Bring4th

Prior to this thread, I made a thread about how I began becoming somewhat plagued with vivid murderous fantasies at times of people who wrong me.

That was months ago, the occurrence has persisted but since I've begun allowing them, rather than letting them occur then suppressing them part way in, I've decided to embrace them.  The results.

It's exactly like the way the show Dexter from Showtime goes when he's being tailed by Sgt. Dokes, his need bleeds into on-the-spot murderous fantasies towards people who annoy or mistreat him, so, when people mistreat me in the daily grind, the on the spot desire to kill occurs, thankfully, I value life exponentially over death and murder.
The intensity of these 'fantasies' varies from chewing a person out for failing so miserably at doing their job, to various ways torturing and murdering, if not just straight up killing them and walking away 'making the world a better place.'

In the addendum of murder, I've discovered the feelings are charged from a desensitization to the value of life within Society.

The Absence of the Value of Life in America.
*Police Officers alone are screened for sociopathy, lack of empathy, taught to shoot first, utilizing their union to get by legal repercussions.  This has been this way since 1992 and earlier.  I was a baby when I was first exposed to police brutality when my parents called the Mesa police to report a fight at their apartment complex, and one of the people held a gun, then tossed it into the bush right in front of my window (as per my Mother's recalling).  When the police showed up, my Dad opened the door to fill them in on what was happening, they rough-housed him to the ground, handcuffed and dragged him by his arms across the ground around the complex, threatened to harm my mother and told her to get his I.D and to get back in the apartment.
Fast forward to THIS DAY 23~ years later.  Just this morning, a suicidal girl in Mesa was shot to death, covered on the local news station (which was somewhat surprising.) when she was a threat to herself and no one else.

*Murder is appreciated in the online video game industry, how many games are designed around murdering the competition, vs cooperating together?  Not just this, murder is taught to be 'fun', and fun it is when you're playing a game.  How that can reflect into reality, depends from person to person but when a guy plays GTA and can't distinguish such actions as unacceptable in reality, there is some worth in pointing out that there is a lack of education upon the Value of Life in that area where such crimes being related to violent video games occur.

*Killing is insinuated to be a natural part of life via subliminal messages across Hollywood.  Stemming all the way back to the Lion King to literally every day News Stations.  Murder is a natural part of life apparently.  Spoiler Alert: It's Actually Not.

*Our Legal System condemns life to a life of walls, guards, and violent individuals, for taking a life, if not, taking life itself in the face of murder.  Essentially, life is so meaningless, taking it is met with the removal of the taker.  The ultimate hypocrisy.

*This is all just in regards to HUMAN life.  Plant Life and Animal Life is essentially considered taboo, inciting 'tree-hugger, hippy' comments socially to negate the awareness of Life.

*Crystals, and elements like Fire, which exhibit scientifically determined the most basic signs of life (reproduction, consumption) aren't considered alive.  Information posited such as from The Source Field Study which shows a way to prove plant life is at the least 'aware', are undermined socially, right from scientists skewing the results with improper methods, to a show called Mythbusters publicly discrediting the research 'collectively' (or 'nationally') through poorly performing the same experiment and calling it 'busted' when they don't get the same results.  Sadly none of them paid attention to how 'their thoughts affect the way the plant's respond'.

*Of the animals which exhibit intelligence which we can measure (Dolphins, Species of Monkey/Gorilla/Orangutan, Pigs) are not considered intelligent life, a somewhat legally important definition.

So, when I view this blatant lack of the Value of Life, my automatic defense mechanism, is to shove it right back in the offenders face to directly, not indirectly as our Universe goes about its catalytic delivery system, show the abuser their own image.

The result, I've learned much from how I respond to people.  My NUMBER ONE trigger that incites a Murder Fantasy to occur is Apathy.  In the face of Apathy, one can perform murder easily, this is not the same as becoming desensitized or numb to Murder, this is literally the ability to ignore the otherwise natural emotional implications of performing Murder.  I've had some dreams where I experienced the act of murdering, it was sobering as I discovered I do not enjoy it when it's actually happening.  This bled into my conscious thoughts, the enjoyment of ending apathetic people's lives faded, very, very quickly.

The Number Two trigger I have: Cruelty.
In the face of Cruelty I have experienced very...powerful desires to return the feelings exponentially, essentially mangling the very soul of the person, and ALWAYS ending in the assurance that should they return to this sphere, I will put them through the torment all over again, essentially personally banning them from Earth.  It's interesting to note this trigger incites much more violent scenes than those one might find in GTA:V, but of which are not focused around inducing pain like in the scenes in GTA:V.

Mine thankfully only include baseball bats, knives, swords, axes, and bullets, and one time, a chainsaw! (I should not watch Chainsaw Texas Massacre...  That incited a reverse chainsaw revenge on the freaky demented guy with the chainsaw.) But, not so much outright pain endurance, but returning in a physical manner the outright cruel catalyst they dish out, such as when I see someone destroying another's opinions of themselves, and cutting away a persons self-belief/confidence, I end up returning that in these moments of fantasy as physical occurrence.  As if to say, I am the Catalyst directed exponentially, this is what it feels like, stop doing what you do, or else.

It is specifically that second trigger that has made me ultimately decide to just let it happen so that I lose the emotional charge and understand WHY THIS IS HAPPENING IN MY BRAIN.  Now I know.

This is why:
I hate apathy and cruelty, probably because it exists in myself and I choose/chose to ignore and suppress it rather than accept it.  The result is as Ra says, unused Catalyst will first affect the Mind, then, the Body.  I caught it at the Mind, do not want it transpiring to the Body.  So I sit here giving y'all this post to chronicle the 'occurrence/catalyst'.  Since I've lost that 'emotional frenzy-charge' associated with these thoughts/fantasies I've noticed 80% of these thoughts are actually caused from TELEVISION.  Very rarely will I actually want to murder someone right in front of me, because right there being with them I understand their reasons for being apathetic, and sometimes their cruelty.  Life is Hard, it's hard to be positive all the time.  But when I'm watching a movie, or a TV show, like Dexter, they come frequently with my ADD pulling me from the show into my thoughts of murdering them.  This happens often with the 'bad guys' in shows.  It's why I like Star Trek and Archer and the Twilight Zone, these shows don't typically cause these thoughts to occur, they help me relax instead.

I would like to point out, I am not comfortable posting this...This is more...To showcase to anyone else who finds themselves having these thoughts that there is a reason for them, that is not particularly 'bad' at its roots.  I have an over-desire to make the World a better place.  This can manifest in thought in...extreme ways.  It's why I wish I could learn martial arts like Tai-chi or Wing Chun, to quickly and efficiently end a violent occurrence with as little overt violence as possible.  To avoid losing myself in any kind of emotional frenzy.

I apologize for the violent energy that might be apparent, and I ask any of you who pick up on it to approach it with love and acceptance and embracing the root of its manifestation, the desire to protect those from harm, by dishing out great harm to the harmer.

I work in odd ways, it's interesting how those extremes can be so...horrible...based from a place of positive desire.  It's weird how the absence of the value of life in the place I live has manifested inside of me a similar sensation towards those who perpetuate the continued absence of that value of life.  It's why I am a self-proclaimed hypocrite.

Discussion on this absence is welcome, I would actually appreciate someone disproving this apparent absence of the value of life.  I see it's value is becoming known in awareness, and...I am VERY happy that it's coming forth not through the ways I have mentally experienced, but with kindness and consideration, with legal pushes in areas at the State and Federal levels.

Thank you for reading, I apologize for the extremity.

Get a punching bag and go to town on it man, sounds like you really need it...Maybe get a shot or two of whiskey in to really get the emotions pouring out. This way you can safely play out you fantasies without actually harming another.

I'm not worried about harming another ever.  Never been in a fist fight, and have no desire to create physical actual violence.

Plus, I have inside of me...Basically, an endless well of Anger.  'Releasing it' is pointless for me, I've tried, it just keeps pouring and pouring until it carries me away unto dark furious places inside where nothing is reconcilable, and insanity ensues.

Instead, I approach these things with a positive energy, something I should have done from the very beginning...

...Pllluus the last punching bag I had, I broke...  Sooo, I'd rather just be vocal, scream in my house all alone at no one but myself and God, until my voice is raspy and my throat is sore.

Though, now a days I just stand in front of a mirror in my room or the bathroom and let the fantasy play out completely, keeping an eye on myself to see where I go with it all.

Standing in front of a mirror is almost therapeutic for me, as is talking to myself in that mirror as if I were another, and discovering I sound exactly like most people that annoy me.

I also once read a study that found that letting out physical outbursts such as breaking plates, hitting a pillow, or breaking or hitting anything, actually reinforces the behavior vs helps calm it down.

I actually think, ironically, that this post of yours is almost devoid of any hateful energies, even though you are talking about hatred, you are expressing it in a very creative and productive way, here.

I agree with you entirely and would add another layer: Our society has distorted "aggression" to mean "violence", when aggression is actually just the yang, the external driving force, the masculine energy force. Seth equates "aggression" with Ra's definition of Love: the driving energy force, the thrust. What I see in your post is that you desperately want to do something, and as you said, in our distorted societal ways, we idolize people like Dexter (my dog was named Dexter, so I'm not pointing fingers), because we are so conditioned to equate that creative thrust with violence. It goes hand in hand with not valuing lifeforms. "Well, I don't like it, I can just remove its existence" is valid logic to a lot of people, but as those who are aware of metaphysical energies, we know that removing a problem externally or running away from it will not solve it, it will just pop up in another form later.

So yes, I think it's important to cultivate a love and appreciation of others and value them. There are no mistakes, there is no waste, and each human is capable of realizing oneness in a moment. We're all infinitely valuable.

Quote:I also once read a study that found that letting out physical outbursts such as breaking plates, hitting a pillow, or breaking or hitting anything, actually reinforces the behavior vs helps calm it down.

This is a very important thing to think about actually, and true, I believe. It's also why the more you thought about murderous thoughts, the more they came to you unprovoked. It's really great that your dreamtime give you a "discharge" button to help you dissmenate and learn this lesson, which is a good one. It's also why I rail on about polarity, really. It's how the Experience of the Mind works.

Quote:94.12 Questioner: It seems to me that the Experience of the Mind would act in such a way as to change the nature of the veil so that catalyst would be filtered so as to be more acceptable in the bias that is increasingly chosen by the entity. For instance, if the entity had chosen the right-hand path the Experience of the Mind would change the permeability of the veil to accept more and more positive catalyst, and also the other would be true for accepting more negative if the left-hand path were the one that was repeatedly chosen. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is not only correct but there is a further ramification. As the entity increases in experience it shall, more and more, choose positive interpretations of catalyst if it is upon the service-to-others path and negative interpretations of catalyst if its experience has been along the service-to-self path.

The catalyst we receive is reflective of the catalyst we choose.

Quote:Q'uo: You have been a magician each time that you have faced a situation in life and made a conscious choice to respond to catalyst that is offered you in a way which was not automatic in your responsive system. When you have chosen a higher path, when you have chosen a soft word instead of a harsh one, a kind action instead of a rude one, or an honest if hard answer instead of a hypocritical though easy one, you have acted in a magical way, choosing to lift your consciousness to a higher path.

(02-05-2016, 10:40 AM)Bring4th_Jade Wrote: [ -> ]

Quote:Q'uo: You have been a magician each time that you have faced a situation in life and made a conscious choice to respond to catalyst that is offered you in a way which was not automatic in your responsive system. When you have chosen a higher path, when you have chosen a soft word instead of a harsh one, a kind action instead of a rude one, or an honest if hard answer instead of a hypocritical though easy one, you have acted in a magical way, choosing to lift your consciousness to a higher path.

In the light of this Quote, it reminded me of mentioning how this works both ways.

I have, as of late, showcased to those living with me the 'darkest' energy I can mirror to them that I pick up from them.  Most typically, this involves insult and cruelty to things we agree upon, are bad or annoying.

The result of this downright dark honesty, they have noticed it in themselves much more suddenly.  My mom has begun standing up to her Employer (Chase Bank) at least in the small ways she can without losing her job.  My roommate has decided she does not want to be like me, and has begun taking the 'higher' road.

I must say, my intent to teach as I learn has begun helping others learn to see the darkness in themselves, and to begin making their choice.

Now...The only real problem is...  Having had to do this for months, I'm now conditioned to naturally respond by mirroring the perceived energy.  This was apparent when I blew my top at Anagogy a few days ago.

So.  This is making it a bit difficult to be approachable otherwise.  I need to begin re-conditioning myself back to a more neutral then positive output...

Thank you for reminding me of this, I meant to include it in the OP since it is veeeery curious to note, I am devoid of murder fantasies directed toward my friends or family, excluding my extremely cruel ass of a half-brother.

I think that's interesting that you've seen that - and it's also interesting that you've watched others around you then, take the "positive" interpretation of their catalyst you gave them, instead of feeding you back the negative energies in a loop, they broke free of their limiting thoughts. So I'd say your experiment to be service to others while being service to self worked. And, it's also proof that from bad behaviors can come good outcomes. The choice now being that you want to start feeding yourself more positive experiences instead of negative - which takes a lot willpower, but I think you're finding it. It's not hard, it just takes that initial intention, and thrust of desire. And the good news is that it builds on itself. Honestly, the only reason I'm "dogmatic" about polarity is because of how the Experience of the Mind works: the more we choose the positive interpretation of catalyst, the more we receive catalyst that can be interpreted in a positive manner. I mean, ultimately it's about having a more fulfilling and joyful experience in our incarnations, yeah? Just that darn human masochism making us enjoy pain so much....

I also like how this is an example of how "that which is not need falls away" - you finally decided to experience your fantasies to their full extent, and after experiencing it intensely for a while, you no longer need it and can from this rebuild a more therapeutic approach to dealing with your perceived stifled aggression.

(02-05-2016, 11:08 AM)Bring4th_Jade Wrote: [ -> ]I also like how this is an example of how "that which is not need falls away" - you finally decided to experience your fantasies to their full extent, and after experiencing it intensely for a while, you no longer need it and can from this rebuild a more therapeutic approach to dealing with your perceived stifled aggression.

Thank you for mentioning this.

The last time I experienced the falling-away-effect...I 'lost' (or it went away) my infinite well of Anger.  All of my sadness.  My shame and discontent.  So my criteria is based on some high extremes that I experienced first-hand during my initial awakening for several months.

It's hard to see it at all in these small ways when everything shed off me initially in one go...  I didn't even realize, so, thank you.

I think we choose to experience these things so thoroughly (the infinite well of anger, etc) so that we can learn/teach others out of it once we learn our way out. So, thank you for so thoroughly engaging in this facet of the creator, and teaching us about it.

Since you refer to it as infinite well of Anger I'd guess that this anger is not related to your current lifetime nor perhaps to this world. Have you made for yourself associations with the roots of this anger?

I found within myself infinite potential for anger but very little anger of itself. Instead I found, through my psychedelic experiences, an infinite well of sorrow (which I found heavy but also extremely beautiful in itself). It was very projected to my face until I accepted this sorrow fully as part of my soul and as what was mine to work upon.

Now I get very little catalyst regarding this and my focus has shifted mostly on quite the opposite of sorrow, but sometimes I get an insight on something not related to this place that allows myself to express a portion of my sorrow as to allow it to heal.

(02-05-2016, 11:46 AM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]Since you refer to it as infinite well of Anger I'd guess that this anger is not related to your current lifetime nor perhaps to this world. Have you made for yourself associations with the roots of this anger?

I found within myself infinite potential for anger but very little anger of itself. Instead I found, through my psychedelic experiences, an infinite well of sorrow (which I found heavy but also extremely beautiful in itself). It was very projected to my face until I accepted this sorrow fully as part of my soul and as what was mine to work upon.

Now I get very little catalyst regarding this and my focus has shifted mostly on quite the opposite of sorrow, but sometimes I get an insight on something not related to this place that allows myself to express a portion of my sorrow as to allow it to heal.

Powerlessness is probably the cause.  If not a negative based incarnation where I 'honed' anger into my depths combining it with myself in a distorted sense.  It's...at it's worse...Like being combed over every inch of my skin with knives.  The anger is Malice in its most pure form, coming through I, a very gentle person, in the worst ways plausible/possible.  Infinite Anger.  I have a character in my first book, The Truth, the antagonist who wields black fire that obliterates everything back to the most pure form of creation, back then it was The Obliteration, in retrospect, I now understand it as Intelligent Infinity, a pitch white spacial area that absorbs.

It's actually coming back in my current book, with the added benefit of being within that space brings one to their most pure personality, typically, calmness and joy, if not a tame version of bliss.  Anyways, I digress, this character, named 'Alio' was the first creative persona manifestation I had of the Infinite Well of Anger, his defining trait was Eyes that Glowed Red with Malice.  Very dark character who eluded physical description, sort of veiled until I progressed the story to a certain point.

It's interesting to note, this Well is probably from a very recent incarnation that actually is not linearly in any sense recent.  It's arguable to say...  But potentially if I did partake in a negative incarnation, I choose to hone anger, and the result eludes me in words...  I literally can't describe it because the imagery that comes to mind is not sensible, maybe because the incarnation itself was atypical for me???  But there was great violence, endless power emanated from honing that anger into myself...  It just, makes me feel sick in my stomach when I try to recall the moment I had a flash of maybe a past life on a war torn planet (if not a creative image) holding a person up by the neck while 'literally-figuratively' neck deep in one of the earlier first Murder Fantasies I experienced while working graveyards at Circle K.  From there I think, based on how closed up I get trying to access those memories, that I derived some form of.  Relentless hatred and malice for.

Maybe this entire Reality.

...Huh.  Something to think about....

Powerlessness seems like a good insight since anger seems to try to project this feeling unto others.

Although I do not resonate all that much with anger unless in very particular experiences (most extreme anger I've felt was very selfless and seemed required by the moment, as an archetype), it seems like a past aspect of myself I have honed to the extremes but came to balance. Now I see beauty in anger whether through myself or others although it hasn't been a huge part of my life.

Quote:Questioner: The entity looks to the left, indicating that the mind has the tendency to notice more easily the negative catalyst or negative essence of its environment. Would Ra comment on that observation?

Ra: I am Ra. This is substantially correct.

Quote:Questioner: In the fourth archetype the card shows a male whose body faces forward. I assume this indicates that the Experience of the Mind will reach for catalyst. However, the face is to the left, indicating to me that in reaching for catalyst, negative catalyst will be more apparent in its power and effect than the positive. Would Ra comment on this?

Ra: I am Ra. The archetype of Experience of the Mind reaches not, O student, but with firm authority grasps what it is given. The remainder of your remarks are perceptive.

Quote:Questioner: The magical shape is on the right edge of the card indicating to me that the spiritual significance is on the right edge of the card, indicating to me that the spiritual experience would be the right-hand path. Could Ra comment on that?

Ra: I am Ra. Yes. The figure is expressing the nature of experience by having its attention caught by what may be termed the left-hand catalyst. Meanwhile, the power, the magic, is available upon the right-hand path.

The nature of experience is such that the attention shall be constantly given varieties of experience. Those that are presumed to be negative, or interpreted as negative, may seem in abundance. It is a great challenge to take catalyst and devise the magical, positive experience. That which is magical in the negative experience is much longer coming, shall we say, in the third density.

Great Challenge?

I mean.  How's that work when you consciously are aware that there is no such thing as darkness or negativity beyond the illusion of it?

That seems like the real power garnished from the negative path, is playing with mirrors more so than anything else, distorting the service they give as being 'negative' when my understand of negativity is just inverted positive.  All things are a service.  Even the confusion, illusion, manipulation.

Or maybe you have deceived yourself?

It seems all you can take from your anger is violence. Maybe there is another way to experience that energy? I do not speak against your 'fantasies', that is not my point, my point is where do you go after you realize that anger itself isn't actually the source of the violence but rather your own tendencies?

I am not suggesting repression or blocking, but guiding. It seems often your mind is master of you rather than the other way around. When you 'complete' a murder fantasy where do your thoughts then take you? Better yet, why does violence have such a charge of power in your mind that it results in the release of your anger when you follow through with it?

Maybe, as you say, it is all of the images and examples in life which tie anger and violence together. Anger is in many ways often depicted as being violent in and of itself, but I actually don't think this is true. I think it's dealt with and experienced by people in many different ways. I do not contend to want to change anybody's way, but I am curious to understand the nature and so I do through through the juxtapositioning of different examples.

Anger has been a very recurring theme in my life so I hope to learn more from this.

Just some of my thoughts is that anger is almost always red-ray energy blockage which is creative energy at its most fundamental but I think orange-ray plays a big role in it. I think because the energy that is anger is trapped in that vibration in that zone and becomes imbalanced with the other centers. When that anger is allowed to move up and become the next grade of vibration it is the same energy still, just transposed or transmuted.

Thus, I would ask, what do you think anger is before it is anger and what of its passing?

(02-05-2016, 04:27 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]Great Challenge?

I mean.  How's that work when you consciously are aware that there is no such thing as darkness or negativity beyond the illusion of it?

That seems like the real power garnished from the negative path, is playing with mirrors more so than anything else, distorting the service they give as being 'negative' when my understand of negativity is just inverted positive.  All things are a service.  Even the confusion, illusion, manipulation.

What is inverted positive if not negativity? Lol It looks to me like you are doing your own playing with mirrors in an attempt to become more comfortable with things. Yes, all things are service, but that doesn't mean all things are serving to everyone all the time. Always serving the Creator, yes. Service is in everything but service is not unlimited in everything, so it is perfectly possible for someone to serve only themselves as the Creator while not serving others as the Creator, why wouldn't it be? Just because you are serving doesn't mean you haven't picked a side. That is the whole point of the concept of polarity is how one serves. Just because there is service to all doesn't negate the possible modes of service.

If anything, if I'm being honest, your idea of service seems incredibly selfish and designed to absolve you of any responsibility, as well as anybody else, just saying.

Keep in mind that I am also mirroring you just as you are also mirroring me and others.

P.S. Remember, we've pretty much all been MK-Ultra'd.

-----

SPEAKING of anger.  I'm currently angry since a 40 minute spent post up and disappears thanks to the refresh button.
-flips everything the bird for 15 seconds-

ANYWAYS, I'LL TRY THIS, AGAIN.  Maybe this time 3 people, or 5 won't interrupt me endlessly for 30 god damn minutes.

(02-05-2016, 04:44 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Or maybe you have deceived yourself?

It seems all you can take from your anger is violence. Maybe there is another way to experience that energy? I do not speak against your 'fantasies', that is not my point, my point is where do you go after you realize that anger itself isn't actually the source of the violence but rather your own tendencies?

I am not suggesting repression or blocking, but guiding. It seems often your mind is master of you rather than the other way around. When you 'complete' a murder fantasy where do your thoughts then take you? Better yet, why does violence have such a charge of power in your mind that it results in the release of your anger when you follow through with it?

Maybe, as you say, it is all of the images and examples in life which tie anger and violence together. Anger is in many ways often depicted as being violent in and of itself, but I actually don't think this is true. I think it's dealt with and experienced by people in many different ways. I do not contend to want to change anybody's way, but I am curious to understand the nature and so I do through through the juxtapositioning of different examples.

Anger has been a very recurring theme in my life so I hope to learn more from this.

Just some of my thoughts is that anger is almost always red-ray energy blockage which is creative energy at its most fundamental but I think orange-ray plays a big role in it. I think because the energy that is anger is trapped in that vibration in that zone and becomes imbalanced with the other centers. When that anger is allowed to move up and become the next grade of vibration it is the same energy still, just transposed or transmuted.

Thus, I would ask, what do you think anger is before it is anger and what of its passing?

Yeah, this is infuriating, so decently put, all gone.  I'll try this again point by point...

My Anger and Violence are separate, it's probably more appropriate to say Society desensitizes people to violence, with anger being an excuse for violence.  I actually use anger as a power house or energy, there's a reason I used to spend entire 8 hour shifts furious.  I had no other energy available.

I don't think the source of my anger is violence, it's actually as I said, Apathy and Cruelty.  But regardless, I don't hold a past incarnational placement or any time or spacial placement having effected/effecting me as external, everything I create is sourced from I (though this explanation is also meant to imply I'm an extension of the Creator as everything actually comes from the Creator).  Regardless...  Where do I go?  Typically to shame and worry for my mental state of health.  I used to spend 8 hour shifts in and out of murder fantasies in heavy anger, there was no release even with violence, it's just endless.  The only way out of the very bad moments is to use a lull in the energetic charge to change my train of thought and go elsewhere, but it it like a gravity well.  It's easy to get sucked right back into it.

I would agree with the mind being master over I if not for already noticing and handling that.  Just as with light/dark, sts/sto, I reconcile Mind and Body as Mind/Body, there is no master or submissive persona/entity/differentiation anymore as when there was, both Mind and Consciousness (or Body in terms of the Brain's making possible Consciousness's ability to experience through the brain) constantly butted heads, aka my shadow self and I were constantly trying to be the dominant, like butting heads in one head, I silenced all of that before anything else.  If there is a master, it's under the knowledge that I'm a puppet and the one holding the strings, anything my mind does, I do, anything I do, my mind does, we work in tandem, as One.  Mind/Body or Mind/Consciousness, however is easier to understand.

Anger is not Violence, Anger is like the silent fury of red entering every other chakra, can cloud your judgment or hone it, can make you dangerous or easier to deal with.  Violence is not that, Violence is much more Orange Ray imbued.  And it is addicting as are many Orange Ray energies.  Tom and Jerry, the Looney Tunes, we enjoy violence, as do I when no pain is involved.  Half the reason competitive video games are fun, violence is fun and enjoyable in society.  I just don't enjoy it as much when people are actually getting hurt.  Why do you think Football is so popular?  You think people would watch it as much if the tackling was replaced with touching?

The first time I ever saw red in anger was in 4th grade, in Mr. Lamp's class.  I.  Refrain from further comments...  Beyond one can only be bullied and neglected for so long, if I weren't a gentle person, I'd probably have put one of those kids in the hospital.

If not the pathetic excuse for a human being that went by Mr. Lamp him self for how he treated me.

As I typed before I lost everything, my Anger is Red Ray very much so, but it is fueled heavily by Orange AND Yellow Ray energies imbuing themselves altogether. I don't just hate reality, I hate the way it's designed (Orange Ray), I hate the structures that appear within it (Yellow Ray), but beyond that, I only hate such because it is all Hard for me to Deal with.  The recurring Anger is multifaceted, violence, apathy, cruelty, indifference, malice, hatred, are all roots.  And they branch into every month and year of my life since...Well probably infanthood if my cholicness (6 months of crying since I was born) wasn't just from bad parenting...  Chances are, I was born upset and angry.

Anger is Anger.  It's intelligent infinity before it shows up but that's like a cop-out answer.  Before Anger is usually discontent, or sadness for me, usually because my needs were never met emotionally or mentally.  Being trapped by fucking morons being told I'M the one who was 'special' being forced into illiteracy because I live in an ass-backwards country with a shitty educational system, disregarded, endlessly, not cared for, blamed for everything.  I have, A LOT, to be angry about, and frankly I'm amazed I"m not angrier, cause there is always more anger, more fury, more hatred and malice, that after a point I choose to sever away from, because it is as I said, endless I discovered.

Anger doesn't really have an end result for me beyond An EXTREME form of Awareness and inverted love energy that can be used, albeit not as efficiently, the same way an open red ray gives energy, just with a loss since the conversion rate is not as pure.

(02-05-2016, 04:56 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-05-2016, 04:27 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]Great Challenge?

I mean.  How's that work when you consciously are aware that there is no such thing as darkness or negativity beyond the illusion of it?

That seems like the real power garnished from the negative path, is playing with mirrors more so than anything else, distorting the service they give as being 'negative' when my understand of negativity is just inverted positive.  All things are a service.  Even the confusion, illusion, manipulation.

What is inverted positive if not negativity? Lol It looks to me like you are doing your own playing with mirrors in an attempt to become more comfortable with things. Yes, all things are service, but that doesn't mean all things are serving to everyone all the time. Always serving the Creator, yes. Service is in everything but service is not unlimited in everything, so it is perfectly possible for someone to serve only themselves as the Creator while not serving others as the Creator, why wouldn't it be? Just because you are serving doesn't mean you haven't picked a side. That is the whole point of the concept of polarity is how one serves. Just because there is service to all doesn't negate the possible modes of service.

If anything, if I'm being honest, your idea of service seems incredibly selfish and designed to absolve you of any responsibility, as well as anybody else, just saying.

Actually that's not wrong, and I would've said such but didn't want to start more contentions between what positive and negative are as I don't view either as the purest form of what is sought after in my life.  Positive is negative, negative is positive, male is female, female is male, light is dark, dark is light, left is right, right is left, up/down, down/up, in everything there is a middle ground.  It all stems from a Center/Source.

I am telling you right now, I have chosen [b]How[b] I serve Creator on my own terms for the Creator, I don't see a positive or negative to this, just an attempt to balance Love with Wisdom, giving endlessly makes me angry, I wonder why that is (<-- rhetorical), and in Negativity belies Wisdom just as in Positivity belies Wisdom, both have a piece of the whole, can't properly acquire both halves of the key without both halves first being available, and arguably the Tooth of the key (STO) is all that is really needed, but much greater ease comes if you've got a handle of the key (STS) to help you turn it once in the lock.  Some people learn how to turn the key without the Teeth, why they would do that to themselves, is a matter of personal desire.  I want the whole damn key.  Not asking for my cake and to eat it too, I'm specifying portion, and what kind of cake I'll be eating just as much as being surprised by how it's made and presented to me.

I'm glad you view it in that way, an attempt to 'ab-solve' responsibility.  What I'm actually attempting is to explain how there is no need to worry about Responsibility, it will be performed naturally if it is time.  Not just that, but in the absolute long run, in the face of Eternity, responsibility becomes just another tool to the metaphysical game-board belt.  One that is just as multifaceted as anger can be.

In my opinion, I do feel that responsibility is an excuse to create something to screw up then hold the person responsible despite the design being such as it was intended and inevitably going to screw up 'forcing' responsibility.  My innate issue with the design of reality stems from mainly the above feeling.  Like everyone is put here with the stack shoved heavily against them, then told it's their responsibility to fix something they aren't actually responsible for only because had they the ACTUAL CHOICE, they would have done things differently had they not all been snuffed out, silenced, and forced down by an apparently divinely placed group aka Iluminati/Lucifer, or whatever it might be.  Who is anyone to dictate how things will be run?  They sure don't just allow it to be, and what is their excuse?  For the greater good?  Because they can?  Is any of it worth it?  The endless suffering and plodding through s*** and piss to get to some place only to be beat back to Square 2, if not snuffed out to Square 0.  Where's the justice?  When does the 'Elite' and those who snuffed out so much light, stole so much work, kept so much hidden and pained, when do they get Karma?  After our planet is irradiated into extinction for 4D to come around?

Responsibility is a trigger word for me, I sense mass, great huge massive hypocrisy in this term in the mechanics and operations of this reality just personally.  Responsibility is a way to be cut down, is a tool to abuse and use against others.  'It is not only a responsibility to yourself to keep yourself healthy, but the job you work at, Mr. Beechcroft' -The Twilight Zone A Matter of the Mind (or however that episode name and quote went, too pissy to care at the moment.)

Responsibility is an excuse, You are responsible for YOURSELF, nothing more, anything you effect is arguably your responsibility, but past a point, it is also catalyst and no longer yours.  The responsibility mechanic butts heads with Karmic theory.  Once you relinquish karmic ties, does responsibility keep you further bound??

What is the opposite of Karma, and Responsibility?  I do not believe in karma tying one down forcing them to reincarnate, this defies Free Will.  I do not believe in Responsibility forcing one to perform as such, this undermines Free Will.  I comprehend the Law of Responsibility, but just as I see that The Law of Attraction is not absolute, neither is Responsibility, nor the various Laws of Karma.

Free Will is what the cosmos is responsible with upholding to its denizens.  Confusion similarly does not fit Free Will to me, but is the absence of Free Will, another aspect of the reality of nature in this Octave, you have Free Will but only of what is allowable/possible, Free Will is a misnomer to me and has been for a while and is one area, along with Responsibility, and Karma, that bother me often because they make no sense when all put together.
The only thing that ever did make sense to me was if that all came together to naturally bring entities to perform certain ways, not forcing them.

Yet from the way it is described, it sounds more like a form of bondage to me, and I greatly am unappreciative of this.

I'm more than sure the reason one returns is because at their soul-persona they are not as engendered and bothered by everything as they would be down in it without any knowledge what so ever.

Frickin hell, the Veil alone creates many, many great contradictions to how Responsibility should work, how does an innocent be held responsible?  How does one who DOES NOT KNOW be held responsible?  By an authority.

That is not freedom, free will, or appropriate responsibility utilization, it is manipulation to me.

And if the cosmos calls manipulation Free Will, then I decree the cosmos for the first time, Innately Confused.  It is not the Law of Confusion, it is simply, Higher Confusion.  Mystery, or Confusion, is there a difference?

So I seek something beyond all of that, it is my flaw maybe, that I look so far, so thickly into it, so furiously and passionately.  Reality is innately wrong to me, and that is in itself wrong, so the Major Difficulty comes in reconciling an innate feeling and resonance and belief that this is true, feeling it where I see it.  Being all of it, attaching myself to things, juxtapositioning, furiously, tiredly, constantly.

Responsibility, Karma, Free Will and Confusion.  I don't worry about them, they are a waste of time to me in the long run because they sound like manipulators to force an entity to evolve a certain way.

That is not Free Will in any sense or interpretation, nor is it confusion in any sense of interpretation, it is only manipulation and I let the Universe know by constantly telling it to bend to my whim, as if to say I were a Reality Bender, (I'm not), I want to tell the higher echelons of this Octave, the Creator, and everything, since I told myself and nothing changed, yet when I tell others, reality ripples and bends and changes.

I see a lot of chains.  You can have your Love and Light, I want Truth, this Reality, is very obnoxious to me, maybe it's a perfect confusion and convolution on my part, but I am innately unhappy with this reality and blockage or not, it is deep, and the issue stems across my entire energy system, Love can be used to manipulate, honesty is used against others, intuition can be manipulated, what is the Higher Self then but a potential loving manipulator?  The constant occurrence of one is all, nothing is frowned upon, met with 'this is Positive, this is love, this is negative, this is indifference'.  I am not a fan, just look at my rant...

(02-05-2016, 05:11 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]P.S. Remember, we've pretty much all been MK-Ultra'd.

I actually for a long while had that thought recurring over and over, am I being MK'd, I just figured it paranoia, do you actually believe this?

(02-05-2016, 06:27 PM)earth_spirit Wrote: [ -> ]I don't see how "selfishness" or "irresponsibility" is relevant in any way. Sounds like subjective value judgements that don't add anything to the discussion.

This is literally why I try to ignore judgment, and things like 'STS', 'darkness', 'negativity', 'irresponsibility', 'inadequacy', and 'weakness' as anything but excuses to keep one from constantly chasing their desire and the Truth they seek, whether it be an incarnational goal, a soul goal, a polarity goal, or any kind of goal.

There's so much to use as an excuse, so much madness to get in the way, and at times I con't even know, like right now, I'm just angry and annoyed and blabbering incoherency in frustration.

I'm gonna go play a video game.

(02-05-2016, 08:35 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]what is the Higher Self then but a potential loving manipulator?

Why do you see the Higher Self as such?

(02-05-2016, 08:35 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]SPEAKING of anger.  I'm currently angry since a 40 minute spent post up and disappears thanks to the refresh button.
-flips everything the bird for 15 seconds-

ANYWAYS, I'LL TRY THIS, AGAIN.  Maybe this time 3 people, or 5 won't interrupt me endlessly for 30 god damn minutes.



. . .


Responsibility is a trigger word for me, I sense mass, great huge massive hypocrisy in this term in the mechanics and operations of this reality just personally.  Responsibility is a way to be cut down, is a tool to abuse and use against others.  'It is not only a responsibility to yourself to keep yourself healthy, but the job you work at, Mr. Beechcroft' -The Twilight Zone A Matter of the Mind (or however that episode name and quote went, too pissy to care at the moment.)

Responsibility is an excuse, You are responsible for YOURSELF, nothing more, anything you effect is arguably your responsibility, but past a point, it is also catalyst and no longer yours.  The responsibility mechanic butts heads with Karmic theory.  Once you relinquish karmic ties, does responsibility keep you further bound??

What is the opposite of Karma, and Responsibility?  I do not believe in karma tying one down forcing them to reincarnate, this defies Free Will.  I do not believe in Responsibility forcing one to perform as such, this undermines Free Will.  I comprehend the Law of Responsibility, but just as I see that The Law of Attraction is not absolute, neither is Responsibility, nor the various Laws of Karma.

. . .

For some responsibility is what calls them to their desires. It seems like despite you saying there is no negative or weakness or anything you still imply that concepts such as responsibility are just 'excuses' and madness, but is that not a negative conceptualization?

Looks to me like you're having a lot of fun shooting yourself in the foot.

Also, yes, I think that MK Ultra is very much a real thing and I do believe that the vast majority of westerners have all been influenced by its techniques. Once you know the basic techniques it becomes obvious how much it permeates Film, TV and the like.

You make numerous claims of your intense hatred, but then say there's nothing bad or negative? That sounds like some hardcore cognitive dissonance.

(02-05-2016, 11:15 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-05-2016, 08:35 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]what is the Higher Self then but a potential loving manipulator?

Why do you see the Higher Self as such?

Just potentially.  Sometimes it feels that way to me...  Sometimes, it doesn't.

(02-06-2016, 03:19 AM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]For some responsibility is what calls them to their desires. It seems like despite you saying there is no negative or weakness or anything you still imply that concepts such as responsibility are just 'excuses' and madness, but is that not a negative conceptualization?

Looks to me like you're having a lot of fun shooting yourself in the foot.

Also, yes, I think that MK Ultra is very much a real thing and I do believe that the vast majority of westerners have all been influenced by its techniques. Once you know the basic techniques it becomes obvious how much it permeates Film, TV and the like.

You make numerous claims of your intense hatred, but then say there's nothing bad or negative? That sounds like some hardcore cognitive dissonance.

I'll refer back to E_S, your versions of negative and positive aren't fitting of mine in a sense.  Hatred, Violence, anger, pain.  Negatives?  Yet negative is positive, and positive is negative.  It's all tools to me.  But I'm starting to honestly see this is like trying to fight a tsunami with a sand bucket.  I always find myself in this placement.  The only person who feels and sees and thinks these ways...

So...All I really have to say.

Is if I did have a gun, and have been shooting myself in the foot, by NOW, I'd be up to my femur by now from shooting myself, over, and over, and over.

I'm tired of trying to explain it...

Tired of people, and wanting to be alone but desiring company.

I think I should take a break from this all now.  I'm tired of reality and life...  I can't even enjoy my sleep or dreams.  I go outside, and the noise is endless everywhere.  My neighbor with his bass blasting, the cars always roaring at the highway's all around me.  Can't sit in a park and enjoy the tree's without people giving me issues.  Go out to walk and my stomach bothers me, the sun bugs me, the night I can't even enjoy anymore because I have daily nonsense to tend to in a world so backwards it says I'm responsible for all of the suffering, when all of my suffering is derived from everyone else.

Can't even get the job I want because this place says having a plant substance in your body...  Bah.  I'm done.

Suffering is overrated.

I'm starting to feel like Will Riker from Frame of Mind...  Nothing makes sense, then suddenly it does, then suddenly it doesn't.  One second I can explain it, another it's like trying to make sense of something everyone thinks is foreign...

Truth.  I don't care anymore.  I need to leave.

You all probably find me ridiculous.  Annoying.  Blatant.  I'll stop bothering you all now.

-----

(02-05-2016, 10:18 AM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]It's why I wish I could learn martial arts like Tai-chi or Wing Chun, to quickly and efficiently end a violent occurrence with as little overt violence as possible.  To avoid losing myself in any kind of emotional frenzy.

What's stopping you?

(02-06-2016, 05:10 AM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-05-2016, 11:15 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-05-2016, 08:35 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: [ -> ]what is the Higher Self then but a potential loving manipulator?

Why do you see the Higher Self as such?

Just potentially.  Sometimes it feels that way to me...  Sometimes, it doesn't.

(02-06-2016, 03:19 AM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]For some responsibility is what calls them to their desires. It seems like despite you saying there is no negative or weakness or anything you still imply that concepts such as responsibility are just 'excuses' and madness, but is that not a negative conceptualization?

Looks to me like you're having a lot of fun shooting yourself in the foot.

Also, yes, I think that MK Ultra is very much a real thing and I do believe that the vast majority of westerners have all been influenced by its techniques. Once you know the basic techniques it becomes obvious how much it permeates Film, TV and the like.

You make numerous claims of your intense hatred, but then say there's nothing bad or negative? That sounds like some hardcore cognitive dissonance.

I'll refer back to E_S, your versions of negative and positive aren't fitting of mine in a sense.  Hatred, Violence, anger, pain.  Negatives?  Yet negative is positive, and positive is negative.  It's all tools to me.  But I'm starting to honestly see this is like trying to fight a tsunami with a sand bucket.  I always find myself in this placement.  The only person who feels and sees and thinks these ways...

So...All I really have to say.

Is if I did have a gun, and have been shooting myself in the foot, by NOW, I'd be up to my femur by now from shooting myself, over, and over, and over.

I'm tired of trying to explain it...

Tired of people, and wanting to be alone but desiring company.

I think I should take a break from this all now.  I'm tired of reality and life...  I can't even enjoy my sleep or dreams.  I go outside, and the noise is endless everywhere.  My neighbor with his bass blasting, the cars always roaring at the highway's all around me.  Can't sit in a park and enjoy the tree's without people giving me issues.  Go out to walk and my stomach bothers me, the sun bugs me, the night I can't even enjoy anymore because I have daily nonsense to tend to in a world so backwards it says I'm responsible for all of the suffering, when all of my suffering is derived from everyone else.

Can't even get the job I want because this place says having a plant substance in your body...  Bah.  I'm done.

Suffering is overrated.

I'm starting to feel like Will Riker from Frame of Mind...  Nothing makes sense, then suddenly it does, then suddenly it doesn't.  One second I can explain it, another it's like trying to make sense of something everyone thinks is foreign...

Truth.  I don't care anymore.  I need to leave.

You all probably find me ridiculous.  Annoying.  Blatant.  I'll stop bothering you all now.

I'm just trying to talk with you, man, you don't have to prove or explain anything to me. I ask questions in the manner of my curiosity and desire for understanding but I by no means demand answers and you are free to simply state, as you have done, that you would prefer not. That's all good, bud.

I just can't help but see a glaring cognitive dissonance. By your logic here suffering is positive, so if suffering is positive then why do you not like it? It's like burning yourself but insisting the flame is not hot, I'm just trying to see how you've built your ideas. Of course there is no obligation to help me understand, just a curious cat I am.

Plus, I complete agree with you that they are all tools. Yet, when I think of tools, they have particular purposes. You're probably not going to use a hammer to perform brain surgery. There are limits to the tools.

On Who Framed Roger Rabbit, there was a guy who loved to murder toons.
One time cartoon daggers came out of his eyes.

That's a good movie aha but I'm not sure what you're getting at in regards to the topic?

(02-06-2016, 04:49 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]That's a good movie aha but I'm not sure what you're getting at in regards to the topic?

Sorry, I thought we were on the topic of murder.