12-09-2017, 01:48 AM
Hello....
These topics are hard to write because it is where I am most vulnerable... because obviously it is something I am here to learn about due to my past life experiences... I have written in the past about how I felt about different things and it would see that I was a monster waiting to pounce by the way people would reply even though most of the conflict is going on in my head. I am very aware of information derived from certain circumstances but I do not act or mention them when I know the other person is waiting on a response. I am trying to protect the free will of another usually and stating information about what I know would lol throw me under the buss.. everyone likes to kill the messenger lol.. especially when the messenger obtains messages from "thin air" and they turn out to be truthful..
anyways.. the intro is kinda off topic.... lol
I reallllllllllllllly like a girl........ When I first met her.... my heart was burning and I was sooooo happy...... I was in another world.... lol she was the definition of a girl I was looking for plus more.... I could not contain my happiness when I was with her. I literally felt like this the whole time... I think she was enjoying me too because she was laughing so much and she was singing and humming... after we went our separate ways we texted each other for a couple weeks and we kinda just stopped... because of life.... n maybe 4 months later after I have completely forgotten about her I have some crazy dream.... her and me just hanging out.... we look at each other and we kiss.. just something small like lip to lip nothing else... but i am really sexual... yet I was more than satisfied with this and I felt this intense passion for a while... I had previously had many conversations with people I knew in the astral plane and I knew they told me things that they were usually afraid of saying in real life... so I figure that this may have been one of those situations.......... I started to text her again but I was soooooo curious to if this could have any grounds in truth... so I told her I had a dream about her... lol to my amazement.. she was curious of the dream.... lol.. she asked me what happened... I told her... vaguely just that we were hanging out and we kissed.... lol she stated that she did not want to be romantically involved with me.. lol and that it was just a dream.. lol..... I was pretty shot down and didn't ask her any more questions.. I know it was a dream and technically I still didnt know her well enough to officially like her.
I am not stalking or obsessing over her either.. lol I feel like all the girls I talk to may feel like I give them too much attention.... anyways... I think she may have just been judging me... she does not know me at all so I know its not because of who I am. I pondered about why she stated "being romantically involved with me" that is a weird way of saying it like that but also could it be to her relationship to God or her dedication to serving others? She is always traveling over seas for missions....
The funny thing is... I had this song stuck in my head after this happened and although it had been years since I heard it... "Shine on you Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd" lol and I know sometimes your guardians use music as a way to communicate...but anyways.. our texting fell off from there.... I decided that I would not quit and pursue her just long enough for her to know more of the real me. I think she may just be not attracted to me because of my weight lol I am pretty chubby compared to how I use to be before I got injured in the military... but none the less that is a guess.... anyways.. I forgot how it started but she started inviting me to different functions with her.. lol which I find odd.. lol she even invited me to her brother in laws bday party... who does that and not have some kind of feelings? I had a lot of fun though...
Also I told her I love... brownies and every time I see her she brings some brownies..... lol just coincidence I am sure.... but then during the birthday party dinner.. her friend said oh she made the brownies for you... but I did not know her well enough to know if that was sarcasm or truth... I know she is super shy and I think she is the type that wants to know you for a while before anything happens... but its not just these physical cues but on the astral plane too...
It seems when I am really about to give her up or move on.. she responds to me... we hardly text after that day I technically told her I like her..... if I get a text its like maybe once a week... im on a roll if its twice lol..... but then there are coincidences too.. I met a girl and she is really cool and interesting but she is really friendly as in a friend but then there are some weird situations with her...... I was about to go out on our first outing with this new girl and just as I walk out my house to go meet this girl...... guess who texts me..... its her.... the girl I really like...... So it had me thinking again... so I start texting her and then its like the text die again...... I had another dream about her... a dream that she had a tattoo on her thigh and she was smoking a cigarette lol... like she use to be a rebel or something... i dont know but....
it wasn't untill this dream that I feel like maybe my feelings for her span across lives..... it was a past life dream I was having and then I saw her... it seemed like she was searching for signs of the being she use to know in a past life.......me
Since I am single and very.................. red aura right now like lusty...... I am looking for relationships I know are not good for me in the long run.. and a week agoo.. I had a dream about the girl I really like..... she was off in the distance... she was like Terrance........ lol I just turned and walked away. but there was a dream symbol segment of that dream that was really odd... There was a table that was broken.. and the person was saying this is some weird table that is really high grade... while in the middle of that...... there was some small white poodle looking dog who was barking over and over again......
I have been paying attention to myself when certain when certain stimuli are applied....... When I think of certain girls ...the root or sacral stimulation is felt and I understand that these are indicating what was mentioned in the Law of One like in regards to using your will to use someone or to be used "bootycalls" lol "netflix and chill dates". When I think of her I feel my heart warm up and I feel it tingling.... but lately after that dream of seeing her off in the distance I have been curious to what it could mean..... I remember Ra saying that attraction is like a magnet attracting its opposite... it seemed like there were things he knew in regards to love that weren't really touched on... anyways.. I have been contemplating this meaning...
what happens when I like multiple girls.. does my magnet attract with the same strengh or is it weakened? Is there a person of focus in this regard too? What I am assuming now from observation is that the heart only has room for 1.... and that being of focus is what is being attracted... This is because Now when I think of the girl I really like it is harder to feel that burn.... but when I think of this new girl... I feel it a bit where there was before... although I am not really into her...
I am seriously contemplating buying the girl I really like some flowers and writing a love letter with some additional hidden triple meanings that she would only get if we shared a pastlife... it is odd that we have things in common given her up bringing... this will be some secret admirer type stuff.. I will spray the letter with some cologne that I will only wear once I see her at this wedding this april.... I am sooooooo afraid..... my heart teeters off the edge of a cliff on the thoughts this brings..... I have written some love letters... 2... and I will combine the elements I like from the others into one..... I plan to write about the dream I had of her but in a 3rd person so that it wont be too obvious... wish me good luck.... I hope this works......
