Hi everyone !
I have read the Ra material a couple months ago and I can easily say that it literally blew my mind and put some perspective on my life experience. I can’t say though that it radically changed my point of view. It was more of a confirmation, a strengthening, an explaining and pinpointing of what I already knew at some level. Don’t get me wrong, I learned A LOT! It’s just that none of what I read felt weird at all. It resonated.
Well, I guess that was the same for all of you! What is probably not is the story I am about to tell. I want to share this experience I had because it was nearly the opposite of what I usually read in testimonies of NDE. In fact, I don’t know if I experienced a NDE or if I was just high.
Here is the story. It starts really bad. Ten years ago, I tried to kill myself. Hopefully, as you might have figured out, it wasn’t successful. The reasons which led to that attempt are not what brings me here. What I want to tell is the experience itself because it was weird, unexpected and one detail in particular still puzzles me.
I did my attempt by mixing two strips of painkillers with 40° liquor. After all the swallowing, I laid on my bed and waited. It didn’t last long before the process began. I still can remember through all my body what I felt this day. It was both “nice” and scary. I felt like I was emptying from my body, beginning from my feet up to my head, slowly. The feeling was comparable with the one you get when you have a “sleepy arm or leg”, but stronger, more intense.
Once done, I clearly felt like I was floating around. I had already read some stuff about “a tunnel and a growing light”…but that was nothing like this for me! No light, at all. In fact I had the exact opposite feeling. It was all dark, all emptiness. This was NOT a place I wanted to stay in! But unfortunately for me, that was maybe the least of my surprises.
Quite obviously, I expected that all the pain that led me to my attempt would stop. Well…it kinda did, because what I felt can’t really be labeled as “pain”, physically or psychologically speaking. But it was clearly not cheering me up. I think the word that explains the best what I felt would be “pressure”, a really super intense pressure. I certainly can now empathize with those fishes that live miles down in the ocean!
And there comes the puzzling part. I hardly had my 2 or 3 seconds to barely realize the mess I got me into that a high pitchy noise began to burst. It came from everywhere and was bouncing back and forth. Then, into the noise, many voices emerged. They all sounded female and were all saying the same sentence, endlessly: “You are free!”. Due to the high-pitch, they sounded quite happy, but I can’t really tell. All of this was happening with the “back and forth’-like movement.
I was pretty scared by the environment I had fallen into, but these voices were pretty reassuring. On the moment, I understood the “You are free!” as a choice I had to make. Either stay or take a second shot in life. I had mixed emotions and so I can’t recall exactly what made me come back, but staying there was clearly not an option. I was scared, so maybe I just “chickened out”. But I know fear was not the only reason. I felt I hadn’t completed my duty, whatever it is. In short, I just knew I didn’t belong there. Not yet though, as I don’t know for the future. So I went back, puked (a disgusting black sticky stuff…boy, alcohol and drugs doesn’t mix well!) and fell asleep.
Whatever I experienced, it changed my life. Yes, it was a good thing, so please don’t feel uncomfortable with it. Not only did it immune me to the idea of trying that again, I know that’s what enabled my spiritual path. Everything was different, not only me, everything, everybody. Life didn’t get better, but it got meaningful. For the first time, I knew I was here for a reason. I didn’t know what reason and I still don’t really know, but it didn’t matter. I began to search, I began to seek. I was sixteen years old.
First of all, I want to thank you for reading my story. I didn’t expect it to be so long. But the funny thing is that by trying to tell my story in details, I think I might already have been able to answer myself one of the questions that were puzzling me: the “Why?” part of the voices. So, just by reading my story, you have helped me and I thank you very much.
Now, maybe someone has an idea on the kind of experience I had, and on what or who these voices I heard were?
PS : Please apologize any misuse in my English as I’m French speaking.
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