I'm a little upset now, but I could be forgiving.
My mom who I usually have problems with betrayed my trust.
I had $2000 that I deposited into her account so she could use her PayPal for my fursuit.
She paid $1000 with my money a few months ago a down payment for my costume.
The fursuit is nearly ready, but instead of paying the rest of the balance with the remaining $1000, she takes it and puts it into a CD (certificate of deposit) to help her own credit.
Now I have to come up with another $1000 that she took and have my other friend pay the remaining balance.
I do home help for her. She lives with me and pays no rent. I even got a joint account so that the money I make from helping her at home would go into that account.
And every month she transfers all of it out of that account into her own account that I can't touch. So for little over 2 years she's gotten over $20,000 from my work, and hasn't given me a dollar out of it.
I was thinking of dividing it so that 50% would go into my own account, and the remaining 50% would go into the joint account. I have no real income because she keeps it all, and yet still demands that I work for her. So if I took 50% I am entitled to anyway, it would give me like $200 extra, which would help since I have no income.
She says she deserves all of it because I had like $50,000 in the bank.
I don't know if I should do the 50% thing and keep the $200, which means she won't get that.
Or should I forgive her for taking my $1000 and betraying my trust?
I can forgive her. She says that the CD will pay out in a year. But the fursuit is going to be ready like in a week, which I will have to tap into my savings to pay for.
But I can't trust that she would pay me back in a year.
If I keep the 50%, it will just make her angry. If I am to be service to others, I don't know what I should do. If I forgive her, is that sending a message that she can walk all over me?
She's done lots of other things to me. I made a list of 17 things, and she finds an excuse for each one.
Technically it's my money, but I've let her have all of it for the past 2 years, because I am nice. Although I do get angry with her at times.
I let her live here rent free for the last 10+ years because before I was making $4000/month. But now I'm making nothing. And still she wants to take and not let me have any of my own money.
I want to positively polarize in this test. I could go either way. Though she has broken my trust many times in the past.
I'm watching old episodes of Highway to Heaven, and it's making me feel more loving. So I want to do what is loving. If I keep 50%, it will put a lot of pressure on her. She owes a bunch of companies for clothing and jewelry and perfume and angel statues that she bought.
When you meditate focus on her and do what your true self tells you to.
Man, I admit I don't like having to say these things, but this is a really tough and long term situation. I believe strongly in family and I would do anything for my own Mom, but that is something that is reciprocated. I have a hard time understanding parents other than my own, especially when they seem to be abusive. That's honestly what I feel this is, is abusive. She is taking advantage of you. It's not loving to let someone continuously hurt you, even if they are family. That's not self-sacrifice, it's martyrdom.
Now, that being said, I don't think forgiveness means just allowing the abuse to continue and if all she does is justify it then clearly she doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour.
Let me ask you, what do you think she is learning through all this? It's good to be focused on your own lessons and service, but how are you actually benefiting her? It doesn't sound like she is that responsible with money and clearly doesn't have a strong sense of financial limitations. Do you think it's actually a good lesson for her to think she can just take from you to fulfill her needs, even without asking?
I encountered an idea years ago that has always stuck with me. The Buddhists call it 'idiot compassion' and it is when your kindness is such that you enable people to continue in their behaviours because of a misplaced sense of compassion which says that they should just be left alone. Inaction or pacificism is often idealized as the pinnacle of compassion, but I don't think that is true at all. In a moment of distress or when someone needs help then inaction becomes extreme indifference or even hate. In other cases inaction means nothing changes, nothing is questioned and thus there is no growth. Inaction means abuse continues, for the victim is too scared to break their silence. They might even be convinced they're not a victim and that their abuser is the true victim. This is Stockholm Syndrome.
I think the most loving thing you can do is to cut her off and show her that she needs to take responsibility for her own actions and her own life choices. I think you need to make an active choice to take more control over your own resources. I'm not saying to abandon her, but I think maybe you need to exert a little more dominance over your own efforts. It sounds like she will just try to justify her actions regardless and that she bullies you in to doing what she wants, but I think you need to listen to your own sense of things and stop taking orders.
It's great that you want to help and be loving, that's respectable, but I think it's important to be respectful to yourself too and stand up when someone takes advantage of you. I'm sorry it's such a troublesome situation, hope sorting it out isn't too painful. Much power to you, brother.
The more that you enable another, the more that you retard that person's individual growth. So in a way you are being passive aggressive. In a way you are being most kind. Often the two are linked.
Comfortable is sometimes desirable, and sometimes best avoided.
Oh man, I'm sorry Indigo. People on this planet act really nasty when it comes to money... In my opinion, yes forgive! But be wise about it. It's not compassionate to yourself to allow yourself to be cheated and betrayed when you become aware of it. Nor is it helpful to the other to allow them to continue on with their unwholesome and unskillful activities, as they are incurring karma that will need to be balanced. There's not much we can do about another who chooses not to change, but we can develop wisdom. I experience something similar wiTh my father. He refuses to change or do things differently, he lies and steals, and I've had to take measures to protect my stuff from him. I am glad to share if asked, but I'm not glad to be stolen from. So, I forgive my father for stealing and I also make sure that he isn't able to do so again.
(07-24-2017, 08:26 AM)Nau7ik Wrote: [ -> ]So, I forgive my father for stealing and I also make sure that he isn't able to do so again.
This.
(07-24-2017, 04:05 AM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Man, I admit I don't like having to say these things, but this is a really tough and long term situation. I believe strongly in family and I would do anything for my own Mom, but that is something that is reciprocated. I have a hard time understanding parents other than my own, especially when they seem to be abusive. That's honestly what I feel this is, is abusive. She is taking advantage of you. It's not loving to let someone continuously hurt you, even if they are family. That's not self-sacrifice, it's martyrdom.
Now, that being said, I don't think forgiveness means just allowing the abuse to continue and if all she does is justify it then clearly she doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour.
Let me ask you, what do you think she is learning through all this? It's good to be focused on your own lessons and service, but how are you actually benefiting her? It doesn't sound like she is that responsible with money and clearly doesn't have a strong sense of financial limitations. Do you think it's actually a good lesson for her to think she can just take from you to fulfill her needs, even without asking?
I encountered an idea years ago that has always stuck with me. The Buddhists call it 'idiot compassion' and it is when your kindness is such that you enable people to continue in their behaviours because of a misplaced sense of compassion which says that they should just be left alone. Inaction or pacificism is often idealized as the pinnacle of compassion, but I don't think that is true at all. In a moment of distress or when someone needs help then inaction becomes extreme indifference or even hate. In other cases inaction means nothing changes, nothing is questioned and thus there is no growth. Inaction means abuse continues, for the victim is too scared to break their silence. They might even be convinced they're not a victim and that their abuser is the true victim. This is Stockholm Syndrome.
I think the most loving thing you can do is to cut her off and show her that she needs to take responsibility for her own actions and her own life choices. I think you need to make an active choice to take more control over your own resources. I'm not saying to abandon her, but I think maybe you need to exert a little more dominance over your own efforts. It sounds like she will just try to justify her actions regardless and that she bullies you in to doing what she wants, but I think you need to listen to your own sense of things and stop taking orders.
It's great that you want to help and be loving, that's respectable, but I think it's important to be respectful to yourself too and stand up when someone takes advantage of you. I'm sorry it's such a troublesome situation, hope sorting it out isn't too painful. Much power to you, brother.
Aion spells out my same sentinment. Indigo Gemini I really care about you and I don't want to see you being manipulated, forgiveness is not allowing anger to come into your heart over what is going on but it does not include allowing your mother to trample all over your kind effort.
You should not be splitting anything with her or giving her anything more than 5-10 percent, since she is trying to polarize service to self in the guise of needing to take care of you. Healthy boundaries does not mean allowing someone to take advantage of you since as a service to others wanderer, otherwise if you let her manipulate you, it's no different than being a martyr.
It seems more like you need to stop giving her money so she can learn to manager her own damn budget, it's slavery at that point if you just give her money and she's continuing to be self entitled to it.
Allowing your own mom to be just even more selfish puts some uneasy emotions within me. It makes me really sad, you are not worthless and you have the capability to do great things, sometimes we need to fail on our own to find our true strength within.
Don't be afraid to be alone.
One more thing, It's healthy to be upset, it's whether you allow that upset feeling to make you do something either destructive, or constructive, that determines how you channel that energy into polarization.
=̴̶̷̤̄ .̫ =̴̶̷̤̄ Don't beat yourself up over getting angry, it's healthy and natural to be angry as long as the way it is expressed is constructive. It is healthy to speak your mind and to be honest with people when they are doing more harm than good to you, as long as you aren't harming them or yourself, it's perfectly healthy to be honest with your feelings.
Flawed people can be made worse by us being too forgiving and understanding to them.
We're not helping anyone when we allow them to mistreat us.
Green ray is ineffective in the face of blockages.
when I compare my situation with yours, I see how much patience and love you have.
Today I was in the car with my mom and as usual she was complaining about everything in her life and acting like such a victim. she was angry and every moment of it bothered me. I said nothing and just listened. I spoke very little because if I wanted to speak my mind, I would hurt her and reflect her own anger and negativity.
I was drained and filled with negativity after that. until now.. I somehow released the anger. I'm no longer carrying the negativity she had with her.
Now I'm not bothered or annoyed anymore when I think of her words and actions. so the proper forgiving can be done with no effort. because I care for her.. and that's what matters.
(07-24-2017, 03:32 PM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]when I compare my situation with yours, I see how much patience and love you have.
Today I was in the car with my mom and as usual she was complaining about everything in her life and acting like such a victim. she was angry and every moment of it bothered me. I said nothing and just listened. I spoke very little because if I wanted to speak my mind, I would hurt her and reflect her own anger and negativity.
I was drained and filled with negativity after that. until now.. I somehow released the anger. I'm no longer carrying the negativity she had with her.
Now I'm not bothered or annoyed anymore when I think of her words and actions. so the proper forgiving can be done with no effort. because I care for her.. and that's what matters.
Yeah, I'm going to keep 50% of the income I make and let her continue to have 50% instead of all of it.
I need to let her know that she appears to be polarizing negatively and incurring negative karma. If I am right about that.
It'll take a few days, but I think she needs this lesson. And I have no other income so I need to do it for my sake.
She is a dependent on my taxes, so I get some extra back at each tax return. So there's that too.
My mom complains about her life too, but uses words like god da**it and more. I swear it seems like she has Tourette's.
Thinking and talking about forgiveness is difficult and somewhat premature if you have not processed the catalyst in the red, orange, and yellow centers. Once you've balanced the distortions those centers, my guess is that forgiveness will come easily to you because you're such a compassionate person. It can be useful to throw or suspend all personal/familial/societal/cultural/religious rulesets or beliefs when going through each energy center and their associated concepts. Think of their opposite concepts. I know this can be hard in practice, so I'll post a hypothetical roadmap below. But really, this is a method that takes practice and everyones distortions are slightly different, so your roadmap of going through the red->orange->yellow->green centers may look quite different:
Red Ray: View the situation through the love of life, and also analyze anger. The question to ask are, why are you upset? What beliefs are involved with that? Why is life difficult or troublesome? What expectations were involved? Where did these expectations come from?
Orange Ray: View the situation through self-love, in particular, what do you feel "you should do" versus what you'd like to do. Shoulds are usually distorted orange-ray beliefs, usually caused by personal/familial/societal/cultural/religious rulesets. Is there anything about the situation, or what you wish to do about the situation, or what you desire about the situation that makes you feel guilty?
Yellow Ray (I'm far from an expert here as I don't know if I've had many issues here these days, maybe because I have a lot of yellow ray work to do, or maybe because it's intuitive to me since public speaking and group dynamics have always been easy to understand for me): View the situation through love of your relationship to others generally or in groups or to society. Is there anything about the situation, or what you wish to do about the situation, or what you desire about the situation that makes you feel ashamed or not a good member of society? Once again, anything about shoulds in relationships are distortions, including that "family members should trust each other with money"
Green Ray: Understanding, Acceptance, Forgiveness, usually in that order. Most of us have great green rays (if it's not sqeezed shut by red/orange/yellow distortions), so I won't say much here.
-----
Good luck GW, this is definitely a difficult situation to be in, and I think there are no easy answers. I wish you the best of luck.
(07-23-2017, 10:18 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I'm a little upset now, but I could be forgiving.
My mom who I usually have problems with betrayed my trust.
I had $2000 that I deposited into her account so she could use her PayPal for my fursuit.
She paid $1000 with my money a few months ago a down payment for my costume.
The fursuit is nearly ready, but instead of paying the rest of the balance with the remaining $1000, she takes it and puts it into a CD (certificate of deposit) to help her own credit.
Now I have to come up with another $1000 that she took and have my other friend pay the remaining balance.
I do home help for her. She lives with me and pays no rent. I even got a joint account so that the money I make from helping her at home would go into that account.
And every month she transfers all of it out of that account into her own account that I can't touch. So for little over 2 years she's gotten over $20,000 from my work, and hasn't given me a dollar out of it.
I was thinking of dividing it so that 50% would go into my own account, and the remaining 50% would go into the joint account. I have no real income because she keeps it all, and yet still demands that I work for her. So if I took 50% I am entitled to anyway, it would give me like $200 extra, which would help since I have no income.
She says she deserves all of it because I had like $50,000 in the bank.
I don't know if I should do the 50% thing and keep the $200, which means she won't get that.
Or should I forgive her for taking my $1000 and betraying my trust?
I can forgive her. She says that the CD will pay out in a year. But the fursuit is going to be ready like in a week, which I will have to tap into my savings to pay for.
But I can't trust that she would pay me back in a year.
If I keep the 50%, it will just make her angry. If I am to be service to others, I don't know what I should do. If I forgive her, is that sending a message that she can walk all over me?
She's done lots of other things to me. I made a list of 17 things, and she finds an excuse for each one.
Technically it's my money, but I've let her have all of it for the past 2 years, because I am nice. Although I do get angry with her at times.
I let her live here rent free for the last 10+ years because before I was making $4000/month. But now I'm making nothing. And still she wants to take and not let me have any of my own money.
I want to positively polarize in this test. I could go either way. Though she has broken my trust many times in the past.
I'm watching old episodes of Highway to Heaven, and it's making me feel more loving. So I want to do what is loving. If I keep 50%, it will put a lot of pressure on her. She owes a bunch of companies for clothing and jewelry and perfume and angel statues that she bought.
There is no limit to what should be forgiven. As all wounds are self to self , or self inflicted. To not forgive, is to lock ones own self in that energetic cycle, or karma.
(07-23-2017, 10:18 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I'm a little upset now, but I could be forgiving.
My mom who I usually have problems with betrayed my trust.
I had $2000 that I deposited into her account so she could use her PayPal for my fursuit.
She paid $1000 with my money a few months ago a down payment for my costume.
The fursuit is nearly ready, but instead of paying the rest of the balance with the remaining $1000, she takes it and puts it into a CD (certificate of deposit) to help her own credit.
Now I have to come up with another $1000 that she took and have my other friend pay the remaining balance.
I do home help for her. She lives with me and pays no rent. I even got a joint account so that the money I make from helping her at home would go into that account.
And every month she transfers all of it out of that account into her own account that I can't touch. So for little over 2 years she's gotten over $20,000 from my work, and hasn't given me a dollar out of it.
I was thinking of dividing it so that 50% would go into my own account, and the remaining 50% would go into the joint account. I have no real income because she keeps it all, and yet still demands that I work for her. So if I took 50% I am entitled to anyway, it would give me like $200 extra, which would help since I have no income.
She says she deserves all of it because I had like $50,000 in the bank.
I don't know if I should do the 50% thing and keep the $200, which means she won't get that.
Or should I forgive her for taking my $1000 and betraying my trust?
I can forgive her. She says that the CD will pay out in a year. But the fursuit is going to be ready like in a week, which I will have to tap into my savings to pay for.
But I can't trust that she would pay me back in a year.
If I keep the 50%, it will just make her angry. If I am to be service to others, I don't know what I should do. If I forgive her, is that sending a message that she can walk all over me?
She's done lots of other things to me. I made a list of 17 things, and she finds an excuse for each one.
Technically it's my money, but I've let her have all of it for the past 2 years, because I am nice. Although I do get angry with her at times.
I let her live here rent free for the last 10+ years because before I was making $4000/month. But now I'm making nothing. And still she wants to take and not let me have any of my own money.
I want to positively polarize in this test. I could go either way. Though she has broken my trust many times in the past.
I'm watching old episodes of Highway to Heaven, and it's making me feel more loving. So I want to do what is loving. If I keep 50%, it will put a lot of pressure on her. She owes a bunch of companies for clothing and jewelry and perfume and angel statues that she bought.
I do not know the sure fire answer. Do not allow this to by one more day without fixing it. You search your inner self until you find a solution, you are truly I'm with. Then you approach her in manner, that takes no excuses. You let her know how it's going to happen from now on. The days of me idling are done. If it is unacceptable to her, then you let her know the time is up and she needs to ahead and start finding somewhere else to live. She is doing you completely wrong in my opinion, and to allow someone to operate towards you in that manner is a disservice to yourself, and to them.
(07-25-2017, 10:20 AM)Infinite Unity Wrote: [ -> ]I do not know the sure fire answer. Do not allow this to by one more day without fixing it. You search your inner self until you find a solution, you are truly I'm with. Then you approach her in manner, that takes no excuses. You let her know how it's going to happen from now on. The days of me idling are done. If it is unacceptable to her, then you let her know the time is up and she needs to ahead and start finding somewhere else to live. She is doing you completely wrong in my opinion, and to allow someone to operate towards you in that manner is a disservice to yourself, and to them.
I called the company and requested the form where we choose where to deposit the funds.
I'm going to put 50% into my own account, and leave the other 50% where it is in the joint account.
This should be a wakeup call to her. There are 17+ reasons why I need to do this, and I've already shown them to her (which she denies or makes excuses for).
We do get along most of the time, but her taking the $1000 from me was the last straw.
I'm not telling her about keeping half of the money which is mine anyway, until she sees her bank balance after I get paid again.
It will take a few days for it to work out. I already went over with her the 17 things that troubled me.
(07-25-2017, 12:53 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I called the company and requested the form where we choose where to deposit the funds.
I'm going to put 50% into my own account, and leave the other 50% where it is in the joint account.
This should be a wakeup call to her. There are 17+ reasons why I need to do this, and I've already shown them to her (which she denies or makes excuses for).
We do get along most of the time, but her taking the $1000 from me was the last straw.
I'm not telling her about keeping half of the money which is mine anyway, until she sees her bank balance after I get paid again.
It will take a few days for it to work out. I already went over with her the 17 things that troubled me.
You just need to not hold grudge and forgiveness will be met. Act as you see fit.
I am going through with it because she isn't recognizing her negative karma, and I don't want it to build up too much.
Heck, I may have bad karma that I need to work through too, and I probably do. Being a mirror to someone can sometimes do that.
I'm not mad now, but there's a lot of preparation like ordering checks I have to do first, which I did earlier today.
(07-23-2017, 10:18 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I'm a little upset now, but I could be forgiving.
My mom who I usually have problems with betrayed my trust.
I had $2000 that I deposited into her account so she could use her PayPal for my fursuit.
She paid $1000 with my money a few months ago a down payment for my costume.
The fursuit is nearly ready, but instead of paying the rest of the balance with the remaining $1000, she takes it and puts it into a CD (certificate of deposit) to help her own credit.
Now I have to come up with another $1000 that she took and have my other friend pay the remaining balance.
I do home help for her. She lives with me and pays no rent. I even got a joint account so that the money I make from helping her at home would go into that account.
And every month she transfers all of it out of that account into her own account that I can't touch. So for little over 2 years she's gotten over $20,000 from my work, and hasn't given me a dollar out of it.
I was thinking of dividing it so that 50% would go into my own account, and the remaining 50% would go into the joint account. I have no real income because she keeps it all, and yet still demands that I work for her. So if I took 50% I am entitled to anyway, it would give me like $200 extra, which would help since I have no income.
She says she deserves all of it because I had like $50,000 in the bank.
I don't know if I should do the 50% thing and keep the $200, which means she won't get that.
Or should I forgive her for taking my $1000 and betraying my trust?
I can forgive her. She says that the CD will pay out in a year. But the fursuit is going to be ready like in a week, which I will have to tap into my savings to pay for.
But I can't trust that she would pay me back in a year.
If I keep the 50%, it will just make her angry. If I am to be service to others, I don't know what I should do. If I forgive her, is that sending a message that she can walk all over me?
She's done lots of other things to me. I made a list of 17 things, and she finds an excuse for each one.
Technically it's my money, but I've let her have all of it for the past 2 years, because I am nice. Although I do get angry with her at times.
I let her live here rent free for the last 10+ years because before I was making $4000/month. But now I'm making nothing. And still she wants to take and not let me have any of my own money.
I want to positively polarize in this test. I could go either way. Though she has broken my trust many times in the past.
I'm watching old episodes of Highway to Heaven, and it's making me feel more loving. So I want to do what is loving. If I keep 50%, it will put a lot of pressure on her. She owes a bunch of companies for clothing and jewelry and perfume and angel statues that she bought.
You are still doubting yourself. Read these words you wrote describing what you do for her and pretend someone else is saying them, then stop worrying if you will "pass the test" you are sto trust yourself.
As to this situation, you see the every day and know all the details so from here I cant be a good adviser. Who pays for her food? Does that come out of the $400 a month or do you pay for that?
Only you know the whole picture and what is fair. You give her shelter so I doubt you would deny her the necessities of life while you have excess. Trust yourself.
The only thing I can say for sure is like mentioned below forgive but don't give her the opportunity to do it again.
(big hug) She is showing you who you are. Nice people don't often show us how forgiving, loving and compassionate we are.
In that she is giving you a gift. No matter what you choose congratulate yourself for staying loving in such a situation.
(07-24-2017, 04:05 AM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]I think the most loving thing you can do is to cut her off and show her that she needs to take responsibility for her own actions and her own life choices. I think you need to make an active choice to take more control over your own resources. I'm not saying to abandon her, but I think maybe you need to exert a little more dominance over your own efforts. It sounds like she will just try to justify her actions regardless and that she bullies you in to doing what she wants, but I think you need to listen to your own sense of things and stop taking orders.
It's great that you want to help and be loving, that's respectable, but I think it's important to be respectful to yourself too and stand up when someone takes advantage of you. I'm sorry it's such a troublesome situation, hope sorting it out isn't too painful. Much power to you, brother.
I agree with all that Aion said, but I would change the perspective somewhat. I would only be centered upon myself. I would be setting boundaries based on my own realizations for what I want or need, instead of being concerned about what another might need to learn. You can support others, but there is no controlling their paths.
(07-24-2017, 05:47 PM)xise Wrote: [ -> ]Red Ray: View the situation through the love of life, and also analyze anger. The question to ask are, why are you upset? What beliefs are involved with that? Why is life difficult or troublesome? What expectations were involved? Where did these expectations come from?
Orange Ray: View the situation through self-love, in particular, what do you feel "you should do" versus what you'd like to do. Shoulds are usually distorted orange-ray beliefs, usually caused by personal/familial/societal/cultural/religious rulesets. Is there anything about the situation, or what you wish to do about the situation, or what you desire about the situation that makes you feel guilty?
Yellow Ray (I'm far from an expert here as I don't know if I've had many issues here these days, maybe because I have a lot of yellow ray work to do, or maybe because it's intuitive to me since public speaking and group dynamics have always been easy to understand for me): View the situation through love of your relationship to others generally or in groups or to society. Is there anything about the situation, or what you wish to do about the situation, or what you desire about the situation that makes you feel ashamed or not a good member of society? Once again, anything about shoulds in relationships are distortions, including that "family members should trust each other with money"
Green Ray: Understanding, Acceptance, Forgiveness, usually in that order. Most of us have great green rays (if it's not sqeezed shut by red/orange/yellow distortions), so I won't say much here.
Really good guidance here from Xise.
Remember that STO includes being of service to yourself.
I admit, I have a hard time seeing a separation between myself and others, so that is explanation for my typical approach and viewpoint, but I do agree Diana that that is the crux of the matter. I mostly offered that thought because he himself seemed concerned with it. At the end of the day, you are only responsible for yourself, but that includes how you feel about others.
(07-25-2017, 12:53 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ] (07-25-2017, 10:20 AM)Infinite Unity Wrote: [ -> ]I do not know the sure fire answer. Do not allow this to by one more day without fixing it. You search your inner self until you find a solution, you are truly I'm with. Then you approach her in manner, that takes no excuses. You let her know how it's going to happen from now on. The days of me idling are done. If it is unacceptable to her, then you let her know the time is up and she needs to ahead and start finding somewhere else to live. She is doing you completely wrong in my opinion, and to allow someone to operate towards you in that manner is a disservice to yourself, and to them.
I called the company and requested the form where we choose where to deposit the funds.
I'm going to put 50% into my own account, and leave the other 50% where it is in the joint account.
This should be a wakeup call to her. There are 17+ reasons why I need to do this, and I've already shown them to her (which she denies or makes excuses for).
We do get along most of the time, but her taking the $1000 from me was the last straw.
I'm not telling her about keeping half of the money which is mine anyway, until she sees her bank balance after I get paid again.
It will take a few days for it to work out. I already went over with her the 17 things that troubled me.
In my opinion that is completely legitimate. In my opinion you are logos, and she logoi. You've had the power since day one to fix this. Start approaching things in a manner, were they are more fully balanced from the start. Classic case of logoi running rogue and trying to push past, and control immediate logos field. Its a cancerous relationship if not fixed. However you are just as much to 'blame' as her. It is your responsibility to set the medium, and all other things will began to balance, and the seeming waves will clear. Its a reciprocal effect, and takes time to re-adjust the entire system.
I also do not mean this in an alpha and beta type relationship. A lot of times the logos will appear in form as beta, however the logos is subtle and is the medium creator. Kind of like indigo being the form-maker for specic focuses or incarnations/lives. The logos is beyond all and is like the form maker of the octave, or all the densities are his chakras/body basically. Any family that is coherent in there bonds to each other, and aware to the level of yellow ray activation, will begin to form a community not unlike a human body. Each with an seemingly ascending and descending hiarchy. Which one could draw parallels to organs and how they each function and are apart of the whole body. You are there logos, they your logoi. So it is with other members of your seemingly outter community. Its not about power, it is about awareness/honour/responsibility to uphold your portion/sector of the one infinite creator. Know that each co-creator is a logos/logoi at all times. Instead of a boss to employee type relationship, I think of it as entities are under your care, and you are under a higher logos care.
Quote:I think of it as entities are under your care, and you are under a higher logos care.
This is exactly how I describe the giving of unconditional love between yourself and others when the others' needs and wants conflict with your own. It's like an arbitration, you are both the arbitrator and one of the parties involved. If one party is unduly selfish, it is both reasonable and logical that a solution that maximizes overall love - between the parties and the universe - tends to devalue the interests of the selfish party. (Of course, if you are STS, you are the arbitrator that only cares about one party, and gives a completely biased verdict that maximizes things for one party only).
(07-27-2017, 01:31 PM)xise Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:I think of it as entities are under your care, and you are under a higher logos care.
This is exactly how I describe the giving of unconditional love between yourself and others when the others' needs and wants conflict with your own. It's like an arbitration, you are both the arbitrator and one of the parties involved. If one party is unduly selfish, it is both reasonable and logical that a solution that maximizes overall love - between the parties and the universe - tends to devalue the interests of the selfish party. (Of course, if you are STS, you are the arbitrator that only cares about one party, and gives a completely biased verdict that maximizes things for one party only).
I would agree to a large extent, However in my opinion such confusing/catalytic situations, arise to espouse movement/thought. Almost every invention was invented because of a seeming 'defencience' or 'problem'. I believe we can examine things such as the ocean, and come to understand that all things have there part within us. As much as it is in the apparent reality. I feel the tide like effect being has, the rush as if water rushing up on the beach, and all hope lost. As surely as the tides recession. I've heard it said the masters only know how to hold on that much, as the tide of being recedes. Without the fall, there would be no rise. Imagine music as one tone, no valleys and no peaks. All things are reflections of being, and are being in and of themselves. As all things are images/representations of The One Infinite.
Yeah, devalue isn't the right word, but to weigh it less without loving it less.
In the end, the bond tested and not broke. Is far stronger then the one never tested.
I have to wait for the banks to send checks and stuff before I can keep 50% of my own money. I have to send in a form when I have a check for the bank account. That'll be at least 10-14 days just for the checks, and then another 2 weeks at least for the company to update the payroll info. As soon as I send in that form, I'll let my mom know. I don't want to do it before in case she manipulates me out of it.
(07-28-2017, 05:34 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I have to wait for the banks to send checks and stuff before I can keep 50% of my own money. I have to send in a form when I have a check for the bank account. That'll be at least 10-14 days just for the checks, and then another 2 weeks at least for the company to update the payroll info. As soon as I send in that form, I'll let my mom know. I don't want to do it before in case she manipulates me out of it.
If it were me, it wouldn't be so much about the money,as it could potentially be the beginning of a more balanced relationship. Were hopefully, eventually things like money are not an issue, and both entities can more fully come to appreciate each other, and what the other deserves for there work. And what they need to survive/live. I understand how you could be frustrated with her, however there has probably been more then one occasion where you thought/felt that things weren't exactly fair/even. Between you two, especially financially, and you let it go by. I don't think she is trying to be outright malicious towards you, and often times controlling people. Only are reacting/doing what they think is right. Even if they are completely wrong. Though they develop these traits or ways of acting towards you, were you are incapable, and they should just have the reins. Find confidence within yourself. Think things through with this, use your intuition to find the balanced complete view. In my opinion one of the most important aspects in all this, is how you approach her when parlaying with her, about this matter.
I would not approach her with anger, or in a threatening manner. Really think about how/why she feels this way, and done these things. Maybe she is afraid for her future financially. Which surely does not excuse her actions/choices. But rather a way for you to understand, and connect to her. In my opinion that is what this will take. A position where you truly understand how she feels, have forgiven her. Though you also need for your health, and financial security, what is due to you for your input in the jobs, that you two do. Explain to her that she has received however many it is months, of these checks. That you don't hold it against her, but understand her position, and how she needed the money. Then you explain that this is your only source of money, and your savings has nothing to do with these jobs, and from here on out they will be even. You have seen to it. Give her no ultimatum beyond that. See where she goes, her reaction. Let her decide if she will be sharing/accepting/understanding or will she deny/make excuses/and all the things in the past. Be confident. yet not arrogant. You are not dominating, you are trying to balance and harmonize. This is my little opinion brother. Take what you will, and I wish you both the best.