(08-16-2010, 09:54 AM)ahktu Wrote: [ -> ]Self esteem, like spiritual enlightenment, isn't something that just developes overnight. It is a constantly maintained state.
I think that's a wise thing to say. Look at working in the kitchen, or the garden. We can't say, well I washed the dishes today, so that task is handled for the rest of my life! Or, I watered the plants and pulled the weeds today, so now I can sit back and the garden will take care of itself. Taking care of ourselves, just like taking care of our environment, is a daily, moment to moment activity.
This next point might not help you while you need your current job, but I'll say it anyway. Any boss that yells at a subordinate for being stupid, any boss who thinks that berating excuses their refusal to try to learn more about the situation and how to better design the workflow... is a bad boss.
The right way to manage and supervise is to make sure each person has a clear picture of what needs to be done, plus all the tools and teamwork necessary to do the job well.
If someone does thing the wrong way, the wrong question for the boss is "How can I criticize the person so they're humiliated enough to never make another mistake?" The right question is, "How can we fix our processes, systems and education around here, so that nobody will ever be tempted to make that kind of mistake again; so that it's easy to understand the right thing to do, and everything is ready to help the worker do the right thing?"
Unless the instructions and environment were fully supportive, blaming the worker rather than fixing the system is ineffective. Unfortunately, especially in Western nations, too many bosses are nowhere close to providing clear instructions and a supportive environment.
Maybe they don't know better, because they have only lived in worked in hostile environments.
Maybe they mean well, but have never taken a class or read a book to learn how to be skillful at managing other people. (This often happens with technical experts who got "kicked upstairs" to reward their hands-on talents, but lack people skills.)
Maybe they are living a service-to-self life and score points for their side if they can make you cry. Who knows? The important thing to see is that it's unfair, unjust, and does not say anything about your worth as a person.
It can be really hard to do - much easier said than done, I know - but necessary, to separate your boss's critical moment from how you've been treated unkindly in the past. There is not some hidden defect in you that's only visible to people loving, wise, gentle and spiritually advanced enough to scream at you, dismiss you, and not even tell you what you did wrong or how to make amends!
Same thing with those who objected to your unusual behavior, without ever telling you what their standards were, or confirming that you understood their needs, or agreed with their requests and were equipped to be of service. Their harshness comes more from their own lousy, miserable failures of basically decent communication, not from any inherent flaw in you.
The brain and mind work hard to connect the dots and form patterns. However, it's important to realize that the dots do not form a line of a dagger pointed at your character. The individual dots are just times that other people, who weren't very mature or helpful themselves, lashed out at you rather than seeing you as a worthy person they could help and love. The fault is probably not in you, but in those peoples' limited ability to be helpful and loving, at least in those moments.
These emotional hooks can go deep into us, when we are vulnerable, especially as children. Take some time to talk through, pray, or journal, about the ways that your mind sees these matters. Even though the feelings are vague, turn the concepts into specific logical cause-and-effect statements you can make as an adult. "It's important to... This person said... Therefore, the inevitable conclusion is..."
Pretty soon, you will come across something where your mind says, wait a minute, that does not add up, it does not make sense, it hurts me without helping anyone, and I don't want to believe it any more!
As soon as you have that discovery, use your prayer or meditation time to ask for divine help releasing the emotional hook. Pray for heaven to help you become free of the brainwashing indoctrination. Fairyfarmgirl has some excellent material about this.
About the nature of serving others... we should discuss that more! A couple of quick ideas for a start. If your service depletes you, then it should only be done because this is the highest cause of evolution you can possibly imagine, for you and for the other people who will be blessed by your sacrifice and only yours.
The Christian account of Jesus is this way. Although he would have preferred to avoid the suffering, his sacrifice created a memorable example of unconditional love and service that still resonates today. (And according to Christian theology, only he could have had the suffering that made the rest of humanity right with God.)
The Buddhist account is the same: after he was enlightened, the Buddha could well have simply left any further involvement with this plane of suffering. Out of compassion for those who did not yet understand how to become free, he stayed so that he could teach.
Now compare that to dealing with your boss. If you make yourself feel like a miserable, worthless worm, rather than speaking up for the need for clearer instructions at work; or if you let yourself be criticized and berated, far beyond anything necessary to fix the business issue at hand; how does that help enlighten all of humanity? How does that promote your own spiritual evolution? How does it help your boss, your colleagues, vendors and customers to experience the grace and beauty of love in each moment? Obviously, it doesn't.
In terms of a job, I believe the spiritual path is to love all the people and details we can make better in each moment of work... and then, to leave the day's work and be fully present with those who can love us at home.
I hope something in here is helpful to you. For anything that doesn't resonate at a loving and helpful level in your spirit, please feel free to set it aside. (Wouldn't it make work so much happier if our bosses would always say that?)
![[Image: em_spectrum-visible.jpg]](http://www.school-for-champions.com/science/images/em_spectrum-visible.jpg)
but I think they are right on about this: change your state of mind by moving your body in a new way. If you were confident, where would your shoulders be? How far apart would your feet be? Where would your hands be moving? How fast would they be moving? How about moving that way now, even before you feel confident, and then your body can report back a feeling of confidence? But this is just a more formalized way to do exactly what you both described.