Recently I've been extremely aversive to human contact (I have been for a long time, but more so lately). It makes my skin crawl and makes me very angry. The nearest emotion I can think to describe it is disgust. It will bother me for hours and make sleep difficult.
Has anyone else ever experienced this?
Like, when your fingers touch when exchanging objects... or handshaking? Or do you mean physically pats on the arms?
How do you mean physical contact? (I want my telepathy.)
All of the above. But the more contact the more I dislike it. A handshake I can tolerate for conformity's sake. It's mostly when I get patted or hugged when it's unexpected. I don't have time to protect myself and it makes me go into a sort of silent rage.
I've only ever experienced towards people who upset me deeply and profoundly.
Have you pondered why you hate physical contact this way? Maybe a childhood event or teenage memory, or perhaps its a new facet of yourself emerging as catalyst to process?
I hate how people hug for 3 seconds awkwardly.
I just wanna crush them into a bear hug for 10 seconds all like...ENJOY HUGGING DARNET. But I know how it feels to seethe in fury at someone patting my back or shoulder or nudging me or grabbing my arm or even tapping my shoulder.
But I'm a very...touchy type, at least growing up I was. I used to really enjoy physical contact of most kinds with people.
Now I feel like touching others is a fast way to upset them. I've felt those ways.
All because I hate upsetting people, especially in person.
Are you concerned about your hatred of being touched?
I find it odd. But I think it's just because growing up I didn't have a choice. People would just hug or pat or do whatever. Not having control over that and now it's reached a critical-mass where it really bugs the hell out of me.
I used to stand inordinately far from groups or just sit by myself in high school on days where I didn't want to be talked to.
Are you stuck in a sort of situation daily where this happens?
Do also try to see your desire is to control it, which, in my experience, leads to irritation when you can't. Which is unpleasant! So I feel for you! I'm sorry You're feeling these ways. Is there anything we can do to help?
Well, you have military experiences, maybe it's just a fear of 'defenses' being breached? What is there to fear in contact or is it just a matter of having complete control over the experiences of the self?
I used to hate physical contact and still avoid it to a degree but that's because I used to exchange energy and empathy to an acute degree through touch. I can make it more subtle now so it's not overwhelming.
No offense mate, but from what I've gather you don't seem particular fond of people in general. Maybe you just don't like intimacy? Just offering speculations, no judgement aha
(11-25-2015, 02:34 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Well, you have military experiences, maybe it's just a fear of 'defenses' being breached? What is there to fear in contact or is it just a matter of having complete control over the experiences of the self?
I used to hate physical contact and still avoid it to a degree but that's because I used to exchange energy and empathy to an acute degree through touch. I can make it more subtle now so it's not overwhelming.
No offense mate, but from what I've gather you don't seem particular fond of people in general. Maybe you just don't like intimacy? Just offering speculations, no judgement aha
1. Lack of control over my experiences do bother me
2. I have been able to have contact with people in the past but it's much much more derisive lately. It feels like my insides are boiling over in rage and disgust. It makes me want to exit my body. When I have contact with people (unexpectedly) it feels like an energy exchange occurs, but other people's energy feels disgusting and alien to me. It will drive me insane for most of the day and I usually can't sleep until 2:00 am or so on those days where-as I'd usually go to sleep at 10:00 pm
3. No offense taken. I know that I'm not fond of most people. My friends are exceptions but I am extremely suspicious of outsiders. I also dislike intimacy. In my life experience it has been used as leverage to control and abuse good-will. There are exceptions I'm sure but they're outside my experience at this time.
(11-25-2015, 09:29 PM)earth_spirit Wrote: [ -> ]I think your issue is caused by your anger over a perceived lack of control rather than physical contact itself.
But we have little / no control over whatever catalyst that is imposed on us by other selves. We can only control our reactions to them.
If you don't want to indulge in such hatred and disgust, you can try to embrace humility. My apologies if that sounds patronizing, as it is only an advice that I try to apply on myself. Every now and then it helps me to not take myself so seriously, especially when people violate my personal space.
And if you can not change your disgust into acceptance, you could artificially exaggerate it instead. I figure this may sound funny or counter intuitive, but that is the point. Perhaps you can laugh at your irrational hatred and realize it is pointless.
(unless you are of STS polarity, in which case my post doesn't apply)
1. Likely
2. We can control the catalyst provided when it violates our free-will by taking action to prevent it. I prefer to be neutral but when people do it repeatedly despite requests to stop I become progressively insane.
3. Thank you but I choose to accept my hatred and disgust for what it is and try to understand and then resolve the issue rather than indulge in humility. I do not see patronization. Thank you for your honesty.
So far this is working pretty well. Getting myself to see the issue through other people's perception is helping to reframe things and reinforce relevant factors.
"... I also dislike intimacy. In my life experience it has been used as leverage to control and abuse good-will. There are exceptions I'm sure but they're outside my experience at this time."
I saddens me a lot that I'm not the only one who's grown weary of 'intimacy' from how others have used it to manipulate me...
I love lying in a pile with other furries and watching a movie as a group.
In a way I can relate to you Karl. I cant identify with your feelings in any way but I think the extremity of your experiences is what I am identifying with.
And I think this a cool thing because it makes the clues in our life stand out that much more. It's like our life's lessons are screaming at us, "here I am! Whatya gonna do!?
Connecting with another physically is a mystical experience for me. I miss it immensely.
(11-25-2015, 02:34 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]I used to hate physical contact and still avoid it to a degree but that's because I used to exchange energy and empathy to an acute degree through touch. I can make it more subtle now so it's not overwhelming.
I think an aversion to touch, generally speaking, derives from an awareness of energy exchange as Aion pointed out. There are subsets of this which could range from heightened awareness to mental imbalance, but the core issue is energy exchange.
At the very least there is the concept of personal space, for which it would be wise to set boundaries. There are exchanges of energy even if a person doesn't consciously know. If one has an aversion to touch, I would say listen to it. Ask self why in an objective way. If thoughts surface about resentments or abuses, one can work through that but the impulse to avoid touch is probably a good one until the mind and emotions are balanced. If the aversion is based on a heightened awareness of energy exchanges, one can work on building protection for one's energy field. Banishing rituals, tai chi, or any number of regular practices may help that.
There have been times when I had that "disgust" sensation, and of my skin crawling. This was in reaction to particular people. I did not feel that way because there was something obviously physically repulsive, it was an energetic reaction. For instance, I might feel that an individual has a strong sexual attraction to me and I react without thought to avoid contact. Some part of me knows to avoid this person. There are nonsexual examples as well.
There are two separate concepts here. There is intimate/sexual touch, and general nonsexual touch. The trouble is that people today hug and handle others in an intimate way very casually. Most of this isn't even based on genuine feelings, rather its just what is done. This crosses boundaries and unless one wants to leave one's self wide open to any and all energies, one must set some boundaries and/or protect the energy body from accumulating outside debris and losing energy to others (osmosis: the tendency of matter to pass through a membrane from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration, can be applied to energy). We don't have to do what others do and put up with strangers hugging us, or even family if we aren't inclined. Serving one's self is as important as serving others.
There needs to be the concept of choice in physical contact.
If it makes anyone feel any better, atoms never actually touch each other, so the physical sensation of touch is merely another construct of the illusion.
(11-27-2015, 01:29 PM)Bring4th_Jade Wrote: [ -> ]If it makes anyone feel any better, atoms never actually touch each other, so the physical sensation of touch is merely another construct of the illusion.
Atoms may not touch, but there is no empty space. All things are connected. Even mainstream science understands this (mostly).
I agree that physical sensation may be an illusion, but what is illusion, what is real? (I think I just quoted Morpheus
) Some people say this is an illusion (3D physicality). But why is this any less real than any other part of so-called creation?
Physical touch is not empty illusion. It has a "reality" here that physical beings must use/deal with/accept/whatever. To deny this is to separate out a portion of what is.
Oh, I was mostly making a joke. Touch is great. But it is one of the physical senses, which are really mostly just there to confuse and veil our true senses, and offer us catalyst. My intention was to pull back to the infinite view with levity, if it were to help anyone. What if one's catalyst were lamenting that their eyes could only behold the ugly? Or every sound heard was horrific? I think it was already discussed that skewed physical perception like this is an analogue to other areas of where one feels a lack of control so nothing is acceptable. But, if I had a point beyond the joke, it was that our physical senses are specifically there to deceive us from the "true" reality.
With the mind, body, and spirit being one, I don't see your situation being any different than say being so annoyed with a person that you don't like to be around them or when becoming annoyed/angered by certain thoughts and opinions in general. Things grate on our nerves in many ways. So I can see how it's all the same energy..contact with another coming in many forms.
The theory of s*** :
I've thought of something that disgusts me and there's the abstract thought form known as s***. So then I ask myself why does s*** disgusts me? Well it smells bad, doesn't look all that great, one might not like the idea of having it within his body, etc. Then I ask myself why is this s*** as it is in reality? Well it is what my body expels to cleanse itself which allows me to be in a healthy body. Hey that's actually pretty damn cool when you think about it. What's more, applying the Law of One, I am myself being this s*** to allow others to have healthier body without me, seems like a pretty s***-kind of role to play.
And then by seeking to understand s***, I become able to love s*** for what it is.
Now if we apply the idea of s*** to people, we get s*** people or rather shitty people. Ok so we've got shitty people, so why does this shitty person disgusts me? Oh there's this and that. Why does this shitty person as it is in reality? Maybe so that I'm not alone in complete void, so that it can be, had to have experiences that made it like that. Applying the Law of One, I am myself this shitty person, to allow others to have the reality of themselves to my being, seems like a pretty shitty role to play.
And then by seeking to understand shitty people, you become able to love them for what they are.
What is disgust but a lack of understanding? In my view, understanding in it's deepest sense can only unveil a transcending love that is already there, just waiting to be revealed and known.
* Note that the thought form of s*** was used as an analogy and was not meant any form of ill-intent, none meant either toward the Co-Creator who created s*** whoever that is.
So then whats the Theory of BS, mr.Elros Tar-Minyatur?
Yer crap analogy reminds me of how I once tried to explain the crap of the world to some people on fb.
It was halfway successful... And spoke of a lotta s*** in a shitty world by shitty people is one way to s*** yourself when all the s*** collapses, when the s*** hits the fan, when the cows give you s***, make manure and grow some lemons.
Not bask in the s*** obsessed with it wondering why its as it is until its all there is left, a s*** ugly world.
Why is s*** abstract? It seems a pretty regular thing on Earth.
Everything is abstract.
If you want to know why things are they are, then you need to ask yourself and seek. You'll unveil pieces of the puzzle and keys of your mind.
Have faith that everything can be known, clear doubts with meditation, give it some time and see where it takes you.
Lolkay Min I gotcha, I've said something similar before.
So.
If all is abstract then abstraction is of itself normal.
So my question, why is crap abstract to you?
(11-28-2015, 03:23 AM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]Lolkay Min I gotcha, I've said something similar before.
So.
If all is abstract then abstraction is of itself normal.
So my question, why is crap abstract to you?
Because it exists only within a dream. It was and remains a thought that was simply thought of and then experienced.
So you dreamed that all was abstract or...?
I'm a bit lost how that explains why you personally view abstraction the way you do.
(11-28-2015, 06:02 AM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]So you dreamed that all was abstract or...?
I'm a bit lost how that explains why you personally view abstraction the way you do.
I've studied in computer science.
Everything that happens is the dream, but the dream is composed of thought forms which were first analyzed, conceptualized and finally implemented, to take computer science terms.
So each thing that are considered a normal part of reality could very well be completely otherwise, as such nothing is truly part of some concrete experience but is instead the experience of some thoughts and ideas.
(11-25-2015, 04:18 AM)Karl Wrote: [ -> ]Recently I've been extremely aversive to human contact (I have been for a long time, but more so lately). It makes my skin crawl and makes me very angry. The nearest emotion I can think to describe it is disgust. It will bother me for hours and make sleep difficult.
Has anyone else ever experienced this?
Wow! I am so glad I kept exploring and found your post. Yes, I have experienced this and after reading the rest of the forum I see a common ground, military experiences. Maybe that has more of an effect than I thought? Idk, just found it interesting and connected well with my recent experience of meeting my shadow self. Sometimes I think this feeling is me; that it is me who is sharing energy I wish to keep to myself with an outsider that I am not comfortable with. That in as opposed to the strangeness of the outsider. Does that even make sense? Still searching and just trying to figure me out I guess.
(11-29-2015, 12:32 AM)lily Wrote: [ -> ]Sometimes I think this feeling is me; that it is me who is sharing energy I wish to keep to myself with an outsider that I am not comfortable with. That in as opposed to the strangeness of the outsider.
I can relate to that a lot. I hate when people take/try to take energy from me, especially by emotional extortion (i.e "I'm fat and ugly", "no you're skinny and pretty...")
I think it's a mixture of having my energy stolen and having their energy polluting my own that causes my feelings of disgust and contempt.
Am I making sense?
Both make sense to me.
Oh I Love when girls ask me if they're fat.
I'm an honest person.
Fat is beauty, who cares if you're 'morbidly' obese. I dated and Loved a 280 pound girl no differently from a 180 pound one.
If I like you I like you. Physical attraction is used as an excuse to treat ugly people badly. In my opinion anyways since I don't identity as beautiful socially, only personally (as in I think I am but no one else has thus far).
I just desire to be alone now. I've been used a lot and it'll never stop until I make it clear this game of my life will cease if people don't leave me alone.
So I made that clear and quietly enjoy what alone time I have (or I lose it to anger, doubt, and despair) while I can.
Because either I'm a horrible cruel ethically apathetic monster (as is on the inside is as the outside.) Or I incarnated in a very crappy place of much misery leading to great uncaring cruelty by flippin 80% of the people around me.
What you experience towards touch, I feel violently-so towards apathy and cruelty. I've so much of it inside deposited by everyone I wish I could just dump it back into everyone, but instead its a shedding process, and each day I work I get much more than I shed, lose my mind at the people... Then continue on with my life...
Apparently this is the Life I chose.
I'll make sure to give my Higher Self every last word, sensation, and feeling of Hell, since that apparently what it wants.
Oh, wait! No I'm not! I'm going to make it clear instead. I don't play these kinds of games. Stop focusing on me, there's an entire world dying, go teach other damn people how to love!
I learned and retain it, but I alone when I did so was the ONLY person who was HAPPY around me! Loneliness. Don't tell me the universe is inside me so I can't be lonely... I loved everything, felt like a sun in darkness and I realized nothing changed except for me, and in that process I was isolated. And I still am, not for lack of trying but people... People hurt me. Their ugly attitudes, their pithy excuses to mistreat others. Their gross demeanors. Their theft and madness and cruelty.
Just makes me want to leave this place very often.
But that too puts me right back here.
Hence, I give up.
Just gonna be and enjoy, the only real choice I've had. Loner, or abused.
I'd rather be a Loner, f*** it, its not worth dealing with people. My entire life is dealing with these things?
Forget it.
My life has taught me how to appreciate isolation as well. I can relate to what you've experienced pretty well.