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Or do I even want to do this. Over the past year I have been increasingly "spaced out," with some days it being a blissful dream trip and others it being a bad dream, with my mind's thoughts projected into reality. Most days it's somewhere in between. I foresee that I will eventually become completely spaced out at the rate I'm going. I can compare this to being constantly on a dose of LSD - say 80-90 ugs, not quite full trip.

The problem is that I don't see a metaphysical reason for this being what I'm going through right now. I work at a tutoring center, and I have a very good relationship with the kids there. But some days I'm so spaced that everyone seems alien and there is a quality of being simultaneously distant and hyperfocused. Like the quality of the cartoon is super HD, the sounds particularly beautiful and acute, the emotions especially poignant, but I also see that it is a cartoon, and I am impeded from fully participating.

Last night I went to a modern classical music concert and I was BLOWN AWAY by the music, it felt like fourth density clearly showing its head, it was pure magic, real magic, tangible effectual magic. It pulled me into a state equivalent to that of a 150 ug LSD trip. I sincerely felt as if I was in a psychedelic trip, and I couldn't stop thinking about that music. (one of the pieces performed was this: Steve Reich - Eight Lines if you are curious) I felt FRUSTRATED, as in, "why is this magic not happening all of the time everywhere forever?" My parents were somewhat concerned, as I was wandering around and I realize now that I appeared confused, distant, spaced out... which I was. Everyone seemed like an alien caricature.

I think I am heading toward the state of intermittent psychosis that I've read so much about. I don't think that it would be helpful to others if I became psychotic, however. I'm barely staying grounded as it is. I exercise an hour five days a week, I get 15-30 minutes of sun a day, I meditate 30 minutes in the morning, I haven't touched alcohol in 9 months, I eat very healthy, with lots of tuna and salmon throughout the week, plus fish oil on the days I don't (some evidence suggests this can prevent schizophrenia), I play piano an hour or more a day, I make music in addition to that, I work with kids (this helps a lot, interacting with them helps me pull myself into rational reality, I have open heart energy exchanges with them a lot of the time). WHAT ELSE??? I'M GOING TO BE IN PSYCHOSIS PRETTY SOON! WHAT DO I DO?

"The schizophrenic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims." How do I swim? I know that it is in my preincarnative plan that I will become increasingly unattached to the human consensus reality, so I can't fight that, nor do I want to honestly, but HOW do I maintain my connection with the world if my spirit/mind keeps going like this!

I wish I could live out in the forest in Washington, with a piano and a laptop, and I could safely go insane, recording my experiences as I do so. It seems like I'm moving quickly out of sanity, too quickly to be able to carry out this phase in my evolutionary career.
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this.

good question
(10-02-2016, 10:55 PM)isis Wrote: [ -> ]
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this.

good question

oh
If you fear not being able to swim, remember that you are the Universe.
I have this strange fear of big tv screens that are turned off, especially at night. But I remember that I am the Universe, and nothing of my imagination will jump out from it and get me.

Mystics and Shamans work closely with their spirit guides too.
It sounds like you are going through an initiation, which may include a dark night of the soul.
But for fear, remember you are that which brings you fear.
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this. Over the past year I have been increasingly "spaced out," with some days it being a blissful dream trip and others it being a bad dream, with my mind's thoughts projected into reality. Most days it's somewhere in between. I foresee that I will eventually become completely spaced out at the rate I'm going. I can compare this to being constantly on a dose of LSD - say 80-90 ugs, not quite full trip.

friends keep you grounded ... and honest.

They have a reference point for their own 'personal reality', and thus you have to meet on common ground.
Detachment can make you available for something else, but can also be a highway down into that sinkhole of indifference.

You might take an inventory of what you feel strongly committed to, and if you find nothing substantial, dig deeper, and repeat until you find in yourself deeply meaningful reasons to be what you are, rather than be sucked into a random current.

On the other hand, if you feel that what's vibrating you out to sea is not random, but purposeful, I would again urge you to find within yourself your connection to this.

And of course, if you cannot do that on your own, there are people out there who could work with you to do that work.  

I wish you all the best in your adventures.
I wish I had an answer, all I can do is send my love. Maybe try to think about how short this experience really is.
I agree with isis. It seems like your will is divided between two things. On one hand you seem to not mind to lose yourself to insanity and space out in the forests of Washington, but on the other hand it seems like you understand that it won't be of service to others, to which I want to add that it would probably not be of service to yourself either. If I remember it correctly, Ra mentioned that Alestair Crowley got overstimulated by true nature of things, and got insane. He got alienated to other selves and suffered from spiritual pain. That needed a lot of healing in time/space.

My humble opinion is that you need to sit down and work through this issue. Because if you do decide to stay sane, there are probably a lot of techniques out there that will help you to ground. You just need to find one which works for you. Being in the nature for instance might be helpful. To feel through your feet the ground and perhaps ask spirits, guiding system, your dear and near ones or whatever you believe in to help you to heal and to understand yourself. Perhaps being in water may do the same thing. To ask water, the angels and other friends or family to help you with the same thing. Q'uo probably talked about it at some point too. There is help out there, cause you are not alone, but you have to decide what you want to do with this catalyst first, if you want to "fight" or "flight" this so to speak.

Whatever you decide, much love and light to you, my friend. I hope that you find the light you are looking for! Heart
As Ms Ankh recommends, I also say to spend some time in nature. Walk on the ground with bare feet. There is a balance. If you become too ungrounded, will you still be able to tutor your students? Grounding keeps us able to interact with the physical third density reality. It's about integrating the mind/BODY/spirit complex. If you're essentially just a mind/spirit complex you're missing out on a lot!!
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this. Over the past year I have been increasingly "spaced out," with some days it being a blissful dream trip and others it being a bad dream, with my mind's thoughts projected into reality. Most days it's somewhere in between. I foresee that I will eventually become completely spaced out at the rate I'm going. I can compare this to being constantly on a dose of LSD - say 80-90 ugs, not quite full trip.

The problem is that I don't see a metaphysical reason for this being what I'm going through right now. I work at a tutoring center, and I have a very good relationship with the kids there. But some days I'm so spaced that everyone seems alien and there is a quality of being simultaneously distant and hyperfocused. Like the quality of the cartoon is super HD, the sounds particularly beautiful and acute, the emotions especially poignant, but I also see that it is a cartoon, and I am impeded from fully participating.

Last night I went to a modern classical music concert and I was BLOWN AWAY by the music, it felt like fourth density clearly showing its head, it was pure magic, real magic, tangible effectual magic. It pulled me into a state equivalent to that of a 150 ug LSD trip. I sincerely felt as if I was in a psychedelic trip, and I couldn't stop thinking about that music. (one of the pieces performed was this: Steve Reich - Eight Lines if you are curious) I felt FRUSTRATED, as in, "why is this magic not happening all of the time everywhere forever?" My parents were somewhat concerned, as I was wandering around and I realize now that I appeared confused, distant, spaced out... which I was. Everyone seemed like an alien caricature.

I think I am heading toward the state of intermittent psychosis that I've read so much about. I don't think that it would be helpful to others if I became psychotic, however. I'm barely staying grounded as it is. I exercise an hour five days a week, I get 15-30 minutes of sun a day, I meditate 30 minutes in the morning, I haven't touched alcohol in 9 months, I eat very healthy, with lots of tuna and salmon throughout the week, plus fish oil on the days I don't (some evidence suggests this can prevent schizophrenia), I play piano an hour or more a day, I make music in addition to that, I work with kids (this helps a lot, interacting with them helps me pull myself into rational reality, I have open heart energy exchanges with them a lot of the time). WHAT ELSE??? I'M GOING TO BE IN PSYCHOSIS PRETTY SOON! WHAT DO I DO?

"The schizophrenic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims." How do I swim? I know that it is in my preincarnative plan that I will become increasingly unattached to the human consensus reality, so I can't fight that, nor do I want to honestly, but HOW do I maintain my connection with the world if my spirit/mind keeps going like this!

I wish I could live out in the forest in Washington, with a piano and a laptop, and I could safely go insane, recording my experiences as I do so. It seems like I'm moving quickly out of sanity, too quickly to be able to carry out this phase in my evolutionary career.

I dont think your going crazy. I think you are experiencing some real magic. I wouldnt get hung up on thinking Im going crazy. I have had the same thought myself. When this happens, I just revisit some of the spiritual experiences I have had, and keep my faith up. I would get out in nature, but I would go with someone else. Do what Ankh said, and really dig deep.
Also I would stop looking up psychotic behavior and comparing it to your own.
I feel like I'm losing my sanity, too. My depression is being gradually replaced by a gleefully psychotic nihilism.

It's okay. I'm losing my inhibitions. When you stop caring about anything, even your own life, you can do anything.
What was the depression brought on by in the first place mahakli?
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this. Over the past year I have been increasingly "spaced out," with some days it being a blissful dream trip and others it being a bad dream, with my mind's thoughts projected into reality. Most days it's somewhere in between. I foresee that I will eventually become completely spaced out at the rate I'm going. I can compare this to being constantly on a dose of LSD - say 80-90 ugs, not quite full trip.

The problem is that I don't see a metaphysical reason for this being what I'm going through right now. I work at a tutoring center, and I have a very good relationship with the kids there. But some days I'm so spaced that everyone seems alien and there is a quality of being simultaneously distant and hyperfocused. Like the quality of the cartoon is super HD, the sounds particularly beautiful and acute, the emotions especially poignant, but I also see that it is a cartoon, and I am impeded from fully participating. .....

"The schizophrenic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims." How do I swim? I know that it is in my preincarnative plan that I will become increasingly unattached to the human consensus reality, so I can't fight that, nor do I want to honestly, but HOW do I maintain my connection with the world if my spirit/mind keeps going like this!

I wish I could live out in the forest in Washington, with a piano and a laptop, and I could safely go insane, recording my experiences as I do so. It seems like I'm moving quickly out of sanity, too quickly to be able to carry out this phase in my evolutionary career.
Perhaps you need to see your purpose requires you to straddle the line vs jump over the edge(reality wise).

You cannot effectively fight consensus reality if you are not a part of society.
I find your preincarnation plans very interesting. I'd love to hear how you got such a firm grasp of them. All the same it seems I am incapable of following and agreeing to consensus reality and every cell in my body both loves the people of society and is driven to show them by example a different perspective.

I have not looked into my preincarnative plans were but I am working away at your goals.

By staying here in this reality I can see what is false. Where the love is hidden by fear in society's playbook and every day I shape the world by interacting with people having them respect me as "one of them" yet strongly showing them my truth and an alternate view point society doesn't give them. If you are to far outside society they shrug you off and the effect is less relevant.

I think for a long time I kept getting a bit to far from consensus reality to do anyone any good. So I know sort of what you speak of, maybe.

Anyways this might be totally unhelpful but I just thought your will to effect change might be the ultimate grounding force.

You working with kids is the ideal set up to contrast the worlds paridm with the functional open hearted alternative.

I tend to be most effective with my teen and 20 something clients.
An instant grounding exercise, works anywhere. Try this?

Stand. Imagine your feet are in a pool of water. You can give it a color, if you like. Gold is a favorite of mine.

Breathe in and as you do, imagine that water being sucked into your feet, up your legs, up your spine, to the very top of your head. Hold it there to the end of the inhale. Then, as you breathe out, send that water down the front of your face, down your neck, through your heart, abdomen, front of your legs, right back into the pool of water.

Repeat. Sometimes as little as three times, sometimes up to 10.

(You may find that it is difficult to imagine that water coming through, and all the way up, your body to the top of your head in just a single inhale. That's okay. Inhale it up as far as you can, then imagine holding it in that spot while you exhale. On the next inhale, start where you left off (rather than back in the feet) and pull that water up from that higher starting place. If you still don't get to your head, hold the water wherever you get to for the next exhale, then start pulling up from the from new higher location. Eventually you will get that water up to your head! Pushing it back down is usually pretty easy.)

If you are outside, never underestimate the remarkable grounding power of hugging a tree. Or throwing yourself on the grass face down arms spread. I've had to do this in front of people . . . .
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this. Over the past year I have been increasingly "spaced out," with some days it being a blissful dream trip and others it being a bad dream, with my mind's thoughts projected into reality. Most days it's somewhere in between. I foresee that I will eventually become completely spaced out at the rate I'm going. I can compare this to being constantly on a dose of LSD - say 80-90 ugs, not quite full trip.

The problem is that I don't see a metaphysical reason for this being what I'm going through right now. I work at a tutoring center, and I have a very good relationship with the kids there. But some days I'm so spaced that everyone seems alien and there is a quality of being simultaneously distant and hyperfocused. Like the quality of the cartoon is super HD, the sounds particularly beautiful and acute, the emotions especially poignant, but I also see that it is a cartoon, and I am impeded from fully participating.

Last night I went to a modern classical music concert and I was BLOWN AWAY by the music, it felt like fourth density clearly showing its head, it was pure magic, real magic, tangible effectual magic. It pulled me into a state equivalent to that of a 150 ug LSD trip. I sincerely felt as if I was in a psychedelic trip, and I couldn't stop thinking about that music. (one of the pieces performed was this: Steve Reich - Eight Lines if you are curious) I felt FRUSTRATED, as in, "why is this magic not happening all of the time everywhere forever?" My parents were somewhat concerned, as I was wandering around and I realize now that I appeared confused, distant, spaced out... which I was. Everyone seemed like an alien caricature.

I think I am heading toward the state of intermittent psychosis that I've read so much about. I don't think that it would be helpful to others if I became psychotic, however. I'm barely staying grounded as it is. I exercise an hour five days a week, I get 15-30 minutes of sun a day, I meditate 30 minutes in the morning, I haven't touched alcohol in 9 months, I eat very healthy, with lots of tuna and salmon throughout the week, plus fish oil on the days I don't (some evidence suggests this can prevent schizophrenia), I play piano an hour or more a day, I make music in addition to that, I work with kids (this helps a lot, interacting with them helps me pull myself into rational reality, I have open heart energy exchanges with them a lot of the time). WHAT ELSE??? I'M GOING TO BE IN PSYCHOSIS PRETTY SOON! WHAT DO I DO?

"The schizophrenic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims." How do I swim? I know that it is in my preincarnative plan that I will become increasingly unattached to the human consensus reality, so I can't fight that, nor do I want to honestly, but HOW do I maintain my connection with the world if my spirit/mind keeps going like this!

I wish I could live out in the forest in Washington, with a piano and a laptop, and I could safely go insane, recording my experiences as I do so. It seems like I'm moving quickly out of sanity, too quickly to be able to carry out this phase in my evolutionary career.

come over to my house let's have a beer and i will teach you how to relax. i hope that doesn't make me sound like a creepster. lol i'm usually in my backyard a lot with nature. Have you ever tried a spirit walk? Go out in nature and take no electronics.
(10-03-2016, 12:16 AM)Ankh Wrote: [ -> ]I agree with isis. It seems like your will is divided between two things. On one hand you seem to not mind to lose yourself to insanity and space out in the forests of Washington, but on the other hand it seems like you understand that it won't be of service to others, to which I want to add that it would probably not be of service to yourself either. If I remember it correctly, Ra mentioned that Alestair Crowley got overstimulated by true nature of things, and got insane. He got alienated to other selves and suffered from spiritual pain. That needed a lot of healing in time/space.

My humble opinion is that you need to sit down and work through this issue. Because if you do decide to stay sane, there are probably a lot of techniques out there that will help you to ground. You just need to find one which works for you. Being in the nature for instance might be helpful. To feel through your feet the ground and perhaps ask spirits, guiding system, your dear and near ones or whatever you believe in to help you to heal and to understand yourself. Perhaps being in water may do the same thing. To ask water, the angels and other friends or family to help you with the same thing. Q'uo probably talked about it at some point too. There is help out there, cause you are not alone, but you have to decide what you want to do with this catalyst first, if you want to "fight" or "flight" this so to speak.

Whatever you decide, much love and light to you, my friend. I hope that you find the light you are looking for! Heart

I definitely feel the allure of the "insanity", but in the sense that I want the creativity that can come from it. I just feel like it's coming much too fast, too early in my life. I want to stay grounded so that I can continue to positively interact with the kids I tutor. Water helped, I swam vigorously today and I felt like it purged some foggy energy. I prayed as well, I will continue that. Thank you Ankh
That's awesome that water helped, brother.

I found this piece of Q'uo today:

"If one is not careful one can create one’s own spiritual burnout. We suggest that the meditations be limited to perhaps no more than an hour per day, perhaps no more than a half hour at any one sitting. This is due to the fact that meditation is a very powerful tool, and the rate of change needs to be slow enough that the personality of your consciousness may have time to absorb knowledge and inspiration that it receives and make its choices in a timely and deliberate manner. It is not well to rush or to hurry the spiritual life, for the soul has its leisure, and in the fullness of time are things accomplished."

It's interesting that Q'uo gives specific amount of time for how long to meditate; but on the other hand they always say to take only what resonates with us. For me personally for instance at least 2 meditations per day for 1 hour each is a must; so I was thinking that *maybe* since you are so sensitive to the true nature of the things, perhaps your 30 minutes meditations are too much? Confused  I don't know, brother, I'm just guessing here. Other things that *might* help are perhaps a beer as someone here already suggested, companionship of another self, and perhaps some heavier foodstuff than just fish? To ground the body. Of course, as I said, you need to find out for yourself what works for you personally as we are all unique.
I meditate for 30 mins and get nothing out of it. So I probably need to do longer.
(10-04-2016, 03:08 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I meditate for 30 mins and get nothing out of it. So I probably need to do longer.

Or deeper.
(10-02-2016, 09:44 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]Or do I even want to do this. Over the past year I have been increasingly "spaced out," with some days it being a blissful dream trip and others it being a bad dream, with my mind's thoughts projected into reality. Most days it's somewhere in between. I foresee that I will eventually become completely spaced out at the rate I'm going. I can compare this to being constantly on a dose of LSD - say 80-90 ugs, not quite full trip.

The problem is that I don't see a metaphysical reason for this being what I'm going through right now. I work at a tutoring center, and I have a very good relationship with the kids there. But some days I'm so spaced that everyone seems alien and there is a quality of being simultaneously distant and hyperfocused. Like the quality of the cartoon is super HD, the sounds particularly beautiful and acute, the emotions especially poignant, but I also see that it is a cartoon, and I am impeded from fully participating.

Last night I went to a modern classical music concert and I was BLOWN AWAY by the music, it felt like fourth density clearly showing its head, it was pure magic, real magic, tangible effectual magic. It pulled me into a state equivalent to that of a 150 ug LSD trip. I sincerely felt as if I was in a psychedelic trip, and I couldn't stop thinking about that music. (one of the pieces performed was this: Steve Reich - Eight Lines if you are curious) I felt FRUSTRATED, as in, "why is this magic not happening all of the time everywhere forever?" My parents were somewhat concerned, as I was wandering around and I realize now that I appeared confused, distant, spaced out... which I was. Everyone seemed like an alien caricature.

I think I am heading toward the state of intermittent psychosis that I've read so much about. I don't think that it would be helpful to others if I became psychotic, however. I'm barely staying grounded as it is. I exercise an hour five days a week, I get 15-30 minutes of sun a day, I meditate 30 minutes in the morning, I haven't touched alcohol in 9 months, I eat very healthy, with lots of tuna and salmon throughout the week, plus fish oil on the days I don't (some evidence suggests this can prevent schizophrenia), I play piano an hour or more a day, I make music in addition to that, I work with kids (this helps a lot, interacting with them helps me pull myself into rational reality, I have open heart energy exchanges with them a lot of the time). WHAT ELSE??? I'M GOING TO BE IN PSYCHOSIS PRETTY SOON! WHAT DO I DO?

"The schizophrenic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims." How do I swim? I know that it is in my preincarnative plan that I will become increasingly unattached to the human consensus reality, so I can't fight that, nor do I want to honestly, but HOW do I maintain my connection with the world if my spirit/mind keeps going like this!

I wish I could live out in the forest in Washington, with a piano and a laptop, and I could safely go insane, recording my experiences as I do so. It seems like I'm moving quickly out of sanity, too quickly to be able to carry out this phase in my evolutionary career.


Eat a steak, listen to some heavy metal and 'beat it'. Always works.

Alternatively there is a technique I use to ground myself that I haven't seen anywhere else and it is to speak or tone your own human name to yourself. When I'm feeling particular out of body I call to my own name in full - Tanner Michael Hartmann - identifying with it as the name of my body and human self. This name (your own) is actually tuned to your physical, bodily self and should always recall you back to your body and ground you in 'this life'.
I would agree, and the same technique that latwii implored to safe Carla from being taken by that 5 th.
(10-05-2016, 12:43 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Alternatively there is a technique I use to ground myself that I haven't seen anywhere else and it is to speak or tone your own human name to yourself. When I'm feeling particular out of body I call to my own name in full - Tanner Michael Hartmann - identifying with it as the name of my body and human self. This name (your own) is actually tuned to your physical, bodily self and should always recall you back to your body and ground you in 'this life'.

wow! I really like that! It works immediately, it calls your self's attention to the self
(10-05-2016, 11:00 PM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]
(10-05-2016, 12:43 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Alternatively there is a technique I use to ground myself that I haven't seen anywhere else and it is to speak or tone your own human name to yourself. When I'm feeling particular out of body I call to my own name in full - Tanner Michael Hartmann - identifying with it as the name of my body and human self. This name (your own) is actually tuned to your physical, bodily self and should always recall you back to your body and ground you in 'this life'.

wow! I really like that! It works immediately, it calls your self's attention to the self

I see you did not like my first suggestion but I am glad you found my second one fruitful!

It is a technique I tapped in to awhile back when I was having troubles grounding myself. I asked the universe what the most direct connection could be and I heard my name. I realized that we aren't just arbitrarily attached to our names but that there is a reason we receive the names we do. They are vibrational anchors to these particular lives and by calling to them you focus in on your current incarnation, your current moment and your identity in this bodily form.

Pretty much the most direct, short of pure intention, imo. I find I am often looking for simpler solutions to what are often presented as complex issues and this is one eloquent solution that has been effective for some time.
It happens. One need not have a certain kind of focus on just the "spiritual" because all is spirit.

Get out of the mind and into the body. Don't think too much. Do something with your hands, interact with others doing normal activities, exercise etc.