Bring4th

Greetings once again, fellow seekers.

When someone asks you what you think of their art for example and you find out that it sucks.
What's the proper response? I always say wow it's good I like it!
I guess I'm more compassionate than honest  

Can't find a balance between the two... so is honesty or kindness more polarizing in these situations?

(02-23-2017, 01:40 PM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Greetings once again, fellow seekers.

When someone asks you what you think of their art for example and you find out that it sucks.
What's the proper response? I always say wow it's good I like it!
I guess I'm more compassionate than honest  

Can't find a balance between the two... so is honesty or kindness more polarizing in these situations?

Since I'm an illustrator, I get asked this question a lot about art specifically. What I do is try to find something good to say about the piece at issue, and focus on that. I want to encourage creativity, and art is ultimately subjective, so I will point out good composition, or use of color, or expression of feeling, or whatever I see that is interesting.

My suggestion is to think "detached," rather than "kind" or "compassionate" which can lead to dishonesty. Detachment allows you to not be concerned whether the person you're addressing succeeds as an artist (or whatever) so you don't feel obligated to advise them. But being detached, you can find what's good, even when the subject is not a particular style you like, and express that without any qualifications or drawbacks.

This holds true for many things. 

This sounds like a Love/Wisdom balance issue, the sort of thing which only gets resolved in Sixth density. From my perspective, either honesty or kindness could be more polarizing depending on the situation, though I feel being kind would set the recipient up for a much bigger fall in the end, because it'll only hurt them worse when they find out your compliments were a lie. They'd feel not only untalented, but easily fooled and genuinely betrayed. If someone gets angry that you didn't show them kindness with compliments some time, explain this to them. If they're still angry and would prefer to live in a fantasy world, that's their prerogative and not something you should feel bad about.

(02-23-2017, 01:40 PM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]When someone asks you what you think of their art for example and you find out that it sucks.
What's the proper response? I always say wow it's good I like it!
I guess I'm more compassionate than honest  

this passage comes to mind:

18.6 Wrote:Thus, what would be an improper distortion with one entity is proper with another.

We can suggest an attempt to become aware of the other-self as self and thus do that action which is needed by other-self, understanding from the other-self’s intelligence and awareness.

In many cases this does not involve the breaking of the distortion of free will into a distortion or fragmentation called infringement. However, it is a delicate matter to be of service, and compassion, sensitivity, and an ability to empathize are helpful in avoiding the distortions of man-made intelligence and awareness.

in other words, truly trying to place yourself in the other person's shoes, as best you comprehend them.

If someone needs encouragement and support ... that may be appropriate.  If someone is a bit more 'hardy and skilled', they probably want a more 'honest' critique, as that would benefit them more.

sometimes a little encouragement can take you to the moon.  I recently got back into bike riding a week and a half ago, after a 20 year break.  Sure I totally sucked ... and had no cardio or power in my legs ... but my friend just offered a few helpful thoughts, and just over this weekend, I'm starting to power up hills, and do grass climbs (it's a hybrid bike).

All I can say is ... don't underestimate someone just because of where you find them right now.  The ability of folks is truly surprising.  Part of the 'higher assessment of honesty' includes the growth aspects that is implicit in anyone's work.

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(02-26-2017, 09:32 PM)earth_spirit Wrote: [ -> ]Honesty VS Kindness Fear

Truth and kindness can be combined with eloquence. Polite lies are not kind.

If you're afraid of hurting somebody else's feelings then you're kind.
And I'm ignoring the fact that you think I'm not eloquent and that I fear others for stupid reasons. (not because I fear you, lol)

(02-27-2017, 01:24 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-26-2017, 09:32 PM)earth_spirit Wrote: [ -> ]Honesty VS Kindness Fear

Truth and kindness can be combined with eloquence. Polite lies are not kind.

If you're afraid of hurting somebody else's feelings then you're kind.
And I'm ignoring the fact that you think I'm not eloquent and that I fear others for stupid reasons. (not because I fear you, lol)

There's nothing inherently kind in being afraid of hurting someone's feelings. There's nothing unkind about it either. It's simply irrelevant. Kindness comes from a deliberate effort to empathize and treat the other as yourself. So unless you sincerely appreciate lies: don't lie. That being said you don't have to hit them with the truth hammer all the time. It's like sculpting stone. It requires a strong but precise strike at the right place and angle. If you're aware of the possibility of hurting someone then that's probably a good indication you're consideration the wrong place, angle, and impact. Adjust.

which one i choose depends on the circumstances. sometimes i get it wrong. sometimes i go with kindness only to later feel bad about not being honest & then i usually offer the honesty. sometimes i choose honesty over kindness only to quickly discover that was clearly a bad decision.

finding yourself forced to choose between honesty & kindness really is a tough spot to find yourself in, imo.

the movie "florence foster jenkins" is based on a true story about "the world's worst singer"...the lady is surrounded by people all choosing kindness over honesty. at the end, though, she encounters a brutally honest person...& then she dies...seemingly of heartbreak.

such an interesting opposition of concepts. I remember reading years and years ago something about truth being love, equaling each other. Feeling that perhaps someone of unconditional benevolence as for example the Dalai Lama would tell someone who comes to ask for guidance would be told truth with unconditional kindness, right ?

I think we do accept honesty very easily when we feel, behind it, is kindness. We may dislike hearing something because it hits some inside fear but the kindness felt coming from the other person definitely shakes us into rethinking things. Ultimately we feel very grateful.

(02-27-2017, 03:16 PM)flofrog Wrote: [ -> ]such an interesting opposition of concepts.  I remember reading years and years ago something about truth being love,  equaling each other.  Feeling that perhaps someone of unconditional benevolence as for example the Dalai Lama would tell someone who comes to ask for guidance would be told truth with unconditional kindness,   right ?

I think we do accept honesty very easily when we feel, behind it,  is kindness.  We may dislike hearing something because it hits some inside fear but the kindness felt coming from the other person definitely shakes us into rethinking things.  Ultimately we feel very grateful.

I guess that's the desired balance.

Dear cainite,
i just came across this wonderful session about communication, maybe this is helpful:

http://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/is..._1205.aspx

i would also like a few words from my experience.
i have been in the Music Business for around 25 years and very often came across a situation like you described, being on both sides every once in a while.
When somebody asks for feedback and i dont like that piece of music, i usually am very careful in my answer.
i First take into account where somebody is at in terms of development.
To a 30 year old that has been composing for 15 years i would say much more directly that the Song is not really my taste, i would however also comment on "objective" matters, like if i think the Composition is strong or Even Point out weak areas that i perceive.
i would in any case try to honor the Love that was put into it, since every musician (or artist) will really Open itself up and show himself quite vulnerable.

If it is a younger or less experienced musician, i would greatly downgrade my expectations.
I would try to point out what i like about the song and how it is done.
i would carefully point out the weakest areas, but in a real loving way as much as possible.
i would try to give useful tips on how to improve and try to view more the technical side instead of being too person.

i have faced all Kinds of criticism regarding my music.
Especially in my beginnings, i have learned much from people that would honestly say whats not good, while also stating what they liked.
the feedback that was offered honestly and openly while still being encouraging was extremely helpful on my path and i am very grateful for that!

But still After so many years, when im being asked for Feedback and don't like it, it is always a big challenged :/

by the way, the typical "Friends feedback" (which was rarely honest) where everything was just great was in absolutely no way helpful.
i think musicians or artists in general are empathetic enough to tell the truth from a lie...

I would define kindness only by how it makes the other person feel not by how it makes you feel. It doesn't matter what you think is kind or honest or how you feel about it. It is about not inserting resistance in the other. Therefore if you feel like you can give good advice, I would define a kind advice as an advice you have given that has been successfully received with positivity. If it was not successful then it was likely not kind at all. And don't be mistaken, people know when that happens. The veil may make us doubt that others may not know what we think, but they just do. Not necessarily in a rational manner but vibrationally. These kind of vibrations are not bound by the illusion of space. That means even if you have this kind of exchange on the internet where they can't see your face, ultimately they just feel your answer. A case has been brought up in which someone is being lied to repetitively until the truth hits them like a bullet to the heart. That can happen but only if the person makes the choice to blindly give more importance to how it makes them feel rather than how it makes other people feel. But they still feeled how others react, they just mistaken those feelings for being their feelings. Remember that out of the veil everything is known. That means secrecy doesn't exist. There is nothing that can be hidden forever. Ultimately even those who are not clever enough to figure it out in the moment will eventually be clever enough to realize it and have this OOOOHHHH moment.

Thats where wisdom comes in. Your heart knows on a deep level when honesty is right, and when its better to withhold the full truth. In the case of art, the person might be developing their abilities and what they need is support and reassurance, so in this case saying you think its bad is clearly not right. Instead just focus on the good you see in it, and use that to boost the persons self esteem and motivation. If someone needs you (someone they trust with this) to point out their weaknesses (the ones you see) in them so they can see them more clearly themselves then work on transforming them, then this is where honesty is needed.

(02-23-2017, 01:40 PM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Greetings once again, fellow seekers.

When someone asks you what you think of their art for example and you find out that it sucks.
What's the proper response? I always say wow it's good I like it!
I guess I'm more compassionate than honest  

Can't find a balance between the two... so is honesty or kindness more polarizing in these situations?

Instead of picking between the two, my own approach is honesty with integrated kindness. Entities are very sensitive. The full frontal blunt approach is in my opinion, to strong, a lot of times. It can make an entity react by feeling as if they were under attack, or cripple there self esteem. Which usually causes that entity to fall back or ingrain themselves further into there belief. Or problemou were trying to help them with. As the God that bender met said "when you do it right, they barely know you were there."

I always like how chopped did things. They will give you a couple good pointers about your food. Like "noodles were great!", Jim: " nice job with the basil, and how you used that in your sauce, really brought out the flavor." Then they give you the bad news. "Yea but I'm not getting that zucchini, and that's a basket flavor Rob."

I also didn't read any of the other posters. In my eagerness to try and help/express my opinion. So if its the same thing you been getting. I'm sorry.