Before I begin, I understand that all Catalyst is personal. In this thread I ask us to lay out some of our Catalyst, and if possible what we think their causes may be, as well as our current troubles with any Catalyst. I ask that you do directly type into your post a consenting to providing others to view your catalyst and aid you with it. I do not wish to interfere with any one's Free Will.
Catalyst is that life occurrence that offers to you the Opportunity to Provide Love. They come in many different shapes and sizes with an infinite array of manifestations. Catalyst is the provider of polarization.
Catalyst could be something as simple as responding to a rude driver with kindness, despite knowing they cannot hear you, the desire not to spread negativity incites me to try and remain patient and gently remind myself I drive dumb now and then too. Or it can be something as long-running as a coworker who continually creates more work for you on the shift before your own, for an entire year.
I do provide consent to you all to pitch in on any catalyst I might lay out here. As of right now I operate on a Chakra thought basis. I try to organize my experiences to their appropriate Rays, and I have noticed a lowering in catalyst for Yellow Ray occurrences, or dealing with others socially, basically. In terms of Orange Ray and Red Ray the catalyst continues.
However in my work environment, a sort of stagnating has occurred in my desire to reach out to my customers and understand them. I find that the usual situations where I can provide compassion and empathy are now filled with anxiety and uncertainty in what to do. Customer's who come in already upset seem to tip me off balance emotionally, whereas I once let their emotions flow through me, not into me.
Another aspect could be of a Red Ray and Green Ray occurrence, where I can connect with certain customers who give off certain personalities and immediately delve into some level of depth with them, but others I can't seem to even get a hint of an idea out of. There also seems to be a psychological red ray aspect in that I have always connected to females what I am not over-exaggerating as what feels to be 5 times easier while males have always felt strained with at first.
I find working with the public is a high Yellow Ray occurrence, even for a Graveyard shift I still average about 200 customers on slow nights, which puts me in the presence of enough people to throw my entire system into disarray if I'm having a bad emotional or mental day. It becomes a Red Ray issue when I don't want to deal with it anymore, and it's Orange Ray in that I can choose how to handle it, and it's Yellow Ray when another person is involved, and Green Ray when I utilize Orange Ray with Yellow Ray to extend Love to another. Or just Orange and Green if towards myself. Red is always incited when issues in matters of wanting to experience something or not occur.
I miss the days of being in an open heart, of approaching catalyst more and more effortlessly, while being able to meditate and make contact with the Moment that is Love. I highly miss those days and am wondering if a few current issues could be aided by from others.
Would anyone be willing to share some catalyst for us all to provide input on? Or at least some input for me?
Example: at work I had a lady come in to buy cigarettes. Routine until her card was declined.
Her response is to (and this IS uncommon) personally blame me for declining her card. I tried to tell her I don't have the power to decline cards, only to not perform transactions.
She wouldn't let me and kept interrupting me. In my life, i respond to this by slightly raising my voice.
This usually works with customers too but in this case, she starts yelling at me. So I told her to leave. She throws the cigarettes at me and starts screaming. I banned the first person I've ever banned tonight.
I think she was my own irrational anger finding its way back to me. I am pretty mad though but I don't want to be. I do feel bad for banning her but I also don't...
In my mind I just can't stop thinking, Why? I wanted to help but she wanted to fight. I can't help her and her card isn't working, she has no money but wants to say she does and blames me for not being able to buy cigarettes.
Now I'm just pissed. At the very beginning of work this happened, about 5 hours ago (hi B4 from work, again).
I find this catalyst is charged too, its sticking on my mind, and my emotions aren't ebbing as well as Im used too. I feel angry at this woman, it branches into madness-anger where I can't understand why and it just screws me up emotionally.
I want to forgive her but I don't see how or why I'm supposed to, if anything it feels like I'm supposed to get angry... To better understand each other but I already fully know anger is not a lone experience but shared. Yet I'm so frantic in thought in anger that I feel blinded. Being at work there's not a free hour to take a bit to sort myself out, so its a long, "I DON'T GET IT, ARRGHHH"
Anyone need more details or have any questions, or thoughts for my catalyst?
(05-01-2015, 06:03 AM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]I want to forgive her but I don't see how or why I'm supposed to, if anything it feels like I'm supposed to get angry... To better understand each other but I already fully know anger is not a lone experience but shared. Yet I'm so frantic in thought in anger that I feel blinded. Being at work there's not a free hour to take a bit to sort myself out, so its a long, "I DON'T GET IT, ARRGHHH"
Anyone need more details or have any questions, or thoughts for my catalyst?
Forgiveness is important because at the end of space and time she's you, so your anger is only directed at a sub-portion of yourself. I don't believe in coincidences so like you said maybe your irrational anger found a way back to you just like maybe she needed to let go of some of her own inner anger on someone she's not close to.
Worry not friend, all emotions you experience are only there for you to further analyze self and other-self. People who radiate negativity need to have a lot of negativity within. If you want to look at this from the positive path's perspective, the response should be worked toward loving the person and wishing she was better. From the negative path's perspective, putting her in her place is well.
A good exercice is rather than asking yourself how you should've acted, ask how did she need you to act? Did she need you to let her get over herself or did she need you to resist her like you did.
My personnal answer is that all is well always.
My catalyst is that I have trouble transforming into the anthro that I desire to be.
I am working on my belief system.
It causes me a little despair, because I cannot be what I wish to be.
But I am working on that. Believing that *anything* is possible.
You see, normally this is actually how I'd handle this aspect. However in this instance she did what you'd call, Came In Looking for a Fight.
She walked in already angry, and wanted to attempt to give me a hard time it seemed. Which is why I feel like I'm supposed to be angry. I don't actually know how to approach conflict of that nature in a manner that is...Going to end well for both of us. In that instance of selfishness and apathy I wanted to do good but she seemed to make it impossible. Which is why I feel like I want to be better, to handle these situations better.
I don't know if offering Love to someone looking for a fight is actually a wise decision or not. I understand it is a good decision for that person polarizing, but actually performing the 'act' of 'interaction' in a manner that leads to an overall positive outcome is uncertain and hard to attain. I look at it simply as I hope someone offers her the Love I was unable to get through. I know that anger so well, and it is a horrible experience. Not one I wish on anyone, even if they anger me to the point of rage, in my rage I can desire mean things upon people, but I'd never, truly, go through with them.
Dark horrible fantasies of revenge that I just keep locked up and let play out for their own sake of needing to be examined in my mind. I understand that people are mirrors, I was barely awake when this all happened, I had little love for her to mirror, but by the time it was all done, I couldn't calm down and stop thinking about it. Allllll niiight. I actually realized that my memory of the event was also wonky, I thought I leaned all the way over the counter when I told her she needed to leave. On camera, I leaned forward, two inches.
Makes me once more also revisit this memory catalyst regarding my suicide attempt. Memories for me seem wonky at times, my short term memory does fail me often (when sober I should add), I've had people tell me I said something that I have no recollection of saying, moments after I said it. My Mom recently asked me if I was okay, apparently I freaked her out from this occurring semi-rarely. I honestly don't know if I actually am, memory can be a fickle thing for me now a days.
But this is a good reminder to fully integrate this experience and utilize it for later.
I think...I guess possibly, probably, I've been having a great deal of 'greetings' lately in the terms of emotional loss of control, thoughts that don't seem my own, contemplation of the STS way, which always also throws me all off track because then I realize I don't know really much anything about the STS way which makes it harder to empathize with when dealing with attributes of a person of that path. Next to that though the rest I'm uncertain of.
Thank you, Minyatur, you're very fun to talk to!
(05-01-2015, 12:02 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]My catalyst is that I have trouble transforming into the anthro that I desire to be.
I am working on my belief system.
It causes me a little despair, because I cannot be what I wish to be.
But I am working on that. Believing that *anything* is possible.
I'm going to be honest with you and I am really sorry if this is offensive to you in anyway, I intend to use it as an example to bridge from.
I have a friend who is into a fetish where he basically switches his gender to female as closely as he can and partakes as the one who is penetrated in the act by a normal male person. Without being anymore tmi as I can be--
Why not just 'Be' an Anthro as closely as you can? I had a large furry group in my high school, and the dogma on them was the misunderstanding of the furry fetish as others understood it (dressing up in animal costumes and having wild orgies in the middle of nowhere) so one day I did decide to get to know them. A few of them tried very hard to retain their 'identity' as such through physical means including letting their nails grow, wearing tails and ears, especially the girls who integrated them into their wardrobe. Letting their hair grow... There advice for living was simply to groom yourself for professional places and partake in worldly affairs as you would be required to in human form (don't show up to work with a tail and ears I'd imagine), but when you're home, or even out on your free time... Or just during any time where it is not an issue, why not just attempt to try and Be? Integrate it in if your desire for it is strong enough that you feel you need it to be that way. Get some ears and a tail even if it sounds odd, if
this is your desire, I say seek it out. That is the reason for 3rd Density after all to a distorted sense. To reach towards your desires.
I want a garden, right? But I live in Arizona, where the ground is... A foot of dust and dry dead dirt, followed by harder condensed ground, referred to as Indian Clay out here. I dug through that with a shovel on my free time. I have compost buckets going right now to try and liven up the dirt. I water the dirt often hoping it'll incite bacterial growth, make the soil a bit more nutritional for when I add the compost to begin growing a garden to move towards a healthier diet for me and my Mom, while retaining some money to have extra spending for essentials which I never can afford all of them so it's an inventory game of seeing what I need and will need and don't need.
I mean. I don't really know much else to say regarding your desire to be an anthro. It's almost like my friend who wants to be a girl but is a guy. Who realistically can't get a sex change, attempts to just be as he desires to be.
That is my motto after all. Be as you Will Be, Be as you Desire to Be. Don't let society stop you, OR your mother! It's your body, and it's your life. If you desire to be an anthro, partake in the joys of 'Being' one as best you can. And truly, imagination is not always needed. Sometimes just trying to be is good enough, and can be synonymous to actually being something through doing what you need to do to feel as if you are, in this instance, an anthro.
I like to think anything is possible too. Though I must concede defeat, that my interior universe will never be real during this life time in a way that I can experience it externally. That I will never have a loving succubus wife (don't judge~), or experience reality as an Anime...Or experience reality becoming like an anime.
I'll never see my video game ideas reach a console nor will I ever have the chance to experience many teenager joys I missed out on, or any young adult life joys I'm missing out on.
I have a horribly so real and finite existence that I must mold to my desires that at times aren't physically, seemingly, logically, possible. But hey, I had a character in a book who left his universe for another one after experiencing continued endless disappointments in life. If it is possible, I've experienced it in mind only, but perhaps that is all that is needed.
The Mind does formulate your version of reality out of this consensus reality. Why not attempt to be an Anthro, in this universe? Instead of you manifesting yourself into another Universe, manifest the other Universe towards yourself. Or more practically speaking in terms of what you can literally do. Attempt to move the Universe around you, rather than You around the Universe. Bring the Anthro to you in mind, attempt to be the Anthro physically in this universe through your mind. Bring the Anthro to you by moving into it through your mind I guess is the most straight way of putting it.
What is your belief system?
And I'm really sorry if I said anything offensive or out of line. I'm not actually that knowledgeable about the area you prefer, I'm just trying to help with whatever I have in my mind that might be of aid. In this case, you Desire to Be something you are not. I have a friend who is similar. He just tries his best to be what he wants to be when he can be. And he says it works well enough, so that's my advice.
Be as you Desire to Be, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, however is necessary for you to once more enjoy your Self fully.
Thanks for your advice. It was really helpful. To bring the desired universe to me really stood out.
I'm always seeing you mention it. I don't think it's impractical when you apply the concept that you create your own reality through your own perception. Even if you don't literally switch realities, manifesting your own desired universe could be as simple as taking efforts to feel like such is so mentally and physically.
I guess it depends also on how you want to integrate the anthro personality into your current self or if you even get a choice.
I'll be honest with you, I saw you made a post once describing the difference between your anthro personality and your...I think you therian? What I just assumed was 'human'. It made me ponder if the anthro in mind wasn't actually possibly you in another universe as well.
At work, I hear phantom door bells as if customer's were walking in and the door chimes. Except no one walked in, and there was no chime. BUT I FRICKEN SWEAR GEMINI, I
SWEAR, I hear that chime as if it were a phantom occurrence, and I think it's me hearing through myself from other parallel universes the door bell chiming. And it makes me wonder what I might be like in other universes but it also makes me chuckle a little bit. My store must be annoyingly busy in another nearby parallel reality.
I strongly hope you can achieve your desire to one day truly feel as if you are as you so wish to be. I imagine it'd be a nice experience to give not only to yourself, but the One Infinite as well
I've heard doors slamming before, but it was part of a psychic simulation I was going through.
(05-01-2015, 12:10 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]I think...I guess possibly, probably, I've been having a great deal of 'greetings' lately in the terms of emotional loss of control, thoughts that don't seem my own, contemplation of the STS way, which always also throws me all off track because then I realize I don't know really much anything about the STS way which makes it harder to empathize with when dealing with attributes of a person of that path. Next to that though the rest I'm uncertain of.
Thank you, Minyatur, you're very fun to talk to!
Picture if you will the pithole of sorrow. People react "badly" from what they experience in one incarnation, add up many many lives full of sorrow and imagine how an entity can become and act and perceive existence. Yet even if an entity is into the pithole of sorrow, it can still reach out to the One Infinity even. It's twisted love at it's root is just as pure as a bright love.
Positivity radiates positivity just as negativity also radiates it's negativity. If an entity is unwell with itself, it taints the space/time where it resides with it's unwellness in infinite ways.
I honestly just think I need a companion at times. There's a few truly serious things I wish to pursue in this life that I cannot do alone, despite loneliness being a theme that is seldom broken.
You speak the Law of Attraction too, I should try to remember that, it was the Core from which I operated with Unconditional Love. Only, it never found it's way back to me in the form of another person. Just huge amounts of polarization. I had the thought of my Son which always invoked unconditional love in my mind. Least until lately which has made it much harder to balance some feelings... Then I discover I've been operating from a selfish Intent, despite being of service to others oriented. Which really put me in an uncertain stance since a lot of things also suddenly came together and begun making sense regarding the most recent events.
Honestly. I wish I wasn't alone in person any more. That sole desire seems selfish, it's what drove me to want to graduate, to end the incarnations, so I wouldn't be so alone, so I could be useful in a better setting. I find all of these desires so superficial yet ingrained into my personality, I find it nice that I can logically differentiate my core desirous self from the odd habits and ways of reacting I seem to have learned. Yet there's so much I want to say but don't really want to say out of fear.
I am literally, emotionally, socially, and personally alone. I get to connect to a few friend's maybe once every other week, more on slow months but never enough to really be able to talk to them about really deep things that need to be expressed. I don't have that best friend I can tell everything. I don't have that coworker or anyone. No family members, I am on the opposite coast of them, with only my Mom. Who being half honest, wasn't a very good emotional connection, my Dad was indifferent, and then was gone around the middle of my middle school years.
I've detailed the few times I've had deep meaningful connections in my wanderer story, they have all ended in bad ways. I acknowledge blame to myself, but then realize I always have since my Mom blamed everything on me since I was a child then suddenly I realize I don't have anyone elses perspective, my own isn't even solid. I didn't even know what a Filibertos or Someburros was until a year ago. I was 21. I'm pretty heavily sheltered is what you'd call it. I no longer have social interaction outside of several hundred several second/minute encounters with usually indifferent people. (Working on changing that actively, or trying to make some kind of friendships...)
So I almost cannot comprehend how "It's twisted love at it's roots is just as pure as a bright love" can make any sense in the absence of being able to perceive Love at all. Which is the issue. I didn't even comprehend a real feeling of unconditional love until my son was born. I have a friend who's told me he has no idea what Love is or feels like. The Ra Material itself invoked a different kind of feeling of Love in me that I had perceived as never feeling before in my life. I felt maternal love from my ex's mom more so than from my own mom. I enjoyed her family's love more so than I had ever enjoyed my own.
Yet I never knew what unconditional love was until my son was born.
It's all just odd when I look at my life. The themes, the patterns. That I never even knew, that are long gone, that I don't know how translate into the future when I'm alone so often now.
I try to enjoy but recently many childhood issues are now coming forth as actual psychological 'issues', though I'd rather call it mental habits resulting from trauma. A habitual fear of interaction with people and society. A habitual dislike of the way of things. A habitual anger towards indifference and thus many people and at times my self. A fear of romance and 'serious' relationships. Dislike of people in general.
Yet caring so much it hurts seeing others hurt, and it hurts when I can't help others. I know my orientation. My intent is selfish though. I do selfishly want to be selfless, I want to provide Love, it feels good and it's a desirous thing. It's self-recursive is how I always saw it. I desire to Love with the intent to spread Love. This extended over with the Harvest. I desired to Love to graduate, with the intent to spread love.
This selfish means is apparently a Service to Self operation.
So now I'm working on figuring out a new means of operation. I am highly empathic. I do desire to simply spread Love because it's something I want others to see and know is possible to do. Except I realize most people aren't ready for it, so I question why I even should at all outside of situations that would be aided by such Love.
Is providing unconditional Love in the hopes it'll find it's way back to you a selfish thing? Apparently. But why wouldn't I? It's how I operate, it's who I am in a sense. I desire to treat people the way I want to be treated, thus I extend much consideration and love out to people in the hopes that it'll find it's way back to me. I don't mean it in a selfish way, but a positive one. I don't do it for that reason. I do it because its a good thing. Because to me it's right.
If I see a homeless person I try to provide, a drink, I'll buy them a bus pass or three. If someone is having a hard time I try to lighten up their day. I offer reassurance when I can and kindness when I can. Because I selfishly desire people to treat me that way, because I positively hope people will treat me that way or that that kindness and love will be attracted back to me.
So now I have this dilemma. This... I have some confusion on how the resolution of selfishly being selfless doesn't still allow for positive polarization in that you are providing unconditional love and utilizing your conscious will to Love and be of Service to Others, even if the intent is selfish, I'd think that once I link the concept that I want everyone to be treated the way I want to be treated as being the intent, It'd basically become a Service to Others orientation and intention.
Is it as simple as that...? What do you guys think?
(05-05-2015, 11:04 AM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]So I almost cannot comprehend how "It's twisted love at it's roots is just as pure as a bright love" can make any sense in the absence of being able to perceive Love at all. Which is the issue. I didn't even comprehend a real feeling of unconditional love until my son was born. I have a friend who's told me he has no idea what Love is or feels like. The Ra Material itself invoked a different kind of feeling of Love in me that I had perceived as never feeling before in my life. I felt maternal love from my ex's mom more so than from my own mom. I enjoyed her family's love more so than I had ever enjoyed my own.
Twisted love has the same root as any love, take any person you'd think highly of like Jesus or anyone and picture that their core is also the core of the worse human you could think of. The same Creator is being both "opposites".
I do think unconditional love transcend both polarities which are both conditional in themselves. It's what this whole octave is about working toward.
I would not worry so much, a good exercise from Ra is to see the Creator within self and the Creator within other-selves. You see that you are ever perfect just as other-selves also are you being ever perfect through them. Love and Hate are a duality to be worked upon, just as self versus other-selves. 7D seems to be where you exist not for self but only for other-selves, which is why it is referred to as the loss of individuality. You have no more desires for self.
About loneliness, you make me think of my sister to whom I didn't have much to say other than that love of self is the first step. If you feel you do not attract as much love as you think you should, maybe you are yourself not loving yourself enough. My sister is also someone with much love to give and usually feels she has no one to give this love to. I say it starts with self, then the rest will flow from it.
Believe me when I say I loved myself and All truly unconditionally for a while.
It doesn't always come back to you the way you want.
It really doesnt always go the way youd think it would. Sometimes people like me just need to see some love directed at us by another to know we're not alone completely. Its the continued prolonged perception of that alone which effects me the most.
And I do worry about myself. I want to get the help I need. Its all so expensive though.
(05-05-2015, 11:54 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]Believe me when I say I loved myself and All truly unconditionally for a while.
It doesn't always come back to you the way you want.
It really doesnt always go the way youd think it would. Sometimes people like me just need to see some love directed at us by another to know we're not alone completely. Its the continued prolonged perception of that alone which effects me the most.
And I do worry about myself. I want to get the help I need. Its all so expensive though.
I do not truly understand because this is very unlike me but you do seem a lot like my younger sister. She spokes of the same things and what you said reminds of working on how I could help her. She's currently in a center to keep herself from drinking for 3 weeks. She was disapointed about not being able to do it herself but to me it's still her using this tool to help herself. She spoke much of loneliness in the past weeks and how she wanted to have people to whom she could fully give her love and also people who would love her as much as she loves others. She's usually disapointed in her relationships with others.
(05-01-2015, 12:52 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ] (05-01-2015, 12:02 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]My catalyst is that I have trouble transforming into the anthro that I desire to be.
I am working on my belief system.
It causes me a little despair, because I cannot be what I wish to be.
But I am working on that. Believing that *anything* is possible.
I'm going to be honest with you and I am really sorry if this is offensive to you in anyway, I intend to use it as an example to bridge from.
I have a friend who is into a fetish where he basically switches his gender to female as closely as he can and partakes as the one who is penetrated in the act by a normal male person. Without being anymore tmi as I can be--
Why not just 'Be' an Anthro as closely as you can? I had a large furry group in my high school, and the dogma on them was the misunderstanding of the furry fetish as others understood it (dressing up in animal costumes and having wild orgies in the middle of nowhere) so one day I did decide to get to know them. A few of them tried very hard to retain their 'identity' as such through physical means including letting their nails grow, wearing tails and ears, especially the girls who integrated them into their wardrobe. Letting their hair grow... There advice for living was simply to groom yourself for professional places and partake in worldly affairs as you would be required to in human form (don't show up to work with a tail and ears I'd imagine), but when you're home, or even out on your free time... Or just during any time where it is not an issue, why not just attempt to try and Be? Integrate it in if your desire for it is strong enough that you feel you need it to be that way. Get some ears and a tail even if it sounds odd, if this is your desire, I say seek it out. That is the reason for 3rd Density after all to a distorted sense. To reach towards your desires.
I want a garden, right? But I live in Arizona, where the ground is... A foot of dust and dry dead dirt, followed by harder condensed ground, referred to as Indian Clay out here. I dug through that with a shovel on my free time. I have compost buckets going right now to try and liven up the dirt. I water the dirt often hoping it'll incite bacterial growth, make the soil a bit more nutritional for when I add the compost to begin growing a garden to move towards a healthier diet for me and my Mom, while retaining some money to have extra spending for essentials which I never can afford all of them so it's an inventory game of seeing what I need and will need and don't need.
I mean. I don't really know much else to say regarding your desire to be an anthro. It's almost like my friend who wants to be a girl but is a guy. Who realistically can't get a sex change, attempts to just be as he desires to be.
That is my motto after all. Be as you Will Be, Be as you Desire to Be. Don't let society stop you, OR your mother! It's your body, and it's your life. If you desire to be an anthro, partake in the joys of 'Being' one as best you can. And truly, imagination is not always needed. Sometimes just trying to be is good enough, and can be synonymous to actually being something through doing what you need to do to feel as if you are, in this instance, an anthro.
I like to think anything is possible too. Though I must concede defeat, that my interior universe will never be real during this life time in a way that I can experience it externally. That I will never have a loving succubus wife (don't judge~), or experience reality as an Anime...Or experience reality becoming like an anime.
I'll never see my video game ideas reach a console nor will I ever have the chance to experience many teenager joys I missed out on, or any young adult life joys I'm missing out on.
I have a horribly so real and finite existence that I must mold to my desires that at times aren't physically, seemingly, logically, possible. But hey, I had a character in a book who left his universe for another one after experiencing continued endless disappointments in life. If it is possible, I've experienced it in mind only, but perhaps that is all that is needed.
The Mind does formulate your version of reality out of this consensus reality. Why not attempt to be an Anthro, in this universe? Instead of you manifesting yourself into another Universe, manifest the other Universe towards yourself. Or more practically speaking in terms of what you can literally do. Attempt to move the Universe around you, rather than You around the Universe. Bring the Anthro to you in mind, attempt to be the Anthro physically in this universe through your mind. Bring the Anthro to you by moving into it through your mind I guess is the most straight way of putting it.
What is your belief system?
And I'm really sorry if I said anything offensive or out of line. I'm not actually that knowledgeable about the area you prefer, I'm just trying to help with whatever I have in my mind that might be of aid. In this case, you Desire to Be something you are not. I have a friend who is similar. He just tries his best to be what he wants to be when he can be. And he says it works well enough, so that's my advice.
Be as you Desire to Be, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, however is necessary for you to once more enjoy your Self fully.
I agree with van here gem, get out and be brother. What my main thought on your general wish towards being anthro Is this. How would being an anthro change anything on Earth other then astethics? Do you find yourself not pleasing? Possibly this is where a imbalance persists within us.
Van- You made some statements about being really confined, and seemingly impoverished. I am impoverished myself, and feel close to what you stated. I am currently working on feeling gratitude for all that I partake in. I hope you find love, peace, and all that your looking for on this journey through oneself.
Help me, I think I'm the Creator.
(05-13-2015, 05:08 AM)Tan.rar Wrote: [ -> ]Help me, I think I'm the Creator.
Could you accept that you weren't the creator? :p
P.s. I took that reply from you. In which you were replying to minyatur on the forums somewhere. =p
Help me, I don't think I'm the Creator.
You don't need help Tan, you need guidance, inner personal guidance
How can I need what I have always?
You can have a need for something you already have.
Water and Air are my go to examples.
(05-05-2015, 11:54 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]Believe me when I say I loved myself and All truly unconditionally for a while.
It doesn't always come back to you the way you want.
It really doesnt always go the way youd think it would. Sometimes people like me just need to see some love directed at us by another to know we're not alone completely. Its the continued prolonged perception of that alone which effects me the most.
And I do worry about myself. I want to get the help I need. Its all so expensive though.
Have you tried meditating daily, and as part of that reaching out to the absolute pure love in the Universe, and asking it for help?
My biggest issue is meditating in general. Even back during my awakening I was not very consistent in meditation. Mostly, I did it once every week for two months but never went further with it.
The reason being I am incredibly picky about comfort, and getting comfortable enough to meditate is very hard for me. I find that the best time for me to meditate is mid-day (or night for me) after a shower in my 'comfy' clothes. I also typically meditate in my bedroom, on my bed which creaks at the slightest shift in weight when I'm sitting. I can't meditate inside the house otherwise my cat will 100% (proven by numerous failed tries) bug me until I pet her because she always does that when I'm just sitting or lying idly.
Next to that, I have a really bad issue with making excuses or just not actually sticking out with my plans anymore. I'm going through a pretty rough time mentally and emotionally (it's hard to explain... I'm not myself lately I guess, or I am and no longer know myself..) and I find that whenever I plan to meditate I can't manage it for any dumb reason.
Like I'm unconsciously avoiding it for some reason. For a while I was able to get comfortable at a bench at a green belt near my house which was pitch black at night next to a tree under an otherwise open sky (meditating under the full moon is on my to do list for that bench!) but back then my mind would not silence for even a second long enough to perceive mental silence.
I have tried meditating under the influence, with results that lead me to avoid spiritual meditations when impaired. It clearly feels like I channel more energy than I'm supposed to during such instances. With one meditation once literally making me experience a 'presence' of the Infinite Creator in a way that effected me so deeply and profoundly I understood it as a type of 'experiencing God' literally. It's probably one of the most profound experiences I've ever had. But I hear people talk about how it effects the aura in such negative ways, and I understand that they aid me in channeling latently more energy than I soberly would be capable of doing due to my already altered conscious state of being impaired into a more open manner.
And I don't want to hurt my energy system more than I already have with my earlier movements of a fast and powerful polarization and raising of the kundalini.
I've attempted setting a set time to do so. I've downloaded apps to aid me, read up on it to get me psyched to take it up daily. I do not know why, but I have such little desire to meditate, I'm almost starting to think it's a form of catalyst I'm offering myself to overcome my own lack of perceived willpower to do...anything. Maybe... Maybe... Mm, no I don't know. O' life, how art thou so...Glistering in Catalyst.
It's not a problem of observing something, nor is it a problem of focusing. It feels to me like I'm just not doing something correctly. I don't know a proper manner to meditate perse, or even different manners of meditation to try and attempt. I don't know anything beyond Visualization, Balancing, Healing, and Clearing Meditations, of which I only know how to clear my mind and balance my chakras (which I lack a referent unconditionally loving feeling to invoke due to much issues with my relationship with my son now...). Some practice with visualization non-meditatively has yielded results but meditative visualization would be much more desired by me.
I'm a visual learner if you will. I'm also a massive emulator in a sense, if I see it occur, I will have a much easier time learning and attempting it. Monkey see monkey do in a spongy sense of if the monkey absorbed the entire experience of the other in a way that allowed him to bridge the experience to himself.
But when I'm trying things on my own without any guidance, I practically feel lost, I don't even know where to start or think, I don't know the options even available. Lost, would be the most emotionally, mentally, and intellectually proper word to use. I've never even seen another person meditate.
...Maybe I'm just making excuses to do nothing. I truly don't know sometimes. I would love to find a way that works for me that gets me to meditate if not even 10 minutes a day... My own lack of motivation is. Frustrating.
Forget all the complicated stuff, just focus on breathing, breathing, breathing. Let your thoughts flow, let your body move, don't worry about silence, just keep breathing, breathing, breathing.
I think maybe you're getting frustrated while attempting to meditate, and so by association meditation has become a frustrated/uncomfortable experience you're reluctant to engage in.
Why not take a formal meditation class somewhere? Also there are lots of instructions on the web.
The basics are simple: sit comfortably. focus attention on your breath. when thoughts or distractions arise, it's only the mind doing what it likes to do. As attention drifts to thoughts or other things, bring it back to the breath without frustration or judgment. With each exhale, count a number. Begin with 1 on the first exhale, then 2 on the next exhale. When you get to 10, start with 1 again on the next exhale.
Give up the need to 'achieve' something through meditation. The goal is to simply sit and do this process, not to achieve something. If you're following the above instructions, you ARE doing it right.
When you get comfortable with this, you may want to focus your mind on God and his infinite love for all that exists.
Enjoy!
(05-15-2015, 10:12 PM)Stranger Wrote: [ -> ]I think maybe you're getting frustrated while attempting to meditate, and so by association meditation has become a frustrated/uncomfortable experience you're reluctant to engage in.
Why not take a formal meditation class somewhere? Also there are lots of instructions on the web.
The basics are simple: sit comfortably. focus attention on your breath. when thoughts or distractions arise, it's only the mind doing what it likes to do. As attention drifts to thoughts or other things, bring it back to the breath without frustration or judgment. With each exhale, count a number. Begin with 1 on the first exhale, then 2 on the next exhale. When you get to 10, start with 1 again on the next exhale.
Give up the need to 'achieve' something through meditation. The goal is to simply sit and do this process, not to achieve something. If you're following the above instructions, you ARE doing it right.
When you get comfortable with this, you may want to focus your mind on God and his infinite love for all that exists.
Enjoy!
The bolded part is very true, meditation seems to give off result only through lots of time doing it.
Sit comfortaby--
I'm going to attempt to try meditation sitting in a chair on some pillows.
I do have hemorrhoids so there are times where this sitting comfortably won't work. I've tried meditating lying down, which when i was 20 got me a very interesting vocal thought from a female voice that only said, No Repair. Which i took was a sign that meditation wasnt going to fix me.
That. I think i need to do some daily LBRP on my house. I was talling to Yera about it and she made me realize I do have a much easier time meditating not at home.
As far as I may know, I do think my home to have a few lovely 'Visitors of Mischief' who like to greet me. I used to think them just my own self greeting myself but after today, I do think my environment may not be an appropriate setting for meditation work unless I learn how to actually protect myself during meditation.
The few results of actual visualization or hearing things were in a bad light. The few good experiences occurred while I was impaired (my clue not to do that often).
Its raining out and i LOVE rain! I'm gonna go attempt to meditate outside in my backyard right now though. Hearing it from another, rather than reading it helps me a lot.
I'm provably more codependent than i admit. I might need to consider my CoDa group again.
And the rain stops. The pool filters for my pool and my neighbor's whir loudly on and I'm stuck wondering why I bothered trying...
Maybe my bed will be a better place... its so hard to find silence.
I don't think silence is necessary, overcoming ambient sounds would also be a meditation technique of some sort. Personnally I can get lost into a bubble in my head quite easily, I can be sitting on a bus, having music with maximum volume on earphones and still be able to forget I'm in a freaking bus and also that I'm listenning to music.
Greetings while meditating, that happened to me while on psychedelic drug. I saw images as bright as neons from behind my eyelids (disturbing stuff). I was mostly ignoring it and thought it was "funny". At one point it was as if a guy would open my eyelid to pour cofee into my eye. It didn't actually keep me from meditating directly but I stopped to share the events with a friend so let's say it worked flawlessly. These kind of things happened twice when I wanted to go into a very deep meditative state to pierce my veil.
Other than that in my house there seems to be a negative entity which is avoiding me and paying attention solely to my sister.