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I read most of your post before coming to a speculative conclusion. No, she doesn't sound evil. Yes, she does sound like she enjoys controlling you. To me, it sounds like she was abused as a child, and this is the response to that situation. She scrutinizes your facial expressions to see if you approve/disapprove? This is something a child learns when they can't trust their parents' emotional stability. Mirroring and sweet talking are similar symptoms. She obviously has her claws into you, energetically, which would explain the obsession. If she is feeding off of you one way or another, you need to cut her off if you are able.
As far as a diagnosis, I am certainly not a schooled doctor, but I spend some time in narcissist survivor support groups, and again, speculating that she herself was abused and these are symptoms, it's what survivors call "fleas" - when someone who has suffered long term abuse takes on the traits of their abuser(s). It's just learned behavior. I don't think she's actively polarizing STS, and I don't think she's a full blown narcissist or sounds like she has any other personality disorders. She sounds like she gets pleasure out of lying and manipulating people, for sure, but it doesn't sound much like a conscious polarization to me.
Hi Goldenlight.
I very much agree with Jade here. I would like to put a question to you as I suspect a codependency between the two of you. Why are you repeatedly maintaining this friendship when you are finding it draining, and her body language doesn't correspond with her words?
Other than that I would say that if STO feels more right to you then it is counter productive to mix with those that find STS ways more enthusing. Even the greatest model of STO humans have tinkered with STS behaviour to some extent. Perhaps that is why STO requires a 51% threshold, giving time and opportunity to become conscious of what those behaviours
actually are, and being able to point the compass in a more assured STO direction.
Nick.
PS. Welcome to the community
Thank you all for your answers. I've for quite some time now decided to cut off entirely and definitively.
Now i'm quite busy but i'll give you a full answer soon.
The thing i wanted to add is that after watching a documentary about the computer programmer John Mcafee
i found there was a lot of similarity on a personality level, the way of talking and behaving between her and John.
I've read according to someone saying to have met him that John might be a sociopath so you can understand
why i was quite worried about my "friend" and that started to recall in details everything i could. Does any of you
has an idea, an intuition about "from where" comes John McAfee ? I know that we can't compare people to each
others but ...
Here's the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIXc_GqIsE0
@Bring4th_Jade, have you lived close to someone with NPD ?
My maternal grandmother is a good candidate for NPD, and she messed up my mother a lot - my mother has addiction problems and is likely borderline personality disorder, as is my sister. My dad also displays narcissism traits but I suspect this may be due to drug use, as it's gotten progressively worse. There are a few reasons I don't think your friend is a narcissist (I'm not sure about John Mcafee) - for one, a narcissist sees the world all through their own lens, and everyone is a facet of them. If your friend was a narcissist, I don't think she would be surprised that you believed her lies - on the contrary, she would be surprised if you
didn't believe her lies.
Anyway, a key part of the DSM on NPD is this:
Quote:C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.
It seemed to me what you described is more of an unstable personality. Also the comments about her quoting the psychologist about wearing a mask may point to multiple personality disorder? It would make sense why her moods/appearance seem to shift suddenly. This is also another symptom of abuse.
Anyway, I'm just fascinated a bit with narcissism, as I think it's one of the active/accurate labels we can give to someone polarizing negatively. Not across the board, of course, but I think many narcissists have taken the step where they see others as things to be used for their own benefit and self expression.
The abuse support group that I visit is actually on Reddit, it's called
Raised By Narcissists. Obviously it's for people who grew up with their family or guardians as abusers, so I'm not suggesting you post there for support. But there are resources on the sidebar to learn more about narcissism, and nearly infinite (though they tend to repeat...) stories to read about people who grew up with their parents/etc controlling their every single move in the most subtle variety of ways. It's pretty fascinating to learn by, anyway.
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It sounds to me like you have an unhealthy obsession with a person who is likely suffering from a serious mental disorder. I find your overt fixation on her behavior far more disturbing than any of the behaviors you listed.
(10-22-2015, 05:30 AM)Goldenlight Wrote: [ -> ] What would you do if you were me, how would you define her ? (NPD, cNPD, sociopath or else) and to what degree ?
Do you think that she's purely malicious or could she has been sincere at times ? The question i ask myself is how she would have behaved if i did knowed her more ? How might she behave to people close to her ?
It seems to me the only way to know is to be closer to her, people have an inner and outer self of which one does not imply the other. From what you have said you have probably seen her inner self just as her outer self which seem to confuse you.
I wouldn't know how to define her, I don't see value in generalizing when each individual is unique.
Sounds like a Romanian woman.
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This is the most interesting post I've read in awhile. If you get any more updates please keep us all informed mate.
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I had a very strong sense of discomfort when I looked at the pages in the links above - a strong sense of negativity. And after a brief moment's reflection, it became obvious why this was so. The pages are steeped in the energy of "demonizing the other" - in this case, whoever fits those personality traits. It's the same energy of separation and fear-mongering I found on conspiracy sites.
Her path is her own, your path is your own. Dispell what does not service the highest good in yourself and in others; distance yourself from those who make you uncomfortable or uneasy. Map your natal charts so you can understand what people can connect with you best, as well as understanding the feelings you often have reoccuring. Now is the time of scorpio; break habits, bend wills and manifest your dreams.