Quote:I got a promotion a few days ago, so I decided to stop for a drink on my way home — just me and my sense of accomplishment. I ended up alone in bar, running defense against a bouncer who held my ID hostage while he commented on my ass (among other things), and asked me vaguely threatening questions about my sex life.
This is not a Yelp review. It’s not an angry rant, and it’s definitely not something women need to be reminded of. As far as I can tell there is only one good lesson to pull out of this otherwise shitty and all-too-familiar interaction, which is that in my experience, a lot of thoroughly decent men are still having trouble understanding it.
I have a friend who once joked that it was all right for him to catcall women because he’s good looking. I had another ask me in faux-outrage why it was okay for me to describe a cupcake (as in an actual chocolate baked good) as a “seven,” but not okay for him to rank women the same way. I was recently at a house party where a group of guys referred to a soundproofed recording studio in the basement as “the rape room,” like forty-five times. Some of these jokes were a little funny; some of them really weren’t. But they were all endemic of something more sinister, and I honestly don’t think the men in question even realize it.
So to the generally well-intentioned men in my life, please consider this: no matter what I accomplish or how self assured I am feeling, the aforementioned dickhead bouncers of the world will still believe they have a right to demand my time and attention, even when I want to be alone. They will still insist I be polite and cheerful, even while they make me uncomfortable and afraid. They will still comment about my body and allude to sexual violence, and then berate me for being “stuck up” if I don’t receive it with a sense of humor. They will still choose to reinforce their dominance with a reminder that they could hurt me if they wanted to, and that I should somehow be grateful if they don’t. This has made me defensive. It has put me more on my guard than I would like to be.
Decent male humans, this is not your fault, but it also does not have nothing to do with you. If a woman is frosty or standoffish or doesn’t laugh at your joke, consider the notion that maybe she is not an uptight, humorless b****, but rather has had experiences that are outside your realm of understanding, and have adversely colored her perception of the world. Consider that while you’re just joking around, a woman might actually be doing some quick mental math to see if she’s going to have to hide in a fucking bathroom stall and call someone to come help her, like I did three days ago.
Please adjust your mindset and your words accordingly.
Quote:Is There Something Unique about the Transgender Brain?
Imaging studies and other research suggest that there is a biological basis for transgender identity
By Francine Russo on January 1, 2016
https://www.scientificamerican.com/artic...der-brain/
Some children insist, from the moment they can speak, that they are not the gender indicated by their biological sex. So where does this knowledge reside? And is it possible to discern a genetic or anatomical basis for transgender identity? Exploration of these questions is relatively new, but there is a bit of evidence for a genetic basis. Identical twins are somewhat more likely than fraternal twins to both be trans.
Male and female brains are, on average, slightly different in structure, although there is tremendous individual variability. Several studies have looked for signs that transgender people have brains more similar to their experienced gender. Spanish investigators—led by psychobiologist Antonio Guillamon of the National Distance Education University in Madrid and neuropsychologist Carme Junqué Plaja of the University of Barcelona—used MRI to examine the brains of 24 female-to-males and 18 male-to-females—both before and after treatment with cross-sex hormones. Their results, published in 2013, showed that even before treatment the brain structures of the trans people were more similar in some respects to the brains of their experienced gender than those of their natal gender. For example, the female-to-male subjects had relatively thin subcortical areas (these areas tend to be thinner in men than in women). Male-to-female subjects tended to have thinner cortical regions in the right hemisphere, which is characteristic of a female brain. (Such differences became more pronounced after treatment.)
“Trans people have brains that are different from males and females, a unique kind of brain,” Guillamon says. “It is simplistic to say that a female-to-male transgender person is a female trapped in a male body. It's not because they have a male brain but a transsexual brain.” Of course, behavior and experience shape brain anatomy, so it is impossible to say if these subtle differences are inborn.
Other investigators have looked at sex differences through brain functioning. In a study published in 2014, psychologist Sarah M. Burke of VU University Medical Center in Amsterdam and biologist Julie Bakker of the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience used functional MRI to examine how 39 prepubertal and 41 adolescent boys and girls with gender dysphoria responded to androstadienone, an odorous steroid with pheromonelike properties that is known to cause a different response in the hypothalamus of men versus women. They found that the adolescent boys and girls with gender dysphoria responded much like peers of their experienced gender. The results were less clear with the prepubertal children.
This kind of study is important, says Baudewijntje Kreukels, an expert on gender dysphoria at VU University Medical Center, “because sex differences in responding to odors cannot be influenced by training or environment.” The same can be said of another 2014 experiment by Burke and her colleagues. They measured the responses of boys and girls with gender dysphoria to echolike sounds produced by the inner ear in response to a clicking noise. Boys with gender dysphoria responded more like typical females, who have a stronger response to these sounds. But girls with gender dysphoria also responded like typical females.
Overall the weight of these studies and others points strongly toward a biological basis for gender dysphoria. But given the variety of transgender people and the variation in the brains of men and women generally, it will be a long time, if ever, before a doctor can do a brain scan on a child and say, “Yes, this child is trans.”
Quote:This Clown’s Tweets About A Little Boy Wanting A Butterfly Tattoo Explains How Toxic Masculinity Really Begins
ByNia Decaille
6 days ago
The patriarchy sucks. And not just in the way it polices women's sexuality, promotes rape culture, and continues to erases WOC's experiences. It also pushes men and women to continue the cycle of learned toxic masculinity. It means that from the time you're born, you're placed in a box based on your gender. And if you dare color outside of the lines, there are repercussions. Sometimes it's as blatant physical violence acted out against those who refuse to bend to gender roles; other times, it's as subtle and simple as a "no" from parents at a picnic when their son requests butterfly face paint from a clown.
When entertainer and Twitter user S.S Markarian, or @boguspress, addressed the idea of gender violence after the incident, it shows how even the small moments can have a greater impact. Just like Markarian points out, it's our inability to understand the toxic ways that we construct masculinity in childhood that leads to . Until we confront the unhealthy ways we enforce gender, there will be plenty of children who will become adults that continue that pattern as a result. And fragile masculinity will continue to promote the wrong conversations online as if we haven't already seen the ugly side to cyberbullying.
The story begins as a debrief after the picnic event mentioned, chronicling the reactions of parents whose son asked for a butterfly painted on his face.
Hey everyone I'm a clown and I just got back from facepainting at a picnic and here's my take on male violence in America:
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
And with the right preface, we get context about why this kind of conversation should continue on and off social media.
It starts young. And it's more than just letting boys play with guns, it's how we shame them for feeling anything that isn't anger.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
With stories like this, we understand how toxic masculinity takes root. The moments that children remember and shape their experience of the world for the rest of their lives.
A 4yo boy asked me to paint a blue butterfly on his face. Then his mom told me "no, he doesn't want that."
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
"Butterflies are beautiful, he said that's what he wants, shouldn't I paint what he wants?"
"No give him something for boys"
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
The part that is both disturbing and moving about this moment is that both parents reinforce this problematic attitudes about gender.
She turns to dad, a big guy in a jersey, and says accusingly,
"Do you want your son to have a butterfly on his face?"
He says "No."
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
Which, cool, let's bring your husbands masculinity into it too. Because your 4yo kid needs to know that his father would be ashamed too
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
But it gets even more troubling about how the parent responds even after saying "no." A solid everyday example of why masculinity is so fragile.
I really tried you guys, but this woman was so scared of her son wanting a butterfly she made me paint a skull and crossbones on his cheek.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
Instead of letting children decide how to express themselves, adults project their own ideas of what gender means.
When I finished the skull I said to kiddo
"You want a little blue butterfly too?"
He nods.
Mom interrupts "You didn't ask me."
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
To this user's credit, this seems like a non-confrontational way to intervene. But the gender roles be like...
I say in my kindest f*** you voice
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was for HIM."
"I'm his MOTHER. You need to ask me." She says.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
What's frustrating is that while you understand what Markarian is doing and why, the insistence on gender norms sometimes makes a solid intervention look like intrusion — particularly when these ideas are already so rooted in the parents that they aren't likely to change their perspectives regardless.
"SORRY." I say and wave good bye to the kid. And I am. I'm sorry that he is not allowed to love something as miraculous and beautiful as a BUTTERFLY ?
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
While you can't help everyone see the error in their ways, it's just as important to recognize the subtle instances of aggression and calling it out the best you can. It gets frustrating, but it's stories like this that remind us exactly how the toxic narratives surrounding gender begin — early and repeatedly, and enforced by someone else.
https://www.bustle.com/p/this-clowns-twe...gins-76447