01-28-2016, 07:36 PM
Immerse yourselves if you will:
Excerpts from:
RECONSTRUCTING REALITY
Book Two of Visions from Venus
By Suzan Caroll PhD
(In this section of Book II, Shature, the main character, is studying on the fifth dimension and acting as the Higher Self to her different third dimensional lives. Shature does this by entering into a dome, which allows her to interface with the physical world.)
“Shature, I have felt your approach. Are you ready to resume your studies?” spoke the Guide as Shature entered the Temple.
“Yes, my Guide, I am. I feel different somehow. I feel like I am on the edge of a great transition. I have merged with my Divine Complement and we have realized some patterns that we must release. I know that I must heal my fear of abandonment. This fear creates a vicious cycle. First, I fear that I will be abandoned. Then, because I am afraid, I cannot trust others. Then, because I cannot trust others, I am angry. Then, because I am angry, I push others away. Then, because I push others away, they leave me. The, because others have left me, I am afraid that I will be abandoned.”
“Wonderful, my one. I can see that you now understand the pattern that you have created. I have telepathically received your desire to view the lives in which you danced this cycle of abandonment. Your desire will activate different third dimensional realities and program them into the dome. The dome will then present a holographic display of one time period at a time. Remember, you are actually entering that time frame and any interaction that you have with its occupants is real and will most assuredly alter their reality…”
Ancient Egypt
This time, Shature found herself experiencing the story as a participant rather than as an observer. She was not too happy about this since she knew that something happened in this life that pulled her into her darkness. She began to feel a panic arise from deep within her and she knew that she would have to calm herself in order to remain detached. Yes, something very bad had happened. She could feel the evil overtake her like a million spiders crawling on her flesh.
“You are feeling the evil around you,” spoke the Guide in response to Stature’s thoughts. “You are now in a life in ancient Egypt and you are a Priestess of the Temple of Set. The Temple of Set brought the teachings of the Dark Robes to Egypt at the fall of Atlantis. The name Set means ‘cutter’ or ‘isolator’. Set’s followers seek initiation through self-deification and call upon the forces of isolation and limitation to free them selves from what they believe is the ‘delusion of unity’.
They desire the experience of the greatest individuality without any responsibility to others and without the consequence of their action. They believe that the end is more important than the means. They achieve the fulfillment of their desires through the use of Black Magic, which is the interaction with the disharmonious energies of the physical and the lower Astral Plane.
“Do you remember how you feared and avoided the Dark Robes on Atlantis? Your Soul could not understand their Black Magic. Your unresolved fear drew you into this life so that you could learn why one would choose to follow the darkness rather than the light.”
“Yes,” whispered Shature as if she were trying not to disturb the forces of darkness that clung to her. “I can feel that I am totally selfish in this life. Nothing is more important than my own self-advancement. Anyone who might assist me in that purpose is disposable once I am finished with them. I can feel that I am ruthless, cold, and completely without love. How will my fifth dimensional consciousness ever assist one who has no ability to love?”
“I am here with you, “ said the voice of the Guide. “I know that is difficult for you to experience this life as a participant. However, your lessons are advancing and you are ready for greater and greater challenges. Keep talking to me with your mind. It will help you to maintain a link to your consciousness as Shature.”
Shature was glad to obey the Guide’s request. Perhaps if she could talk about what she was experiencing, it would help calm her fear.
“I am a woman of about thirty years,” she began. “I sense that my name is Nubnoset which means, ‘servant of Set’. I am standing in front of a man with a high hat and dark robe. He has a long black mustache that extends past his chin and outlines a mouth that is firm and strong. His eyes are riveting. I cannot lower my gaze to encompass his body. All I can see is his stern, dark face and a huge hat decorated with rubies and emeralds.”
“Who is this man?” asked the Guide to keep Shature aware of her higher consciousness.
“I can sense that he is a High Priest of the Temple of Set. He is my lover…No… he is my father. NO…he is both! It is acceptable in this culture for a man to take his daughter to bed. We have been lovers for many years and we have a daughter named Nephrite who is thirteen years of age. My father doesn’t want me anymore. I am too old, or rather, our daughter is ‘old enough’.
“I am begging with him not to embarrass me. How can he cast me aside? I am telling him that since I was a young girl I have served him and his evil God, that I have done unspeakable things to myself and to others because he asked me to.'“
“‘HA,” he laughs at me. “You chose to serve ‘my’ God and were happy to do so as long as you felt the power.'“
“His words cut me like a knife. How can that be true? How could I have actually enjoyed a life so filled with selfish and depraved deeds? I look into the heart of Nubnoset and shudder to realize that he has spoken the truth. I have used others to achieve my own ends and pushed them aside when I was satiated. I have ruined my life for a man who has never cared for me. I am not even sad that I may lose him. For the first time since my initiation into the Priesthood of Set, I am afraid. I am afraid that I will suffer what I have done to others.
“I fall to the ground in a plea for mercy. I hold onto his ankles and tell him all that I will do for him if he will just not cast me aside. He laughs again and kicks me away. I kneel on the ground at his feet and cover my face with my hands as I sob hysterically.
“‘Will you die for me?’ he asks as he kneels down and lays his dagger on the floor beside me. He pulls my hands from my face and smiles his sinister smile as he looks into my tear-filled eyes.
“For a moment, time stands still. I am looking into his face as he smiles at me, almost lovingly. But he loves only himself. This is what he wants me to DO for him. He wants me to kill myself for him, just like I have killed others-for him. My father, the evil Priest, picks up the dagger and offers it to me. I know the dagger. He uses it for sacrifices to Set.
“I stare into the glisten of its sharp, curved blade for what seems like eternity. All the times that I used that dagger on others flashes before my eyes. Yes, of course, in the end I will use it on myself. I am to be his sacrifice now. I take the dagger and he chuckles as he stands and walks across the room where he will watch me die-for him.
“I place the point of the blade just below my sternum. I know how to make the kill quick and clean. I learned it from him.”
Then, all went black for a moment as Shature fought to remember who she was. She was not Nubnoset, but Nubnoset was a portion of her. However, there was also a life on Venus, her Guide, and Lamire. Yes, she must think of her life upon fifth dimensional Venus in order to rescue herself from the depths of Nubnoset’s Hell.
Shature took a slow, deep breath and realized that she had detached from Nubnoset who was lying at her feet. She looked around and, with a cold chill, she realized that she and the etheric form of Nubnoset were in the lower Astral Plane. Shature remembered how she had feared this plane while she was in Atlantis and Faerie.
Everywhere she looked was a blood red darkness that was almost black. She heard wails and cries in the distance, but all she could see through the heavy and sticky blackness was herself and Nubnoset. Nubnoset gradually aroused and slowly sat up. Although Shature was touching her, Nubnoset was aware only of herself and the hatred that she held inside of her for the man whom she blamed for causing her death. She must seek revenge. Shature tried to communicate with Nubnoset, but was instead swept back into her mind. Stature’s Guide called to her.
“Speak to me Shature and tell me of your experience.”
From her place in the lower Astral Plane, Nubnoset, with Shature locked in her consciousness, could observe the physical plane where she had just “died.”
“He thinks that he can discard me like a slave.” Shature heard the thoughts of Nubnoset-her thoughts as Nubnoset. “I will not have it. He will be sorry for what he has done to me. I will use my physic powers to influence someone to poison him. Xaria, his servant, is beginning to hate him for what he has done to her. I know that I can influence her to put the poison in his goblet.”
Shature tried to be the observer and connect with the mind of Nubnoset, but it was impossible. It was only with feelings of compassion or love that Nubnoset could recognize Stature’s call and Nubnoset had neither. Shature was trying to understand how her Soul could have chosen such a life. What could she have learned? She died just as cruelly as she had lived. As she sank back into Nubnoset’s consciousness Shature heard the voice of her Guide reminding her to continue speaking to him.
“I have done it,” spoke Nubnoset as she observed the physical plane. The consciousness of Shature was trapped within Nubnoset’s bitter thoughts and words. “Xaria hates the High Priest very much. I have spoken to her in her sleep and used my psychic influence, plus a little Black Magic, to give her the idea of putting poison into his goblet. There he is! He is going to drink from the cup.
“But wait. He is pausing. Could he suspect? He always knew when someone was against him. Could he know that it is I? He is looking at me as if he can see my ghost! He is smiling as he sets down the goblet and leaves the room. I hear him in the other room talking to our daughter. He is telling her that she is so special that he will allow her to drink from his cup.
“He knows! He knows what I have planned. He can see me even though I am dead and he is sending our daughter to her death just to spite me.
“I watch in horror as Nephrite enters the room and walks toward the poisoned drink. What can I do? Who can I call to help me? My daughter cannot see me. Since my death I have come to her many times in her sleep and have tried to tell her about the High Priest, but she will not hear. She loves him like I did when I was young, before the evil overtook my heart and robbed me of the ability to love. She is as foolish as I was and will meet the same end.
“I must call someone. I cannot call on the forces of Set as they are the cause of this. I must call on the other side. I must call upon the Light. But, could the light hear my voice? I have turned to the darkness and become as wicked as my father. I have totally given my Soul over to the forces of darkness in the name of–what? It certainly was not Love.
Shature pulled herself from the trap of Nubnoset’s consciousness and saw a small ray of light enter the darkness of their Hell. This was her chance. Nubnoset did love someone. She loved her daughter and was trying to turn towards the light to save her. Maybe now Shature could maintain an observer-consciousness long enough to serve as Nubnoset’s guide. Shature pulled the Violet Fire around her and tried to remember her childhood as Nubnoset.
Had she ever believed in Spirit? She then remembered Nubnoset as a young woman sitting upon her mother’s deathbed. Nubnoset’s mother had believed in the Violet Fire and had given her a cartouche with the name of Archangel Zadkiel engraved upon it in hieroglyphics. Her mother had told her that the Archangel Zadkiel was the guardian of the Violet Fire and she should call upon him for protection. Shature whispered to Nubnoset to remember her mother.
Suddenly, the name Zadkiel came into Nubnoset’s mind and she seemed to awaken to her bleak environment for the first time.
“Where am I?” she asked Shature whom she could now see.
“You are dead; Nubnoset and you are in the lower Astral Plane. Some have called this place Hell.”
“Yes, I have come here at my death because of the corrupt life that I have lived.”
“And,” continued Shature “because you have wished ill upon the living. But, you have remembered love, love of your daughter, and have called upon the forces of Light to assist you in saving her. I am Shature and I am here to answer your call. Do you remember Archangel Zadkiel?”
“Zadkiel, yes, The Order of Zadkiel, and the Temple of the Violet Fire. I had a small cartouche that my mother had given me at her death. She told me that it had been passed down from mother to child since the time of Atlantis. I was to hold it and to call to the images with my mind when I was afraid. But, I knew my father wouldn’t approve. I loved him more than my mother so I put the cartouche away in my drawer and soon forgot it. Do you think that I could call to it now after serving the darkness for most of my life?”
“It is never too late to remember the light,” comforted Shature.
“But I no longer have a voice. I no longer have a body. And I fear that I no longer have a Soul. I gave them all away because I wanted my father to love me. Do I care now for his love? He has forsaken me even after my death. Now I must save my daughter or she shall meet the same fate. All I care for is the life of my child. I must call upon the Violet Fire. But how?”
“Do you remember how your mother called the Violet Fire? She tried to teach you.”
“But, I wouldn’t listen,” continued Nubnoset. “It was something about consecration of every portion of yourself. But, I cannot remember now and I must hurry to save my daughter.”
“Nubnoset,” Shature spoke gently. “There is no hurry because you are no longer bound by Earth time.”
“Yes,” spoke Nubnoset in a moment of sadness. “I am dead. I have wasted my life by giving it to another. I will not allow my daughter to waste hers. I cannot!”
“Then say the words of consecration with me. I will help you,” spoke Shature.
“Beloved Archangel Zadkiel, I call upon you to consecrate me in the Forces of Light.”
Nubnoset repeated the words and then her dark eyes registered light.
“I remember, I remember the dedication. I will say it with you.” Together, they finished the decree.
“I consecrate the energies of my lifestream as it flows from the heart of the Sun!
“I consecrate my physical body, my emotional body, my mental body, and my etheric body to the service of the Violet Fire!
“I consecrate my eyes to see only the Light.
“I consecrate my ears to hear only the sound of the One and the still small voice of the Presence!
“I consecrate my mouth to speak only with the tongues of Angels!
“I consecrate my mind that it may receive the clear and direct consciousness of the Higher Self.
“I consecrate my hands that they may heal and my feet that they may walk upon the Path of Light.
“Take this form, every cell and atom, and consecrate it to the service of the Light.
“Blaze, Blaze, Blaze the Violet Fire!
Transmuting ALL shadow into LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT!”
All was still.
They watched the physical plane below where Nephrite paused as if she had heard the decree. Then, the room began to shake and the table holding the goblet tipped and the goblet fell to the floor, spilling the contents.
The Light had saved her!
But wait, Nephrite was dabbing up the poisoned wine with the hem of her gown and touching it to her lips.
“NO! NO! NO!” called Nubnoset. “Archangel Zadkiel, you must stop her!”
“She will not die,” resonated the powerful and melodious voice of Zadkiel.
A ray of Violet Light streaked through the darkness as Zadkiel spoke. But when the light faded the blackness returned and Shature was again pulled inside the consciousness of Nubnoset. The distant voice of her Guide was the only thread of light that connected Shature to her fifth dimensional self.
“Speak to me,” he called to her.
“I am still in the lower Astral Plane,” spoke Shature from deep within the consciousness of Nubnoset. “It has been three Earth days since my daughter touched the poisoned liquid to her lips. I fear that she will die after all. No, she has died! Here she is. She can see me now.”
“‘No, Mother, I am not yet dead, but I linger so close to death that I can now see your form. I must know. How did I get so ill? Is it from the wine? Were you trying to kill me, as Father has said?”
“No, my daughter, I tried to poison him, but his will was too strong. Why would I poison you with his goblet? Somehow he knew my plan and sent you to drink from his cup to punish me. I do not condone what I have done. I wanted to murder him because I could not face my own darkness. I had to blame my evil choices on him. But all of my actions were my own. Please, dear daughter, do not make the same mistakes that I have.
“I called upon the forces of the Light to assist you when you went to drink of the goblet. That is why the room shook and the goblet fell to the ground. Archangel Zadkiel has told me that you will not die. I must believe his words. The faith that I could not have for myself I vow to have for you.
“Dear Nephrite, I beg you. Do not allow him to corrupt you. My mother tried to warn me just as I am warning you, but I would not listen to her. When you awaken, and I know you will, go to the top drawer of my red dresser. Inside there is a small cartouche that my mother gave to me. Wear it my dear and it will protect you.”
The image of her daughter began to fade because her body was calling her back. Nephrite would not die.
“You will have the strength, my daughter, that I did not,” Nubnoset called to Nephrite’s fading form. “You will be able to say no to him. I was not!”
The last vision of Nephrite was gone and Nubnoset was left alone in the lower Astral Plane. Even her connection to Shature was forgotten. Shature had gone so deeply into Nubnoset’s consciousness to assist her with saving Nephrite that Shature had become lost in the caverns of Nubnoset’s tortured mind. Nubnoset heard a voice calling from deep within her unconscious, “Shature, Shature!” but she did not recognize the voice or the name. The darkness of her environment had separated her from Shature and from Shature’s Guide. Nubnoset was alone. She was abandoned to the darkness in her death just as she had been in her life. Abandonment, yes that is what her father had threatened over and over again to coerce her into doing his will. Now, finally, she had stood up to him-from the other side of the grave.
A memory came to her of how her father had locked her in a small, dark room until she had agreed to do anything just so that he would release her. The total darkness of the small, foul-smelling room had always terrified her. Every time she was locked inside the room she tried to confront her fear and to relax into the darkness, but it reminded her of the wicked things that were done to her and that she had done to others. She realized now that it was not just the fear that had made her beg him to release her, it was the guilt and shame as well.
Now, once again, Nubnoset was in darkness. Her greatest fears in life had become her reality in death. Was this to be her punishment for the evil life that she had lived? Was she to exist eternally alone in the deepest darkness? Alone, with only her fear and shame to remind her of what she had done. Unlike the dark room of her childhood, there were no walls here — only an infinity of nothingness. But, she had made her choices. Her mother had not followed her father’s ways. It had cost her mother her health, but at least she had her Soul. Nubnoset knew that she deserved this death to atone for all the suffering she had caused in her life.
But wait, was that a small glimmer of light off to her right? No, it was merely her imagination. Then she heard a voice. It was the same voice who had called the name Shature earlier.
“If you can imagine the Light, then you can choose it.” Nubnoset did not understand the meaning of these words, but they did prompt her to look to the light again. It seemed somewhat brighter, but it flickered on and off with the surges of fear that engulfed her. In fact, there appeared to be a connection. When she gave into her fear, the light grew dim or and even disappeared completely. But, when she summoned the courage to face her fear and the deep guilt and shame beneath it, the light grew brighter. The fear seemed to control the Light.
She wondered if, inversely, the Light could control the fear. If she chose to focus only on the light would the fear diminish? Deep in her mind there was a warm chuckle from the unknown voice. The warmth of the voice amplified the light, which made it easier to find in the clawing darkness. She focused on the light more intently now and found that, as she did so, the fear faded. Could she choose to see only the light? Could the light distract her from her fear and anger-anger at her father and anger at herself? Yes, she was angry with herself. She knew now that she had always blamed herself for giving into her father. But, could she have stopped him?
No, she had been a child. She had no strength against her powerful father. Had there been a small speck of light inside that room, or inside herself that she could not see because she was afraid? But, of course, she was afraid. How could she judge herself for that? She had been a child and she was no match for her father. He manipulated her with the dark room and with his dark mind. He always knew just what to say and how to say it so that she would believe him. He even made her believe that her mother did not love her and that he was the only parent who cared for her!
Nubnoset knew that she would have to forgive that child, forgive herself, for giving into the power of her father. With that thought she felt a warm glow arise within her ethereal body. The glow felt almost like love, but she wasn’t sure. She had not had much experience with love. She felt love from her mother when she had given her the cartouche and she had felt it from her daughter/sister when she was born. But, she had never felt it from a man. She had felt only fear and hatred from them. No-wait-somewhere deep in her memory a flash ignited. A face appeared in her mind, the long forgotten face of a young man.
Deep sadness and regret filled her as she envisioned him. Her ghostly form shivered with agony and regret. He was the only man who had ever loved her. She had forgotten him because the sorrow and guilt of his memory were too great. He had tried to save her, but her father had found out about them. She remembered the scene as she relived it. She was only fifteen years old. Her lover was one of the young soldiers who were assigned to guard the halls of the temple where her mother lived. Her mother was still alive then, although she was always ill. Some said it was because of her father’s Black Magic.
Nubnoset relived how she had met her young man while he was guarding her mother’s door and how they had taken the risk of looking into each other’s eyes. Normally, the guards were like statues and were never noticed. However, as she passed him, she felt a pull so strong that she could not resist turning her head. He looked familiar even though she knew that she had never seen him. In fact, as she relived the moment, she realized that he had “felt” familiar. As she looked into his eyes, she felt a pull at her heart and she heard the name, Lamire. But, as she learned later, that was not his name nor was it anyone that he knew. But now, the name alone brought such a glow to her heart that the dim light before her beamed stronger and stronger.
“Shature, Shature!” she heard again in her mind. But, the name still meant nothing to her. The only thing that was familiar was the “feel” of her one true love and the name, Lamire. She had never known what had happened to her lover. Her father had found them where they secretly met in the garden. She was taken away from him and put in her dark room until she begged to be released. Nubnoset hoped they had simply killed him and not used him for their evil purposes. She knew that her father could make him call for death, beg for death. It was the vision of what they might be doing to him that haunted her as she was trapped in the darkness.
“Release him and I will be your servant,” she begged.
But her father knew better than to allow her to make a decision based on love. He left her in her deepest fear and guilt until she forgot her lover, forgot Love! She never knew how long she had been locked away. When finally they released her, she was taken into deep caves of the Temple of Set where the light of day had never shown.
She must return to those caves again for within them was hidden her Soul-but how?
“Follow the Light,” she heard the voice that bad been calling for someone named Shature. It was now becoming familiar. She looked towards the light and as she did so, she saw that it was moving away from her.
“No,” she cried. “Do not leave me.” She moved towards the speck of light and it grew stronger, but still it moved away from her.
“Am I being abandoned again?” she cried.
The light dimmed as she allowed the old fear to come forward.
“I choose the Light,” she called. “Do not leave me. I will not allow the darkness to overtake me again.”
The light grew stronger in response to her words and began to move more swiftly.
“The Light is not leaving you. It is guiding you,” spoke the voice.
The Light grew brighter and brighter as she followed it, but it was always just beyond her reach. Then she saw a cave. But wait, the cave was the Cave of Set where she had practiced Black Magic and much worse. The light stopped just within its entrance beckoning her to join it.
“I can’t go in there again. It is filled with darkness. But, as she spoke, the light grew brighter and sent a tentacle of itself into the mouth of the cave. It wanted her to enter the cave, to enter her fears and her own darkness that was hidden there.
“I do not want to blame my darkness on another!” She spoke to the impersonal light. “I will no longer blame my father for my own behavior. I could have resisted him like my mother did. In the end, I died just as she did.”
“You needed to learn about your own darkness,” spoke the familiar voice that now seemed to be inside of her. This voice seemed to be guiding her. Had she known it before?
“You must now learn to view that darkness not as an enemy with whom you must do battle, but as a component of yourself that is always present in the lower worlds. Light and dark are not just ‘good’ and ‘bad’ as they are experienced in the lower worlds.”
The voice was clear now. Yes, she had known it before, but when? She certainly had not known it in her life as Nubnoset. The voice continued and disrupted Nubnoset’s thoughts.
“Darkness and light are only opposite extremes on a spectrum. Light represents unity and darkness represents separation. If you deny your darkness in order to know only your light, you allow one portion of yourself to become ‘unconscious’ to your total awareness.”
“I have definitely not denied my darkness. Now I wish to acknowledge my light.”
“Then you must take this light into the cave and unify it with your darkness.”
“Will that heal the life I have just lived?”
“It will help.”
“Then, I will enter the cave. I don’t ever want to have another life like the one I have just experienced.”
“Yes, that is a wise decision,” spoke the voice. “However, it is a dangerous one. Once you have gone deep into your own darkness, you can easily forget your light. That is what happened in the life that you have just lived. You must first surround yourself with the light that awaits you at the entrance to the cave. It is your own light that you felt when you remembered your lover.
“When you step down into the caves of your psyche, take with you an amethyst crystal in your right hand and a clear crystal in your left hand.” A crystal materialized in each hand. “These crystals will protect you and help you hold your light during your journey. Also, use the Violet Fire in the manner that you used it to save your daughter. Remember that your only true enemy is the enemy within that you are not aware of. With your crystals and the Violet Fire, begin your journey NOW.”
Nubnoset stepped warily into the dark regions of the cave. She tenaciously held the crystals and constantly chanted for the protection of the Violet Fire. The cave was in total darkness and the only light was her own. At the entrance of the cave she had felt strong enough to make this journey, but now fear was eroding away at her courage. She could not see where she was going or where she had been. She was a small island of light lost in the deepest recesses of darkness.
Then, memories came to her mind, memories of lives other than the one she had just left. Lives in which she had done to others what her father had done to her. She had kept these lives as a secret from herself to avoid the shame and guilt that they held and she had created dungeons in her mind to hold them. Now Nubnoset saw the threshold to this dungeon mirrored before her. On the other side of that threshold she knew was every life which she had just remembered, every life that she had just felt. Nubnoset sank back in horror, her light dimmed.
“Shature, Shature,” called the voice that had been guiding her. Who was Shature and why was the voice calling for her? Had she know this voice before? Was it calling her Shature?
“Yes,” replied the voice. “It is you I call. YOU are Shature.”
“No,” she argued, “I am Nubnoset, or at least I was Nubnoset.”
But, she was not sure who she was now. Since entering the cave, she realized that she had been many people in many different lifetimes. Perhaps she had once been the person called Shature. No, wait, she remembered now. Shature had been the name of the one who had helped her save her daughter. And the voice, yes, it was familiar as well. A brief picture crossed her mind of a circular room with a domed ceiling.
“Shature,” the voice called again.
Yes, it felt like her name. The voice felt loving and so did the circular room. She wanted to trust the voice and believe that somehow it was calling the wise woman who had helped her. Perhaps that wise woman, Shature, WAS a part of her. Since she had had so many lives filled with darkness, then she must have also had lives in which she developed her light. But how could she be Nubnoset and also be Shature at the same time?
“I am a higher vibration of you,” spoke Shature who was freed from the depths of Nubnoset’s unconsciousness by her Guide’s call and by Nubnoset’s awareness of her. “I have come into you from another dimension so that I may guide you. The voice you have heard is my Guide.”
Deep within her heart Nubnoset felt Shature’s love, but shame for the life she had just lived did not allow her to accept that love.
“I know that it is difficult for you to feel your Higher Self when you have just left a life so filled with darkness,” continued Shature in a gentle, caring voice. “Because of the life you have just lived you forgot that there was guidance upon which you could depend. But you forgot because you were so alone in that life that you could not believe that someone cared for you. Even I became lost in you-just as you were lost. But because you remembered love and followed the light, I have awakened in you. Now I can assist you in balancing your darkness with your light.
“Feel me within you as we enter the dungeon. Allow my power, my wisdom, and my love to be yours. Feel me within you as I speak through you.”
Nubnoset did not understand all that Shature told her, but she could feel a wisdom, a power and a love inside of her that had never been present before. Nubnoset, with Shature awakened within her, bravely stepped across the threshold of her dungeon. Before her was a long hallway with rows of cells on either side. The scent of decay was nauseating.
The vision of horror made her want to shield her eyes and the sounds of agony threatened to dim her light. She clung to the feeling of this other, wiser portion of herself inside of her. Nubnoset held the crystals firmly in her hands, called upon the Violet Fire one more time, and entered the first cell.
Within this cell was a Wizard who had created a monster, simply because he could. He wanted to test his power of creation and, since he believed he was separate from all life, it did not occur to him that this monster might prey on others. In the end, it preyed upon him and caused his death. The monster and its creator had been locked in mortal combat ever since. Nubnoset shone the Violet Light into the cell. She walked through the bars, knowing that they were just an illusion. The monster and the wizard turned and, for one brief moment, ceased their endless battle.
“Who are you?” they asked together.
“I am the sum total of all that I have been,” spoke Shature through the astral form of Nubnoset. “I have come here now to claim you as a portion of myself.”
“Why would we wish to join you?” they sneered.
“You have no choice. I am you and you are me. I now step into you and embrace you with my Light. I neither judge you nor fear you. When I was a child, I spoke as a child and acted as a child. Now I am of the ONE and I embrace the children of my Soul. “The Light of my total Self now fills this cell!”
With these words, the monster and the Wizard were transformed into pure creation and creator.
Nubnoset, with Shature as her inner guide, then moved through each cell shining the Violet Fire and embracing the darkness with the light. There was a Priestess of the Darkness from ancient India and an evil witch in early England. There were vicious warriors who cared only for the blood of others, and glory for themselves, and cruel, brutal men who turned their women into slaves to be used for their service and pleasure. There were manipulative women who pulled men into their web like a black widow spider and used their seductive power to harm others.
All of these, and more, were absorbed into the Light.
Down and down the rows of cells walked Nubnoset with Shature radiating from within her until all the cells were absorbed and transmuted by the light. The dungeon was empty now and Nubnoset had to transform it as well.
“I must now clear this dungeon with my Light,” Shature and Nubnoset now spoke as one voice. “I must own this dungeon as my own by taking responsibility for its creation. As I stand in the center of this dungeon of my Soul-I NOW forgive myself. I was learning to be a creator and I created separation and limitation. I then abandoned my creations and sent them to this prison deep within myself. I NOW am beyond the time and space of separation and I NOW stand in the center of this dungeon and project my light into each crevice and corner to clear all the density of fear, greed, and selfishness.
“I shall return, again and again, to transmute the accumulation of my own secret darkness and absorb it into my Light.
“Blaze, Blaze, the Violet Fire
Transmuting ALL shadow into LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT!”
Nubnoset stepped from the cave and took one last look at the life she had left. Below her Nephrite was opening the top drawer of the red dresser and pulling out a cartouche made of a metal she had never seen. She held it by its long chain up to a ray of early morning light that entered a room once filled with darkness. A violet light flashed before the girl’s eyes and illumined her face. Nephrite smiled and pulled the chain over her head. The cartouche hid beneath her gown and rested upon her heart. The room was suddenly filled with brightness. Had more sun entered the room or was that the light of Nubnoset’s daughter.
Excerpts from:
RECONSTRUCTING REALITY
Book Two of Visions from Venus
By Suzan Caroll PhD
(In this section of Book II, Shature, the main character, is studying on the fifth dimension and acting as the Higher Self to her different third dimensional lives. Shature does this by entering into a dome, which allows her to interface with the physical world.)
“Shature, I have felt your approach. Are you ready to resume your studies?” spoke the Guide as Shature entered the Temple.
“Yes, my Guide, I am. I feel different somehow. I feel like I am on the edge of a great transition. I have merged with my Divine Complement and we have realized some patterns that we must release. I know that I must heal my fear of abandonment. This fear creates a vicious cycle. First, I fear that I will be abandoned. Then, because I am afraid, I cannot trust others. Then, because I cannot trust others, I am angry. Then, because I am angry, I push others away. Then, because I push others away, they leave me. The, because others have left me, I am afraid that I will be abandoned.”
“Wonderful, my one. I can see that you now understand the pattern that you have created. I have telepathically received your desire to view the lives in which you danced this cycle of abandonment. Your desire will activate different third dimensional realities and program them into the dome. The dome will then present a holographic display of one time period at a time. Remember, you are actually entering that time frame and any interaction that you have with its occupants is real and will most assuredly alter their reality…”
Ancient Egypt
This time, Shature found herself experiencing the story as a participant rather than as an observer. She was not too happy about this since she knew that something happened in this life that pulled her into her darkness. She began to feel a panic arise from deep within her and she knew that she would have to calm herself in order to remain detached. Yes, something very bad had happened. She could feel the evil overtake her like a million spiders crawling on her flesh.
“You are feeling the evil around you,” spoke the Guide in response to Stature’s thoughts. “You are now in a life in ancient Egypt and you are a Priestess of the Temple of Set. The Temple of Set brought the teachings of the Dark Robes to Egypt at the fall of Atlantis. The name Set means ‘cutter’ or ‘isolator’. Set’s followers seek initiation through self-deification and call upon the forces of isolation and limitation to free them selves from what they believe is the ‘delusion of unity’.
They desire the experience of the greatest individuality without any responsibility to others and without the consequence of their action. They believe that the end is more important than the means. They achieve the fulfillment of their desires through the use of Black Magic, which is the interaction with the disharmonious energies of the physical and the lower Astral Plane.
“Do you remember how you feared and avoided the Dark Robes on Atlantis? Your Soul could not understand their Black Magic. Your unresolved fear drew you into this life so that you could learn why one would choose to follow the darkness rather than the light.”
“Yes,” whispered Shature as if she were trying not to disturb the forces of darkness that clung to her. “I can feel that I am totally selfish in this life. Nothing is more important than my own self-advancement. Anyone who might assist me in that purpose is disposable once I am finished with them. I can feel that I am ruthless, cold, and completely without love. How will my fifth dimensional consciousness ever assist one who has no ability to love?”
“I am here with you, “ said the voice of the Guide. “I know that is difficult for you to experience this life as a participant. However, your lessons are advancing and you are ready for greater and greater challenges. Keep talking to me with your mind. It will help you to maintain a link to your consciousness as Shature.”
Shature was glad to obey the Guide’s request. Perhaps if she could talk about what she was experiencing, it would help calm her fear.
“I am a woman of about thirty years,” she began. “I sense that my name is Nubnoset which means, ‘servant of Set’. I am standing in front of a man with a high hat and dark robe. He has a long black mustache that extends past his chin and outlines a mouth that is firm and strong. His eyes are riveting. I cannot lower my gaze to encompass his body. All I can see is his stern, dark face and a huge hat decorated with rubies and emeralds.”
“Who is this man?” asked the Guide to keep Shature aware of her higher consciousness.
“I can sense that he is a High Priest of the Temple of Set. He is my lover…No… he is my father. NO…he is both! It is acceptable in this culture for a man to take his daughter to bed. We have been lovers for many years and we have a daughter named Nephrite who is thirteen years of age. My father doesn’t want me anymore. I am too old, or rather, our daughter is ‘old enough’.
“I am begging with him not to embarrass me. How can he cast me aside? I am telling him that since I was a young girl I have served him and his evil God, that I have done unspeakable things to myself and to others because he asked me to.'“
“‘HA,” he laughs at me. “You chose to serve ‘my’ God and were happy to do so as long as you felt the power.'“
“His words cut me like a knife. How can that be true? How could I have actually enjoyed a life so filled with selfish and depraved deeds? I look into the heart of Nubnoset and shudder to realize that he has spoken the truth. I have used others to achieve my own ends and pushed them aside when I was satiated. I have ruined my life for a man who has never cared for me. I am not even sad that I may lose him. For the first time since my initiation into the Priesthood of Set, I am afraid. I am afraid that I will suffer what I have done to others.
“I fall to the ground in a plea for mercy. I hold onto his ankles and tell him all that I will do for him if he will just not cast me aside. He laughs again and kicks me away. I kneel on the ground at his feet and cover my face with my hands as I sob hysterically.
“‘Will you die for me?’ he asks as he kneels down and lays his dagger on the floor beside me. He pulls my hands from my face and smiles his sinister smile as he looks into my tear-filled eyes.
“For a moment, time stands still. I am looking into his face as he smiles at me, almost lovingly. But he loves only himself. This is what he wants me to DO for him. He wants me to kill myself for him, just like I have killed others-for him. My father, the evil Priest, picks up the dagger and offers it to me. I know the dagger. He uses it for sacrifices to Set.
“I stare into the glisten of its sharp, curved blade for what seems like eternity. All the times that I used that dagger on others flashes before my eyes. Yes, of course, in the end I will use it on myself. I am to be his sacrifice now. I take the dagger and he chuckles as he stands and walks across the room where he will watch me die-for him.
“I place the point of the blade just below my sternum. I know how to make the kill quick and clean. I learned it from him.”
Then, all went black for a moment as Shature fought to remember who she was. She was not Nubnoset, but Nubnoset was a portion of her. However, there was also a life on Venus, her Guide, and Lamire. Yes, she must think of her life upon fifth dimensional Venus in order to rescue herself from the depths of Nubnoset’s Hell.
Shature took a slow, deep breath and realized that she had detached from Nubnoset who was lying at her feet. She looked around and, with a cold chill, she realized that she and the etheric form of Nubnoset were in the lower Astral Plane. Shature remembered how she had feared this plane while she was in Atlantis and Faerie.
Everywhere she looked was a blood red darkness that was almost black. She heard wails and cries in the distance, but all she could see through the heavy and sticky blackness was herself and Nubnoset. Nubnoset gradually aroused and slowly sat up. Although Shature was touching her, Nubnoset was aware only of herself and the hatred that she held inside of her for the man whom she blamed for causing her death. She must seek revenge. Shature tried to communicate with Nubnoset, but was instead swept back into her mind. Stature’s Guide called to her.
“Speak to me Shature and tell me of your experience.”
From her place in the lower Astral Plane, Nubnoset, with Shature locked in her consciousness, could observe the physical plane where she had just “died.”
“He thinks that he can discard me like a slave.” Shature heard the thoughts of Nubnoset-her thoughts as Nubnoset. “I will not have it. He will be sorry for what he has done to me. I will use my physic powers to influence someone to poison him. Xaria, his servant, is beginning to hate him for what he has done to her. I know that I can influence her to put the poison in his goblet.”
Shature tried to be the observer and connect with the mind of Nubnoset, but it was impossible. It was only with feelings of compassion or love that Nubnoset could recognize Stature’s call and Nubnoset had neither. Shature was trying to understand how her Soul could have chosen such a life. What could she have learned? She died just as cruelly as she had lived. As she sank back into Nubnoset’s consciousness Shature heard the voice of her Guide reminding her to continue speaking to him.
“I have done it,” spoke Nubnoset as she observed the physical plane. The consciousness of Shature was trapped within Nubnoset’s bitter thoughts and words. “Xaria hates the High Priest very much. I have spoken to her in her sleep and used my psychic influence, plus a little Black Magic, to give her the idea of putting poison into his goblet. There he is! He is going to drink from the cup.
“But wait. He is pausing. Could he suspect? He always knew when someone was against him. Could he know that it is I? He is looking at me as if he can see my ghost! He is smiling as he sets down the goblet and leaves the room. I hear him in the other room talking to our daughter. He is telling her that she is so special that he will allow her to drink from his cup.
“He knows! He knows what I have planned. He can see me even though I am dead and he is sending our daughter to her death just to spite me.
“I watch in horror as Nephrite enters the room and walks toward the poisoned drink. What can I do? Who can I call to help me? My daughter cannot see me. Since my death I have come to her many times in her sleep and have tried to tell her about the High Priest, but she will not hear. She loves him like I did when I was young, before the evil overtook my heart and robbed me of the ability to love. She is as foolish as I was and will meet the same end.
“I must call someone. I cannot call on the forces of Set as they are the cause of this. I must call on the other side. I must call upon the Light. But, could the light hear my voice? I have turned to the darkness and become as wicked as my father. I have totally given my Soul over to the forces of darkness in the name of–what? It certainly was not Love.
Shature pulled herself from the trap of Nubnoset’s consciousness and saw a small ray of light enter the darkness of their Hell. This was her chance. Nubnoset did love someone. She loved her daughter and was trying to turn towards the light to save her. Maybe now Shature could maintain an observer-consciousness long enough to serve as Nubnoset’s guide. Shature pulled the Violet Fire around her and tried to remember her childhood as Nubnoset.
Had she ever believed in Spirit? She then remembered Nubnoset as a young woman sitting upon her mother’s deathbed. Nubnoset’s mother had believed in the Violet Fire and had given her a cartouche with the name of Archangel Zadkiel engraved upon it in hieroglyphics. Her mother had told her that the Archangel Zadkiel was the guardian of the Violet Fire and she should call upon him for protection. Shature whispered to Nubnoset to remember her mother.
Suddenly, the name Zadkiel came into Nubnoset’s mind and she seemed to awaken to her bleak environment for the first time.
“Where am I?” she asked Shature whom she could now see.
“You are dead; Nubnoset and you are in the lower Astral Plane. Some have called this place Hell.”
“Yes, I have come here at my death because of the corrupt life that I have lived.”
“And,” continued Shature “because you have wished ill upon the living. But, you have remembered love, love of your daughter, and have called upon the forces of Light to assist you in saving her. I am Shature and I am here to answer your call. Do you remember Archangel Zadkiel?”
“Zadkiel, yes, The Order of Zadkiel, and the Temple of the Violet Fire. I had a small cartouche that my mother had given me at her death. She told me that it had been passed down from mother to child since the time of Atlantis. I was to hold it and to call to the images with my mind when I was afraid. But, I knew my father wouldn’t approve. I loved him more than my mother so I put the cartouche away in my drawer and soon forgot it. Do you think that I could call to it now after serving the darkness for most of my life?”
“It is never too late to remember the light,” comforted Shature.
“But I no longer have a voice. I no longer have a body. And I fear that I no longer have a Soul. I gave them all away because I wanted my father to love me. Do I care now for his love? He has forsaken me even after my death. Now I must save my daughter or she shall meet the same fate. All I care for is the life of my child. I must call upon the Violet Fire. But how?”
“Do you remember how your mother called the Violet Fire? She tried to teach you.”
“But, I wouldn’t listen,” continued Nubnoset. “It was something about consecration of every portion of yourself. But, I cannot remember now and I must hurry to save my daughter.”
“Nubnoset,” Shature spoke gently. “There is no hurry because you are no longer bound by Earth time.”
“Yes,” spoke Nubnoset in a moment of sadness. “I am dead. I have wasted my life by giving it to another. I will not allow my daughter to waste hers. I cannot!”
“Then say the words of consecration with me. I will help you,” spoke Shature.
“Beloved Archangel Zadkiel, I call upon you to consecrate me in the Forces of Light.”
Nubnoset repeated the words and then her dark eyes registered light.
“I remember, I remember the dedication. I will say it with you.” Together, they finished the decree.
“I consecrate the energies of my lifestream as it flows from the heart of the Sun!
“I consecrate my physical body, my emotional body, my mental body, and my etheric body to the service of the Violet Fire!
“I consecrate my eyes to see only the Light.
“I consecrate my ears to hear only the sound of the One and the still small voice of the Presence!
“I consecrate my mouth to speak only with the tongues of Angels!
“I consecrate my mind that it may receive the clear and direct consciousness of the Higher Self.
“I consecrate my hands that they may heal and my feet that they may walk upon the Path of Light.
“Take this form, every cell and atom, and consecrate it to the service of the Light.
“Blaze, Blaze, Blaze the Violet Fire!
Transmuting ALL shadow into LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT!”
All was still.
They watched the physical plane below where Nephrite paused as if she had heard the decree. Then, the room began to shake and the table holding the goblet tipped and the goblet fell to the floor, spilling the contents.
The Light had saved her!
But wait, Nephrite was dabbing up the poisoned wine with the hem of her gown and touching it to her lips.
“NO! NO! NO!” called Nubnoset. “Archangel Zadkiel, you must stop her!”
“She will not die,” resonated the powerful and melodious voice of Zadkiel.
A ray of Violet Light streaked through the darkness as Zadkiel spoke. But when the light faded the blackness returned and Shature was again pulled inside the consciousness of Nubnoset. The distant voice of her Guide was the only thread of light that connected Shature to her fifth dimensional self.
“Speak to me,” he called to her.
“I am still in the lower Astral Plane,” spoke Shature from deep within the consciousness of Nubnoset. “It has been three Earth days since my daughter touched the poisoned liquid to her lips. I fear that she will die after all. No, she has died! Here she is. She can see me now.”
“‘No, Mother, I am not yet dead, but I linger so close to death that I can now see your form. I must know. How did I get so ill? Is it from the wine? Were you trying to kill me, as Father has said?”
“No, my daughter, I tried to poison him, but his will was too strong. Why would I poison you with his goblet? Somehow he knew my plan and sent you to drink from his cup to punish me. I do not condone what I have done. I wanted to murder him because I could not face my own darkness. I had to blame my evil choices on him. But all of my actions were my own. Please, dear daughter, do not make the same mistakes that I have.
“I called upon the forces of the Light to assist you when you went to drink of the goblet. That is why the room shook and the goblet fell to the ground. Archangel Zadkiel has told me that you will not die. I must believe his words. The faith that I could not have for myself I vow to have for you.
“Dear Nephrite, I beg you. Do not allow him to corrupt you. My mother tried to warn me just as I am warning you, but I would not listen to her. When you awaken, and I know you will, go to the top drawer of my red dresser. Inside there is a small cartouche that my mother gave to me. Wear it my dear and it will protect you.”
The image of her daughter began to fade because her body was calling her back. Nephrite would not die.
“You will have the strength, my daughter, that I did not,” Nubnoset called to Nephrite’s fading form. “You will be able to say no to him. I was not!”
The last vision of Nephrite was gone and Nubnoset was left alone in the lower Astral Plane. Even her connection to Shature was forgotten. Shature had gone so deeply into Nubnoset’s consciousness to assist her with saving Nephrite that Shature had become lost in the caverns of Nubnoset’s tortured mind. Nubnoset heard a voice calling from deep within her unconscious, “Shature, Shature!” but she did not recognize the voice or the name. The darkness of her environment had separated her from Shature and from Shature’s Guide. Nubnoset was alone. She was abandoned to the darkness in her death just as she had been in her life. Abandonment, yes that is what her father had threatened over and over again to coerce her into doing his will. Now, finally, she had stood up to him-from the other side of the grave.
A memory came to her of how her father had locked her in a small, dark room until she had agreed to do anything just so that he would release her. The total darkness of the small, foul-smelling room had always terrified her. Every time she was locked inside the room she tried to confront her fear and to relax into the darkness, but it reminded her of the wicked things that were done to her and that she had done to others. She realized now that it was not just the fear that had made her beg him to release her, it was the guilt and shame as well.
Now, once again, Nubnoset was in darkness. Her greatest fears in life had become her reality in death. Was this to be her punishment for the evil life that she had lived? Was she to exist eternally alone in the deepest darkness? Alone, with only her fear and shame to remind her of what she had done. Unlike the dark room of her childhood, there were no walls here — only an infinity of nothingness. But, she had made her choices. Her mother had not followed her father’s ways. It had cost her mother her health, but at least she had her Soul. Nubnoset knew that she deserved this death to atone for all the suffering she had caused in her life.
But wait, was that a small glimmer of light off to her right? No, it was merely her imagination. Then she heard a voice. It was the same voice who had called the name Shature earlier.
“If you can imagine the Light, then you can choose it.” Nubnoset did not understand the meaning of these words, but they did prompt her to look to the light again. It seemed somewhat brighter, but it flickered on and off with the surges of fear that engulfed her. In fact, there appeared to be a connection. When she gave into her fear, the light grew dim or and even disappeared completely. But, when she summoned the courage to face her fear and the deep guilt and shame beneath it, the light grew brighter. The fear seemed to control the Light.
She wondered if, inversely, the Light could control the fear. If she chose to focus only on the light would the fear diminish? Deep in her mind there was a warm chuckle from the unknown voice. The warmth of the voice amplified the light, which made it easier to find in the clawing darkness. She focused on the light more intently now and found that, as she did so, the fear faded. Could she choose to see only the light? Could the light distract her from her fear and anger-anger at her father and anger at herself? Yes, she was angry with herself. She knew now that she had always blamed herself for giving into her father. But, could she have stopped him?
No, she had been a child. She had no strength against her powerful father. Had there been a small speck of light inside that room, or inside herself that she could not see because she was afraid? But, of course, she was afraid. How could she judge herself for that? She had been a child and she was no match for her father. He manipulated her with the dark room and with his dark mind. He always knew just what to say and how to say it so that she would believe him. He even made her believe that her mother did not love her and that he was the only parent who cared for her!
Nubnoset knew that she would have to forgive that child, forgive herself, for giving into the power of her father. With that thought she felt a warm glow arise within her ethereal body. The glow felt almost like love, but she wasn’t sure. She had not had much experience with love. She felt love from her mother when she had given her the cartouche and she had felt it from her daughter/sister when she was born. But, she had never felt it from a man. She had felt only fear and hatred from them. No-wait-somewhere deep in her memory a flash ignited. A face appeared in her mind, the long forgotten face of a young man.
Deep sadness and regret filled her as she envisioned him. Her ghostly form shivered with agony and regret. He was the only man who had ever loved her. She had forgotten him because the sorrow and guilt of his memory were too great. He had tried to save her, but her father had found out about them. She remembered the scene as she relived it. She was only fifteen years old. Her lover was one of the young soldiers who were assigned to guard the halls of the temple where her mother lived. Her mother was still alive then, although she was always ill. Some said it was because of her father’s Black Magic.
Nubnoset relived how she had met her young man while he was guarding her mother’s door and how they had taken the risk of looking into each other’s eyes. Normally, the guards were like statues and were never noticed. However, as she passed him, she felt a pull so strong that she could not resist turning her head. He looked familiar even though she knew that she had never seen him. In fact, as she relived the moment, she realized that he had “felt” familiar. As she looked into his eyes, she felt a pull at her heart and she heard the name, Lamire. But, as she learned later, that was not his name nor was it anyone that he knew. But now, the name alone brought such a glow to her heart that the dim light before her beamed stronger and stronger.
“Shature, Shature!” she heard again in her mind. But, the name still meant nothing to her. The only thing that was familiar was the “feel” of her one true love and the name, Lamire. She had never known what had happened to her lover. Her father had found them where they secretly met in the garden. She was taken away from him and put in her dark room until she begged to be released. Nubnoset hoped they had simply killed him and not used him for their evil purposes. She knew that her father could make him call for death, beg for death. It was the vision of what they might be doing to him that haunted her as she was trapped in the darkness.
“Release him and I will be your servant,” she begged.
But her father knew better than to allow her to make a decision based on love. He left her in her deepest fear and guilt until she forgot her lover, forgot Love! She never knew how long she had been locked away. When finally they released her, she was taken into deep caves of the Temple of Set where the light of day had never shown.
She must return to those caves again for within them was hidden her Soul-but how?
“Follow the Light,” she heard the voice that bad been calling for someone named Shature. It was now becoming familiar. She looked towards the light and as she did so, she saw that it was moving away from her.
“No,” she cried. “Do not leave me.” She moved towards the speck of light and it grew stronger, but still it moved away from her.
“Am I being abandoned again?” she cried.
The light dimmed as she allowed the old fear to come forward.
“I choose the Light,” she called. “Do not leave me. I will not allow the darkness to overtake me again.”
The light grew stronger in response to her words and began to move more swiftly.
“The Light is not leaving you. It is guiding you,” spoke the voice.
The Light grew brighter and brighter as she followed it, but it was always just beyond her reach. Then she saw a cave. But wait, the cave was the Cave of Set where she had practiced Black Magic and much worse. The light stopped just within its entrance beckoning her to join it.
“I can’t go in there again. It is filled with darkness. But, as she spoke, the light grew brighter and sent a tentacle of itself into the mouth of the cave. It wanted her to enter the cave, to enter her fears and her own darkness that was hidden there.
“I do not want to blame my darkness on another!” She spoke to the impersonal light. “I will no longer blame my father for my own behavior. I could have resisted him like my mother did. In the end, I died just as she did.”
“You needed to learn about your own darkness,” spoke the familiar voice that now seemed to be inside of her. This voice seemed to be guiding her. Had she known it before?
“You must now learn to view that darkness not as an enemy with whom you must do battle, but as a component of yourself that is always present in the lower worlds. Light and dark are not just ‘good’ and ‘bad’ as they are experienced in the lower worlds.”
The voice was clear now. Yes, she had known it before, but when? She certainly had not known it in her life as Nubnoset. The voice continued and disrupted Nubnoset’s thoughts.
“Darkness and light are only opposite extremes on a spectrum. Light represents unity and darkness represents separation. If you deny your darkness in order to know only your light, you allow one portion of yourself to become ‘unconscious’ to your total awareness.”
“I have definitely not denied my darkness. Now I wish to acknowledge my light.”
“Then you must take this light into the cave and unify it with your darkness.”
“Will that heal the life I have just lived?”
“It will help.”
“Then, I will enter the cave. I don’t ever want to have another life like the one I have just experienced.”
“Yes, that is a wise decision,” spoke the voice. “However, it is a dangerous one. Once you have gone deep into your own darkness, you can easily forget your light. That is what happened in the life that you have just lived. You must first surround yourself with the light that awaits you at the entrance to the cave. It is your own light that you felt when you remembered your lover.
“When you step down into the caves of your psyche, take with you an amethyst crystal in your right hand and a clear crystal in your left hand.” A crystal materialized in each hand. “These crystals will protect you and help you hold your light during your journey. Also, use the Violet Fire in the manner that you used it to save your daughter. Remember that your only true enemy is the enemy within that you are not aware of. With your crystals and the Violet Fire, begin your journey NOW.”
Nubnoset stepped warily into the dark regions of the cave. She tenaciously held the crystals and constantly chanted for the protection of the Violet Fire. The cave was in total darkness and the only light was her own. At the entrance of the cave she had felt strong enough to make this journey, but now fear was eroding away at her courage. She could not see where she was going or where she had been. She was a small island of light lost in the deepest recesses of darkness.
Then, memories came to her mind, memories of lives other than the one she had just left. Lives in which she had done to others what her father had done to her. She had kept these lives as a secret from herself to avoid the shame and guilt that they held and she had created dungeons in her mind to hold them. Now Nubnoset saw the threshold to this dungeon mirrored before her. On the other side of that threshold she knew was every life which she had just remembered, every life that she had just felt. Nubnoset sank back in horror, her light dimmed.
“Shature, Shature,” called the voice that had been guiding her. Who was Shature and why was the voice calling for her? Had she know this voice before? Was it calling her Shature?
“Yes,” replied the voice. “It is you I call. YOU are Shature.”
“No,” she argued, “I am Nubnoset, or at least I was Nubnoset.”
But, she was not sure who she was now. Since entering the cave, she realized that she had been many people in many different lifetimes. Perhaps she had once been the person called Shature. No, wait, she remembered now. Shature had been the name of the one who had helped her save her daughter. And the voice, yes, it was familiar as well. A brief picture crossed her mind of a circular room with a domed ceiling.
“Shature,” the voice called again.
Yes, it felt like her name. The voice felt loving and so did the circular room. She wanted to trust the voice and believe that somehow it was calling the wise woman who had helped her. Perhaps that wise woman, Shature, WAS a part of her. Since she had had so many lives filled with darkness, then she must have also had lives in which she developed her light. But how could she be Nubnoset and also be Shature at the same time?
“I am a higher vibration of you,” spoke Shature who was freed from the depths of Nubnoset’s unconsciousness by her Guide’s call and by Nubnoset’s awareness of her. “I have come into you from another dimension so that I may guide you. The voice you have heard is my Guide.”
Deep within her heart Nubnoset felt Shature’s love, but shame for the life she had just lived did not allow her to accept that love.
“I know that it is difficult for you to feel your Higher Self when you have just left a life so filled with darkness,” continued Shature in a gentle, caring voice. “Because of the life you have just lived you forgot that there was guidance upon which you could depend. But you forgot because you were so alone in that life that you could not believe that someone cared for you. Even I became lost in you-just as you were lost. But because you remembered love and followed the light, I have awakened in you. Now I can assist you in balancing your darkness with your light.
“Feel me within you as we enter the dungeon. Allow my power, my wisdom, and my love to be yours. Feel me within you as I speak through you.”
Nubnoset did not understand all that Shature told her, but she could feel a wisdom, a power and a love inside of her that had never been present before. Nubnoset, with Shature awakened within her, bravely stepped across the threshold of her dungeon. Before her was a long hallway with rows of cells on either side. The scent of decay was nauseating.
The vision of horror made her want to shield her eyes and the sounds of agony threatened to dim her light. She clung to the feeling of this other, wiser portion of herself inside of her. Nubnoset held the crystals firmly in her hands, called upon the Violet Fire one more time, and entered the first cell.
Within this cell was a Wizard who had created a monster, simply because he could. He wanted to test his power of creation and, since he believed he was separate from all life, it did not occur to him that this monster might prey on others. In the end, it preyed upon him and caused his death. The monster and its creator had been locked in mortal combat ever since. Nubnoset shone the Violet Light into the cell. She walked through the bars, knowing that they were just an illusion. The monster and the wizard turned and, for one brief moment, ceased their endless battle.
“Who are you?” they asked together.
“I am the sum total of all that I have been,” spoke Shature through the astral form of Nubnoset. “I have come here now to claim you as a portion of myself.”
“Why would we wish to join you?” they sneered.
“You have no choice. I am you and you are me. I now step into you and embrace you with my Light. I neither judge you nor fear you. When I was a child, I spoke as a child and acted as a child. Now I am of the ONE and I embrace the children of my Soul. “The Light of my total Self now fills this cell!”
With these words, the monster and the Wizard were transformed into pure creation and creator.
Nubnoset, with Shature as her inner guide, then moved through each cell shining the Violet Fire and embracing the darkness with the light. There was a Priestess of the Darkness from ancient India and an evil witch in early England. There were vicious warriors who cared only for the blood of others, and glory for themselves, and cruel, brutal men who turned their women into slaves to be used for their service and pleasure. There were manipulative women who pulled men into their web like a black widow spider and used their seductive power to harm others.
All of these, and more, were absorbed into the Light.
Down and down the rows of cells walked Nubnoset with Shature radiating from within her until all the cells were absorbed and transmuted by the light. The dungeon was empty now and Nubnoset had to transform it as well.
“I must now clear this dungeon with my Light,” Shature and Nubnoset now spoke as one voice. “I must own this dungeon as my own by taking responsibility for its creation. As I stand in the center of this dungeon of my Soul-I NOW forgive myself. I was learning to be a creator and I created separation and limitation. I then abandoned my creations and sent them to this prison deep within myself. I NOW am beyond the time and space of separation and I NOW stand in the center of this dungeon and project my light into each crevice and corner to clear all the density of fear, greed, and selfishness.
“I shall return, again and again, to transmute the accumulation of my own secret darkness and absorb it into my Light.
“Blaze, Blaze, the Violet Fire
Transmuting ALL shadow into LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT!”
Nubnoset stepped from the cave and took one last look at the life she had left. Below her Nephrite was opening the top drawer of the red dresser and pulling out a cartouche made of a metal she had never seen. She held it by its long chain up to a ray of early morning light that entered a room once filled with darkness. A violet light flashed before the girl’s eyes and illumined her face. Nephrite smiled and pulled the chain over her head. The cartouche hid beneath her gown and rested upon her heart. The room was suddenly filled with brightness. Had more sun entered the room or was that the light of Nubnoset’s daughter.