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This is my first post so I hope I am doing this right! I am working to forgive certain people in my past, and am having difficulty. I have purchased several books on the subject, prayed about it and tried the suggestions in the Wanderer's Handbook (page 314) and still do not feel that I have forgiven them. I hoped that some of you out there could tell me ways that worked for you in the hopes that one would work for me.
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What does "forgiving" mean to you?
(05-11-2017, 04:55 PM)auntiemable Wrote: [ -> ]This is my first post so I hope I am doing this right! I am working to forgive certain people in my past, and am having difficulty. I have purchased several books on the subject, prayed about it and tried the suggestions in the Wanderer's Handbook (page 314) and still do not feel that I have forgiven them. I hoped that some of you out there could tell me ways that worked for you in the hopes that one would work for me.

Have you taken time to forgive yourself?
(05-11-2017, 04:55 PM)auntiemable Wrote: [ -> ]This is my first post so I hope I am doing this right! I am working to forgive certain people in my past, and am having difficulty. I have purchased several books on the subject, prayed about it and tried the suggestions in the Wanderer's Handbook (page 314) and still do not feel that I have forgiven them. I hoped that some of you out there could tell me ways that worked for you in the hopes that one would work for me.

It takes time and patience. Maybe in some instances it can be done in a moment, but for me it took a lot of time and patience. Patience because this issue comes back over and over again, and just when you think that you are done working with forgiveness the wrong that has been done in the past comes back once again to you with pain. There are layers and layers within you, and each of these layers needs to forgive. And after a while you get perhaps tired of this issue, of yourself and others, that is why I mentioned patience. And of course, as someone else mentioned, as you work with forgiveness of others, you can also look inside yourself and see if there is anything that you have done which you can't forgive? There is also a question which can be important that can be asked: what did you learn from the pain that you experienced by those who you can't forgive?
You may very well have succeeded in forgiving them already. But the emotional charge does not go away quickly. The intent is the cornerstone, so we might say that having the intent to forgive is the same as having already forgiven. The only difference being the flow of time as we perceive it.

So all that remains is for you to give yourself space while the process takes place in time. This will unfold even faster if you let go of it (of the how) after having set your intent.
If the hurtful interaction has not yet ended, then I'm not sure that forgiveness is a real option. I think, to forgive, one must first feel safe.

If it has ended, then in my experience forgiveness becomes unnecessary if emotional healing has occurred. Emotional healing can occur in many ways, but the most efficient approach is to sit down in meditation, focus on the hurtful situation and the feelings it carries, and then find unconditional love for the part of you that's holding those feelings. Radiate love to it from the heart for a while. Once it relaxes, ask it to release the painful emotions it's holding.

Once that's done, no further healing or forgiveness is necessary because the hurt is fully dissipated.
Your intention to forgive will lead the way. It seems you really want to be able to forgive but it's not something we can force. Be patient with yourself. You're already on the right track because you have the desire to forgive.
I equate the spiritual path to song or melody. I like all kinds of music, yet what I'm in the mood for dictates my taste in the moment. Sometimes I'm in the mood for something light, other times rock and roll, and even when it comes to my favorite musicians, they too have their time and place.

Anger, hate, love, joy..are all songs that have their moments. People and their personalities are complex arrangements as well. Just because I can understand or tolerate a certain person or emotion at certain times, doesn't necessarily mean I'm required to listen to or deal with it 100% of the time, any more than I'm required or expected to listen to and like a song at any given moment. Rhythm and flow..move and be moved.

As Night Owl said, practice forgiving yourself..that is to say, learn to accept and validate your feelings. It's ok to be angry, it's ok to feel hate..it's a part of life, it's natural. At the end of the day, they're just thoughts anyway.
(05-11-2017, 05:46 PM)Stranger Wrote: [ -> ]What does "forgiving" mean to you?
To me it means being able to think of this person without thoughts of ill will and, perhaps, acceptance. This one person, in particular, has played "the game" well. I have never come across anyone like her (she is a narcissist), and I feel like I have failed miserably in dealing with this catalyst.
(05-11-2017, 06:09 PM)Night Owl Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-11-2017, 04:55 PM)auntiemable Wrote: [ -> ]This is my first post so I hope I am doing this right! I am working to forgive certain people in my past, and am having difficulty. I have purchased several books on the subject, prayed about it and tried the suggestions in the Wanderer's Handbook (page 314) and still do not feel that I have forgiven them. I hoped that some of you out there could tell me ways that worked for you in the hopes that one would work for me.

Have you taken time to forgive yourself?

Ah, forgiveness of self. Another of the things that I have difficulty with. I am relatively new at this and awakened late in life. So, I have a lot of "baggage" that I am dealing with. Some issues I have successfully dealt with and actually feel a sense of release when I have successfully worked on it and others are more like a brick wall that refuses to fall. Of late, forgiveness has been brought to my attention and I am stumbling on all aspects of it.
I would start then with your feelings of no forgiveness and maybe see what it is you gain from them. Do they protect you from harm? Do they make you feel better about yourself? Do they allow you to separate yourself from this person? Whatever is the root cause is okay, but rather than just trying to force yourself in to forgiveness maybe you need to examine what it is that is really so unforgivable.
"May I suggest that you forgive those others so that you may more easily realize a full acceptance of Your Self."

This is what I am attempting to do; however, it is not as simple as just saying that you forgive someone and it's done. I have picked up a tip that resonated with me from a private message. The author suggested healing codes. My research into this led me to believe that this system uses some sort of hand gestures along with affirmations to effect healing. This reminded me of an ancient technique sometimes used by those practicing yoga, called mudras. I found a mudra for forgiveness and have incorporated it into my meditation. Using some of the other suggestions on this post along with the mudra and meditation, I feel I may be able to forgive them as I had hoped. Just needed a little guidance along the way. Smile
(05-13-2017, 10:12 AM)auntiemable Wrote: [ -> ]This is what I am attempting to do; however, it is not as simple as just saying that you forgive someone and it's done. I have picked up a tip that resonated with me from a private message. The author suggested healing codes. My research into this led me to believe that this system uses some sort of hand gestures along with affirmations to effect healing. This reminded me of an ancient technique sometimes used by those practicing yoga, called mudras. I found a mudra for forgiveness and have incorporated it into my meditation. Using some of the other suggestions on this post along with the mudra and meditation, I feel I may be able to forgive them as I had hoped. Just needed a little guidance along the way.  Smile

I'm interested in the healing mudra. Could you post it?

As for forgiveness, I agree very much that it is not simple in practical terms. One simple thing that helps me is the ho'oponopno prayer, which you say with the person(s) or thing in mind:

I love you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

The reason this helps me is because it puts things into a better perspective, and helps me to realize my part in things and get out of the "blame" mode. Another thing that helps is to write a letter to the person(s) you want to forgive but don't send it, so you can express (beyond just thought, which can become toxic in your head) how you feel without reserve.

But most of all, the thing that helps me is to work on myself, to move forward, grow, achieve, and work toward making my life more and more beautiful in the ways I can. This allows detachment, which is another approach to forgiveness because the need for it fades away. The evolution of awareness takes care of forgiveness itself actually, in an organic and natural fashion; but in order for that to happen, the focus must be on self-growth rather than what is stopping growth. In this I don't mean it's easy, because it certainly is not. It takes courage to trod forward through life regardless of everything. 

When I say self-growth, I don't mean some huge spiritual/ metaphysical endeavor. It could be that one simply continues to realize little goals such as a flower garden, taking yoga classes, changing diet for personal reasons, anything as long as it is walking the path which leads to the unfolding of who one is and the potential of the individual self, rather than the person within the constructs of culture/society.
"I'm interested in the healing mudra. Could you post it?"

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202591683211967433/

I have seen this mudra elsewhere for different uses other than forgiveness, so I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate. I work closely with my pendulum and it indicated that this was a good one to use. I use mudras to unblock my chakras when necessary as well.

I loved your suggestions especially the one about writing the letter. When it comes to forgiving myself, perhaps, I can write myself a letter too! This journey is sometimes hard without anyone to guide you or talk to about it, so I appreciate your comment!