficult thing to love yourself and others in a totally trusting way. Yet this is precisely the key to understanding. If we could offer you this understanding of yourself as a being who is capable of many, many imperfect acts, yet whose heart is perfect, then we would have succeeded in a great thing.
For you see, my brothers, brotherhood is only possible to be unified with your brothers through the Creator. You will never be one with your brothers on the level of man to man, or man to woman, for imperfections breed discontent, and misunderstandings always occur. Yet, by the grace of the Creator within you and within your brother, there is a link so strong and so perfect that it can make the most opposite and diverse personalities one. It can cause the most unsympathetic situation to come into harmony. And this transformation occurs when a brother stops seeking a brother in love, and seeks only to rejoice in the Creator who is in his brother, be he a friend or a foe.
There is such a confusion among your peoples, such a terrible, noisy confusion, in which you speak incessantly of right and wrong, in which your peoples judge and accept judgments and spend endless, endless time in discussion. Yet harmony will never come on that level; right and wrong will never be discovered on that level. From the smallest relationship to the greatest of your nations’ relationships, brotherhood can never be achieved by reason, but only, as you would call it, by prayer and meditation.
People are not alike, yet love has created them all. And the Creator within them is lovable, is love itself, and can speak to you of love in the face of the most inharmonious aspect on the outer plane. The spiritual path is not an easy one. You have known this, my friends, for some time. And when we say to you that our message is simple, we do not for a moment think that it is a simple thing to put into action. It has been written in your holy works that the master who teaches the consciousness of Christ brought not peace, but a sword. And this is the sword we ask you to accept in your lives, the sword of not judging, the sword of even willing to be foolish in another’s eyes. For when one does not judge, when one is willing to trust to the Creator, those around that person may think of him as foolish. Moreover, there is a great satisfaction on the love of a personality in, shall we say, vengeance or getting even. But what you are doing, my friends, when you answer those who judge you with an answering judgment, is collecting your karma, as you would call it, there on the spot. Yet your karma to them has not been collected, and you will answer for that karma. Far better that you allow the karma that has come to you to die, as you forgive, and in that forgiveness, the karma that is reflected from you is satisfied.
To the respecting of wishes or leaving should be your own choice, it is not a concern of controlling a situation or manipulating manners which have been firmly anchored down. One of service comes when and where it is called, and through humility and becoming the one it seeks to serve will it find the answer on how to best offer itself. Such aspects I can see transcend judgment or even the most basic and fundamental views of a being who wishes to serve in purity.
(03-27-2010, 04:11 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: [ -> ]Now, when it comes to the gag order. I have always been outspoken if it is right. Should I respect her wishes or leave? I will not be told to shut up about something that should be a basic right as a human being. That means food and anything else. Am I wrong?
You are the best judge in this situation as you have all the small little details of the interaction. And these interactions usually have a history. I would venture to say based upon what has been offered here- you have already expressed your opinions to her and now it is her right to live her life as she wishes. It may be very painful to watch but one has a right to live their life and even destroy it if they want. Just keep presenting the options to her by being an example, so when she has a realization she has something to hang on to...
Ahhh the Food WARS and living with family... This I am familar with! I found the best remedy for myself was to obtain a mini fridge and a little hot top electric burner and a heavy table on which I prepared all of my foods. My foods were kept seperate from their foods and I did not have to use their aluminum pans etc. It solved the Food Wars while living with the parental unit who thought they had a united oppositonal front against me and my son--- to the point of sabataging my food (replacing organic with convential "to see" if I could tell the difference etc). The food in my room that I shared with my young son certainly cleared that up. Then while I was at work my child went to a daycare where the food I had prepared was actually served to him (believe me the Food Wars carry over even in a daycare setting with Daycare providers who do not see the logic behind feeding the child what the parent has packed for the child--- instead opting to use the psuedo food that the daycare provides etc.) Ahhhh yes, the wry memories of the jaded Food Wars I am familar with.
I am also familar wtih cleaning up an abode one shares with another whose cleanliness quotient is quite low... Done that too. I always said to them... "I am cleaning this because it is my issue... I have an ism and it has to do with cleanliness don't mind me... just lift your feet so I can vaccuum under them.. there see it is all done"... Thank you! Kiss Kiss Hug Hug and move on to the next room... Did that for 2 years... During that 2 years I defleaed thier 8 cats and 1 dog--- defleaed their house, did the dishes, washed the floors, cleaned the bathroom, emptied the cat box... Basically all household duties I did... I did this because the Cleanliness issue was mine... not theirs... They were quite happy and comfortable living in a house that smelled like cat pee and dog crap (literally). They were quite comfortable eating off of plates that the cat ate from. They had no problem with their cats eating from their plates as they ate their food... etc.
They would make a joke about me cleaning up... and I would just joke back at them... They called me obsessive compulsive in the clean department... LOL
I lived with them on and off with my child as I just had a challenging time of it to keep a job! No job no rent no rent no place to live.
So what I discovered in all this is that I can not save anyone but myself and my child (and once the child reaches 8 to 9 years all I can do is advise and posture to get them to comply)--- everyone else it is up to them... And the way to best resolve a paradox of a conflict is simply to refuse to be part of the conflict.
Back to the parental unit--
When I was told I had to use their aluminum pans I( you ate just fine and your still living was the commental refrain) I would say lovingly, "Yes and thank you for such wonderful meals! I just love using my own pans and I am just going to pop up to my kitchen and make some yummy dinner. Thank you for all that you have done for me"... I then would simply ignore the snide comments and posturing they did and retreat to the room I shared with my child and prepare my meals.
And that seemed to leave them with nothing to say! LOL Kindness is a Great Shield.
Also I highly recommend you read "Peace Pilgrim," Peace Pilgrim. She speaks eloquently about the process of truly becoming a Peace Pilgrim (or any Spiritual Mission) and the preparations take time... It took her 15 years before she was ready. You can get the book FREE from
http://www.peacepilgrim.com/. This book is a collection of her letters that she wrote to people who wrote her through out her 25 years as a Peace Pilgrim. I read this book often.
There are no easy answers when dealing with family... Families are eccentric by the very nature of being a family---
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
So tonight my mother wanted to give my daughter some hot dog, and I said that is fine as long as it is cut in quarters length-wise. She and her bf ridiculed me, saying there is no way a child could choke on a hot dog, when I myself have done the heimlich on a child for that very reason... then, when I pretended to not be looking, she gave my daughter a piece uncut... I can tolerate ridicule, but to play with my daughter's life like it is some game...
I was ready to pack up tonight, but I am here for some reason, to find a way through this. So much negativity here, I have to find purpose in being here. If I can find tranquillity here, I will have it everywhere.
I am only here for two to three weeks, so I am not going to buy a fridge etc, but I will see if I can find a small steel pot for cheap somewhere. I am in a one horse town, not much around... I haven't checked out the hardware store, but if there are pots and pans they would have to be there, because there isn't anywhere else that would sell them.
Well, that didn't work. We are leaving. My mother will not admit any wrong in giving chunks of hot dog to my daughter, even though I sent her a couple links showing how many deaths are caused by children choking on them.
Perhaps my lesson here is not to involve myself with sts leaning or individuals in the sinkhole, no matter how much I desire to help them? It is so difficult to see the forest for the trees, whilst in the thick of them. It seems I always try to be of help, and this has gotten me nowhere in life. I don't get it... confusion, hurt.
Update: Noon, my mother is adamant she will not show me respect, though now is decent to me... My daughter and I are destined for a long bus journey this night. I have enough for the fare, an additional $10, and some spare change.
I had a dream last night where there was a loooong struggle that was initiated by a man I do not know, and I ended up killing this man. Dream analysis suggests that in the struggle I am experiencing some internal conflict and am making a bigger issue out of something than it needs to be. To dream of killing indicates that heavy stress may cause me to lose my temper and self-control, and I may be trying to kill or put an end to an aspect of myself that is represented by the person killed. I have identified the characteristics of this person and asked myself how I do not want to be like him. The characteristics of this dream person were cold, forceful, and aggressive.
I sympathize with your plight, Peregrinus. I, too, am living with my mom and she is very negative. She is definitely not sto. Her house is so full of negative energies and emissions that sometimes it's hard for me to even breathe. I quit a good job with good benefits to come take care of her after my father died. I came full of love and good intentions to help. Most of those feelings and intentions are gone now and I cannot recall them. Mom has driven nearly everyone who would care about her away from her with her continuous negative chatter and condemnations. My son lived with us for a while, until she drove him away because he used too much water and ran up her bill (she said. I couldn't see it myself and we were helping with expenses). My sanity has been stretched to its limit and actually has torn at times.
From Bring4th I realized that mom is a very young soul and does not understand why the whole world does not cater to her every whim the minute she demands it. This helps a little bit and understanding that my karma brought me to this point helps too. I have learned to put up with her without becoming engaged in her vitriol. Mostly I stay to myself in my room and leave her to her own devices.
I lost my 3D ego a few years ago such that my mantra became, and still is, "not my will but Your will be done." I was compelled by the Great Spirit to come back "home" (I never, ever felt at home with my mother). So I have to be content with living in the moment and letting the karma play out AND pitifully attempting to hold the Light.
Just so you know you aren't alone, brother.
(03-27-2010, 05:51 AM)Lorna Wrote: [ -> ]oh peregrinus, i am awed at how in the midst of such negativity and catalyst you remain able to write about your circumstances with such eloquence, beauty and humility. i hope you find a good outcome from this particular situation.
I am learning greater compassion and sympathy, but to what end if the other person is not open to it? I take my leave of this situation. Thanks for your post
(03-27-2010, 09:15 AM)thefool Wrote: [ -> ]I feel your emotions. you are a strong person. the very fact that you have not become negative enveloped with this negativity speaks a lot. you are able to observe it and write about it. still looking to transmute it. i think you may be feeling overwhelmed with this sudden shift in energies. it might be helpful to break out for outside for few minutes and be with nature which is still untainted. maybe ask your fairies and guides to provide you a clear and warm and fuzzy state. i have found that dwelling on negativity or any situation just helps to fuel it further.
Thanks for the advice. I go out every chance I get. I'd rather not ask for a warm fuzzy state. I am in this state for a reason, and I desire to learn the lesson. I hope that is possible.
(03-27-2010, 11:36 AM)Aaron Wrote: [ -> ]Catalyst having to do with the family is some of the most powerful and difficult catalyst ever, my friend. But you are where you are right now for a reason. And if you can't seem to find the answer this this puzzle, it would be laid out for you in another form. There's no need to worry.
Another brick in the road...
(03-27-2010, 11:36 AM)Aaron Wrote: [ -> ]From the way you've described your mother here and in other threads, I think that if anyone can offer her the deep and cool flowing water of love that she so craves in this existence, it would be you, brother. But how do to that? How to get past her oh so reactive and closed off mind? A small thing I have learned while accepting and working through catalyst of the blue chakra lately, is that not everyone communicates on the same level. In order to communicate to someone more dense than you, communicate in a denser way. Find the most powerful way she seems to communicate with you, and do that back to her in your naturally loving and positive way. Maybe love cannot be communicated to her by words, she might not be ready. Maybe it can be communicated to her by doing something for her, or showing something to her.
I don't know how to communicate to her. She ignores sublimity. She ignores directness. The only thing which got through to her was a very direct email I sent her last night (and I am under the same roof!) whereby I gave her the choice of showing me respect and decency, or me leaving. She chose for me to leave and called me cruel. She will not accept responsibility for her actions. It is always someone else's problem.
(03-27-2010, 11:36 AM)Aaron Wrote: [ -> ]I might also say that the emotions she makes you feel can be shared positively with her. In making you feel the emotion, even the negative, she's giving a gift to you. Share the emotive experience with her, and laugh at how she is making you angry. I understand it's hard to do this because with old friends and especially family, it is VERY difficult to not react with them in the expected egotistical way. Maybe you could even tell her how some of things she's doing and saying make you angry, then maybe thank her and jokingly tell her it's because you have a hard time feeling emotions on your own. Maybe you can thank her for looking so harshly upon your flaws, because you might not be able to see them so clearly on yourself. But remind her that nobody is perfect, and she would become angry if someone were to do the same to her.
Alas, trying to explain anything to her, she calls "lecturing" and refrains from listening. It is ok for her to give her point of view, but not ok for me to give mine. She has made that abundantly clear, even to the point of her and her bf ridiculing me. I accept that, and if being loving and caring are flaws, then I accept them also. Other flaws I do have... I am working on removing.
(03-27-2010, 12:48 PM)Cyclops Wrote: [ -> ]Reading your post and Aaron's post in the end about the negative emotions offered I couldn't get out of my head the significator of the mind. The entity which sits bound in the third density illusion with a weird twist. The negative polarity fruits or catalysts are the intensifiers of the being's chosen path, the radiant one. And vice versa.
To the respecting of wishes or leaving should be your own choice, it is not a concern of controlling a situation or manipulating manners which have been firmly anchored down. One of service comes when and where it is called, and through humility and becoming the one it seeks to serve will it find the answer on how to best offer itself. Such aspects I can see transcend judgment or even the most basic and fundamental views of a being who wishes to serve in purity.
Your posts were most helpful brother. Thank you for your insights and the quotes. I just don't see how I can be of service to one who will not allow me to be so without harsh judgment. She has never chosen anyone but herself, her controlling negative nature. I was beaten with whatever was at hand in childhood, and whipped with a horse whip. I was controlled, though I always fought back. I never gave in, and will not today, to abuse in whatever form it takes, from anyone. Is this wrong? Is this my cross to be staked upon?
(03-27-2010, 07:42 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: [ -> ]Ahhh the Food WARS and living with family...
Also I highly recommend you read "Peace Pilgrim
Thanks for your post sister. I will read Peace Pilgrim. Thanks for the link
I just read most of this thread, but mainly your posts Peregrinus. It seems to me that you might have been holding on so strongly to the concepts of right/wrong and honor, that your grip ended up straining your hand so to speak. I am glad that you did not extend the "lesson" for too long, seeing as how you got your bus tickets and all. Maybe you came there if only to let go of a part of yourself that is no longer necessary. I hope the clarity you desire about it all will reveal itself to you in short time.
Godspeed!
Pere--
It is important to know when to walk and when to talk. I wish you godspeed in landing softly and joyously in a place in space for you and your daughter that is perfect, peaceful, loving, comfortable, and safe where there is good food and clean water to eat and drink and use.
Take care, dear Brother. Rest Easy and Know you Are Loved!
--fairyfarmgirl
So I tried one final time to reason with my mother, to come to a neutral ground, but she not only refused to see that there was anything wrong with what she did, she refused to admit she ridiculed me, and called me paranoid. I reiterated that all I ask is she treat me with respect, and she flat out refused. I finished packing, and my daughter and I went for a walk.
When we got on the bus, I found a seat near the back on the left side. This spot, I soon realized, was the pretty well the same place I had sat almost exactly thirty years ago. At that time, I was fifteen years old and I came home to a locked door, a suitcase, a twenty dollar bill, and a bus ticket. When I got on the bus that time, I had decided to not look back, and I looked forward to my new future, away from the abusive controlling mother that I had grown up with. As I sat on the bus with this realization, it was as though the scenario had played out again, though this time I had had the dream the night before of myself slaying Goliath after a long and difficult fight. This indeed was the same catalyst I had had so many years ago, though this time I realized it. This time I truly am not looking back, trying to make amends with someone who cares not for anyone but herself.
She said to me, what she admitted a friend had told her, that "it will be the child that loses out". I thought, though didn't speak it, "Loses out on what? ...Knowing a self centered abusive controlling manipulative bitter criticizing cruel old woman?". No, my child will hear the good things I can think of, but will not know this lady.
This is a burden I have been carrying for the last thirty years... finally released. Although the thoughts of this interaction play over in my mind, I feel free... of being like her, of being controlling, of being manipulative, of being thoughtless of others and careless of and with their feelings, of criticizing everyone, and everything. These are things I have always feared, but now I fear them no more, for I know they are part of her, and it is my choice whether they are part of me or not.
Thoughts?
That which is a frequency match will endure that which is not will simply unravel.[/b] This is a Liberation and Emancipation Moment that you have embraced! I am so happy and grateful you are on your way toward that which you are: An Incredible Human Angel who is Mentoring and Guiding a Celestial Human Angel embodied as your Child. I am so happy and Grateful you have chosen Love and To Love! Bless your Heart!
The Energy Entaglement you have unraveled, Pere. Good Job!
Now look forward and with each step CREATE that WHICH YOU WISH TO EXPERIENCE!
I Embrace you and your daughter with a BIG VIRTUAL HUG!
Bless your HEART!
[/i]
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attachment=131]
An intention to keep in MIND and HEART comes through from me to You (use as you will):
I AM drama free this moment on and ABUNDANCE of JOY now FILLS those voids it left behind.
When you have un-entangeled yourSelf from something those cords that used to bind you still exist---- to completely dissolve them you must then infill with Love and Joy. [i]
I bless you with Love and Light as you Journey back to yourSelf.
[
attachment=132]
fairyfarmgirl
Thanks fff
I had another dream again last night, again of killing, though this time it was a female persona, and the struggle was non-existent. On first thoughts, I find the killing part disturbing, but dream analysis says this can be a good thing, and I therefore choose to take it as such. I feel strangely free and humble and optimistic today. I did my morning prayers today with a peaceful and content spirit, and my mood is also the same.
This morning an email came from my daughter's mother's grandmother, manipulative as usual. I replied very straightforwardly and honestly, but without anger in my heart.
I had anger well in me once this morning over something unimportant, but it disappeared as fast as it had come. I look forward to releasing this anger from my being, for I feel I no longer need it.
I feel that I can finally steer my own ship, make the choices I seek to make, and to be honest as I need to be. As Ra said, in truth there is no right or wrong, and the principle of the idea of this statement is one which I have always held close to my heart in this incarnation, and always will.
It is time to take my daughter for a walk now, to enjoy the beautiful weather we are finally having here
Love to all!
I Love You, Back!
It is raining a Good One here in the NorthEast of USA! The kids finally tired of repelling off of the couch onto the floor and have demanded to go outside into the Gale... LOL So I will see how long they are out there for! It is wet but not Cold...
The trees are budding out! The Rose Bush has the most beautiful buds just beginning to emerge! I am so happy that the birds sing along with the song of the Wind and the Rain.
Enjoy!
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
I know how you feel, Per. Often times I get really frustrated. I’ve adopted this enlightened way of thinking and made all these changes and realized so much…so why does it still hurt so damn bad? Why do I have to go through all this crap every day that just makes me want to scream? Wasn’t life supposed to get peaceful or something? I try very hard to push the “all is well, all will be well” thing, but sometimes it just *isn’t* well. Some emotions cut too deep. All it takes is one heated instant for me to forget everything I’ve learned and go right back to square one, crying my eyes out and cursing at the cosmos for dealing me such a sucky hand.
This reminds me of the many Q’uo channelings I’ve listened to where Q’uo endorses “bloody-mindedness.” That flat out stubborn perseverance. Basically, we are still in 3rd density, and so far I’m guessing that none of us have picked up on that magical way to exit the incarnation and shoot straight into 4th…some of us wouldn’t want to, anyway. We have families and lives and responsibilities. But we’re still in the choosing ground, and it wouldn’t be fair to everyone who hasn’t made the choice if all the catalyst just stopped.
I’d say realizing the truth is where the real test begins. Because then you have to face the pain of realizing that there is something we perceive to be more beautiful out there somewhere…maybe even remembering being a part of that particular configuration of beauty. To cup that fragile notion of beauty so delicately in our hands while we face up against such an overwhelming wall of pain and frustration and darkness and confusion, and to plant ourselves in the ground and let that small bit of beauty shine out into the darkness even though it doesn’t seem to be making much of a difference, saying “I am as a stone. Waves crash upon me. Wind, scar my face, but I shall not be broken.”…to me, that is probably what Ra meant by the ability to “rapidly polarize” in this time.
It is a hard test, sometimes seeming nothing short of brutal and unfair, but we volunteered for this. Our souls were the brave few who stood right up to such a huge challenge and said “Bring it on! I’m ready!” And we knew we would hurt, but we were willing to make that sacrifice for the end result. In the end, on the metaphysical level, just continuing to hold to that decision has an impact that shakes the universe.
I suppose I’m just rambling now, but know you have my full support in this game of life. You may be stuck on a chute right now, but sooner or later it always gives way to a ladder.
Love and Light,
Lynn
(03-30-2010, 09:14 PM)ahktu Wrote: [ -> ]I know how you feel, Per. Often times I get really frustrated. I’ve adopted this enlightened way of thinking and made all these changes and realized so much…so why does it still hurt so damn bad? Why do I have to go through all this crap every day that just makes me want to scream? Wasn’t life supposed to get peaceful or something? I try very hard to push the “all is well, all will be well” thing, but sometimes it just *isn’t* well. Some emotions cut too deep. All it takes is one heated instant for me to forget everything I’ve learned and go right back to square one, crying my eyes out and cursing at the cosmos for dealing me such a sucky hand.
All is well. I am finding a new comfort in releasing the past. For a third night I have had a similar dream, though each time the enemy is weaker and I am stronger. I am enjoying my time here in the 3rd more again. I pray for my mother and send her my love each morning during my prayers, and I thank her for the lessons she has taught me. It's strange to think... what lessons one doesn't learn, for this one took me thirty years to get... how many others have I missed over and over, that I must still try at? Obviously I have more to do, for I haven't left yet.
(03-30-2010, 09:14 PM)ahktu Wrote: [ -> ]Basically, we are still in 3rd density, and so far I’m guessing that none of us have picked up on that magical way to exit the incarnation and shoot straight into 4th…
Oh ahktu, there is an easy way out of the 3rd density, but I don't think the 4th density on earth is inhabitable until after the shift, not that time is of consequence when outside of this illusion anyway, but the clock of creation is precise...
(03-30-2010, 09:14 PM)ahktu Wrote: [ -> ]“I am as a stone. Waves crash upon me. Wind, scar my face, but I shall not be broken.”…to me, that is probably what Ra meant by the ability to “rapidly polarize” in this time.
You had no idea when writing this that my name is not an English name, though translated to English it means "stone". I have always been known as "The Rock" of strength for others, and many have leaned on me. For me, I have no choice but to be what I am, and that is as a stone.
I believe rapid polarization is the result once the wanderer knows the LOO from behind the veil, and understands the result of choices, it is then able to make many more choices towards service to other-selves without weighing the options and with less temptation towards service to self. It is as though the path is lit. The one thing about knowing is sometimes I feel like I do things just to gain the polarity, like each choice lights up some point light on a cosmic pinball machine... and wished I could just do them without knowing.
(03-31-2010, 02:49 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: [ -> ]I believe rapid polarization is the result once the wanderer knows the LOO from behind the veil, and understands the result of choices, it is then able to make many more choices towards service to other-selves without weighing the options and with less temptation towards service to self. It is as though the path is lit. The one thing about knowing is sometimes I feel like I do things just to gain the polarity, like each choice lights up some point light on a cosmic pinball machine... and wished I could just do them without knowing.
I agree about rapid poliarization being possible, though I'm glad that I know my choices might help my polarization. But I'm not often thinking about how polarized I am. I'm thinking about Creator's Love. I know that whatever I'm thinking, I'm right where I need to be.
The part about the cosmic pinball machine made me lol.