04-06-2017, 01:20 AM
I have just had the worst morning. Let me get this off my chest the terrible thing I have done (or rather, not done).
I was awoken by my parents, "The horses are out."
See, I've been blessed with a life on a 5 acre property. On one half of this property is a fenced-off paddock, which my parents rent to horse owners. Yesterday afternoon, I had opened the gate to this paddock in order to wheelbarrow my beloved ducks to their sleeping area near a small dam. Unfortunately, I left the gate open and forgot to close it again on the way out of the paddock. Sensing greener grass, the two horses in the paddock decided to escape and explore when the sun came up the next morning. Now, this has happened before and every time the horses seemed to get the hint that they weren't allowed out, and promptly made their way back in with a little human encouragement.
Today would not be such a day. The horses seemed frisky, and were running around my yard. After a few minutes I was able to guide them back towards the gate. The first and younger horse ran at high speed through the gate and back into the paddock. the second horse, older and half-blind, followed. Only that, instead of running through the gate, it charged at high speed into the WIRE FENCE! You can imagine the carnage. The horse's legs were cut up and the fence was destroyed. The horse made it a few meters into the paddock before collapsing onto its side and laying there in shock. I watched all this with the most dreadful feeling of calm acceptance. Now at first, regardless of how terrible the situation appeared, I clung to the hope that after a brief period of recovery, the horse would get up and wander off. My hope was not fulfilled.
The next hour (I cant really remember though) consisted of me kneeling down besides the shaking, sweating beast and attempting to calm it while my mum called all the relevant persons (The horse owner and vet). Tragically, the horse would attempt to get up every few minutes, only to flail its legs and fall back down in pain. The vet came and diagnosed the horse as having severely damaged its old and fragile back during the initial chaos of the fence collision. It was gonna have to be written off, to use a poor term for a living creature. Tragic and hopeless as the situation was, it was only going to get worse when the owner of the horse arrived.
I don't know how much experience you have with horse owners, but let me tell you they treat these creatures like their own dear children. When D arrived, I witnessed what to this day has to be the single most heart-breaking moment I have ever witnessed. I looked up from my task to see D had arrived, and managed to utter an awkward "good morning" before she dropped to her knees and began sobbing over the mangled beast's body. Note at this point that the horse was still alive. God knows no sorrow like a mother cradling her prematurely destroyed child. D's husband had arrived as well and began the questioning. "How had this happened!?". I confessed it was basically my fault. You could sense the fury in man's eyes, and he wandered off to contemplate in solitude what he should do next. From here was a long time of just standing and watching this poor woman weep and comfort her childl until the vet administered the injection and its soul went on to greater things.
Somehow or rather, no one got angry at me. In a way this makes it all the worse. My carelessness had led to this tragedy and now everyone was prepared to let me off easy, even D's husband. I apologised sincerely and stood contemplating the hefty corpse. The owners then called a bobcat hire for the burial and I went inside to shower. I'd been outside in the cold and wet and mosquitoes for three hours now with only a cup of tea. It was only when I got into the shower that the emotions of the situation really hit me, having been quite dissociated from the situation before. I sobbed and sobbed and feel to my knees as the hot water poured over me, cursing myself for letting it happen and cursing myself again for not being able to do anything at all to amend the situation. They wouldn't even let me pay for the euthanasia. The worst part? I was already laughing about the situation in my mind (while simultaneously sobbing on the physical plane), and imagining the great story it would become for my friends and the members of this forum. How could my psyche be so fractured that I wasn't able to give myself 100% to the grief which needed to be felt, and which my actions had caused? Interestingly, this blockage in emotion could be (and still can be) felt as a sharp tension running from my heart up the left side of my neck, each attempted sob exacerbating the tension.
In closing, thanks for letting me share this catalytic experience, and remember that you can never be too careful in this precious and fragile life we share. What gates have you forgotten to close recently? Peace be with you, and also with me, and the soul of that tragic beast.
If anyone has similar traumatic stories they could share and which I could relate to that would also be appreciated.
I was awoken by my parents, "The horses are out."
See, I've been blessed with a life on a 5 acre property. On one half of this property is a fenced-off paddock, which my parents rent to horse owners. Yesterday afternoon, I had opened the gate to this paddock in order to wheelbarrow my beloved ducks to their sleeping area near a small dam. Unfortunately, I left the gate open and forgot to close it again on the way out of the paddock. Sensing greener grass, the two horses in the paddock decided to escape and explore when the sun came up the next morning. Now, this has happened before and every time the horses seemed to get the hint that they weren't allowed out, and promptly made their way back in with a little human encouragement.
Today would not be such a day. The horses seemed frisky, and were running around my yard. After a few minutes I was able to guide them back towards the gate. The first and younger horse ran at high speed through the gate and back into the paddock. the second horse, older and half-blind, followed. Only that, instead of running through the gate, it charged at high speed into the WIRE FENCE! You can imagine the carnage. The horse's legs were cut up and the fence was destroyed. The horse made it a few meters into the paddock before collapsing onto its side and laying there in shock. I watched all this with the most dreadful feeling of calm acceptance. Now at first, regardless of how terrible the situation appeared, I clung to the hope that after a brief period of recovery, the horse would get up and wander off. My hope was not fulfilled.
The next hour (I cant really remember though) consisted of me kneeling down besides the shaking, sweating beast and attempting to calm it while my mum called all the relevant persons (The horse owner and vet). Tragically, the horse would attempt to get up every few minutes, only to flail its legs and fall back down in pain. The vet came and diagnosed the horse as having severely damaged its old and fragile back during the initial chaos of the fence collision. It was gonna have to be written off, to use a poor term for a living creature. Tragic and hopeless as the situation was, it was only going to get worse when the owner of the horse arrived.
I don't know how much experience you have with horse owners, but let me tell you they treat these creatures like their own dear children. When D arrived, I witnessed what to this day has to be the single most heart-breaking moment I have ever witnessed. I looked up from my task to see D had arrived, and managed to utter an awkward "good morning" before she dropped to her knees and began sobbing over the mangled beast's body. Note at this point that the horse was still alive. God knows no sorrow like a mother cradling her prematurely destroyed child. D's husband had arrived as well and began the questioning. "How had this happened!?". I confessed it was basically my fault. You could sense the fury in man's eyes, and he wandered off to contemplate in solitude what he should do next. From here was a long time of just standing and watching this poor woman weep and comfort her childl until the vet administered the injection and its soul went on to greater things.
Somehow or rather, no one got angry at me. In a way this makes it all the worse. My carelessness had led to this tragedy and now everyone was prepared to let me off easy, even D's husband. I apologised sincerely and stood contemplating the hefty corpse. The owners then called a bobcat hire for the burial and I went inside to shower. I'd been outside in the cold and wet and mosquitoes for three hours now with only a cup of tea. It was only when I got into the shower that the emotions of the situation really hit me, having been quite dissociated from the situation before. I sobbed and sobbed and feel to my knees as the hot water poured over me, cursing myself for letting it happen and cursing myself again for not being able to do anything at all to amend the situation. They wouldn't even let me pay for the euthanasia. The worst part? I was already laughing about the situation in my mind (while simultaneously sobbing on the physical plane), and imagining the great story it would become for my friends and the members of this forum. How could my psyche be so fractured that I wasn't able to give myself 100% to the grief which needed to be felt, and which my actions had caused? Interestingly, this blockage in emotion could be (and still can be) felt as a sharp tension running from my heart up the left side of my neck, each attempted sob exacerbating the tension.
In closing, thanks for letting me share this catalytic experience, and remember that you can never be too careful in this precious and fragile life we share. What gates have you forgotten to close recently? Peace be with you, and also with me, and the soul of that tragic beast.
If anyone has similar traumatic stories they could share and which I could relate to that would also be appreciated.