(02-21-2018, 10:44 PM)Mahakali Wrote: [ -> ]I start in a couple days.
It is my experience that the mentality of "I'll be perfect soon, but for the moment I'm just waiting to begin" is of little value. What's stopping you from just dropping and doing pushups until your muscles tear right now? What's stopping you from beginning a meditation routine this very day?
(02-21-2018, 10:44 PM)Mahakali Wrote: [ -> ]"You have no power here" was directed at Chris, not you.
I am Chris Hansen
and you're on dateline NBC. Why don't you take a seat?
(02-22-2018, 05:40 AM)MangusKhan Wrote: [ -> ]It is my experience that the mentality of "I'll be perfect soon, but for the moment I'm just waiting to begin" is of little value. What's stopping you from just dropping and doing pushups until your muscles tear right now? What's stopping you from beginning a meditation routine this very day?
What stops me from dropping to the floor and doing push-ups and sit-ups is that I've got other things to focus on right now, and physical education is built into the routine that I've designed for myself already. My main weakness has been trying to tackle 50 different topics all at once and not getting one of them completed. You know, I've got like 50 or 60 unfinished books that I've started, no joke?
I realized what the problem was when I read a quote online about how if you try to catch 50 rabbits all at the same time, you won't catch any, but if you catch them one at a time, that evening you'll be enjoying a nice bowl of rabbit stew. (I'm not sure that was the quote exactly, but you get what I mean.)
Part of what I'm trying to teach myself this time is to follow through by doing one thing at a time and finishing it. Thus, I'm limiting myself strictly to one textbook and one or two recreational novels at a time, and one non-fiction book if I feel like it (but all 1-3 recreational books have to be finished before I start the other 1-3).
I actually have been meditating every day, and even doing it right sporadically. And that's also on the upcoming daily routine.
(02-22-2018, 05:40 AM)MangusKhan Wrote: [ -> ]I am Chris Hansen and you're on dateline NBC. Why don't you take a seat?
(02-21-2018, 02:00 AM)MangusKhan Wrote: [ -> ] (02-20-2018, 09:49 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: [ -> ] (02-16-2018, 10:54 AM)Bring4th_Jade Wrote: [ -> ] (02-16-2018, 02:28 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ] (02-15-2018, 07:35 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: [ -> ]Incorrect. Reality just gets really angry when you combine the negative and positive path, creates lots of light, and makes you god.
Is that how you became one?
Well, actually, according to Ra, to gain power within third density, one must dedicate themselves to a single polarity. STO is the easier path to become "one", but both are valid. But you have to choose. You have to walk the steps of light after this incarnation, which means you must be reposited into the negative densities or the positive densities - fourth, then fifth, then sixth. You don't get to leapfrog into middle 6th density if you never learned how to polarize through the rest of the densities past this one.
Ah yes. Power. The subconscious control of others via servitude (positive) or domination (negative) via the heart. Both leading to less learning. I'll pass. Transcending duality should be the goal of any adept as when tied to any ideal or fixed point in consciousness leads to a very limited viewpoint.
While these words resonate, I am left wondering... is it really okay to just ignore suffering entities and accept that they will be sucked into a vortex of pain and misery for the rest of their existence? I understand why the wise do not involve themselves with others, but still something in me says, "Make a difference". Otherwise, why even be here, and not in the outer planes engaging in much more rapid learn/teaching?
The suffering entities that I have found have pride to match their suffering. On top of that, projecting pain onto others increases the probability that they will increase their suffering. Casually offering support is enough. The friends that I have made that do suffer, usually ground out so powerfully that they manifest physical ailments. They then disappear for 6 months to a year, and then show up when they have integrated the lighter energy state.
States of divinity are Taboo where I live, so if I healed someone completely they would have a worse overall experience. I'm just gonna write and publish. Greater free will, and they can find my material when they are ready for it as opposed to my desire (attachment) to service causing me to find them before they are ready for it, creating greater perceived suffering for all involved.
Found this helpful quote in a transcript referenced by Quan in his Daily Q'uote thread.
It speaks very directly to OP's experience.
Quote:http://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/is..._0809.aspx
This does not mean that an entity embraces the darkness of self and becomes the murder, the rapist, the thief, the sloth, the prideful one, and the one who disrespects or covets or lives in envy and hate. It means that, when those emotions are encountered within the self as response to catalyst, that the self is able to gaze upon itself with an unblinking eye, not troubled by judgment but remaining within a peaceful and unconcerned heart. To be afraid of the shadow side of self is to invite the entrance into the life of increasing numbers of what this entity would call vampires or those who attack or greet psychically.
For there is the polarity of the light and the dark that is willing and ready to amplify the basic truth of that person as perceived by itself. Thusly, if that person is able to embrace its perceived failures, its perceived suffering, its perceived disharmony, there is no bias incurred towards punishing the self through the contractions of fear that one is not behaving well or not doing enough or not being supportive enough. It is very easy for an entity experiencing negative emotions to begin a spiral that moves ever downward, where there is self-judgment and self-despising and then the outside consensus reality gradually offers an increasing number of mirrors that project the self to the self, showing images of fear-producing feelings. Thusly, the entity considers itself more and more of a failure; it becomes more and more willing to live in fear, and therefore it shuts itself off from those feelings of harmony, unity and the open flow of catalyst and experience. And thusly suffering occurs.
However, there is just as much efficacy in the smallest improvement in releasing fear. As the entity perceives fear where before it did not, thusly it begins to perceive those key elements which provide the catalyst that increases fear. Once these imbedded points of entry for negative catalyst are located, it may be seen that these are like triggers towards contraction, self-protection and fear. Thusly, the process becomes more and more transparent to the seeking self, and the self begins to be able to disconnect the seemingly fear-producing catalyst from the actual process of turning catalyst into experience. It is a matter of identifying that point when an entity is entering into fear, and, as we said, this is a subtle and usually long-term process. It is an awakening that is most salubrious and certainly, usually, most dearly bought.
(03-20-2018, 02:27 PM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I need some practical help. I'm in a position where I'm trying to survive. I'm barely eating, I'm not in a position where I can get support from my family, I spend my days in mind numbing despair and emptiness and boredom and isolation and regret. If someone who knows what this is like can help me find a way to both get on my feet and come to terms with a horrible and traumatic past, I will consider choosing positivity. If noone can, I'm going to double down and attempt the rituals for power and money once more as a last resort before suicide.
Have you applied for any jobs?
Not as exciting as trading, but you need money. Statistically, 80--90% of the people that day trade fail at it. Not good odds. It is really really hard (you already know this well -- it takes ungodly amounts of self control) Hoping and praying works for a lot of areas of life. The stock market isn't one of them. Don't worry if you don't have work experience. People without experience get hired for low level jobs all the time (and they rarely check references -- speaking from experience here). Get the first shitty job you can find, and then start trading up to better jobs when you have more experience. You'll also meet people at these jobs, and as long as you can communicate as cogently as you are here, you'll make friends, almost guaranteed.
Talk to your landlord, they can be surprisingly understanding. I would encourage reaching out to your parents and telling them your sorry for blowing their money. Tell them you'll understand if they can't forgive you, but you're sorry nonetheless. They might let you crash with them again. Maybe not. Worth a shot. At least throw a rope line, if they throw it back, there's that at least. Keep your options open, regardless of whether you think it is a snowballs chance in hell.
Just get an income stream going. Pretend like you want the job. You're intelligent (obviously). Fake it till you make it. You can find infinite excuses not to do something. Or you can talk yourself into taking action.
This isn't about polarizing at this point, you're in survival mode bro. You can worry about polarizing and healing your past later.
You wanted practical advice, this is what it looks like. It's not sexy, but there it is. You can always reach out to local churches for financial assistance (though they will probably ask you to come to church if you agree to it). Maybe you qualify for food-stamps? That really helps with the barely eating part. Learn to be grateful for even the smallest improvements in your experience. That will bring other improvements to your experience. It is easy to keep thinking the same way you've been thinking (negative), but you have to start somewhere. If you can conjure good feelings for even a couple hours a day it would net you obvious improvements in your experience. You can't conjure those feelings by constantly thinking about why you are where you are in the first place. In your head, you have to live more where you want to be, than where you are. Things are always changing, even when they seem like there not, but they are often changing to the exact same thing over and over again, because your vibrations are the same.
Go for walks if you can too. Really helps clear the mind. Don't go full on agoraphobia, stuck in the house. Like mold grows in stagnation, psychological problems are the same way. Gotta keep the energy moving. Keep it fresh. Ponder the wisdom of not burning bridges even when you really want to. I wish you the best of luck.
(03-20-2018, 04:28 PM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I have cut scars and cigarette burns all over my arms and hands, many in places that aren't concealable with clothing, as well as a neck tattoo. I'm not in a position where I can get a job. It's why I started this evil business of trading in the first place.
Apply anyway. I just walked out of a 24 hour grocery store yesterday night with overnight stockers with those exact same features. You can't win if you don't play.
Dear fellow seeker, I feel sorry that you suffer so much. I wish I could help you.
Keep looking for a job. There must be something. Sometimes a little scarry appearance is even desired e. g. for a bouncer.
You've already asked for help here. Try asking for more help. I don't mean just people but help "from above". Talk to God and spiritual guides, complain, get it off your chest, cry out if necessary ... Call for inner healing and let the higher power give you strength to forgive - yourself and others.
"Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you." (Mt 7:7)
Jesus: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Today's daily Q'uote seems to be right on the money:
//Many times, the reason for distortion is some opinion concerning the self that is negative. Sometimes the self interprets catalyst to mean that it has been abandoned; sometimes an entity may interpret catalyst in such a way that he feels that he is not good enough. Whatever the negative perception concerning the self, such perception robs the self of its own peace, talent and magic. If an entity is not pleased with itself, if an entity does not feel that it is doing well, it is simply, by this attitude, hampered in the accurate determination of the nature of catalyst, because all negative perception tightens a net of fear about the soul, and within that net the soul within cannot breathe and cannot express itself with freedom and accuracy. It is only within an atmosphere of love that the self begins to be able to see the self clearly.
This does not mean that it is possible for the self to be, specifically and generally, completely pleased with the behavior and the functioning of the self. The removal of fear from the self simply means that, when the self perceives the self to have failed, that failure is loved, honored, accepted and forgiven with the same facility and gladness with which the self is able to pat the self on the back for perceived excellences and virtues.
Moving back into the thought of polarity, it is important to love the negative portions of self, the shadow portions of self, as much as the sunny, daylight portions of consciousness that one is most desirous of sharing with the world. Blessed is the entity who is not only able to share positivity with the world but is also able to share the perceptions of his own negative nature with a calm and peaceful heart, with a forgiving and accepting heart.
This does not mean that an entity embraces the darkness of self and becomes the murder, the rapist, the thief, the sloth, the prideful one, and the one who disrespects or covets or lives in envy and hate. It means that, when those emotions are encountered within the self as response to catalyst, that the self is able to gaze upon itself with an unblinking eye, not troubled by judgment but remaining within a peaceful and unconcerned heart. To be afraid of the shadow side of self is to invite the entrance into the life of increasing numbers of what this entity would call vampires or those who attack or greet psychically.
For there is the polarity of the light and the dark that is willing and ready to amplify the basic truth of that person as perceived by itself. Thusly, if that person is able to embrace its perceived failures, its perceived suffering, its perceived disharmony, there is no bias incurred towards punishing the self through the contractions of fear that one is not behaving well or not doing enough or not being supportive enough. It is very easy for an entity experiencing negative emotions to begin a spiral that moves ever downward, where there is self-judgment and self-despising and then the outside consensus reality gradually offers an increasing number of mirrors that project the self to the self, showing images of fear-producing feelings. Thusly, the entity considers itself more and more of a failure; it becomes more and more willing to live in fear, and therefore it shuts itself off from those feelings of harmony, unity and the open flow of catalyst and experience. And thusly suffering occurs.
However, there is just as much efficacy in the smallest improvement in releasing fear. As the entity perceives fear where before it did not, thusly it begins to perceive those key elements which provide the catalyst that increases fear. Once these imbedded points of entry for negative catalyst are located, it may be seen that these are like triggers towards contraction, self-protection and fear. Thusly, the process becomes more and more transparent to the seeking self, and the self begins to be able to disconnect the seemingly fear-producing catalyst from the actual process of turning catalyst into experience. It is a matter of identifying that point when an entity is entering into fear, and, as we said, this is a subtle and usually long-term process. It is an awakening that is most salubrious and certainly, usually, most dearly bought.//. 020809
I suggest you place yourself into a place where there is a lot of Life going on, like a big, crowdy supermarket, get close to people who are vibrant and who have a lot to look for. Their aura will automatically alleviate your own, without much conscious effort on your part. If you are not getting involved with people very deeply, then don't. There's a lot of space between that and 'routine interaction', it will be good for you. Just don't try to take it on your own, and keep it to yourself. Also try to disconnect with your faculty of 'ruthless reasoning' and intellectual brain, at this point it will probably kill any initiative you can come up with. Suspend the trading business, at least for a while. Try to listen to your intuition. Try to put some rhythm into your day, and have some rest. Apply for a comfortable job and settle down a bit. Be straightforward. Ask for help. You will inevitably have it. I pray for you.
You sound like you feel trapped. Often when I feel trapped, it's because I am overlooking commitments and assumptions I've made. While these ideas can give us a framework within which to exercise our will our realize our lessons, it is paramount we not forget that we made them and we can renegotiate them at will. This is not always easy or pleasant, but where you're at right now sounds equally unpleasant.
Consider the way experience balances itself. Although it seems callous, it is precisely the feelings and pain you are now experiencing that are part of finding a new balance. Without the intensity of the experience, you might not take it as seriously. You are not stuck; you are learning a lesson, and you are in the middle of a transformation, I'd wager. This is not supposed to be happy or comfortable, but it is also not something that will last forever. As the Confederation always reminds us, we just don't see enough to understand why things happen to us until much further along. This is where faith comes in, but it's not a blind faith--it is a faith informed by the grief and pain. You have faith as a function of its hardship, not as an alternative to it.
We always feel that this moment right now is immutable. We are stuck in this linear chronological experience. But it is not us, and your perceived failures are not you. If I had one suggestion, it would be to feel your pain fully instead of attempting to escape it. It's not easy to do and I take no pleasure in suggesting it. But treating it as medicine rather than sickness will help you glean the lessons so that, as much as things now suck, you can be stronger and softer of heart for it.
I wish you love and light, and I apologize if anything I've said seems tone deaf--it is for that reason that hesitated to even respond. One never knows if a word will help or hurt, in the end.
(03-20-2018, 04:28 PM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I have cut scars and cigarette burns all over my arms and hands, many in places that aren't concealable with clothing, as well as a neck tattoo. I'm not in a position where I can get a job.
Full sleeves are pretty accepted in many states (and might even make the neck tattoo seem more in place). I've known more than ex-addict who covered their numerous track marks with full sleeves on each arm, and it really boosted their confidence.