Bring4th

(08-12-2015, 03:28 PM)Monica Wrote: [ -> ]With love and support, I could see how it would be a gift! Not in the cases of trauma though.

...

If I didn't do stupid stuff while under schizophrenia, and could control my fear, it would be a thrilling experience.
I remember when I was tuning into the One Original Thought, and saw simulations playing out in my head.

Removed.

Hi everyone,

(08-12-2015, 12:13 PM)Monica Wrote: [ -> ]Can symptoms of schizophrenia develop after abuse? Could the trauma open them up that way? Or are children always born with it?

just as Jade I have never heard of a child born schizophrenic - unless they have been heavily traumatized in the mother's womb already, and then it's paired with multiple personalities.

(08-12-2015, 02:54 PM)BlatzAdict Wrote: [ -> ]If I may briefly describe, I don't think schizophrenia is a problem, it's definitely most certainly a gift.

For anyone who suffers from full-blown schizophrenia, it is not and cannot be experienced as a gift, but causing horrendous suffering. You may want to read Nicholas' (and Heidi's) wanderer's story (hope that's OK, you two?) to get an idea about how schizophrenia looks and feels like.

Please take care everyone to not confuse schizophrenia (seeing/hearing/... hallucinatory voices/beings, perceived as being external) either with non-hallucinatory hearing of voices of external sources (ie channeling), seeing beings (ie angels) or energy fields (ie auras, thin places...) and so on; or with multiplicity, where one persona may be able to see/hear other internal personas. Drug induced hallucinations (and heightened perception) are another experience to separate from those (though prolonged use of street drugs may lead to schizophrenia and/or psychosis, as you all probably know). There is also a fifth cause for hallucinatory experiences - the programming of, again, multiple personalities to see, hear or feel things that aren't there when a certain trigger or cue is employed, often used as a 'punishment', or to have them hospitalized in the locked ward of a psychiatric hospital.

Otherwise, it might feel quite discriminatory (and not very helpful) for those who suffer tremendously from real schizophrenic symptoms.

Where these meet, is when people who have been heavily traumatized in early childhood (through torture, sexual abuse, physical abuse, prolonged neglect, forced isolation, emotional/psychological abuse...) develop so-called paranormal abilities, as many of them do, especially multiples. They might be able to see into the 'future', read thoughts, hear and talk to entities from other densities freely, see auras, intuitively see other people's life stories and personal problems, heal, do remote viewing...

Sadly, that's one reason, why the elites and their handymen from military, politics, business and 'science'... love to create (again, through horrific and prolonged trauma), train, experiment on and (ab-)use multiples. Paranormal/supernatural abilities are features they take very much care of when planning the continuation and further development of their elite bloodlines. So again, for those 'gifted' it's not a gift either, but rather a curse - at least as long as they are at the hands of those perpetrators.

-`ღ´-

(08-12-2015, 04:00 PM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]oh god I'm so confused.. I may read sth and the second time I read it I realize that I had gotten it wrong.. sometimes the reverse of what is actually told.
my heart is acting weird too... it used to beat slow. now it's been racing for a while and it has become exhausted

Jade, you have great insight.. as a child I was mostly just abandoned by family and mistreated by others, left alone, and always one against many. friends often teamed up against me and I had to defeat them all by myself.

I'm very curious about chakras and energies
I will read what you guys posted here and other threads again and again..
thank you

I don't know if you're still around the forums.  I'm sorry for your experiences.

I had my chakras system open up to Indigo Ray during my time performing Work in Consciousness, I wasn't really doing it to channel, it was just to see if it was all real, the Ra Material.  And when it was, I used that to understand.  I however did not maintain the proper mental discipline aaaaand with a wide open indigo ray began inviting the darker aspects to show themselves.  And I wandered into Hell, kind of like the room in the movie 1408 style, where he 'gets out' of the room but it turns out it's all an illusion and he never left.

Same thing, only with real life, time/space is hell, and space/time is the illusion.  That isn't how things are, but at the time it was a pretty powerful illusion.  Made me shut down good.  Looking back, I now kind of comprehend why I was losing my mind, and why I felt such fears as actually becoming schizophrenic, losing control of my thoughts permanently, and such.  I can't imagine what you're going through, it honestly sounds worse than what I experienced...

A powerful wanderer more than likely, who's taken a particularly powerful life path of catalyst maybe.  That you made it here tells me you may very well be...

You asked for information on the Chakras, I'll outline them for you as far as I understand them from the Ra Material.

Red Ray: Pertains to your stance on living on Earth and your Sexuality, if you aren't okay with being on Earth, it's a blockage, if you're not honest about your sexuality, it's a blockage.  (I would not pin homosexuality as negative, Ra even says it can still be a positive orientation if the act is out of love and not for sexual pleasure.)
As far as keeping red ray open is concerned, if you can just come to accept you are on Earth here and now, and intend to stay and not depart by self-methods, you should be mostly fine, even if you're not entirely happy on Earth, as long as you accept you're here for the time being is probably minimally balanced enough.  Accepting your sexuality can be tricky too.  Mine was personally, I finally realized my orientation is Love based.  Some would call that Pansexual perhaps, I just prefer to say my sexuality is Love.  Blocked Red Ray does not mean a closed red ray, if anything the blockage begins at the midway to orange ray, and is an indication simply that you need to allow yourself more personal love/acceptance/forgiveness from the green ray, specifically the Lower Courtyard.

Orange Ray: Personal Responsibility Chakra, and the Power Chakra.  This Chakra pertains to how you handle yourself, when in regards to self, and others, as such the Orange Ray is not as firm but more free-flowing in energy configuration as it has two polarized sides to it's needing to be balanced.  I call it the Personal Responsibility Ray because it is where your Power of Choice is considered.  Do you go against your own words, desires, needs?  Do you do the same towards others?  Going against their words and desires and needs?  It's okay to not always do whatever is told of you, a part of personal responsibility is saying no and standing up for yourself.  Visit this ray from the Lower Courtyard of the Green Ray and consider how you felt with your actions towards others, how you felt with your reactions towards others actions towards you.  This ray is best unblocked by living the mantra, Do unto others as you would have upon yourself.  If you think you'd say no to a situation, and think they too would, then it's probably best to stand up for yourself and say no, you don't need to let people walk all over you, hence it's also the Personal Power Ray.  This Ray can however block the Green Ray if you use it to try to make another possess you or to try and possess another (make them yours or you theirs against their will), and in fact can block the green ray if you simply desire to possess or be possessed, visit those feelings from the Lower Courtyard as, in my personal experience, they are hard to alleviate alone.
 Of course, if you are alone and desire that, it may be that much harder, it's where you need to have Indigo Ray belief and trust in your self's future.  To deny that trust is to maintain a consistent manifestation of your doubts.

Yellow Ray: The Construct Ray, or Social Ray.  I call it the Construct Ray because it is oriented around your position in Structures of Society and Nature while being the Manifested-Activated Ray which creates the structure of your human body on this Earth plane.  Your placement as Human. Your relationship with others who you deem friends or acquaintances, and potentially any one else who is also human.  Your relationship with blood and legal related family.  Your relationship with work.  Your legal standing and social standing.  Pertains to honor/duty's regarding perhaps agreements legally you've made and honor's (promises) you've given or taken up to others.
Ra says it straight, the best way to completely balance this ray is to Love and desire well-being for all who you come into contact with.  It doesn't need to be 100% everyone, but at least as many as you consciously personally can without forcing yourself to.  It's about minimal balance, you're not trying to get 100%, just enough to be healthy!  Which depends for everyone, you should experiment to see how much is just right for you.  Everyone you know, treat them as you would like to be treated, and hope for their well being, if you won't desire it.  Visiting this ray from the Lower Courtyard can be...Hard sometimes.  A lot of honesty with self is needed to ascertain what parts of your Social Life must be accepted and what parts are things you must change, and what parts are things you must change in the future, but accept right now in this Moment.

Green Ray: Love Ray
Love Unconditionally, simple as that.  To Love Unconditionally goes in two ways, but should be viewed as a linear progression of action.  Step One, Love thy self.  Step Two, Love thy other-self.
How to Love?  It's different for everyone, but you must typically come to learn yourself, then accept all those things about yourself.  Ra calls this the Shadow Self, in the Courtyard of the Green Ray exists the Shadow Self, all those aspects of yourself you have pushed away, kept hidden, rejected, neglected, ignored and denied.  They are consciously rejected things, socially learned rejected things, and unconsciously rejected things.  You will not meet them all and immediately accept them, some of them you may even fight mentally, other aspects might ignore you, some may argue, others will want nothing to do with you, and others may relish in relief that you finally noticed them.  All those pieces of you ARE YOU, and when you can accept that this shadow self is you potentially, is when you can begin to feel confident that you are learning to love yourself.  When you can enjoy who you are, and accept the dark parts (maybe not enjoy them all...) and forgive yourself, have mercy upon yourself, and love and accept yourself for who you are, darkness and all, you may very well be capable of beginning to try and unconditionally love yourself, and through yourself, begin to unconditionally love others.  Upon doing this you have entered into a state of being Openhearted, sort of like being openminded or intellectually open, but now you are emotionally and consciously open, not just intellectually.  Results may vary, if you at that time associate as desiring to be of Service to Others, you can begin the act of Polarization, full-spectrum Ray Balancing, Work in Consciousness, and in possibly more so long as you understand that you must care for yourself, and have the personal power to say no when you truly must say no.  Then the capacity to forgive yourself for failing others at times.  For you are but mortal, you cannot please everyone all the time, and sometimes you aren't even when you try, for you too are a part of everyone.

Blue Ray: Self Honesty and Honesty to Others.  Co-creator Ray.  The best way to unblock this Chakra?  Be honest with yourself, but seriously, also be gentle with yourself, and be considerate of others, you are speaking your Truth, not THE truth.  Be honest about yourself, if you're scared, be honest and say you're a shy type, just don't blatantly lie and you'll be fine. I make a personal exception of making small white lies to gently pull someone into a...Big bit of information, sometimes people prefer illusion to truth.  Oh, other good part, this Ray is technically not really blocked energetically, only in terms of being balanced.  It can be unbalanced and still transmit Light through the chakra system if the Green Ray is activated and open, as the Blue Ray automatically activates with the Green Ray becoming open.  There's much more metaphysical and Work in Consciousness related aspects of this Chakra that at this time probably aren't necessary to expand upon.

Indigo Ray: Manifestation Ray.  This is where your trust and belief in self must stem from, if you have no confidence in your self you have an Indigo Ray blockage, opening up this Ray is the final key to making your Chakra system clear and open to the full love and light of Intelligent Infinity and to become a conduit of Intelligent Energy.  This Ray is essentially the Manifestation Ray, in that if you do not believe in your capabilities or self, you may sabotage yourself, or continually keep yourself down.  This Ray is in my opinion, personal for everyone, for we all affect our selves in various differing ways.  Your Indigo Ray requires a set manner of ways of thinking, that may very well be very much different from my Indigo Ray's required set manner of ways of thinking, or 'Mental Configuration'.  As an effective Third Eye to see and experience higher and lower realities, if you cannot focus your Mental Configuration while keeping an open Indigo Ray you will...Or may not enjoy the final outcome when your thoughts return to the misery and perceived horrors of 3rd Density life on Earth and begins seeing the inner deeper worlds of those areas of Earth's consciousness...  Essentially, if you can control your thoughts and keep them positively oriented, you should be just fine in any viewing you perform with your third eye.

Violet Ray: I honestly cannot say for this one, it protects you, it links you to the One Infinite Creator, it is your total self linked inextricably to you because of the nature of vibratory space overlapping the same area (essentially your higher self and you are at this moment in the exact same 'space' vibration-arily, but not in terms of the frequency of that space.  Imagine your soul overlaps your physical body but on a different plane that is still connected to the space your body occupies, is..does this make any sense at all?).  The Violet Ray is what Ra utilized to initiate a 'narrow-band' communication, they explain the mechanics of that in the Ra Material a bit I believe.  Beyond this though, I do not know for certain the various capabilities of the Violet Ray, as they are all apparently covered by the Law of Confusion/Free Will and I guess must be...Discovered personally perhaps?

I don't know.
I hope this helps you at all, please be safe and careful...

Removed.

Just please remember that suicide, while an option, is not a very good overall solution.  The pain and turmoil will be appreciated in some way even I still contemplate upon, but I see them as lessons to learn from.  Maybe the pain is to teach us how to hurt without suffering.  Maybe the turmoil is needed to make sense of utter peace.

I don't know.  Just please send an IM if you ever need to.  I thought about more than suicide while seeing my own hell.  I.honestly wanted to take it further to a suicide of consciousness.  Take from that which put me in this place.

Its not the best solution.  Its hardly a solution for some say you'll just relive the exact same life again and again.  I wouldn't subscribe to that thought as it ignores free will however.

Just try to make sense of things.  When you see something you know isn't normal try to remember to maintain your social physical life and your overlapping senses as different, and let anyone who.is concerned for you know you're not stupid, you're not oblivious, you are not sick, you're lonely.  And in loneliness the borders of reality blur.  You can be lonely even with others around, ot takes a special other to not make you feel alone.

But loneliness asks that we accept our own company, Our own presence And love ourselves otherwise you'll always hate being alone.

Dont be scared of voices or images you identify as 'not real' or 'not my own', Just observe them, try not to react unless you know they're real and you can do so without drawing bad attention to yourself.

And seriously.  Life can hurt, accepting life situations is a good start to accepting that we all will never have the perfect life we desire.  That, all of that desire, will come later.
For now you put yourself here to learn, not to torment or hurt yourself, but to give you hope.  You don't disappear as a human in.death like an.illusion fading, you're merged with the consciousness you both are And are a part with.

As such, you're here naturally and your soul feels all the pain you do. And it probably feels pain at you going.through this all.  Try to believe in yourself.  Ask for help, don't let your emotions control you.  Sometimes you need to just observe emotions instead of reacting to them.

I don't like the spiritual faith based manner of performing.  I am a skeptical type who only believes in the Law of One because I performed its philosophy and found it to be true.

Please Just handle your self first and foremost with care.  Don't force yourself.

It may be of help to find a Ra Material study guide to footnote read the Material, especially look for the Balancing meditations Ra explains.  I'll fish up some links for you once I have a chance to (at work yaay) so please be patient and gentle with yourself mentally and emotionally.  If you cannot, we will more tham happily be here to listen and offer what aid we can.  This forum.has its downsides, so Don't rely on everyone too heavily, we too can be mean without realizing how much damage we're doing.

http://divinecosmos.com/start-here/books...tudy-guide

I'm sure there's another updated version out there, found one on a site called issus or something I'll need to check.

This one? The Law of One Study Guide v.2

Has been posted as .pdf at Bring4th, too: Law of One Study Guide V.2

-`ღ´-

Yes! That one, thank you!

I can feel your agony, hang in there and more than anything, take REALLY good care of yourself.  One visualization I have found to be helpful is to see yourself as a flower which, in order to grow and thrive, needs the water and sunlight of self love.  TTP and Aion make good suggestions.  Sorry for not being able to offer something of more benefit.

(08-31-2015, 12:56 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Again I've been contemplating suicide and even switching polarity to survive. you may have just saved me... for now

btw about schizophrenia.. since I last posted in this thread I've become better. I refused being schizophrenic and stopped taking some of the pills dr prescribed to avoid dependency and the zombie effect.
The only external things I want to rely on is the information here in this forum and the Law of One books

I deeply appreciate your concern. I'm going to meditate on your post now.

I would like to offer you an exercise that may assist you at this point in time.

Think of the Creator in the highest, purest form of Light and Love you can imagine. Try to see and feel this around you. Don't worry about if it's real or imagined, just focus on the Creator as infinite source and its presence within and without.

If you can, try to see the power, the love of the Creator flow in to your body, spiralling upwards from the ground and downwards from the head, creating a circle from head to toe.

Then, speak to the Creator on a personal level, as though it is an old, dear friend whom you have often relied on. (If you aren't familiar with this feeling, just go with whatever feels most personal.) You may then ask:

Creator, I ask that you fill me with your light from highest to lowest. I open myself to receive this light and accept it in to my being. Please, share with me.

Let the light fill my foundation and make solid all of the structures needed to sustain my vital life.

Let the light fill my personality, that I may get to know it truthfully and genuinely without casting undue or unfair judgement.

Let the light fill the community through me, that I may harbour my interactions with others in self-understanding and compassion.

Let the light fill my heart, that I may forgive myself and by extension all others.

Let the light fill my voice so that I may speak true and clear, deceiving not myself or the other.

Let the light fill my mind so that clarity and openness can expand. Let confusion dissolve in this light as it is brought in to awareness and unraveled to order. Help me to see my worthiness.

Let the light fill my whole being, connecting me to all things and all sources of light. Let me realize my infinite, eternal nature and my true source in light and love. Be with me, that I may be with you.

Creator, within and without, I am being that I am. We are One, united and free.

Also, you may make use of my simple mantra which I say to myself whenever I am feeling very challenged in life.

It goes: 'Ego says I can do it. Heart says let it be. Mind says we'll find a way.'

Also, to relate a little. I was definitely one of those people who was 'top heavy' (more active and balanced in the higher centers than the lower) and this lead to three years of wandering without a home, going through many phases, to suicidal and back. I had fallen in to a depression at a young age and spent most of my teen years and early adult life wrangling with it, trying to make sense of my existence here. Something kept urging me forward. I chose to have faith in that urge, and when I give up and don't know what to do, I surrender to that forward flow and say, 'Whatever will happen, will happen, I trust the universe.'

This is hard, because the universe doesn't always seem to be trustworthy. It often seems like it can be giving us a hard time or that we have experiences which are so unpleasant that the very possibility of goodness in the universe becomes questionable. It's easy for the universe to appear bleak, uncaring and impersonal.

The most challenging thing to realize is that the universe will actually take whatever form we want it to take, whichever form. If we see darkness and terror then it will happily reflect darkness and terror. If we want to see joy and sunshine then it will reflect that. The difficulty in this is learning to get to know your desires and further learning to embrace and accept the nature of desire itself.

I've always had a hard time with desire. Maybe it's my leanings or some of the influences in my upbringing but I was always attracted to the idea that desires lead to suffering, as expressed by Buddhists. I then refined this understanding and saw they referred more to attachment to desires than desires themselves. Thus I started to forgive myself for having desires, although I am still having a hard time expressing the want of fulfillment of those desires.

I think one of the things that is challenging about experiencing a lot of trauma is that the opposite becomes more difficult to identify with. It becomes hard to imagine an existence or life without the pains and scars of your trauma. The idea of healing seems almost insulting. The need for empathy grows as the sympathy for oneself becomes less and less and it becomes a yearning to be recognized and left alone.

We always have to want it for ourselves. No matter how we want the universe to shape itself. If we want it to match us and our visions, we must be honest with ourselves in the utmost as to what we truly desire. Most confusion tends to be about desire and confusion about desire tends to be about the 'right' desires. Forget about 'right' desires for awhile and just get to know YOUR desires. Much love.

Perhaps the mantra, I Create Myself, in the inference that you manifest how you desire to be by simply who you are being at the Mental level, or bbasically habitual thoughts and attention span and personal discipline for the self of the thoughts had, accompanied with forgiveness of self profusely for your inevitable failures so as to try, try again!

I Create Myself.

How do you just be? Move your arm.  How did you do that?  Exact same principle, mentally, physiologically, emotionally, personally.

In the now famous words of that one guy from the live action Transformer's movie who did a TED talk, and I can never spell his name right.

Just DO IT!

But.  With Care for yourself

(08-31-2015, 12:56 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Again I've been contemplating suicide and even switching polarity to survive. you may have just saved me... for now

btw about schizophrenia.. since I last posted in this thread I've become better. I refused being schizophrenic and stopped taking some of the pills dr prescribed to avoid dependency and the zombie effect.
The only external things I want to rely on is the information here in this forum and the Law of One books

I deeply appreciate your concern. I'm going to meditate on your post now.

Removed.

Hi Cainite, we definitely care.

Most spiritual teachings I've read say that, when one commits suicide, after healing, they return to 3D to try again with very similar lessons. It's like when you're playing a super hard game - and you get to x point, but then you die. You may put the controller down in frustration and walk away, but eventually your mind thinks, "What would have come next? What exciting parts did I miss out on?" You start your next life and try again, because the challenge is what grips us. From your place of healing, the Creator will forgive you. The Creator forgives you now. It's yourself that you have to answer to, your higher self who sees the bigger perspective and isn't bogged down by the emotional wiring of our 3D brains. That higher self won't give up on you or your lessons so easily.

Well.. u know what; in a few hours I shall astral project and call upon the 6d sob, seeking guidance

There is no curse but the desire to incarnate and experience. A sweet gift and a curse at that.

All of my psychoses have presented themselves to me as myself, or a beloved guide in disguise. Debasing my hold of reality so I may die and be born myself again with new knowledge and understandings.

We have prepared ourselves over many millions of years to meet these initiations in these bodies. And so we must meet them if we choose to with all of our veiled wisdom.

In a way you will need yourself to die in order to continue evolving in 3d. There is no need to suicide because you are already experiencing the death.

Ah. The Death of the past self, transforming Every. Single. Moment.

Beautiful thought!

Removed.

It seems to me you are trying to open your energy too quickly. Your focus on the three higher chakra work has debased you, since you're so top heavy. Balance is what you are needing to work with now until you build a solid and grounded foundation.

We live in duality. Absolute duality. What you face now is your duality to an extreme. But it is also colored by your own energy. You know you are worthy of infinite love and understanding, but you perceive the opposite. Your fundamentally heart bridges these worlds. And your lower chakras charge the energy to the heart.

The feeling of being in hell.  I know that feeling, I'm sorry Cain.

Your kindness though WILL be appreciated in the future.  You've dealt with so much, a lot all by yourself in a sense.  These things aren't always the answers but just..A sort of 'pathway' to follow.

May we know more about you?  How severe is the schizophrenia?  What are the symptoms?  Maybe we can help you more if we understood you more...

I personally don't want you to feel the things you're feeling right now...  I've felt the razor-edge like feel across the whole body of hellish reality, the sensation of malice in the air and cruelty directed at you.  You are worthy!  I too viewed the Creator as less then cold and uncaring, I saw it as Devilish, cruel, putting humans through horror and madness just to satisfy it's own desires.

But it's a metaphor, that we do this to ourselves (not you to yourself, but others unto you specifically).

Please tell us more about you.  Tam is also on the right track.  I should have mentioned it.  Every Chakra works with Every Chakra, and the Lower Triad of Red-Yellow is JUST AS important as the top Triad of Blue-Violet, with Green Ray being it's own game field in a sense and consisting of three parts, Lower Courtyard (go here to balance and work on the lower three chakras), Inner Sanctum (living an Open Heart), and the Pink Ray (communication with Guides, use this chakra nested inside the Green Ray to help guide you with utilizing the higher triad.)

Please be safe Cain.

My standing recommendation remains "introduce musicians and schizophrenics to each other and observe results and report findings."

Removed.

Well I don't know how to so no worries there Cain.

With fear we try to withdraw from things.  When we fear everything, do we fear life?

Cainite, you shouldn't compare yourself to how you used to be, that's a form of self judgment.

You should practice acceptance of those paranoia's as just that, extreme feelings of fear, that push you to change into a fearing person, but why? How do you handle it so much so well??  I used to use logic for my self personally.  After so long of being okay in situations that I felt terrified of I began feeling like I had no reason to be scared of leaving my house.  That alongside self-acceptance might be helpful.

You say your solar plexus is blocked, which means the fear you're feeling is linked to some kind of Yellow Ray aspects maybe.

Its okay to feel fear, and I couldn't imagine how it feels to be overwhelmed with fear so constantly across a day.

Have you tried to make peace with whatever it is about others that scare you? Would you ever want to talk to anyone, maybe here or someone you trust to make sense of these extreme feelings you're having?

I mean we're a community that believes all things are conscious, and that aliens can telepathically communicate with people. I dont think we're gonna judge extreme fears too badly my friend. I'd hope we wouldn't at least. And many of us know loneliness and pain and suffering, maybe not like you, but no one wants you to suffer like how we do. Probably because some of us understand how much suffering can change a person.

Just don't be rash or sudden. Be kind to yourself, including finding the courage to try and get away from something hurting you, or to face it gently and ask why its hurting you. Don't ever lash out or become violent, it never leads to a better less scary situation, sometimes it can backfire and make you more paranoid...

Why not try to shift your thoughts from a mindset of 'to do or not to do suicide' And instead try for 'to be or not to be kinder to myself for these intense extreme fears I feel!'

Treat yourself how you want to be treated
No idea if that makes sense to you o:

Cainite, why are you trying to leave your body? Your higher self can communicate to you through meditation. When you are trying to "astrally project", you are leaving the safety shell and your anchor to 3D. If I were you, I wouldn't keep repeating this at attempt at relief, it seems to be the cause.

Plain, simple, meditative contemplation is enough to contact the higher self. Clearing the mind and being still, surrounded in light and asking for positive support. Even if you don't hear the words audibly, they are entering your mind. This is important to remember. Pray for help and guidance, you do not need to believe that you can get over this alone. We do nothing alone. There's no shame or weakness in asking for help, and those who can help you won't be affected by your current energy in the ways you think they might be.

I accepted the schizoaffective as part of who I am. I'd like to just be on mood stabilizers and not have to be on a drug that closes down my 3rd eye. The mood stabilizer keeps me grounded and from freaking out or getting too excited. To excited kept me up for 3 days straight. Plus I'd see video playing on a tv that was turned off, and also on a wall. It was a beautiful video of flying over mountains through clouds.

Removed.

Removed.