Bring4th

What's it about crying?  I hate crying but it feels good in ways I hate admitting.  Sort of like, I needed that, but more along the lines of, '-sobs- just get out of me thouughts!! -punches pillow-'

Today I figured out I'm a lot more different from everyone else around me than I realized or wanted to believe anyways...  (finally stumbled upon memories showcasing such as I zoned off, one of those random biggie realizations today) and it made me sad to think I would desire any of this.

So I told mysoulself to suck a dick!  I'm sure I'll understand, from both perspectives  

But along the way I had to admit that I literally Care far more than I'm willing to admit (redundant, or gently differentiated?  I'm seriously asking.).  I used to be so sensitive I got my feelings hurt by normal small talk insults with others (jokingly jabbing another as is common in conversation, at least around me it is), and I remembered that when I was a kid, I used to get interrupted constantly.  The rule of my grandpa for only me was after I've said 4 words anyone can start talking.  I literally remembered that the ENTIRE week in New Jersey there, I couldn't say one sentence (and seriously, the fury!), it almost makes me not regret my last words to him, as I do truly believe he deserved to have them be my last words to him.  Regardless of if we deserve anything or not, I don't think the universe cares at this place, whether you deserve it or not, you'll eventually die and disappear in this 3D perspective.  Down here, what is the point?  To live for my soul?  When it put me in this position...?  -shakes head-

I used to be scared of butterflies landing on me out of worry that I'd hurt them some how or they'd hurt me.  I got bullied as badly as I did because I was nice.  I almost wish I didn't remember those times now...  So why is being nice punished?  Can I punish those who punish nice people?  I'm at a point where I feel so little at times, and is so little worth it; or basically so much seems pointless in this level of existence to and for me.  I'd rather jump in a black hole (literally) at times.  I don't know how or why, or when but I was once...A truly good person consistently.  Now I feel just painted shades of red, blue, and black.  Just for being nice.

And I cried because I once again, just thought I don't desire one ounce of any of this, but I'm here so there must be a reason for it.  And when I lose track of the 'why' as I do at times in the madness that is my brain trying to figure out just why there needs to be a duality in the first place or why it must go 'this way'... and yet it is this way.  Then I see the universe is love but it can also be hell very clearly.  Isn't it all things?  So I once again ask and wonder why, and I'm told it's out of desire.  Yet the Creator clearly is us all but has many desires obviously.  That I need to find myself in hell to discover heaven sometimes is...Not very loving like in my mind, it is not what I desire, if anything, it's literally the exact opposite (thanks, me.)

So I'm also left with answers that leave me questions that also have answers, making me have more questions, with more answers, until I come upon places where answers don't exist because there isn't one.  That's not a big deal, until I come across the area of 'suffering', and then it's all FAIR GAME as I like to say.  The Creator desires to suffer and inflict suffering then.  That's acceptable.  I find myself here where it's being done.  How is that acceptable to me?  Then it comes back to an issue I've brought up several times, and then resolved with the understanding that ALL things within holographic creation are filled with the Essence (Consciousness/Soul/Love) and that they wouldn't have even been created without that Essence providing the Form Maker to create the Form.

So I'm definitely here by choice.  But every part of me basically says it doesn't desire this anymore.  It's basically like being trapped in a contract you don't want.  If you opt out of the contract, you'll find yourself in it regardless.  Doesn't seem like a very soulsiderate thing to me, but its all out of Unconditional Love...Which also looks like Indifference.

These things do make me cry.  My own philosophy has me now and then feeling like it's not as good as I think it is.  I'm told I'm loved beyond imagination, enough to be put in hell which we call Earth.  There's so much love here that you almost can't see it over the pollution, hatred, madness, and horror that is the absolute discarding of all consideration of Life for something else.  Money, and Power being the most prevalent.

And I know there's a lot of love, but I don't see it right now.  It's not in my area, and it's not around me.  If it is, it's coming in the form of indifference, and then I'm expected to approach it with it's higher version; Love.  There's no protection for me either, if the Universe decides its time to throw some physical catalyst at me without care for my current situation in order to teach me a lesson...  What's stopping it?  What's stopping someone else from treating me horribly?  What happens when I want a break?

The Indifference.

Why does no one around me care about Earth or Humanity as a whole?  It makes me cry how indifferent the world can be...

(yay blue ray honesty, I feel like I'm insane when I reread everything above this line.  Truly, I am a giant contradiction sometimes, I apology.)

...

I mean, I'm also <default Mode: Nihilistic> so if anyone wants to have a friendly philosophical debate about the inherent worthiness of emptiness, do ask as talking about philosophy and the Law of One actually makes me really happy.  Or at least, gives me a glimmer of light I appreciate even if I push away everything in brightness/gloominess/craziness lately.  I have been very up and down lately trying to make sense of everything, flying through perspectives and sometimes getting stuck in negative ones.  Twas a depressing day for me.  Here's my mope n' feelz story.  I am actually pretty sad.  Still not going to kill myself though, not in the mood for more dejavu or refinding myself here...

...Anywho.  When's the last time y'all cried, O' members of Bring4th?  Let me know if my miseries are similar to yours or not and if yours get as dramatic and over-the-top as mine.  (I should write a Misery Book.)

I was emotionally shut down for pretty much all my life. It's now changing as I do spiritual work but prior to this my ex was the only thing I found that could give me an emotional drive, so the only thing that made me cry and made me very happy.

I thought both were beautiful emotions  and that they made me feel human.

Wow, so I'm going to slightly go off topic out of curiosity.

What's it like being emotionally shut down?

(06-08-2015, 12:16 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, so I'm going to slightly go off topic out of curiosity.

What's it like being emotionally shut down?

I said in another thread my main concern always has been not to be bored. Not because I tend to be bored.. but because it was my actual main concern. That's pretty much it, I liked things that could grasp my focus while never having much ups and downs.

I was enjoying being distracted most. (games, movies, etc)

Some people may think of it as dull, but I was pretty well with it.

I feel like this was a well deserved period of rest, it started ending when I felt bad about it.

(06-08-2015, 12:16 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, so I'm going to slightly go off topic out of curiosity.

What's it like being emotionally shut down?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyapKXl2MsI

Aki Greus 2 months ago
5 malkavians walk into a slug monster... Hahahahahahahahaha...
Reply ·

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evg2wlsKFmw

Aki Greus 1 year ago
"Older, wiser humans
who are taken by the faerie lovers fight them,
and if they cannot escape count themselves
among the dead."
Reply ·

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QFwo57WKwg

Fawze Abdelftah 1 month ago
I found this very difficult to masturbate to.
Reply · 296



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZbebwqIqj4 *pushes the little batcab fowrawerd* roughly like this is what it feels like :'/

When I got trained in Rebirthing, crying was considered a therapeutic release. We knew we had succeeded in accessing the stored trauma and begun the healing process when the tears started flowing. Hitting a pillow was also used, to release stored anger.

An acupuncturist once told me that, according to Chinese medicine, a single tear is worth 1000 needles.

(06-08-2015, 01:19 PM)Monica Wrote: [ -> ]When I got trained in Rebirthing, crying was considered a therapeutic release. We knew we had succeeded in accessing the stored trauma and begun the healing process when the tears started flowing. Hitting a pillow was also used, to release stored anger.

An acupuncturist once told me that, according to Chinese medicine, a single tear is worth 1000 needles.

Some people cry close to each day of their life and it seems to never end.

I can't remember the last time i really cried now that i think about it. I haven't much to be sad about. I am generally in the middle most of the time between being happy and sad. I wouldn't say i am greatly happy nor unhappy. Just standard.

(06-08-2015, 01:39 PM)Matt1 Wrote: [ -> ]I can't remember the last time i really cried now that i think about it. I haven't much to be sad about. I am generally in the middle most of the time between being happy and sad. I wouldn't say i am greatly happy nor unhappy. Just standard.

That's how I was but now I'm becoming more of an empath.

(06-08-2015, 01:44 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]

(06-08-2015, 01:39 PM)Matt1 Wrote: [ -> ]I can't remember the last time i really cried now that i think about it. I haven't much to be sad about. I am generally in the middle most of the time between being happy and sad. I wouldn't say i am greatly happy nor unhappy. Just standard.

That's how I was but now I'm becoming more of an empath.

Yeah, i get empathy quite often. I normally just ignore it.

(06-08-2015, 01:49 PM)Matt1 Wrote: [ -> ]

(06-08-2015, 01:44 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]

(06-08-2015, 01:39 PM)Matt1 Wrote: [ -> ]I can't remember the last time i really cried now that i think about it. I haven't much to be sad about. I am generally in the middle most of the time between being happy and sad. I wouldn't say i am greatly happy nor unhappy. Just standard.

That's how I was but now I'm becoming more of an empath.

Yeah, i get empathy quite often. I normally just ignore it.

Oh believe me, thats the empathic reaction to empathy, to empathiically attempt to ignore it.

Well I had some kind of bubble which made me not able to be empathic. I had a very strong ability to understand others and feel compassion for them, but I could never feel their pain.

(06-08-2015, 01:52 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]Well I had some kind of bubble which made me not able to be empathic. I had a very strong ability to understand others and feel compassion for them, but I could never feel their pain.

I can get it quite intensely sometimes, its highly interesting. I can walk into a room and feel fairly depressed or sick in my stomach then simply leave the room and feel fine. Or if i am out in a bar and someone is near me, i can pick up on there energy. Sometimes its not all bad, i might laugh out loud for no reason and see someone else in the room was telling a joke or having a laugh. After a while though i grew use to that energy and simple accept it rather than try to fight against it. I often have thoughts that i consider not to be my own as well now that you mention it. haha.

"Crying literally alleviates stress and uniquely allows humans to decrease feelings of anger and sadness."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/04...83885.html

It's like a release of stagnant energy.

for me, its therapeutic, it cures me headache. and soothes my heart especially when am angered by someone. i remember a time i used to cry every night in bed. nowardays, i cry on weekly basis, if i have nothing to make me cry, i simply induce it voluntarily by reflecting on all the suffering people are experiencing!

@OP;

if there was only nothing(/anything), would not the original and purest desire for something have been riddled with the suffering of wanting?
I think that to remember that this is all an illusion, and that suffering was the catalyst which may have helped create the illusions, well then we can see that it is both not necessary to suffer, but also useful to remember what suffering is.
Kind of like ya, I am not necessary, but I AM!!
Try some fresh sweet fruit, nobody ever suffers from that. XD

(06-08-2015, 12:16 PM)VanAlioSaldo Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, so I'm going to slightly go off topic out of curiosity.

What's it like being emotionally shut down?

I left out a lot of details in my wanderer story here in order to condense it, but it describes your query in part. The simplest way of describing it is that life for me became black and white. You just separate yourself from reality and simply observe it. You become anaesthetized emotionally, and it felt like a subconscious protective measure on reflection. 

Music saved me and I created some form of electromagnetic ball between my hands while listening to my 45 single of Superstition by Stevie Wonder. Suddenly I understood everything he was saying on that record and felt compelled to sit down cross legged and rotate my left hand in a clockwise motion, with my palm facing down. Below it I rotated my right hand clockwise with my palm facing up, while lagging half a circle behind my left palm. As my right palm was facing up it was actually going counter clockwise from a reverse perspective. Within about 5 seconds and intense focus on the centre of this invisible ball I could feel some heat and a strengthening magnetic field. I did not know consciously what I was creating, but I just knew It was some call for help. After about 7-8 seconds I felt the desire to separate my hands but had to exert some force as they were stuck there by this field that I had created. As soon as I broke them apart I put my head to the carpet and floods of tears came out. I kept saying sorry over and over again as I was convinced I had disturbed somebody, somewhere. But boy did I cry! A part of me died back then and I saw the world in a completely different light. It was my first awakening 

Back to the OP though, no song has ever made me cry like this one...



Ironically, it is the greatest love song I have ever heard, and ever will hear. It cuts real deep for me because I believe it conveys the suppression of the sacred feminine within earth man, as well as my heartbreak when the love of my life lost her mental faculties. I have even cried while writing this last piece while it plays in the background.

I don't want to share this on a sombre note so will just add that we are due to be engaged next year 

Finally I will explain why I titled my particular story. The other side of that dark period I asked the sky above me "what is real"? It was a sincere query and I immediately experienced word form telepathy.

Remember. Everything. Always. Love. 

After reading the LOO many years later I correlated this acronym to becoming one with intelligent infinity. I knew straight away what Ra meant when I read "distortion" and "illusion" for the first time.

I hope your curiosity has been somewhat quenched!

L & L to you.

(06-08-2015, 01:26 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]

(06-08-2015, 01:19 PM)Monica Wrote: [ -> ]When I got trained in Rebirthing, crying was considered a therapeutic release. We knew we had succeeded in accessing the stored trauma and begun the healing process when the tears started flowing. Hitting a pillow was also used, to release stored anger.

An acupuncturist once told me that, according to Chinese medicine, a single tear is worth 1000 needles.

Some people cry close to each day of their life and it seems to never end.

Well in that case, that doesn't sound like a release. That sounds like chronic depression. Anyone crying every day, past the period of normal grieving, should seek help.

I don't usually cry out loud, but I get a tender heart and can be moved and feel an ache in my throat.

Like the episode of TaleSpin "Jolly Molly Christmas". When Molly gets her wish for snow.

(06-09-2015, 08:01 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I don't usually cry out loud, but I get a tender heart and can be moved and feel an ache in my throat.

Like the episode of TaleSpin "Jolly Molly Christmas". When Molly gets her wish for snow.

Forrest Gump's plot still puts me into tears at the end. First time i saw that movie i think i cried for 5 hours straight... Only done that one other time in my life lol

That awkward moment where you realise you misinterpreted emotional shutdown for emotional breakdown  :-/

I cry inward at life. Just being alive hurts. I feel it in my throat.

Do you read much my friend?

I usually read spiritual texts. It's all that motivates me, cause I think of the next life in higher density.

I asked because I am about to buy a book titled "The treatment of Schizophrenia" by David McMillin. My partner has had this condition since she was 16 and you may remember me chatting about it briefly soon after I joined Bring4th. It was mentioned in Carla's book 101 The Choice here at the bottom of page 241 and she recommended it as a good resource for understanding the "...physical and metaphysical aspects of the pineal gland...".

I thought it was worth mentioning 

(06-12-2015, 02:53 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I cry inward at life. Just being alive hurts. I feel it in my throat.

Pershaps to feel better yourself, you need to work on healing the world around you in the manner that suits you for it to help you heal yourself.

You are a wonderful wonderful soul GW, truly blessed be the day when you will see yourself for what you truly are because at that moment you will open yourself to the love you always sought.

I see the world becoming more "furry", which for some reason saddened me. Even though it should make me excited.

(06-12-2015, 03:28 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I see the world becoming more "furry", which for some reason saddened me. Even though it should make me excited.

Pershaps it saddens you to not appreciate this world for what it is and wanting it to be different.

(06-12-2015, 03:05 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I usually read spiritual texts. It's all that motivates me, cause I think of the next life in higher density.

That's a touch ironic because when you were there you were thinking of here. Now that you are here, you are thinking of there.


I don't mean to point that out in any meany way but you see my point don't you?