01-24-2009, 03:39 PM
"I fell from a star and landed in a ditch."
That's what my husband told me when I first met him, and it applies to my life as well.
When I was born, the last of 12 children, my mother was worn out, tired, and depressed. I was very weak and sickly, and since the last baby had died, the doctor was sure I would die too. My mother didn't bother holding me since I was going to die anyway. I'm not sure how long I was abandoned before they realized I wasn't dying. My sister finally picked me up and loved me. That's what I was told, anyway, and I believe it, because that sister was more of a mom to me than my real mom.
I've had past life memories ever since I was a toddler. I know about how old I was, because my earliest memories are of being in my crib and seeing a dungeon superimposed over the room, and spiders tangled up in my hair and dropping from the ceiling on their strands of web.
It was such a common occurrence to have the nightmares/memories that my mother didn't even bother rushing into my room anymore when I screamed, or if she did, she would grumble, “Oh, the spiders again.”
The nightmares/memories continued until I was 20 years old, when I put the pieces together, at which time they ceased. I figured out who the players were in that lifetime, prompted by a clue provided by a psychic friend (unsolicited), and prayed for guidance, asking why I had been allowed to remember that lifetime. I received the answer in a vividly detailed dream, in which I was told I was to forgive the man who had betrayed me and sent me to the dungeon, and then I was to take what was useful from the memories, and discard the rest. I did that and I never had them again, and it's now been 27 years.
Having past-life memories didn't jive too well with fire-and-brimstone Catholic parents! I didn't understand what the memories were at the time, but I knew they were memories. They were as real as any of my other memories. (And no, they weren't triggered by a movie – we had only a black-and-white tv, and these memories were in color...also, my mother never let me watch anything except kiddie shows when I was little...and later I did get a fright from a movie and that was totally different.)
It wasn't just the spiders...I also remember wailing in total anguish. I could hear it coming from somewhere deep in my soul. I knew I had been abandoned in that dungeon, and I carried the scars into this lifetime. I was very shy, sad, and introverted as a child. I had a very strange eating disorder - 'normal' foods like pizza, peanut butter, toast with jam, apples, etc., were all alien to me. I ate no normal food at all, but literally lived on milk, cookies, and potato chips. Literally. No one could figure out what was wrong with me. The doctors had never heard of such a disorder. My mother would force me to sit at the table all afternoon until I ate my food, but I adamantly refused. Eventually she would force it down me and I would promptly throw it back up. My beloved sister would sometimes eat it for me. I loved her a lot! The only time I remember ever laughing was when I was with her. But, alas, she moved away when I was 6, and I was devastated.
I had a best friend who lived next door, with whom I played often, but she too moved away, when I was 8, and my grief was huge. I rarely had friends at the Catholic school I attended; they teased me mercilessly for being tiny and sickly. I was always the last one to get picked on the team, even after the poor 'nerdy' girl. I excelled in class, but I dreaded recess.
I spent a lot of time drawing horses. I often fantasized about my beautiful winged horse who would swoop down from the sky and rescue me from this awful place! I knew I didn't belong here...I was...different...but I didn't understand why.
I used to write 2 words on my notebooks and in my diary...again and again and again...pages and pages of those same 2 words: “Really” and “Why?” I didn't even know where to begin to search for answers. I was utterly alone.
My friends were the stars and my cats. They understood me. I would gaze out into the night sky, with my cats, on summer nights, longing for...for what? I didn't know. I just knew I longed for something, and it was out there someplace. I was also happy when I was swimming in the river...or listening to music.
I also escaped into books. I read voraciously. My favorite book was “A Wrinkle in Time” and I had an unshakable knowing that the book was actually true! At around age 10, I started writing my own novels: one was about tiny 2-inch people, and the other was about a girl who died in a car accident and had her brain transplanted into a baby's body. She was very mature and intelligent, but was frustrated because she was confined in this helpless infant's body. I told my mother and sisters about my idea and they all thought it was creepy. I never finished the books.
I hated the Catholic school I attended, because I had no friends, and because the doctrine was so suffocating. I never actually feared 'hell' because I'd been baptized, and there were a lot of good things I got from my Catholic upbringing, but overall I found it disturbing. We attended Mass twice a week on schooldays, + Sundays of course. I frequently got sick in church. I either fainted or threw up. I was known as “the kid who always got sick in church.”
(Interjection: My husband theorizes that maybe I got burned at the stake in a past life...I don't remember that but it does sort of ring true...so maybe...)
Sorry this is so bleak...but yeah, my childhood was very bleak. Life got better when my father finally let me leave the Catholic school and attend public school. Taking a speech and drama class changed my life; at last I got over my shyness. I became a flirt and always had lots of dates. At 18, I left the Catholic Church and a couple of years later became a born-again Christian for awhile. It was a wonderful experience in some ways, in that it taught me how to pray and trust in God, but at the same time I couldn't quite accept the doctrine, especially with my past life memories! Somehow I just knew that God had a better plan than letting most of the world's population be tortured in hell forEVER. I loved the worship services - I felt ecstatic and frequently had tears of joy streaming down my face - but I just couldn't buy into the whole "Only Christians are saved" thing.
Interestingly, the Christian pastor sort of adopted me as her #1, so to speak, for a little while anyway. Once she confided in me that she had considered stopping the Bible-study classes, but her mentor told her she needed to continue, because of me - that I was a "Son of God" whatever that meant. I was surprised at that, being that the elder pastor didn't even know me, and I was but one of many people in the class.
I truly tried to fit in with the born-again Christians. I prayed and prayed for the gift of tongues. Everyone else was speaking in tongues at every prayer meeting, but it never happened for me. However, once during an attempt at 'deliverance' of a church member, when I was praying for that person, I got a vivid vision, which the pastor said was a gift of the Holy Spirit. After that, I got the visions whenever I asked for them, and the other church members quit nagging me about speaking in tongues. They all accepted that I had been given the 'gift of visions' instead.
I still get visions whenever I pray for someone. I've shared them with many of my 'New Age' friends as well as Christian friends, and usually they are very symbolic, though sometimes I've caught a glimmer of real past events or even past-life events. A few times I got a vision of some past trauma that I had no way of knowing about. For example, in one case I described an accident the person had had, and when I told him, his eyes got big and he unrolled his sleeve, and showed me the long scar, in exactly the place where I had seen it. I had never met him before that day.
I tried a few other Christian churches, and whenever the pastor put his hands on the people, they'd all get 'slain in the Spirit' ...except me. I'd be the last one standing. One pastor got really annoyed with me and told his assistants to go dunk me in the baptismal pool. What he didn't know was that I felt an energy charge when he touched my head. It was like a strong electrical volt going thru my body. But I was able to channel it, so I didn't faint like the others.
Then I discovered Edgar Cayce. At last! An explanation for the past-life memories! The Cayce readings helped me bridge the gap between Christianity and esoteric concepts like reincarnation.
With the Cayce material as my foundation, I got into Christian Mysticism for awhile...Corinne Heline, Rudolf Steiner, Gnostic Christianity and the like...then I read 'The Essene Gospel of Peace' which is attributed to Jesus, and it changed my life. I started fasting a lot, gave up all my vices, and became a raw-foodist for awhile. During that time, my meditations were vivid and I felt high all the time. I felt One with everyone, and connected to the UniVerse.
Nevertheless, I still felt...different. The winged horse was transformed into a spaceship, and my (then) boyfriend teased me about my obsession with UFO's. One time I was certain I'd seen a UFO, but it just turned out to be the lights on a store. He had great fun with that one!
Even though I had few friends as a child, my adult life has been abundant with friends. The newfound faith, a combination of my born-again Christian, Cayce, and Essene philosophies, gave me a sense of purpose. I realized that I wanted to help people. I started offering 'Dream-Visions' and Rebirthing services to people, for free or on a donation basis. After meeting a few rock stars and other famous people, I was no longer intimidated by anyone. I was no longer uncomfortable around people as I had been as a child, but actually started a habit of sending Light to people in the cars that passed me on the highway. (My husband got a chuckle out of this at the time!) No longer was I the shy, introverted child that nobody liked...I became the person that everyone confided in. Within 10 minutes of meeting someone, people would start telling me their problems! I was told many, many times that I was the best friend they'd ever had, and that they had never told anyone else what they'd just told me. I think the pain I'd experienced as a child helped me to empathize with other-selves.
Of course, I'm still working on finding that balance...of offering help to others without being attached to whether or not they utilize my help...and honoring their free will if they don't want my help at all. But generally, plenty of people ask me for help or confide in me, so it's not usually an issue, except with people very close to me (those are a little tougher to figure out). Oh, and I can't even begin to count how many times I've been told "You're too sensitive!" But I now choose to take it as a compliment.
I still had health problems, but I got more and more into alternative healing, which has transformed my life dramatically. I still have some challenges, though...and sometimes it's very frustrating when other people try one of my health products and have all these miraculous things happen...I get great benefits too but there always seemed to be one more missing piece for me. It is then that I try to remember how much healthier I am now than when I was during the first 20 years of my life, and give thanks for how far I've progressed health-wise.
When I met my husband, it was instant recognition. We didn't quite know what it meant, but we both knew we'd been together before. It had been awhile, though, and we were elated to have found each other again! My hubby told me that he had fallen from a Star and landed in a ditch...and this planet was so strange because here we needed wings to fly! He thought he was trapped in a penal colony full of barbarians, but eventually he agreed with me that it was actually a school that just happened to have a high percentage of juvenile delinquents. We helped each other make peace with our environment, and both have grown tremendously in terms of how we relate to other-selves. We used to joke that we felt like the David Bowie character in The Man Who Fell to Earth.
I didn't yet know about Wanderers, but, looking back, I see the signs in my husband as well. We both felt that we'd gotten stuck in the muck, and were trying to find our wings again.
My hubby had also been raised Catholic, but had gone in the direction of Eastern Mysticism, Buddhism, Taoism, Yoga, etc. I had by now begun exploring Paganism, Druidism, Tarot...met Inner Planes entities in Temples via Shamanic Pathworking... Our respective spiritual paths harmonized and balanced each other beautifully. We became therapy junkies for awhile...attending every New Age healing workshop and meditation gathering we could...got initiated into Kriya Yoga...and all sorts of other cool stuff. We had past-life regressions and got some past-life readings done by some psychics. Interestingly, I barely remember that 1st reading by a psychic...the memories I had on my own, as well as the ones that surfaced when I later did a regression, were much more real and emotionally charged than the ones told to me by a psychic. But during the reading, the entity that was being channeled suggested that I read 2 books.
The 1st book turned out to be really hokey. It was about the aliens hanging around in their spaceships, ready to rescue us in the event of a nuclear war. I found it hokey because it seemed to be patterned after the military. I just couldn't get into all the 'Commander' stuff! And...somehow it just seemed silly.
So, I didn't even bother to try to find the 2nd book, which happened to be - you guessed it – The Law of One. My rationale was that, if the reading itself was rather lame, and the 1st recommended book was really lame, then what are the odds that the 2nd book would be lame too?
So I forgot all about it.
Then, about a year later, I was reading a New Agey-type magazine and saw an ad in the back for a book. I don't even remember whether or not it listed the title. What caught my attention was that it said “For the serious seeker...we will send our book to you free of charge...if you like it, send a donation...if you don't, send it back.”
Wow! That really impressed me! The name, "L/L Research" sounded pretty impressive, too, so I ordered the book, and it turned out to be The Law of One, Book 1.
It was the original, blue-cover edition, without the introduction that came later. Oh, and I got Secrets of the UFO too. I read the UFO book rather quickly, and found it interesting and intriguing, but then I really got my socks rocked when I started the LOO. The Light was so bright I had to wear sunglasses!
I could only get thru 1 session per day, it was so heavy. I promptly ordered the other books, and it took a year to get thru all 4.
I was utterly and completely blown away! Virtually every sentence rang true for me. It was just so...obvious...that the info had come from a higher Intelligence. Whereas, other 'holy books' and channeled works I'd read seemed like they'd been written by humans, and usually had obvious biases that reflected the culture or human channel's background and personality, this was different...way different. There were no biases (except towards the Radiant Path, the STO path). Never before had I encountered anything that exuded so much...LOVE. No judgment. No agenda. No religious flavor...yet was more deeply spiritual than anything I had ever read. It was as though I already knew all of it, but was just being reminded. When I read the part about Wanderers, suddenly it all made sense for me. It was like finding a college Calculus textbook, when all I'd been exposed to before was arithmetic textbooks written by schoolchildren (and therefore full of distortions, misunderstandings and mistakes).
At last, I had a foundation. I continued to read widely and experience various aspects of spirituality, but the principles outlined in the LOO provided my foundation of resonance. This was way before Carla wrote A Wanderer's Handbook...later when I read that, I checked 'yes' on every item on the checklist.
One day on the drive to work, around the time that I was reading the books, I was praying, asking God whether the Law of One books really were of God. I felt such a resonance with the info in the books, such a peace...but my Christian upbringing triggered some doubt, probably out of sheer habit! Just as I finished an earnest prayer, I saw a perfectly-shaped UFO in the clouds in broad daylight. It wasn't like those "Oh, that cloud looks like a bunny" imagination sort of thing...no, this was a 100% perfect UFO! But made from clouds! I somehow knew that they had shown themselves to me...and had used the matter of the clouds to materialize just enough for me to discern.
A few years later, the same thing happened when I was on a spiritual pilgrimmage at the Callanish Stone Circle in Scotland, on the night that the Moon walked across the land. A perfectly-formed dragon materialized in the clouds...it was huge! It covered the night sky...I'd say it was at least as long as a football field, or larger. Perfect, down to the last detail. It hung there for a couple of minutes and then dissolved. No one else saw it.
Then, about a year later, my husband and I swam with dolphins (which is a whole 'nother story! Very transcendental!) He took pictures from underwater. One of them was a perfectly-formed dragon-faced dolphin. You know, like on those old chalices. (Just do an image search for 'medieval dolphin.') It was that perfect image. Perfect. It was not water bubbles.
My dreams began to take on a 'school' theme...evidently, the entire premise of 3D reality being a school, with a looming graduation date, was soaked into my consciousness. Whenever I seemed to miss the boat on some life lesson, I had a recurring dream of being in high school and either forgetting the combination to my locker, not being able to find my locker or class, or being late to class, or flunking a test, or some variation thereof. Whenever life was sailing smoothly or I had some major breakthru in understanding, I'd dream of passing the test, graduating to college, or...in a few cases, actually teaching a class!
I knew that my Higher Self was using the 'school' metaphor to communicate with me about my life lessons and tasks.
Despite these and some other clues that higher beings were assisting me, it has not been an easy path for me. My life did not become instantly peachy when I read the books. I had some rough areas in my life, and there were times that I felt confused and alone. I felt that I traversed the Abyss, walked the Valley of the Shadow of Daat. My life was overall good, but I had partially pierced the veil, and was acutely aware of its thickness. Unfortunately, I had loaned the books out to a friend who then moved to a different city and misplaced the books, so for about 5 years I was without them. When she finally returned them to me, I realized how much they meant to me, and what a great comfort they were.
Over the years, I have returned to them often. But it wasn't until about 5 years ago, thanks to the internet, that I discovered the treasure-trove of gems in the continuing Q'uo transmissions. It was the Q'uo transcripts that added more heart to the eternal wisdom contained in the LOO, and made the concepts practical and applicable in everyday life. The LOO had given me understanding, but the Q'uo transcripts made me feel loved in a more personal way. It was the guidance given by Q'uo that helped me to finally heal certain issues that had plagued me for much of my life. Q'uo's loving guidance has brought the LOO to life for me in a personal, practical and effective way.
I was very disconcerted to learn from Ra that love of self is equally important for an STO's Harvest. That has actually been the greatest challenge for me. I find it much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself.
I no longer feel alone. In fact, I have met so many kindred souls that I could easily have dozens of best friends, all of whom I feel as though I've known before. I now feel very much a part of a network of Lightworkers and marvel that I ever felt alone at all.
I am eternally grateful to Carla, Don, Jim, Ra, Q'uo and the other Confederation entities, for answering my call.
That's what my husband told me when I first met him, and it applies to my life as well.
When I was born, the last of 12 children, my mother was worn out, tired, and depressed. I was very weak and sickly, and since the last baby had died, the doctor was sure I would die too. My mother didn't bother holding me since I was going to die anyway. I'm not sure how long I was abandoned before they realized I wasn't dying. My sister finally picked me up and loved me. That's what I was told, anyway, and I believe it, because that sister was more of a mom to me than my real mom.
I've had past life memories ever since I was a toddler. I know about how old I was, because my earliest memories are of being in my crib and seeing a dungeon superimposed over the room, and spiders tangled up in my hair and dropping from the ceiling on their strands of web.
It was such a common occurrence to have the nightmares/memories that my mother didn't even bother rushing into my room anymore when I screamed, or if she did, she would grumble, “Oh, the spiders again.”
The nightmares/memories continued until I was 20 years old, when I put the pieces together, at which time they ceased. I figured out who the players were in that lifetime, prompted by a clue provided by a psychic friend (unsolicited), and prayed for guidance, asking why I had been allowed to remember that lifetime. I received the answer in a vividly detailed dream, in which I was told I was to forgive the man who had betrayed me and sent me to the dungeon, and then I was to take what was useful from the memories, and discard the rest. I did that and I never had them again, and it's now been 27 years.
Having past-life memories didn't jive too well with fire-and-brimstone Catholic parents! I didn't understand what the memories were at the time, but I knew they were memories. They were as real as any of my other memories. (And no, they weren't triggered by a movie – we had only a black-and-white tv, and these memories were in color...also, my mother never let me watch anything except kiddie shows when I was little...and later I did get a fright from a movie and that was totally different.)
It wasn't just the spiders...I also remember wailing in total anguish. I could hear it coming from somewhere deep in my soul. I knew I had been abandoned in that dungeon, and I carried the scars into this lifetime. I was very shy, sad, and introverted as a child. I had a very strange eating disorder - 'normal' foods like pizza, peanut butter, toast with jam, apples, etc., were all alien to me. I ate no normal food at all, but literally lived on milk, cookies, and potato chips. Literally. No one could figure out what was wrong with me. The doctors had never heard of such a disorder. My mother would force me to sit at the table all afternoon until I ate my food, but I adamantly refused. Eventually she would force it down me and I would promptly throw it back up. My beloved sister would sometimes eat it for me. I loved her a lot! The only time I remember ever laughing was when I was with her. But, alas, she moved away when I was 6, and I was devastated.
I had a best friend who lived next door, with whom I played often, but she too moved away, when I was 8, and my grief was huge. I rarely had friends at the Catholic school I attended; they teased me mercilessly for being tiny and sickly. I was always the last one to get picked on the team, even after the poor 'nerdy' girl. I excelled in class, but I dreaded recess.
I spent a lot of time drawing horses. I often fantasized about my beautiful winged horse who would swoop down from the sky and rescue me from this awful place! I knew I didn't belong here...I was...different...but I didn't understand why.
I used to write 2 words on my notebooks and in my diary...again and again and again...pages and pages of those same 2 words: “Really” and “Why?” I didn't even know where to begin to search for answers. I was utterly alone.
My friends were the stars and my cats. They understood me. I would gaze out into the night sky, with my cats, on summer nights, longing for...for what? I didn't know. I just knew I longed for something, and it was out there someplace. I was also happy when I was swimming in the river...or listening to music.
I also escaped into books. I read voraciously. My favorite book was “A Wrinkle in Time” and I had an unshakable knowing that the book was actually true! At around age 10, I started writing my own novels: one was about tiny 2-inch people, and the other was about a girl who died in a car accident and had her brain transplanted into a baby's body. She was very mature and intelligent, but was frustrated because she was confined in this helpless infant's body. I told my mother and sisters about my idea and they all thought it was creepy. I never finished the books.
I hated the Catholic school I attended, because I had no friends, and because the doctrine was so suffocating. I never actually feared 'hell' because I'd been baptized, and there were a lot of good things I got from my Catholic upbringing, but overall I found it disturbing. We attended Mass twice a week on schooldays, + Sundays of course. I frequently got sick in church. I either fainted or threw up. I was known as “the kid who always got sick in church.”
(Interjection: My husband theorizes that maybe I got burned at the stake in a past life...I don't remember that but it does sort of ring true...so maybe...)
Sorry this is so bleak...but yeah, my childhood was very bleak. Life got better when my father finally let me leave the Catholic school and attend public school. Taking a speech and drama class changed my life; at last I got over my shyness. I became a flirt and always had lots of dates. At 18, I left the Catholic Church and a couple of years later became a born-again Christian for awhile. It was a wonderful experience in some ways, in that it taught me how to pray and trust in God, but at the same time I couldn't quite accept the doctrine, especially with my past life memories! Somehow I just knew that God had a better plan than letting most of the world's population be tortured in hell forEVER. I loved the worship services - I felt ecstatic and frequently had tears of joy streaming down my face - but I just couldn't buy into the whole "Only Christians are saved" thing.
Interestingly, the Christian pastor sort of adopted me as her #1, so to speak, for a little while anyway. Once she confided in me that she had considered stopping the Bible-study classes, but her mentor told her she needed to continue, because of me - that I was a "Son of God" whatever that meant. I was surprised at that, being that the elder pastor didn't even know me, and I was but one of many people in the class.
I truly tried to fit in with the born-again Christians. I prayed and prayed for the gift of tongues. Everyone else was speaking in tongues at every prayer meeting, but it never happened for me. However, once during an attempt at 'deliverance' of a church member, when I was praying for that person, I got a vivid vision, which the pastor said was a gift of the Holy Spirit. After that, I got the visions whenever I asked for them, and the other church members quit nagging me about speaking in tongues. They all accepted that I had been given the 'gift of visions' instead.
I still get visions whenever I pray for someone. I've shared them with many of my 'New Age' friends as well as Christian friends, and usually they are very symbolic, though sometimes I've caught a glimmer of real past events or even past-life events. A few times I got a vision of some past trauma that I had no way of knowing about. For example, in one case I described an accident the person had had, and when I told him, his eyes got big and he unrolled his sleeve, and showed me the long scar, in exactly the place where I had seen it. I had never met him before that day.
I tried a few other Christian churches, and whenever the pastor put his hands on the people, they'd all get 'slain in the Spirit' ...except me. I'd be the last one standing. One pastor got really annoyed with me and told his assistants to go dunk me in the baptismal pool. What he didn't know was that I felt an energy charge when he touched my head. It was like a strong electrical volt going thru my body. But I was able to channel it, so I didn't faint like the others.
Then I discovered Edgar Cayce. At last! An explanation for the past-life memories! The Cayce readings helped me bridge the gap between Christianity and esoteric concepts like reincarnation.
With the Cayce material as my foundation, I got into Christian Mysticism for awhile...Corinne Heline, Rudolf Steiner, Gnostic Christianity and the like...then I read 'The Essene Gospel of Peace' which is attributed to Jesus, and it changed my life. I started fasting a lot, gave up all my vices, and became a raw-foodist for awhile. During that time, my meditations were vivid and I felt high all the time. I felt One with everyone, and connected to the UniVerse.
Nevertheless, I still felt...different. The winged horse was transformed into a spaceship, and my (then) boyfriend teased me about my obsession with UFO's. One time I was certain I'd seen a UFO, but it just turned out to be the lights on a store. He had great fun with that one!
Even though I had few friends as a child, my adult life has been abundant with friends. The newfound faith, a combination of my born-again Christian, Cayce, and Essene philosophies, gave me a sense of purpose. I realized that I wanted to help people. I started offering 'Dream-Visions' and Rebirthing services to people, for free or on a donation basis. After meeting a few rock stars and other famous people, I was no longer intimidated by anyone. I was no longer uncomfortable around people as I had been as a child, but actually started a habit of sending Light to people in the cars that passed me on the highway. (My husband got a chuckle out of this at the time!) No longer was I the shy, introverted child that nobody liked...I became the person that everyone confided in. Within 10 minutes of meeting someone, people would start telling me their problems! I was told many, many times that I was the best friend they'd ever had, and that they had never told anyone else what they'd just told me. I think the pain I'd experienced as a child helped me to empathize with other-selves.
Of course, I'm still working on finding that balance...of offering help to others without being attached to whether or not they utilize my help...and honoring their free will if they don't want my help at all. But generally, plenty of people ask me for help or confide in me, so it's not usually an issue, except with people very close to me (those are a little tougher to figure out). Oh, and I can't even begin to count how many times I've been told "You're too sensitive!" But I now choose to take it as a compliment.
I still had health problems, but I got more and more into alternative healing, which has transformed my life dramatically. I still have some challenges, though...and sometimes it's very frustrating when other people try one of my health products and have all these miraculous things happen...I get great benefits too but there always seemed to be one more missing piece for me. It is then that I try to remember how much healthier I am now than when I was during the first 20 years of my life, and give thanks for how far I've progressed health-wise.
When I met my husband, it was instant recognition. We didn't quite know what it meant, but we both knew we'd been together before. It had been awhile, though, and we were elated to have found each other again! My hubby told me that he had fallen from a Star and landed in a ditch...and this planet was so strange because here we needed wings to fly! He thought he was trapped in a penal colony full of barbarians, but eventually he agreed with me that it was actually a school that just happened to have a high percentage of juvenile delinquents. We helped each other make peace with our environment, and both have grown tremendously in terms of how we relate to other-selves. We used to joke that we felt like the David Bowie character in The Man Who Fell to Earth.
I didn't yet know about Wanderers, but, looking back, I see the signs in my husband as well. We both felt that we'd gotten stuck in the muck, and were trying to find our wings again.
My hubby had also been raised Catholic, but had gone in the direction of Eastern Mysticism, Buddhism, Taoism, Yoga, etc. I had by now begun exploring Paganism, Druidism, Tarot...met Inner Planes entities in Temples via Shamanic Pathworking... Our respective spiritual paths harmonized and balanced each other beautifully. We became therapy junkies for awhile...attending every New Age healing workshop and meditation gathering we could...got initiated into Kriya Yoga...and all sorts of other cool stuff. We had past-life regressions and got some past-life readings done by some psychics. Interestingly, I barely remember that 1st reading by a psychic...the memories I had on my own, as well as the ones that surfaced when I later did a regression, were much more real and emotionally charged than the ones told to me by a psychic. But during the reading, the entity that was being channeled suggested that I read 2 books.
The 1st book turned out to be really hokey. It was about the aliens hanging around in their spaceships, ready to rescue us in the event of a nuclear war. I found it hokey because it seemed to be patterned after the military. I just couldn't get into all the 'Commander' stuff! And...somehow it just seemed silly.
So, I didn't even bother to try to find the 2nd book, which happened to be - you guessed it – The Law of One. My rationale was that, if the reading itself was rather lame, and the 1st recommended book was really lame, then what are the odds that the 2nd book would be lame too?
So I forgot all about it.
Then, about a year later, I was reading a New Agey-type magazine and saw an ad in the back for a book. I don't even remember whether or not it listed the title. What caught my attention was that it said “For the serious seeker...we will send our book to you free of charge...if you like it, send a donation...if you don't, send it back.”
Wow! That really impressed me! The name, "L/L Research" sounded pretty impressive, too, so I ordered the book, and it turned out to be The Law of One, Book 1.
It was the original, blue-cover edition, without the introduction that came later. Oh, and I got Secrets of the UFO too. I read the UFO book rather quickly, and found it interesting and intriguing, but then I really got my socks rocked when I started the LOO. The Light was so bright I had to wear sunglasses!
I could only get thru 1 session per day, it was so heavy. I promptly ordered the other books, and it took a year to get thru all 4.
I was utterly and completely blown away! Virtually every sentence rang true for me. It was just so...obvious...that the info had come from a higher Intelligence. Whereas, other 'holy books' and channeled works I'd read seemed like they'd been written by humans, and usually had obvious biases that reflected the culture or human channel's background and personality, this was different...way different. There were no biases (except towards the Radiant Path, the STO path). Never before had I encountered anything that exuded so much...LOVE. No judgment. No agenda. No religious flavor...yet was more deeply spiritual than anything I had ever read. It was as though I already knew all of it, but was just being reminded. When I read the part about Wanderers, suddenly it all made sense for me. It was like finding a college Calculus textbook, when all I'd been exposed to before was arithmetic textbooks written by schoolchildren (and therefore full of distortions, misunderstandings and mistakes).
At last, I had a foundation. I continued to read widely and experience various aspects of spirituality, but the principles outlined in the LOO provided my foundation of resonance. This was way before Carla wrote A Wanderer's Handbook...later when I read that, I checked 'yes' on every item on the checklist.
One day on the drive to work, around the time that I was reading the books, I was praying, asking God whether the Law of One books really were of God. I felt such a resonance with the info in the books, such a peace...but my Christian upbringing triggered some doubt, probably out of sheer habit! Just as I finished an earnest prayer, I saw a perfectly-shaped UFO in the clouds in broad daylight. It wasn't like those "Oh, that cloud looks like a bunny" imagination sort of thing...no, this was a 100% perfect UFO! But made from clouds! I somehow knew that they had shown themselves to me...and had used the matter of the clouds to materialize just enough for me to discern.
A few years later, the same thing happened when I was on a spiritual pilgrimmage at the Callanish Stone Circle in Scotland, on the night that the Moon walked across the land. A perfectly-formed dragon materialized in the clouds...it was huge! It covered the night sky...I'd say it was at least as long as a football field, or larger. Perfect, down to the last detail. It hung there for a couple of minutes and then dissolved. No one else saw it.
Then, about a year later, my husband and I swam with dolphins (which is a whole 'nother story! Very transcendental!) He took pictures from underwater. One of them was a perfectly-formed dragon-faced dolphin. You know, like on those old chalices. (Just do an image search for 'medieval dolphin.') It was that perfect image. Perfect. It was not water bubbles.
My dreams began to take on a 'school' theme...evidently, the entire premise of 3D reality being a school, with a looming graduation date, was soaked into my consciousness. Whenever I seemed to miss the boat on some life lesson, I had a recurring dream of being in high school and either forgetting the combination to my locker, not being able to find my locker or class, or being late to class, or flunking a test, or some variation thereof. Whenever life was sailing smoothly or I had some major breakthru in understanding, I'd dream of passing the test, graduating to college, or...in a few cases, actually teaching a class!
I knew that my Higher Self was using the 'school' metaphor to communicate with me about my life lessons and tasks.
Despite these and some other clues that higher beings were assisting me, it has not been an easy path for me. My life did not become instantly peachy when I read the books. I had some rough areas in my life, and there were times that I felt confused and alone. I felt that I traversed the Abyss, walked the Valley of the Shadow of Daat. My life was overall good, but I had partially pierced the veil, and was acutely aware of its thickness. Unfortunately, I had loaned the books out to a friend who then moved to a different city and misplaced the books, so for about 5 years I was without them. When she finally returned them to me, I realized how much they meant to me, and what a great comfort they were.
Over the years, I have returned to them often. But it wasn't until about 5 years ago, thanks to the internet, that I discovered the treasure-trove of gems in the continuing Q'uo transmissions. It was the Q'uo transcripts that added more heart to the eternal wisdom contained in the LOO, and made the concepts practical and applicable in everyday life. The LOO had given me understanding, but the Q'uo transcripts made me feel loved in a more personal way. It was the guidance given by Q'uo that helped me to finally heal certain issues that had plagued me for much of my life. Q'uo's loving guidance has brought the LOO to life for me in a personal, practical and effective way.
I was very disconcerted to learn from Ra that love of self is equally important for an STO's Harvest. That has actually been the greatest challenge for me. I find it much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself.
I no longer feel alone. In fact, I have met so many kindred souls that I could easily have dozens of best friends, all of whom I feel as though I've known before. I now feel very much a part of a network of Lightworkers and marvel that I ever felt alone at all.
I am eternally grateful to Carla, Don, Jim, Ra, Q'uo and the other Confederation entities, for answering my call.
