Bring4th

So I was talking to a close friend about my experiences back in 2014 when I experienced what I considered to be 'Enlightenment' upon opening up my green ray fully with an integrated and forgiven/accepted Shadow Self.

I call that period of time an Enlightenment Journey, because in a way it was a journey more so than a destination.

There's some talk about the 'lightening strike of enlightenment' hitting a person when they move kundalini into the Green Chakra.  Back then I experienced this 'strike' as Neo experienced being killed and reborn in the Matrix, I could see things I couldn't see before.  It was as if my ego died and nothing was standing between me and the reality I was able to witness.  The most prominent thing about this new vision was seeing things hidden in plain sight, and seeing 'incoming Catalyst', as well as seeing through the flesh of a person to their soul.

It was a nice period of time in my life, the greatest part of my life actually.  Blissful, Peaceful, Calm, Content, I felt like I was as closely to my Soul self as I could be at that time.

So, anyways I kept up the work of kundalini rising and managed to move it rather unbelievable quickly into the Indigo Ray.

This is where my question begins.  My Enlightenment was more than just an experience, the moment kundalini went into my green chakra I began a journey...  That journey lasted for several months that all feel like one long happy content blur.  Then as I managed kundalini into indigo, something, unexpected happened.

Suddenly things made...Too much sense.  All the available information just clicked together, like a bunch of puzzle pieces all coming into their appropriate spots to reveal a larger picture...

I realized at the end of this journey, that none of it mattered, in a strangely spiritual sense, far far deep down, everything was going to happen anyways, everything was going to happen...Regardless of me.  I realized that it was futile to pump love into the world hoping it'll change the two things I loved the most, everyone else and the world itself. This realization came at a rather drastic drop in vibration, and once settled it felt like I went from heaven into hell, literally, not figuratively.

Why would an Enlightenment journey lead me to such a realization?  That everything is pointless because it's inevitable?  That the entire system is an illusion, from heaven to hell to 3D and the whole octave.  That it's all deeply a meaningless thing because at some point, detachment then forgetting occurs evolutionarily, naturally, and nothing matters beyond that point, but what's more, even that point is an illusion, a distortion.

I just, I've tried so hard to wrap my head around it, what it could mean, what does it mean...  Why did I come to the end of my journey, only to discover that everything I loved, didn't matter?

Can anyone give me some kind of insight here?

Quote:Why did I come to the end of my journey, only to discover that everything I loved, didn't matter?

It matters, and it doesn't matter.  Both are true.  Each perspective is a valid viewpoint on the whole, which resolves all paradoxes.

It sounds like you transcended illusion and "saw the wiring" inside, so to speak.  A Great achievement.  But that perspective is partial - just one side of the coin.  The other side of the coin is that illusion matters so much, that it's all that the Creator spends "His" "time" and "energy" on.  

It sounds like now you can decide which vantage point you want to take.

I don't know C_A, but when I had an awakening experience I found a video on Youtube about the spiritual nature of the Universe and how many universes there are using Pleiadian technology. But since coming back down from that state it is like the video no longer exists since I can't find it.

When you're in that state you will find answers. I have peeked into another Octave once, at least that's what it felt like. Couldn't make sense of it. But there was some existential terror that went along with getting to that point.

I don't understand, from either vantage point I still feel disturbed...  In a way I know it all does matter, yet my journey led me to the exact opposite of that, that nothing matters.

It's all so confusing, this game of life...

I don't know much of solving paradoxes anymore, back in 2014 it was a different story, paradoxes were superational.  Now I have a hard time explaining paradoxes I used to explain effortlessly to friends.

It was weird, it was like my brain was opened, my ego died and was reborn, and during that process I just had the opportunity literally probably of a lifetime to be my true self.

...I guess I'm so disturbed because I thought that journey was going to lead me to some kind of source, some deep revelation that would shake up my whole world.  I didn't expect it to be THAT though, that there is no point, no purpose, nothing matters because all is well infinitely.

Maybe that's my lesson in this life...To live with the antithesis of myself, to live with apathy.  So disturbing, sometimes I feel like the creator is a bit too detached from her creation.

I, not sure if it's obvious, but I DO want to take the vantage point of everything matters and is sacred, even the darkness.  But here I'm dealing with basically the polar opposite vantage point trying to make sense of it alongside my current one.

I get that it's one side of two coins...I just wish I understood why things are these ways.  Why is infinity so...Everywhere?  I don't know.

I thought enlightenment would lead to some, I guess, more bright and sunny experiences, instead it led me right into my own personal thought-up hell.  Seriously, this place can be very confusing.

I know there's a meaning and reason behind it all.  I just can't figure out what it is, especially when I'm stuck with this 'everything is meaningless' experience rattling around my brain every other day making me wonder until I'm questioning everything and if anything is actually 'true' or 'real' and not just 'distortions' and 'illusions'.

Gemini that same thing has occurred to me!  Many resources including for living naturally seem to have vanished since 2014 that I frequented, even my facebook comments filled with love and insight from that year all seem to have disappeared one way or another.  Synchronicities, I wonder if anyone ever thought they would work against a person lol...

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Jesus said, “Know what is in front of your face, and what is hidden from you will be disclosed to you. For there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.”
Focus on what we can know and then what we don't know will become availible to know.

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“Jesus said, “Let one who seeks not stop seeking until one finds. When one finds, one will be troubled. When one is troubled, one will marvel and will reign over all.”

Just found these quotes here.

Seemed like an odd synchronicity pertaining to this topic for me...

I'm troubled by what I've found, I guess all that's left is to marvel and reign.

Have you considered moving back into the heart, and living/breathing from there?

The knowledge and understanding you gained will be with you.

I have, it's complicated...  There's some complications with my shadow self, the first time around it was a discernible thoughtform that eventually revealed to me to be myself, and from there I learned a lot of myself by returning to the outer courtyard of the heart and getting lost in there until I came across my shadow self.

...Now a days, there is not a shadow 'self', just...A lot of darkness and a lot of broken pieces.  It's taken a lot of time to get to where I am now, not always angry and upset, disturbed and being moved in all directions by everything.  I don't think I'm ready yet to go back and face the darkness.

The first time through, it was friendly, familiar even in it's stubbornness, arrogance, and desire to fight something it didn't like.  Now, it's like trying to put a broken mirror back together, and there are a looooot of pieces and they are very sharp.

Still, best advice to be given is to always move back into the heart.  I do so periodically as best I can, but as far as moving even further from there into the lower sanctum/outer courtyard, the few times I've done so this passed year have been...  Very violent and very distressing, so I avoid it for the time being until I've got a better grip on myself and aren't so lost to my...Everything, thoughts, emotions, non-e motions/movements, words, actions, intuitions.  I'm not a very good rock, I roll pretty often.

I don't think we're meant to experience that enlightenment more than a handful of times in life, and I have to admit I poorly handled learning and manifesting the Archetypes around that same time period and am rather concerned that I might have damaged myself from attempting them before I was fully ready, considering the state of my shadow self, I don't think I'll ever attempt magic or rapid polarization again.

I think one of the bigger shocks to me in that realization/enlightenment was that in a sense polarization itself wasn't the point of life.  Trying to be loving and polarize isn't the point, we're not supposed to try to love, we're just supposed to find what opens our green rays and follow that.  Everything else is basically Work in Consciousness, and none of that should be pursued without a constant open green ray from kundalini risen up into it anyways as far as I understood.

Either way, Thank you for the advice, perhaps I'll give my darkness a visit sometime soon, see if things go a bit less...Dark, hah.

What about finding love for all that darkness, all those shattered pieces? Within you is an unceasing stream of Love. Gather all the pieces with a wide mental net, and bring them into the Heart. Literally pull/invite them in. Welcome and Bless ALL of yourself, good bad and ugly. It should be easier now that you've glimpsed the bigger picture to forgive all seemingly distorted pieces as just so much illusion.

Love is the fire in the kiln that melts down everything that is not of Love; it reconciles all differences into Harmony.

At present, something inside you is distorting the pure shining bliss of eternal perfection which you've reached. You see it, but through a distorting dark cloud, and it creates despair instead of joy. It's like having dirty glasses on, but without realizing it - the thing you're looking at appears tarnished.

Heal that and find your bliss.

I'm pretty sure Ra covered this a few times in the material. Some beings activate (from the heart center) the higher centers first and then move back in order to balance the lower ones, whereas others will work from bottom upwards but use yellow ray as a springboard to bypass green.
My path was most certainly the former, as I now find myself bringing orange and yellow ray into harmony. Sure, you experience a drop in vibration but the upper chakra activation has taken place and these centers may be called on to open to the extent of being useful for work by will alone, as opposed to being a programmed reaction to catalytic experience.