Bring4th

Anagogy, you're totaly right about finding the bliss.

I've been physically/mentally/spiritually ill most of my life.

I assume you know of my other illness.
Just yesterday my sciatic pain started again. last time it healed was when friend of a friend explained some concepts similar to those of the Law of One to me. next morning the sciatic pain disappeared. and now it's back..

I take drugs only to get rid of pain weather mental or physical. the weed is not helping though... opiates help. but I don't want to go back to that.

I fear if I quit weed completely, I get sicker and sicker.

Workout helped me relax and sleep better, but now my tendons and everything hurts. so I just meditate.

Fill your life with things tht you enjoy, ultimately,  more than pot. If you dont know try new things. Most people I meet smoke cause their bored and not willing to grow and change in the way that would satisfy them.

The problem often is either being unreal about what you think your life should or not having a clue. The whole philosophizing of spiritual stuff is actually a distraction to self defined needs.