Bring4th

McAllen, Texas. An old sedan drove up, abruptly stopped. We could hear the door shut behind us.

"Hey! Hey. Amigo..."

Neither of us could understand what the Hispanic man was trying to say, but from the appearance of soiled clothing, unkept hair, and reavealing a few quarters, nickels, and dimes on his palms, we knew he was asking for money. In that brief moment I had two recollection of similar events:

Saint Louis, Missouri. The scene witnessed was at Greyhound Bus station where a man approached another elderly gentleman requesting to "break" his Five dollar bill in exchange for 5 One dollar bills. More than happy to oblige, the elder fished his pocket, his attention focused on rummaging through the wallet. He found his Ones, but soon discovered his other bills, credit cards, and ID., along with the wallet missing--snatched away by the same person who asked for the service. He ran off. He ran fast. He ran far before the unsuspecting gentleman could collect himself from disbelief.

Winslow, Arizona. Someone knocked on my driver-side door at a Wal-Mart lot. His plea for money was less than convincing largely due to poor acting and insincerity. So I tested him; I offered him bread and soup. He didn't care about those, only the money interests him. It was clear I was just another client in his daily routine on the "job." After more failed attempts to get any cash from me, he snickered, then blew past with the "F-off" gesture.

"I can't help you." I shook my head.

I shook my head. We declined him and went about our ways into the restaurant where we sat and asked ourselves why we had denied a fellow being. Couldn't answer, residing all else but love/compassion in the moment--conditional love over unconditional love. My brother ran back outside to find him. He was no where to be found.

-Regulus

I have been having dreams lately in which I have to make similar choices... when I awake I don't remember the entire dream but I do remember whether I passed or failed the test. The test being that my old recollection of events are in the past, I can't begin to show Unselfish Love without removing the old memories and biases. So each time I am learning that I have to pay more attention to the daily choices I make, whether in dreams or real life ( difference?).

We've all been there I'm sure. The good thing is we can never be defined by a single choice. And the fact that you reflected on it at all means that you are grasping the lesson that the choice had hidden up its sleeve, and the next time a similar choice comes up in your life, you'll have the lesson still sitting in your spiritual pocket to help guide your choice. It's not what people choose to do with your gift of service that matters, but the fact that you gave of yourself freely with love. You're also free to choose what your gift of service is, like offering bread and soup instead of cash. If you're having feelings of guilt about it, just remember life will keep offering choices, and the more you practice making them consciously the easier it becomes to starting walking the path of your choosing! Light and love to you!

Perhaps this catalyst is more than it seems to be. Perhaps refusing the man stirred something in your heart- a desire to give more freely, that would not have been awakened otherwise. The choices you make do matter, but the wisdom you gain from them and what you do with that wisdom mean even more, in my humble opinion. So I wouldn't beat yourself up too much, just remember how you felt the next time a situation comes up. Plus, it seems like you were trying to balance wisdom with compassion here...using past experiences to gain insight on what would be an appropriate choice of action. Isn't that what we're all trying to do?

My husband always talks about this scene in this old Star Wars role playing computer game he used to have. In it, a begger asks your character for money. If you don't give him the money he starves, but if you do give it to him he gets killed by people that saw him get the money who wanted to rob him. He always brings that silly game up when I question my decisions. The scary thing is, it's right. You never know *what* kind of results your decisions will have.

A man approached me last weekend and asked for some money for food. I apologized that I did not have any money. Instead, I said brightly " I have this apple that you can have!" He took the apple and began eating it right there on the spot after turning his back in shame.

I was with some other people who were in a hurry to finish their errands. I thought all afternoon about that man. His eyes spoke of kindness. And at the end of the day I wanted to return to the place I last spoke with him but my companions nixed the plan... they all said "there are places that 'help' those kinds of people."

I remember just looking at my companions with compassion fore they have never experienced the gift of homelessness or being indigent thus, they have no frame of reference of the complexities involved in homelessness.

I found that I was becoming upset over my companions apathy so I thought of Peace Pilgrim and began to pray for the man and all the homeless people in the world as well as for those who are still learning to share their wealth. In praying for them, I released myself from my feelings of helplessness by adding to the "Love Quotient" in the world. Feeling helpless and guilty only creates more helplessness and guilt in the collective consciousness. That is my salt for all its worth.

fairyfarmgirl