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Full Version: How do you feel about death, your own, other peoples, in general?
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I have been wanting to work with the dying for the last 2 years. I know it sounds weird but its such an important time where often people feel alone with their fears, regrets, memories and either have no one or no one open to hearing and processing these things with them.

I don't know why but the thought of being there for them in this time, helping to unburden them, letting them be heard, help them to understand themselves, their fears, and past. It just seems like such a beautiful gift for both the one dying and the one who is there exploring it with them.

I think most people are never really known, they don't get to tell their story, what haunts them, resolve it, put it to bed for this life and I'd like to offer that. The thought chokes me up so much at being able to be there for that.

Not sure if this is an egoic desire or my soul. Feels like it could be both.
I keep looking at hospice volunteer opportunities but fear steps in.

Am I ready? am I healed enough to do this with the precision and lack of trigger it deserves? I get so moved by the beauty of being with someone, and truly witnessing them without the mask of keeping up appearances that I'm not sure I wouldn't get tears in my eyes. That might be sad for them if they misinterpret, so would be adding distress inadvertently.

I'm wondering what you all feel towards death and the process.
Is it sort of twisted I see so much beauty in the process? I don't want to judge myself like that but most people avoid death, find it sad.
Is it odd to see it as beautiful? Not in a seeking it way but reverent, a transition, a release from the physical to a new phase of the journey.

As usual my post isn't clear, I guess I'd just like your take on this bring 4th
Do it, it's a beautiful position of service to be in.

Death is grossly misunderstood and to be sure most people are fearful of the DYING rather than the death itself. Nobody wants a painful death. (Well, that's probably not true either.)

The only way to face that fear is to meet it face to face. Death has always been part of my life, I was there when my Opa passed as a child and I remember looking at him in his bed and feeling his spirit pass through me. Since then I have experienced many deaths, including someone I was doing Reiki work with (he had liver cancer). Last year I helped to bury a friend of mine who was hit by a train with my own hands. I helped carry the casket and to fill the grave. It is never easy and it's not supposed to be. Grieving is actually an important part of accepting death. It's good and healthy.

If you feel called to this, it is a rare calling and something only the most compassionate of hearts is suited for. I think you would do well. A lot of people in their old age want and need nothing more but some care, some sharing and to not feel forgotten. I do Reiki work with my Oma and she always talks about how when she passes all she hopes for is that she'll see us all again on the other side. I assure her she will. When people are at that age they need comforting to making the journey. It is a very honourable path to take and it is something I respect highly.

Respect for the dead is one of those things for me which reveals the shape of one's character.

I hope that in time the fear surrounding death itself will be alleviated but I feel like that won't really happen until it is no longer characterized by violence and morbidity.
Thanks Aion, Smile
I appreciate every single one of those words.

People around me who hear I want to do this this kind of brush it off, dismiss it, think its kind but they don't understand wanting to "put myself through that". Which makes me wonder why I see death so different. I see the beauty in it.

Most only see darkness, fear, sadness, loss, I get that but I see the other side too. Its as powerful as birth, maybe more so.
I'd like to make the walk home as easy as possible, no fear, no turmoil, love at every step.
Thanks for understanding and sharing.

Sorry for your loss, glad your Oma has you to help her. Smile
In it I see a rest after a long and arduous journey. Perhaps it is my belief that it is not 'the end' that makes me see it as such, or maybe it's just for the simple fact that finally at that moment the suffering of the world dissolves.

When I was younger I took death too lightly. I saw myself as immortal and intended to be. I realized as I got older that even if I could, I wouldn't want to live forever. I wouldn't want to stay here in this form for eternity. It would become too much sorrow eventually. Why do you think vampires eventually always succumb to melancholy and isolation in lore and pop culture? Living for too long is full of endless sorrow. I am prepared to leave this body behind once its manifestation is complete.

As the saying goes, death is the only certainty in life so you can either run from it or be prepared for it. I think that we prepare ourselves by cultivating wisdom. I believe that in old ages the mind begins to reflect upon itself in an automatic process whereby it recapitulates all its previous experiences to 'divest' it of all its wisdom done through the growth of spirit the individual achieved in their life. It has gone a long way to help my Oma feel better about her old age process and her constant remembrance of the past to think that it is a natural process of drawing out all the wisdom from the life experiences because now the mind is at its most mature and can unravel all those old ideas. I think that the more deeply one has distortions the more difficult this can become and if the individual harboured deep hidden feelings they can have their personality completely disrupted, such as in cases of extreme dementia.

Sometimes the hardest part is realizing you can only watch and offer comfort and not always alleviate the mental or physical difficulties that come with age. Sometimes they just need to be heard to they just want to listen. Create a space where they can work through whatever they need to in your heart. However, be careful, and watch your heart because it will be painful and you have to be sure to take time to lighten your heart lest it become too heavy.
I can't accept death at all.
I can't imagine my loved one being placed inside a grave without going completely crazy.
Death.  The power of change.

Ir scares me more than anything, specifically the suffering.

I think its admirable to help people in their final stages transition and make peace with their life while still alive.  I find though that once in it, it'll be more painful for the helper in a strange way.  You'd think death is the ultimate pain, but suicide seems to say otherwise, that death can be a release from pain.  Its those who survive who feel the true pain to the situation.

In a way, the survivor, or in your case, the caregiver will witness things that might shake them. The questions of how and why things are these ways can really disturb a person.  Seeing another suffer into death, a sense of nihilism for the humanity can be touched.  It is the soul that lives on, the human though has gone and most likely is just a bunch of memories to a soul now.

That disturbs me.  I actually have seen death before, I can only feel that there is something very disturbing about how it can occur.  My father's 5th wife died of a massive heart attack literally 10 feet away from me.

I find death has an ounce, and only if an ounce of dignity in it.  To not be lying dead on a street is better, yet I feel there is an odd grossness to people spending their last moments in a bed.  Would one prefer to die to a beautiful scene?  Are they truly comfortable with their final place of life?

For me I'd kill myself inside if I had to watch others suffer and provide them a care that didn't fit my standard of fair.  Most hospice work is overflowing with people, you can't spend all your time with one person, and if you connect with them (which I think but am not sure is discouraged if you're a doctor or nurse) you'll be the one suffering in their wake.

So, I couldn't do it.  Watching so many slowly suffer to death is one kind of hell I don't want to see.

And plus why does so much suffering need to occur in death? Is that really necessary??  Are we such distraught entities that our process back to our true selves need be laden with pain?

I've read that the chakras near death gape wide open before shutting down in death, perhaps it is our slowly leaving a body we so badly wanted to be in, that is the source of all the reasons why pain is so present nearing death...

I find death depressing.  Its a tragedy, not a Divine Comedy.  Those lost are a loss to the world...  They deserve to be remembered in dignity, not their final moments of suffering...
You fear your humanity and that is the root of all fears of death. You cannot comprehend your own mortality, perhaps.

It is true that death is a tragedy but that is particularly true for those who are still living. It is natural to find death sorrowful, that is a proper grieving response. Like I said, it is a rare calling and it takes a special kind of heart to handle working with the dying and the dead.

I believe I will know when the moment is coming as I age and I intend to go out with a heroic psychedelic experience. I'm not gonna hit death slow and steady, I'm gonna sprint across the finish line.

Maybe it's because I was introduced to death at such a young age that I have always had a fair comfort with mortal reality.
(10-08-2017, 03:53 PM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]I can't accept death at all.
I can't  imagine my loved one being placed inside a grave without going completely crazy.

I think I understand that. I personally only have an issue with the words "never again" when I think of losing someone.
Really those are only words though. I have had enough experiences with people after their death to know they are still in some form in existence. I cant exactly tell you what form that is but I know love is still there, and Ive had one play numerous jokes on me, I knew exactly who it was and still years later from time to time he pops up to be his silly self.

I saw the dead but not dead,.. the departed as a kid so I guess I have never believed in nonexistence, or gone.
I cant see them like I used to because I blocked them out as a teen when it seemed scary to me (thanks religious indoctrination)
and am still reworking to fully unblock them.

Anyways I'm sorry you carry this fear of loss. I hope you are blessed with an experience that shows you that there is no "gone" just not physical.

It may also help you to practice something I have always done. I always tell people what they mean to me. Especially after a fight, because that crap really just doesnt matter. If they died the next day youd want them to know love remained.

Sometimes you get questioned "are you dying" because it isnt normal to thank people for their presence in your life. I assume I left things unsaid in a past life and this life I wont make that same mistake... not that it would matter. Consciousness isn't limited by biology.

Anyways thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective.
(10-08-2017, 04:07 PM)Coordinate_Apotheosis Wrote: [ -> ]Death.  The power of change.

Ir scares me more than anything, specifically the suffering.

I think its admirable to help people in their final stages transition and make peace with their life while still alive.  I find though that once in it, it'll be more painful for the helper in a strange way.  You'd think death is the ultimate pain, but suicide seems to say otherwise, that death can be a release from pain.  Its those who survive who feel the true pain to the situation.
I think that is true, which is even more why I would want to do this. The dying person has so much to process and make peace with but often their loved ones are already grieving or just cannot be open to the process because it hurts. Time is of the essence and if the family and friends cant perform that function I would feel I have help ease anothers transition by being there to see to their emotional and spiritual support needs.

(10-08-2017, 04:07 PM)Coordinate_Apotheosis Wrote: [ -> ]In a way, the survivor, or in your case, the caregiver will witness things that might shake them. The questions of how and why things are these ways can really disturb a person.  Seeing another suffer into death, a sense of nihilism for the humanity can be touched.  It is the soul that lives on, the human though has gone and most likely is just a bunch of memories to a soul now.
I already question the current death process. Mostly because we cling so badly. I wouldn't want to serve in an old age home unless the person was on their way out within a few months because I see those places as storage facilities. Life is beautiful, transition is beautiful, I don't see the clinging to life in an institution for a decade to be beautiful. Maybe I am not seeing them for the mirror they are offering though.

(10-08-2017, 04:07 PM)Coordinate_Apotheosis Wrote: [ -> ]I find death has an ounce, and only if an ounce of dignity in it.  To not be lying dead on a street is better, yet I feel there is an odd grossness to people spending their last moments in a bed.  Would one prefer to die to a beautiful scene?  Are they truly comfortable with their final place of life?
Ah I love bed. lol If pain is managed properly, and they are emotionally prepared there is no reason bed for the dying cannot be as comforting and nurturing as we make it for a child. Energy of those around you can make a huge impact on your experience moment to moment. I guess that would be one of the things I would want to ensure. Protect the energy around them so there is no over riding sense of anxiety and fear. I think it might also help those left behind to know their loved one was nurtured and ensured a proper gentle place to make the transition.

I will say Im not exactly sure how to do this all. How to make it work. Hospice seems most likely he first step as the people there are in the process of passing but the ideal may be to do this in a persons home. I guess I will find out.

(10-08-2017, 04:07 PM)Coordinate_Apotheosis Wrote: [ -> ]For me I'd kill myself inside if I had to watch others suffer and provide them a care that didn't fit my standard of fair.  Most hospice work is overflowing with people, you can't spend all your time with one person, and if you connect with them (which I think but am not sure is discouraged if you're a doctor or nurse) you'll be the one suffering in their wake.

So, I couldn't do it.  Watching so many slowly suffer to death is one kind of hell I don't want to see.
I kind of feel like my entire life purpose is to walk with people through their suffering. You cant always ease their situation or pain but you can hold them and love them through it. At least not leave them alone in their pain. I think that's really why I'm here so to do it at death where you can help them transition without fear, feeling loved and safe... seems no worse than watching what I see everyday cutters, alcoholics, suicidal people because their pain is unbearable. In those situations I can only help for a moment. Helping them pass to the next situation with no regrets and fear or things unsaid.... it might be more impactful and help their next experience start off more gently.

(10-08-2017, 04:07 PM)Coordinate_Apotheosis Wrote: [ -> ]I've read that the chakras near death gape wide open before shutting down in death, perhaps it is our slowly leaving a body we so badly wanted to be in, that is the source of all the reasons why pain is so present nearing death...
I think that is true. We resist out of fear of what is next and fear of leaving people behind, but our dogma about death has always encouraged that. I think its time to actively change the narrative.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. If my perspective is this polor oppisite to the standard it makes me feel like I'm not silly to think I could help. Thanks CA
Hey, Glow, everyone needs help.   Your willingness to give it is a good example for everyone so don't worry about it.

As Nike goes; Just Do It Wink
(10-08-2017, 01:44 PM)Glow Wrote: [ -> ]Am I ready? am I healed enough to do this with the precision and lack of trigger it deserves?

Perhaps there's only one way to find out!

I learned something recently: Despite that I've convinced myself that Death is this beautiful thing, a beginning, something that's meant to be celebrated, it still has the power to make me mourn. There was an injured white ibis on the lake shore not too long ago. I was keeping an eye on it periodically thru the window, and when the sun was about to completely set, it started struggling to make its way to the water. When it got to the water, it went in...and then it went under...and then it never came up. To my surprise, I started bawling my eyes out as if I had just lost a best friend.
Isis that reminds me of an orange tabby cat that used to be in my neighborhood.  It was so sweet and friendly,  it walked right up to me on the street several times...

I should've taken it in...  The last time I saw it was from a distance,  something or someone had mauled it, badly...  I remember crying about it one day when I realized it 'disappeared' (died).  This cat must have been so loving and sweet and innocent that it walked right up to something that mercilessly attacked  it...

I should've taken it in...  I should've...

I think, Glow, you should give this a try sooner than later. There's always people in need of the service you desire to give.
I used to crave the afterlife, but now I am finding life to be precious. I don't really want to leave it.
The problem is; losing someone I've enjoyed and loved being with everyday means I'm going to be missing her/him until my own death.

And also people can become big parts of our lives and even a part of who we are. so I guess I will feel even more incomplete and separated from who I am if something like that happens.

(10-10-2017, 07:52 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I used to crave the afterlife, but now I am finding life to be precious. I don't really want to leave it.

Me too!
(10-11-2017, 06:32 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]The problem is; losing someone I've enjoyed and loved being with everyday means I'm going to be missing her/him until my own death.

And also people can become big parts of our lives and even a part of who we are. so I guess I will feel even more incomplete and separated from who I am if something like that happens.

Brian May Wrote:Who dares to love forever, when love must die?

It's okay to cry.
And while we're on the subject of death and I'm posting Queen videos, here's an exemplary performance by a dying Freddie Mercury. The show must go on.

Who is not moved by a good tragedy? Few things are as effective at catalysing spiritual seeking as death.
Ah, Freddy Mercury, you were too big for this world.
:idea:  Heart what a beautiful thread, with beautiful posts, all the way through Heart  :idea:
(10-08-2017, 01:44 PM)Glow Wrote: [ -> ]I have been wanting to work with the dying for the last 2 years. I know it sounds weird but its such an important time where often people feel alone with their fears, regrets, memories and either have no one or no one open to hearing and processing these things with them.
2 years shows you're definitely being called to it (imo) and it's not weird - the separation of death from our lives is what's weird.
I see your feelings as healthy and "life affirming".


I don't know why but the thought of being there for them in this time, helping to unburden them, letting them be heard, help them to understand themselves, their fears, and past. It just seems like such a beautiful gift for both the one dying and the one who is there exploring it with them.
This is such a great description, and it shows how clearly you 'get' "it" Smile And this understanding qualifies you for training for the work. Have you heard the term "end of life midwife" ? (aka: "death doula").. there are lots of articles and organisations - if you google the term there's lots of links.

I think most people are never really known, they don't get to tell their story, what haunts them, resolve it, put it to bed for this life and I'd like to offer that. YES ! The thought chokes me up so much at being able to be there for that.

Not sure if this is an egoic desire or my soul. Feels like it could be both.
I think if it was egoic you wouldn't have written this post Wink

I keep looking at hospice volunteer opportunities but fear steps in.
This is healthy - without it you might be disconnected with the significance of the work. The fear - the hesitation; qualifies you as a candidate (imo).
I've cared for dying (nursing homes) but never to point of death as the doctors usually took over - or I was redirected to other residents to attend to - and later, my life/work path went in a different direction (disability care with children).
The wish to honour by listening to the lives of people (who often think they achieved little and mean nothing to anyone) - is one of the greatest gifts to give (and receive from). To show someone how much you care about them simply for their presence, for their having come and had a life in this world, to offer to really be there for someone who may have never had that full listening their whole life prior - who either has no-one there for them as they 'leave' - and/or to assist family/friends to assist them - is a blessed thing - for us as much as for them Smile
When I worked in a 'Nursing Home' I had an elderly patient who was completely withdrawn, shut-down; so I asked staff about his previous life - he'd been a small time shopkeeper and in the local Town Hall Jazz Band - so I'd sing jazz to him (while washing, dressing and feeding him) and brought in his favourite cd's. He began to lift his head up, eat more and started talking to me about his memories.
It's heartbreaking how people can be left with no-one at the end of their lives...
ADDITION: It's heart WARMING to see (and better still be) the change in this part of life.


Am I ready? am I healed enough to do this with the precision and lack of trigger it deserves? Discuss this with someone who does this work - they'll know. I get so moved by the beauty of being with someone, and truly witnessing them without the mask of keeping up appearances that I'm not sure I wouldn't get tears in my eyes. That might be sad for them if they misinterpret, so would be adding distress inadvertently.
With training and the right mentor this would be worked through - and tears are not a bad thing either... overall it would be a learning curve which you would get assistance with.
(I once had a mental health crisis worker's eyes fill with tears from hearing what I was going through - and it helped incredibly - I could visibly see that she believed me and that she cared.)

I'm wondering what you all feel towards death and the process.
Is it sort of twisted I see so much beauty in the process? I don't want to judge myself like that but most people avoid death, find it sad.
Is it odd to see it as beautiful? No Heart

As usual my post isn't clear, I guess I'd just like your take on this bring 4th. (I find you clear Smile )
(10-10-2017, 07:52 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I used to crave the afterlife, but now I am finding life to be precious. I don't really want to leave it.

I think this is a very clear sign of successful Wandering.
(10-13-2017, 12:40 AM)sjel Wrote: [ -> ]
(10-10-2017, 07:52 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I used to crave the afterlife, but now I am finding life to be precious. I don't really want to leave it.

I think this is a very clear sign of successful Wandering.

I've found a passion in digital art. Well at least I ordered the equipment to get started. I want to get good to be able to draw from my mind. And maybe digitally paint as well.
(10-13-2017, 12:33 AM)smc Wrote: [ -> ]
(10-08-2017, 01:44 PM)Glow Wrote: [ -> ]I have been wanting to work with the dying for the last 2 years. I know it sounds weird but its such an important time where often people feel alone with their fears, regrets, memories and either have no one or no one open to hearing and processing these things with them.
2 years shows you're definitely being called to it (imo) and it's not weird - the separation of death from our lives is what's weird.
I see your feelings as healthy and "life affirming".


I don't know why but the thought of being there for them in this time, helping to unburden them, letting them be heard, help them to understand themselves, their fears, and past. It just seems like such a beautiful gift for both the one dying and the one who is there exploring it with them.
This is such a great description, and it shows how clearly you 'get' "it" Smile And this understanding qualifies you for training for the work. Have you heard the term "end of life midwife" ? (aka: "death doula").. there are lots of articles and organisations - if you google the term there's lots of links.

I think most people are never really known, they don't get to tell their story, what haunts them, resolve it, put it to bed for this life and I'd like to offer that. YES ! The thought chokes me up so much at being able to be there for that.

Not sure if this is an egoic desire or my soul. Feels like it could be both.
I think if it was egoic you wouldn't have written this post Wink

I keep looking at hospice volunteer opportunities but fear steps in.
This is healthy - without it you might be disconnected with the significance of the work. The fear - the hesitation; qualifies you as a candidate (imo).
I've cared for dying (nursing homes) but never to point of death as the doctors usually took over - or I was redirected to other residents to attend to - and later, my life/work path went in a different direction (disability care with children).
The wish to honour by listening to the lives of people (who often think they achieved little and mean nothing to anyone) - is one of the greatest gifts to give (and receive from). To show someone how much you care about them simply for their presence, for their having come and had a life in this world, to offer to really be there for someone who may have never had that full listening their whole life prior - who either has no-one there for them as they 'leave' - and/or to assist family/friends to assist them - is a blessed thing - for us as much as for them Smile
When I worked in a 'Nursing Home' I had an elderly patient who was completely withdrawn, shut-down; so I asked staff about his previous life - he'd been a small time shopkeeper and in the local Town Hall Jazz Band - so I'd sing jazz to him (while washing, dressing and feeding him) and brought in his favourite cd's. He began to lift his head up, eat more and started talking to me about his memories.
It's heartbreaking how people can be left with no-one at the end of their lives...
ADDITION: It's heart WARMING to see (and better still be) the change in this part of life.


Am I ready? am I healed enough to do this with the precision and lack of trigger it deserves? Discuss this with someone who does this work - they'll know. I get so moved by the beauty of being with someone, and truly witnessing them without the mask of keeping up appearances that I'm not sure I wouldn't get tears in my eyes. That might be sad for them if they misinterpret, so would be adding distress inadvertently.
With training and the right mentor this would be worked through - and tears are not a bad thing either... overall it would be a learning curve which you would get assistance with.
(I once had a mental health crisis worker's eyes fill with tears from hearing what I was going through - and it helped incredibly - I could visibly see that she believed me and that she cared.)

I'm wondering what you all feel towards death and the process.
Is it sort of twisted I see so much beauty in the process? I don't want to judge myself like that but most people avoid death, find it sad.
Is it odd to see it as beautiful? No Heart

As usual my post isn't clear, I guess I'd just like your take on this bring 4th. (I find you clear Smile )
Thanks SMC it really means a lot. Smile
I'm doing shamanic work on myself to get as healed as possible but yes the death doula is basically what I feeled deeply called to. I don't know how to get there exactly but one foot infront of the other I guess.

If you have further insite. I am all ears. In the meantime I guess I just do the baby steps. I found a hospice to volunteer with but their training days are not quite here yet. So currently I am watching, waiting and trying to work on myself so I can offer them me at my best.
My advice, spend some time in graveyards, do some meditation there just walking around. Get to know the peace of the silence there. Learn what the energy of death feels like and become sensitive to it. That may seem morbid, but it will help to prepare you for the inevitable experiences with the energy that come with such a line of service.
(10-08-2017, 01:44 PM)Glow Wrote: [ -> ]How do you feel about death, your own, other peoples, in general?

Separation from those you love is never easy. Of course, they don't really die. They just transition to another world. And our relationship with those spirits certainly doesn't have to stop just because they are sans physical. But not having a physical relationship can be difficult.

I'm not afraid to die, and in fact, I would much prefer to be discarnate than incarnate. It is simply a much better world, but I don't want my family to mourn my death at all. I want to die very last so they don't have to experience that. And when I die, I want to pass from this world out in nature. I don't want to ever be found, so there is no funeral.

I actually mourn people as being dead far prior to their deaths, which is kind of hard to explain. It is a way of, for lack of better explanation, getting it out of the way before it happens. I was told in a semi out of body state when both of my parents would die because it was heavy on my mind (I have yet to find out the accuracy of this prophecy). At the time, knowing gave me some comfort. Again, I try to see life with everyone I love as already gone, so I can again, for lack of better words, "predigest" the catalyst. It is sort of a philosophy of: if you die before you die, you never have to die. It is a way of becoming deathless in a way.

The death card, the transformation of the body archetype, has been haunting my mind as of late. I've been experiencing some strange phenomena, related to kundalini, which relates to the death card. I may make a post about it at some point.