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This choice is largely for survival, and because I cannot find any other healthy way to integrate the extremely negative experiences I've had on Earth, and the habitual emotions they result in.

The section of the LoO describing a wanderer being forced onto the negative path resonated with me when I read it. I felt very sure that it was my situation. Maybe it's not, maybe it is. I've tried to be positive, but I've only become more miserable and destitute. The majority of my life has been agony.

I have several other reasons for this that I will not write about in-depth here.

I'm refraining from violence and sexual exploitation, so you can relax. My priorities are manipulation of the aether for power, material comfort, and separation.

I have weighed the options, and it appears impossible for me to live further without making this decision.

This may double as a goodbye post.
Why do you aim to refrain from violence or sexual exploitation?

If you care about these things you'll face problems on the negative path. and won't graduate.
You should only be concerned about yourself. not hold back and not think things twice when it comes to hurting other selves for personal gain.

And another thing I should mention is that the negative entities might be setting a trap for you. you may think they will leave you be or even help you if you make that choice. but they know that things may change for you and you may reswitch polarity since you have a positive background.
Those two activities are likely to land me in prison, limiting my opportunity for power.
(02-14-2018, 03:07 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]Those two activities are likely to land me in prison, limiting my opportunity for power.

Who cares negative  or positive.. Just follow what feels right however that is for you.. Sometimes one may be lead to do darker things but then in future that is for a reason that leads to positive.  It is pointless to judge.  This density is not for understanding and full of paradox.

The greater polarity you learn negative or positive, the quicker you can switch to the other.  This is very common through history and many examples of it, one of the most prominent monks in tibet...    person who started whole gang war between blood and crypts got nominated for noble peace prize through his children book in later life, Shaolin  the movie has great example of switching polarities i found very touching.    Haha There is examples of positive switching to negative too of course but ill leave those Tongue
If you find your heart basically closed, then it is, undoubtedly, a whole lot of work to coax it into functioning whole heartedly--as it were.  (Don't I know it!)  If that feels like too much work, then perhaps going the way of heartlessness will comfort and benefit you for some period of time.

Honestly, it makes me sad to read your conclusion, but if that's how you are determined, then I wish all the best as you wade deeper into the murk and gloom.

 
I respect your decision. I myself have taken comfort in the darkness in my past. Though I have a question, is talking through your difficulties not an option at this point?
(02-14-2018, 04:25 AM)Louisabell Wrote: [ -> ]I respect your decision. I myself have taken comfort in the darkness in my past. Though I have a question, is talking through your difficulties not an option at this point?

Therapeutic conversation would be nice, but this is also a practical choice.

My only source of income at this time is a competitive form of financial trading where every dollar I make is somebody else's loss. It is legal, but unethical from my perspective. It adds nothing of value to the world. I have no other options to make a living because of my circumstances. I do not find it possible to be positively polarized while doing this, and I am only capable of consistently winning and sustaining myself through the mentality that I am out to take as much as possible. Otherwise, I would be ruined.

I have a long and traumatic history that I have alluded to at times on here before. I have previously experimented with dark magick and I have alienated, hurt, and scared many people during times where I have lost control of myself. I am not a violent person, but there are many former friends, acquaintances, and strangers, who likely currently assume that I am in jail, institutionalized, or dead.

This makes attempting to feel any sort of unity or oneness with others extremely difficult for me. Deep down, I still feel animosity towards those who have hurt me as well.
All good stories begin with a decision to take the path less trodden.

Godspeed, you glorious bastard.
(02-14-2018, 05:12 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]Therapeutic conversation would be nice, but this is also a practical choice.

Well you can PM me if you like, if there are things you don't want to say in public. I dont think I can give much good advice, but at least I can hear what you have to say.  

(02-14-2018, 05:12 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]My only source of income at this time is a competitive form of financial trading where every dollar I make is somebody else's loss. It is legal, but unethical from my perspective. It adds nothing of value to the world. I have no other options to make a living because of my circumstances. I do not find it possible to be positively polarized while doing this, and I am only capable of consistently winning and sustaining myself through the mentality that I am out to take as much as possible. Otherwise, I would be ruined.


Well I'm not surprised, day/swing trading is stressful and an emotional rollercoaster, from what I can see. I guess the general thing people say is that at least you're a market maker/increasing market liquidity. I know it's a cope-out, but hey we all gotta do what it takes to put food on the table.

(02-14-2018, 05:12 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I have a long and traumatic history that I have alluded to at times on here before. I have previously experimented with dark magick and I have alienated, hurt, and scared many people during times where I have lost control of myself. I am not a violent person, but there are many former friends, acquaintances, and strangers, who likely currently assume that I am in jail, institutionalized, or dead.

This makes attempting to feel any sort of unity or oneness with others extremely difficult for me. Deep down, I still feel animosity towards those who have hurt me as well.

If you have magical power than to be honest that is even more worrying to me. You may have potential to graduate to the negative. I assume you writing this now is because you still haven't totally made up your mind?
I've made up my mind. This is just a goodbye and an affirmation.

It feels dark and cold and scary, but I'm interested in seeing where my consciousness can go. It gives me a reason for my pain that I can accept. I prefer feeling this way by intention over random suffering.
(02-14-2018, 07:27 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I've made up my mind. This is just a goodbye and an affirmation.

It feels dark and cold and scary, but I'm interested in seeing where my consciousness can go. It gives me a reason for my pain that I can accept. I prefer feeling this way by intention over random suffering.

I understand how you feel to a degree. There is nothing wrong with your choice. Stand firm in it, and be who you are.
It is my opinion that the overwhelming majority of people on this forum who talk about being or going on the negative path are instead having problems with self-healing (usually red/orange, sometimes yellow or green ray) - which mistakenly makes them question their positive leaning polarity - rather than actually being those beings that Ra describes as:

Quote:"Some love the darkness....Some find the night delicious, their picnic being pain, difficulty, sufferings of others, and the examination of the perversities of nature. These enjoy a different picnic. All these experiences are available. It is free will of each entity which chooses the form of play, the form of pleasure."


If you're negative leaning and are aware enough to have read LOO, there's no doubt about it, the above description will probably jump out and resonate with who you are.


However, if you're frustrated with your experiences here on Earth, and want to 'try out' the negative path because Ra talks about the further along on either polarity you are, that you can switch, you're probably not in that camp where you are far along and can switch easily (at least not in this incarnation). Positives that are far along on their path don't really experience excessive frustration as they have honed acceptance. Negatives that are far along the path don't find frustration bothersome as they've learned to control it and channel it when useful (see Ra's description on anger). 


As always, I may be incorrect on this subject as you can never truly know what's going on inside someone else's head or heart, so take what resonates and leave the rest behind.
If choosing any path feels "right" then go for it. You have free will.

I don't choose to be STO or STS. It's not something I worry about or feel I have to define for myself. I'm just me, and when I make decisions, they're based on other criteria. If you think of Spock on Star Trek, that's how I do things. I'm proactive, I guess would be the best word. What I do to be proactive flows from who I am.

But some people may need a structure within which to work, much like the "labels" threads canvassing some people's need for labels to feel empowered and supported.

So happy trails whatever they may be. By the way, if you are making money in stocks, I don't see that as necessarily anything—STS or STO. It's just moving money around and the people who lose money have willingly been involved. It's more a game of intellect and strategy based on risk taking (to the degree how savvy one is).
(02-14-2018, 05:12 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I have a long and traumatic history that I have alluded to at times on here before. I have previously experimented with dark magick and I have alienated, hurt, and scared many people during times where I have lost control of myself. I am not a violent person, but there are many former friends, acquaintances, and strangers, who likely currently assume that I am in jail, institutionalized, or dead.

This makes attempting to feel any sort of unity or oneness with others extremely difficult for me. Deep down, I still feel animosity towards those who have hurt me as well.

I can see how your decision might feel like you're just going with the flow of things.  On the other hand, you may be trying to get out of a hole by digging yourself further in.

For future reference, the wormhole out of there is located in your own heart.  It can be difficult to approach, due to various personal factors, but it never goes away.  It is eminently patient.

 
(02-14-2018, 05:12 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]My only source of income at this time is a competitive form of financial trading where every dollar I make is somebody else's loss. It is legal, but unethical from my perspective. It adds nothing of value to the world. I have no other options to make a living because of my circumstances. I do not find it possible to be positively polarized while doing this, and I am only capable of consistently winning and sustaining myself through the mentality that I am out to take as much as possible.

It only adds nothing of value if you do nothing positive with the money you make. That is completely your choice, however. The exchange of money is totally voluntary. Nothing is being stolen. You can choose to donate portions of money to good things like charity, or create a business that employs people to do something useful for the world. Again, completely your choice. There is good and bad in everything. Even robin-hood did good when he robbed from the rich and gave to the poor. So I have to chuckle when people say a given thing adds no value to the world. It is just simply not true. You create the value, and you dis-create it when you assume it has no intrinsic value. It is just way of not taking responsibility for creating value. The universe is infinitely resourceful. Even the waste that falls from our bodies is recycled. It is true for everything else too.

There is a difference between developing self for selfish reasons, and developing self to better help others down the line. That is the charge of polarity. But again, it is totally your choice. I don't say any of this to make you feel bad, just to empower real choice. There is good and bad in everything. No polarity is being forced upon you.
(02-14-2018, 07:27 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I've made up my mind. This is just a goodbye and an affirmation.

It feels dark and cold and scary, but I'm interested in seeing where my consciousness can go. It gives me a reason for my pain that I can accept. I prefer feeling this way by intention over random suffering.

Any fear is a warning. The darkness can lull you in with promises of power and vengeance. Once upon a time I lived in a state where the only emotion I felt was rage, I embodied it as an essence. I totally committed myself to the dark path, but at the peak, when I saw what the negative path was really about, I cried out to Jesus to save me like a little lamb.

Just thought I should share my experience, and let you know, if it ever goes too far, the forces of light won't abandon you if you call out in earnest. I wish you the best either way, and I'm sorry if there was more we could have done to have made things easier for you in these hard times.
The negative path is slower, more difficult, filled with more suffering, filled with far more fear, leaves you completely alone and abandoned, and inevitably leads to your being enslaved by those higher up than you in negative learning. The only logical choice for the negative path is simply that it resonates with you to the core of your being. If you're going to go negative for any other reason, you are making the wrong decision. A single difficult incarnation isn't enough in my mind, however difficult it may be, to warrant the negative polarity, as the negative path inherently involves adding on more pain and fear by its most fundamental nature. I believe you are making a tremendous mistake, and that the thoughts leading to it were probably brought on by psychic attacks meant to manipulate your thinking.

It is absolutely your choice, however, if you truly want to go through with it. Your actions while negative will ultimately benefit all beings. Every action and emotional drama resolves perfectly because the system in which we exist in was designed by infinite intelligence. God bless you.
Last time I watched Episode 3 and Anakin turned to the dark side I was cheering
(02-14-2018, 07:27 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I've made up my mind. This is just a goodbye and an affirmation.

It feels dark and cold and scary,

GOODBYE!
May "the path which is not" swiftly take you right where you want to be. NAMASTE

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(02-14-2018, 03:52 AM)Quan Wrote: [ -> ]
(02-14-2018, 03:07 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]Those two activities are likely to land me in prison, limiting my opportunity for power.

Who cares negative  or positive.. Just follow what feels right however that is for you.. Sometimes one may be lead to do darker things but then in future that is for a reason that leads to positive.  It is pointless to judge.  This density is not for understanding and full of paradox.

The greater polarity you learn negative or positive, the quicker you can switch to the other.  This is very common through history and many examples of it, one of the most prominent monks in tibet...    person who started whole gang war between blood and crypts got nominated for noble peace prize through his children book in later life, Shaolin  the movie has great example of switching polarities i found very touching.    Haha There is examples of positive switching to negative too of course but ill leave those Tongue

Very well said! I strive for the positive myself but you are absolutely correct in my book.
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(02-14-2018, 07:27 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]I've made up my mind. This is just a goodbye and an affirmation.

It feels dark and cold and scary, but I'm interested in seeing where my consciousness can go. It gives me a reason for my pain that I can accept. I prefer feeling this way by intention over random suffering.

One does not just decide to be a stock broker/person one day. It takes a lot of stabbing just to get to that level. Lots of stabbing = lots of karma. To me it seems you've been feeding this negativity your whole life. If that is the case, than of course nothing will get better. Cosmic law is just and I have seen it 180 in my life by making the right choices. It really does work. Cosmic law has no flaws.

Either way I wish you the best on which ever path you choose. When I started doing right (and THINKING RIGHT), the changes started happening very quickly. Within 1-2 months. I assume the process of the changes starts almost immediately but not enough to notice at first. But it will happen if you are sincere and put in the correct thoughts/work.
(02-14-2018, 02:52 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Why do you aim to refrain from violence or sexual exploitation?

If you care about these things you'll face problems on the negative path. and won't graduate.
You should only be concerned about yourself. not hold back and not think things twice when it comes to hurting other selves for personal gain.

And another thing I should mention is that the negative entities might be setting a trap for you. you may think they will leave you be or even help you if you make that choice. but they know that things may change for you and you may reswitch polarity since you have a positive background.

Incorrect. Reality just gets really angry when you combine the negative and positive path, creates lots of light, and makes you god.
(02-15-2018, 07:35 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: [ -> ]
(02-14-2018, 02:52 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Why do you aim to refrain from violence or sexual exploitation?

If you care about these things you'll face problems on the negative path. and won't graduate.
You should only be concerned about yourself. not hold back and not think things twice when it comes to hurting other selves for personal gain.

And another thing I should mention is that the negative entities might be setting a trap for you. you may think they will leave you be or even help you if you make that choice. but they know that things may change for you and you may reswitch polarity since you have a positive background.

Incorrect. Reality just gets really angry when you combine the negative and positive path, creates lots of light, and makes you god.

Is that how you became one?
(02-16-2018, 02:28 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]
(02-15-2018, 07:35 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: [ -> ]
(02-14-2018, 02:52 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]Why do you aim to refrain from violence or sexual exploitation?

If you care about these things you'll face problems on the negative path. and won't graduate.
You should only be concerned about yourself. not hold back and not think things twice when it comes to hurting other selves for personal gain.

And another thing I should mention is that the negative entities might be setting a trap for you. you may think they will leave you be or even help you if you make that choice. but they know that things may change for you and you may reswitch polarity since you have a positive background.

Incorrect. Reality just gets really angry when you combine the negative and positive path, creates lots of light, and makes you god.

Is that how you became one?

Well, actually, according to Ra, to gain power within third density, one must dedicate themselves to a single polarity. STO is the easier path to become "one", but both are valid. But you have to choose. You have to walk the steps of light after this incarnation, which means you must be reposited into the negative densities or the positive densities - fourth, then fifth, then sixth. You don't get to leapfrog into middle 6th density if you never learned how to polarize through the rest of the densities past this one.
(02-14-2018, 02:23 AM)777 Wrote: [ -> ]This choice is largely for survival, and because I cannot find any other healthy way to integrate the extremely negative experiences I've had on Earth, and the habitual emotions they result in.

The section of the LoO describing a wanderer being forced onto the negative path resonated with me when I read it. I felt very sure that it was my situation. Maybe it's not, maybe it is. I've tried to be positive, but I've only become more miserable and destitute. The majority of my life has been agony.

I have several other reasons for this that I will not write about in-depth here.

I'm refraining from violence and sexual exploitation, so you can relax. My priorities are manipulation of the aether for power, material comfort, and separation.

I have weighed the options, and it appears impossible for me to live further without making this decision.

This may double as a goodbye post.

I myself refrain from violence and sexual exploitation mostly because I'm not learned enough to properly deal with the karmic blowback. In my own situation, I have loads and loads of really nasty karma, so I refrain from activities that could likely trigger an explosion.

Nothing wrong with playing games, but learning takes precedence, or should... Most of the people on the negative path are probably like you: trading stocks, focusing on a specific fetish or goal, etc., and the ones doing the negative work because they seriously want to polarize are few and far between, comparatively speaking. The right reason to polarize negative is the knowledge that it brings.

(02-14-2018, 05:14 PM)Louisabell Wrote: [ -> ]Any fear is a warning. The darkness can lull you in with promises of power and vengeance. Once upon a time I lived in a state where the only emotion I felt was rage, I embodied it as an essence. I totally committed myself to the dark path, but at the peak, when I saw what the negative path was really about, I cried out to Jesus to save me like a little lamb.

Lot of talk in this thread about how the forces of darkness might be trying to trick OP, or are giving him these thoughts... have you ever considered that it might not have been you crying out?

I was raised Christian - though I never resonated or engaged with it - and so there's been a certain level of connection to that current etherically. And of course they're always "praying" for me, which has helped sometimes but is usually just fucking annoying. And which has invaded my etheric body during times of trauma. Or maybe it was more of an echo than an invasion. But they sent their intent into the astral implants used for thought insertion by the mental health types, and it resonated. It's embarassing and annoying sometimes - they're desperate to get me to come back to their current.

I myself can't see ever (re)connecting with that religion. I'm filled with hate for them. I was raised on demonic vibrations that always resonated a lot faster and a lot harder than Christianity ever did.

If you come from a "positive" background, you might have to work harder and be a lot more violent than your competitors to keep from being seen as an easy target.

(02-14-2018, 02:52 AM)Cainite Wrote: [ -> ]And another thing I should mention is that the negative entities might be setting a trap for you. you may think they will leave you be or even help you if you make that choice. but they know that things may change for you and you may reswitch polarity since you have a positive background.

I'm reasonably certain this is a possibility for me... but, then, the proper way to deal with it is to plan to hit them even harder and make them suffer. Some negs are actually nice, but a lot don't respect anything other than violence. So if you're going into that realm, then keep in mind that sometimes violence will be your only option.

And most of them are cowards who only prey on the weak, so don't be weak, and make a show of it.

(02-14-2018, 10:45 AM)xise Wrote: [ -> ]If you're negative leaning and are aware enough to have read LOO, there's no doubt about it, the above description will probably jump out and resonate with who you are.

Yep. It gave me a headrush the first time I read that passage. Makes me salivate...
(02-16-2018, 02:55 PM)Mahakali Wrote: [ -> ]I myself refrain from violence and sexual exploitation mostly because I'm not learned enough to properly deal with the karmic blowback. In my own situation, I have loads and loads of really nasty karma, so I refrain from activities that could likely trigger an explosion.

Nothing wrong with playing games, but learning takes precedence, or should... Most of the people on the negative path are probably like you: trading stocks, focusing on a specific fetish or goal, etc., and the ones doing the negative work because they seriously want to polarize are few and far between, comparatively speaking. The right reason to polarize negative is the knowledge that it brings.

And what happens when your master commands you to do these acts? Do you really think you're better than the big shots on the other side of the veil? Your understanding of the negative path is at novice level.

(02-16-2018, 02:55 PM)Mahakali Wrote: [ -> ]Lot of talk in this thread about how the forces of darkness might be trying to trick OP, or are giving him these thoughts... have you ever considered that it might not have been you crying out?

I was raised Christian - though I never resonated or engaged with it - and so there's been a certain level of connection to that current etherically. And of course they're always "praying" for me, which has helped sometimes but is usually just fucking annoying. And which has invaded my etheric body during times of trauma. Or maybe it was more of an echo than an invasion. But they sent their intent into the astral implants used for thought insertion by the mental health types, and it resonated. It's embarassing and annoying sometimes - they're desperate to get me to come back to their current.

I myself can't see ever (re)connecting with that religion. I'm filled with hate for them. I was raised on demonic vibrations that always resonated a lot faster and a lot harder than Christianity ever did.

If you come from a "positive" background, you might have to work harder and be a lot more violent than your competitors to keep from being seen as an easy target.

Why do you think I went dark? I thought Christianity was a religion for slaves, and Lucifer was only trying to reassert our rightful place here on Earth as Gods.

I was only seventeen when I invoked something I shouldn't have, I got locked in a thought battle for six hours because I refused to be used as a vessel. I held out pretty long until I realised the sacrifice was too great, so I called out to the most loving entity I knew of at the time to save me from my stupidity. It worked instantly, I was finally free.  

I didn't even become a Christian afterwards, that's how ungrateful I was. I just ignored it all until I found the LOO and could make sense of what happened.

I'm sick of pretending the negative path is benign. It's not. There are NO conditions to it. You order yourself in strict hierarchies based on the strength of your willpower for men, or your desire for women, then you serve whoever your master is. And if anyone here is actually serious about it, then the best advice I can give is get to work because you have a lot of competition ahead of you.
You are not Serving Self. You are hurt, resentful and trapped. You are maintaining vision of negative picture of Self in other-selves eyes and adopting it as Self-picture – or at least convincing Self that’s what You are.

You wrote:

Quote:It is legal, but unethical from my perspective

“Unethical”? Sir, You are a Positive Being whom have experienced too many negativity from others to process it properly without being bound/tied-down by it. I relate, as I’m in similar situation. Except I know I am positive but I consciously withholding Self from others.
“Making a decision” won’t change this:

Quote:It feels dark and cold and scary…

I don’t know why, but every time I’m contemplating eighteen Arcanum – “Experience of the Spirit” – I feel there’s something attractive on the negative path. Knowledge, mystery, ability, freedom unobtainable on the positive patch. But I do realize I cannot walk negative path, as I would not do what is necessary to prevail. Why? It’s simply – I do not draw energy from hurting others, from depriving them of things they need most, from controlling or forcing them into submission.
This is for me a “negative path” – when One is able to draw energy from such demeanor and welcomes it with excitement and joy/pleasure.
From what You wrote, You are convinced that You are unable to walk positive path and therefore You’ll take “the only other path available” – negative one.  

There’s always another way. Learn to care less about others and focus more on Self. Not “against” others, but FOR Self. Also, don’t bother Self with labels – STS, STO… drop it. Do not define Self by such duality. There’s no need for it and in doing so You’re narrowing your point-of-view. Get well acquainted with shades of gray and try to see that no-One is only “good” or “bad”.

Above is of course only my opinion and I have to write that currently I’m mastering “art of isolation”. I refuse to care for others and when I do, despite my efforts, I refuse showing / acting on it. Not wanting to be hurt or rejected is far stronger than need to be loved and accepted. I wonder if it’s the same in your case.
If in 4D you realize you made a mistake, there are a few who specialize in this kind of work and will help guide you back to regain your light. Just realize that they cannot make your choices or learn for you and so at some point the shift needs to happen within.

All paths lead to the positive, so walk knowing you will rejoin with All.
(02-16-2018, 06:51 PM)Louisabell Wrote: [ -> ]And what happens when your master commands you to do these acts? Do you really think you're better than the big shots on the other side of the veil? Your understanding of the negative path is at novice level.

According to the demons, I will eventually join my murdered friends in Hell. They told me what they have planned for me. At the same time, I'm too in love with the Darkness to walk away, and there are creative alternatives that most people apparently don't think about much...

>And what happens when your master commands you to do these acts?

I stick my tongue out? Well, depending upon the situation. I'm not known for being cooperative when something orders me around. I don't intimidate easy. Sounds like that'd be from the sort of organization in which you'll spend more time tryna "earn your bones" and suck dick for promorions than actually polarizing, and I'm not interested in that. My goal is spiritual development, not playing the game, and it seems like it'd be less problematic just to grab a bunch of AK's and hold your position.

Do I think I can win a boxing match with Mike Tyson? Maybe not. Do I find it likely that Mike Tyson has any interest in fighting me personally? Not really.

I support the demon gods. But it's probably human egos I have to worry about.

Most humans are dopamine monkey puppets. Even on the lower levels of the Dark Side, everyone's addicted to something; everyone does their work if they get what they want, or allows themselves to be threatened, or just gets caught up in the games they like to play. There are a minority who are probably extremely dangerous. I've gotten in s***-flinging contests with some of them, and... I'd really like to avoid doing that anymore if I can help it, but they're not outright omnipotent.

Structure and hierarchy are not as strictly necessary as some here think they need to be. I'm betting that a lot of you are used to working within a corporate structure and just aren't capable of thinking any other way, just like how a lot of people are so used to nationa government that they couldn't imagine a city-state or an anarchist society (like Native Americans had) working... and within corporate structure, and within most gangs and things like that, it's about a handful of people making themselves comfortable with material pleasures, and a bunch of lapdogs trying to be accepted into the fold and offered promotions. You need a helping hand to the top.

This allows for maximum capitalization of power by those at the top, but is also terribly inefficient. My first attempt at starting a negatively oriented group, eventually broken apart by infiltrators and police, we planned for our own deaths and structured it so that the org would have easily survived a decapitation strike (or would have, if it'd made it out of those crucial early days), and honestly, I could go on for an hour here about how some respected negative organizations aren't going at it nearly as hard as they could be.

There is still plenty of room in this world for control. There are a lot of places and people I wouldn't f*** around with, but there are still very many untouched places and places run by people who could be killed easily with a little bit of ambition. Add, on top of that, that most negative organizations are composed primarily of puppets and/or people who are more interested in having fun or being comfortable than doing what's necessary (which I'm guilty of sometimes myself, but at least I'm not capable of having fun, anyway), and the competition starts looking a lot thinner. Significant, but not boxing-match-with-Mike-Tyson impossible.

I'm not an easy boy to intimidate. I've been tortured physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. I know what they're capable of, and I've gotten glimpses of Hell. I still stick my tongue out.

My goal is really not to jump into that whole game, and I know there are ways out. I also don't think there's one "dark side"; there's probably a lot of them. There's probably a lot of realities outside of this one, and a lot of possibility for boxes matches being avoided rather than won.

I don't think it's very Satanic of me to meekly hand over my mind and will.

I don't think of anyone or anything as my "master". If someone I consider a friend or an ally asked me to commit an act of violence or rape or whatever, it'd depend on the specifics of the situation. And the likelihood of whether or not it'd blow up some of the karma I'm trying to burn off. If it were problematic, I'd tell them to go f*** themselves, or at least a solid "no". But if they're my ally, they wouldn't be trying to force me to do something that'd hamper my development. If they're more interested in gold-hoarding than spiritual development, or helping their allies develop, there's probably somewhere better I could be.

As far as the sorcerers connected to the demons go, I think opinions about me are mixed. I think the worst of them are disgusted by my arrogance and have tried in the past to stomp me into the dirt to make me meek and submissive, but they mistook me for someone who is weak, and I'm still sitting around here making everyone frown.

They said they'd break me. They didn't break s***.

As far as the demons themselves go... the big bads... I don't think they are against me personally. I don't really like the idea of having my subtle-body sucked down into the lower dimensions and enslaved (negative time/space), but I'm trying to find a way to negate that.

I guess as far as some of it goes, I have to rely upon unforgiveness and just be ready to circle back around and respond whenever I am able, be willing to waste a lot of polarity for the purposes of vengeance even if I have to inconvenience myself to do it. The people who f*** with me better be ready to look over their backs for the rest of their existence, this incarnation and beyond.

That said, again, I'm not interested in playing their game. And a lot of their game is just convincing people that there's no alternative to it. Keep them looking a few inches in front of their face and no further... most people just accept that, just submit after they get a beating and allow themselves to become failures...

If I haven't given up yet, there's no reason for anyone else to.

I think it's possible for me to do... something. To get revenge, at the very least, and probably something more.
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