Bring4th

So I've talked about this in a past post, but I'm still having issues.

I am trying to learn guitar and have since my last post decided to do some easier stuff so as to make it less intimidating. Still, I refuse to play guitar even though there's a song I want to play and would be motivated by playing. I feel a deep fear, sometimes in my solar plexus area and sometimes sacral. Sometimes, I get anxious and strong sexual energy arises feeling need for discharge. I have only just today started working extra hard to transmute and/or balance that energy in healthy ways that don't drain it.

I have found an EXCELLENT guided meditation for balancing and strengthening chakras that I intend to use from now on, I perform the lesser banishing ritual, I have decided to sometimes do the 21 day spirit prayer again, so as to call for aid in elevating and healing myself. Still, in spite of all this, my problem only seems to go away at night when everyone else is sleep, strangely enough.

I have read about empaths and feel I likely am one. I fear there may be some energy vampyre negative etheric cords keeping me down, such as with friends or family who may want to see me kept at their lower vibrational level.

I believe I probably already cut etheric ties with my mom when I gave up on her during my atheist years, but my dad and one of my childhood friends remain attached, because they'd shown signs of growth and improvement around me and that makes me feel like it would be "giing up on them" to cut etheric ties with them.

I just got over a brutal friendship breakup I had incurred with a friend who I had once taken for granted and I doubt this friend has anything to do with it, because I know them and even though they don't wanna speak to me right now, I know they are a high vibrational person.

My childhood friend I refer to however, has some major insecurities and a competitive streak, as well as what he jokingly referred to as "an inferiority complex" when playing videogames (basically acknowledging some level of self awareness of his insecurity)

My dad is the kind of guy who has taken a dog as his companion and has selfishly babied it to a point of utter dependency and it is afraid of it's own shadow I swear to god. I used to be pretty sickened by it, now I'm just saddened by it. There's a STRONG possibility that his soul may be poisoning me with negative energy and strong fear and distraction attacks just to keep me like his dog. There is a STRONG Oedipal thing going on in my family I have only just recently begun to outgrow and still haven't completely worked out. I think I may need to cut etheric ties with him.

Still, I LOVE these two and can't be sure of these assumptions, so I'm hesitant to cut the etheric cords and am not professionally trained or anything in these arts.

I also believe there's a good chance it could be an ancient wound being worked out in this lifetime.

Perhaps both?

Should I do it? Should I cut my father's cord, my friend's cord and/or my mother's cord? (officially, just to make sure)

Is there some way I can get QHHT and/or cord cutting therapy healing from some sort of specialized healer?

Is there some sort of alternative practice I could engage in which does not cost money and/or require another person's aid?

Any suggestions otherwise?

I'm REALLY trying to work this out and I feel stuck and I'm SO TIRE of having this feeling hold me back. It's so hard to describe, yet it's a growing fear that just gets worse and worse the more likely it seems that I'll actually DO anything I ought to be doing for myself, ESPECIALLY playing guitar. Even more than with art!

I think it may be both of these things. I dunno.

It doesn't make sense because I've worked through A LOT of DEEPLY ROOTED insecurity issues and healed them. So what's with this? I have a lot of faith. Why am I having such a hard time living like it?

Any and all help you provide is immensely appreciated.

Thank you all again for your loving support.

You can use the Sedona Method as I explain in this thread: https://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthre...?tid=15981

You would ask yourself questions about could you release the feeling of such and such that you don't want. And then would you release it. And then when.

You ask a few times, giving some time for it to work. It worked very well for me and cleared me up inside.

(06-21-2018, 11:15 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]You can use the Sedona Method as I explain in this thread: https://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthre...?tid=15981

You would ask yourself questions about could you release the feeling of such and such that you don't want. And then would you release it. And then when.

You ask a few times, giving some time for it to work. It worked very well for me and cleared me up inside.

Cool. Thanks for the advice!

My considered guess is that your parents are not interested in messing with your energies and that your disturbances are all internal. While it may feel otherwise, if true, this is good news because it means you only have to work on yourself....which is the larger truth anyhow.

For clearing, you might also try Ho'oponopono (pronounced ho-oh PO-no PO-no) as it has been lately taught. It has Hawai'ian roots and is quite simple. When bothered by something, one repeats, in no specific order, the following four phrases. I have found it surprisingly balanced and useful. It might be one tool you can use to help find deeper stability.

I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

There are various youtube vids available to confuse you more. Best of luck!

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(06-22-2018, 04:16 AM)peregrine Wrote: [ -> ]My considered guess is that your parents are not interested in messing with your energies and that your disturbances are all internal. While it may feel otherwise, if true, this is good news because it means you only have to work on yourself....which is the larger truth anyhow.

For clearing, you might also try Ho'oponopono (pronounced ho-oh PO-no PO-no) as it has been lately taught. It has Hawai'ian roots and is quite simple. When bothered by something, one repeats, in no specific order, the following four phrases. I have found it surprisingly balanced and useful. It might be one tool you can use to help find deeper stability.

I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

There are various youtube vids available to confuse you more. Best of luck!

Peregrine, thank you ! I love ho’oponopono ! Heart

(06-22-2018, 08:28 AM)flofrog Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 04:16 AM)peregrine Wrote: [ -> ]My considered guess is that your parents are not interested in messing with your energies and that your disturbances are all internal. While it may feel otherwise, if true, this is good news because it means you only have to work on yourself....which is the larger truth anyhow.

For clearing, you might also try Ho'oponopono (pronounced ho-oh PO-no PO-no) as it has been lately taught. It has Hawai'ian roots and is quite simple. When bothered by something, one repeats, in no specific order, the following four phrases. I have found it surprisingly balanced and useful. It might be one tool you can use to help find deeper stability.

I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

There are various youtube vids available to confuse you more. Best of luck!

Peregrine, thank you ! I love ho’oponopono !

So do I.

(06-22-2018, 06:08 AM)Agua Wrote: [ -> ]Most likely this is not what you want to hear, but I'll offer it nonetheless:

I have the impression you are trying to "externalize" your problems.
It seems you are seeing other people, astral entities and so on as the source of your difficulties.
I believe this is very far from the truth!

While much of what you describe COULD also PARTIALY be the case, the MAIN root of all of this is INSIDE of YOU!

It could be helpful to fully accept responsibility for your life and your life circumstances.
Not in the sense of "who is to blame?" but in the sense of "who has the power?"!

I found looking for outside sources is an ego trap that keeps yourself locked in the very state you are in.
Remember, any psychic attack, any entity human or non-human attaching to you ALWAYS needs YOUR own issues and distortions to attach to or to attack you there!

I would recommend starting with taking as much responsibility for yourself as possible and build from there!

(with that i am NOT implying it is easy, not implying all issues are solved when you take full responsibility, and surely NOT implying you have to do it alone or on your own, definetely not!
I just recommend this to start with and have a better position to deal with it!)

Actually, all I want to hear at this point is the truth and if there's no external attack, I consider it great news. My reasons for believing it could be so is because I have grown up with these people trying to keep me down. Still, they get better as I do, I have noticed. So maybe that's another good reason to keep cords attached. I'm actually relieved to think that it's not them, because I don't WANT to have to detach any cords from them if I don't have to. (although, I may have detached from mom at some point before awakening or later)

I am doing what I can and each day, I am getting stronger. I am grateful for every shitty thing that's happened so far, because without it, I would not be like I am now. I still struggle with these issues, but it's getting easier and easier all the time.

Although, I should point out that if the issue is inside me and I've cleared all these ego issues and STILL have this inexplicable debilitating fear I struggle against without even understanding what I'm afraid of, I could totally see past life issues being a part of it. Still internal, but that would explain why it's so deeply rooted and hard to understand.

At any rate, I thank you ALL for your helpful advice and shall try all of this. Thank you SO MUCH.

And thank you Peregrine and IndigoGeminiWolf for your heplful suggestions!

I appreciate all suggestions, advice and general aid and I love you all. Thank you.

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(06-22-2018, 01:07 PM)Agua Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 12:39 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Actually, all I want to hear at this point is the truth and if there's no external attack, I consider it great news. My reasons for believing it could be so is because I have grown up with these people trying to keep me down. Still, they get better as I do, I have noticed. So maybe that's another good reason to keep cords attached. I'm actually relieved to think that it's not them, because I don't WANT to have to detach any cords from them if I don't have to. (although, I may have detached from mom at some point before awakening or later)

I am doing what I can and each day, I am getting stronger. I am grateful for every shitty thing that's happened so far, because without it, I would not be like I am now. I still struggle with these issues, but it's getting easier and easier all the time.

Although, I should point out that if the issue is inside me and I've cleared all these ego issues and STILL have this inexplicable debilitating fear I struggle against without even understanding what I'm afraid of, I could totally see past life issues being a part of it. Still internal, but that would explain why it's so deeply rooted and hard to understand.

At any rate, I thank you ALL for your helpful advice and shall try all of this. Thank you SO MUCH.

And thank you Peregrine and IndigoGeminiWolf for your heplful suggestions!

I appreciate all suggestions, advice and general aid and I love you all. Thank you.

What I was trying to suggest is that you focus on your part of what is happening, since this will bring you into a position of power.
It might be that you deal with an issue connected to other lifetimes, but still you have to start working through it with what you can access now at this very moment..

I have dealt myself and working with otjer people concerning psychic attack, energetic introjects, entity attach,ents and "energy vampires". I'll give a few examples so you can see what I mean and why it is crucial to solve YOUR part:

Entity attach,ent:an entity can only attach to you when you invite it, this cannot happen against your will.
Attach,ent often occurs in very early years, when you are alone and desperately beg for someone to be with you.
Thats the invitation.
Or you are in a helpless situation and call for anyone to help.
Thats the invitation.
The attachment is a mutual agreement them, so to say. You win something, the entity attaching wins something.
You have to find out what your gain is, otherwise you wont be willing to let the entity go.
In fact, in most cases, when people realize there is an attachment an they could theoretically let the entity go, in 80% of the cases people are not yet WILLING to let it go, but want to spend some time with the "arrangement" consciously.

Regarding energy vampires, it is also a mutual deal:
as long as they feed on your energy. they need you, as long as they need you, they wont leave you!
So, many times people do NOT want to get rid of those, because it gives them a lot of security.
So, you gain something, they gain something.

And this principle is very often hidden beyond the surface.
Unless you realize what your part is, unless you realize what you gain from the situation, you will have an internal conflict.
Consciously you might want to end the situation.
Unconsciously however you want the situation to persist.

As long as one side is unconscious, you have no chance to change the sitiuation.
The more energy you invest in your conscious drive, the more energy your unconscious drive will invest.
I guess you know what i mean.

I did not read too many of your posts, please forgove when i am uninformed.
Why dont you move out to another place on your own?
Wouldnt that solve the situation for you?

What also came to my mind, and please forgive me saying this blunt open:
when I read about that guitar example, i couldnt help but feel that its a pretty lame excuse.
I know this very well from my own life, i also sometimes have really lame excuses

is anyone forcefully keeping you from playing guitar?
I remember another post a couple weeks ago which was also about playing guitar.
So you're having all these "convincing" reasons why you cannot even start playing.
But you know what?
Instead of thinking about it, if you would have practiced just 30 minutes a day in those weeks, you would alteady be able to accompany a lot of songs!
But instead of taking that as criticism or a personal devaluation, just grab a guitar and play.
Then you will be able to basically play some songs very soon!

I'm not defensive. I am LONG past the point of feeling the need to "defend" myself from things I don't really take personally anymore. As long as it's TRUE, I can work with it.

I'm not trying to make excuses for not playing. I know I have to, I just CAN'T UNDERSTAND why I'm afraid to? It doesn't make any sense to me.

I'm well aware that I still have to work through it if it's a past life thing. I'm just trying to figure out WHAT the root cause is so I can figure out the best way to fix/heal it. But it seems like I'm being told I don't need to know why I'm afraid in order to let it go, so that's good. I'm just worried that the issue at the root might remain. I dunno.

I haven't moved out cause I have no money. That will change when I'm either a) making enough money from process service (certification classes for my county start in July) or b) teaching abroad (my goal is to get a BA first so I can teach in Japan, but once I have my process server certification, I can look into TEFL jobs in places like China or Thailand or something if I want to move out soon)

That being said, I figured etheric cords don't really get weaker over distance. Are you saying they do? Either way, I know that spending time around people who wanna do stuff that keeps me in the Matrix isn't healthy for me.

I don't mind if my reasons are actually excuses or if my excuses are lame. To me all excuses are lame and none are lame. To me they all serve a purpose in our development and I choose to just be grateful for that function they serve spiritually.

As long as it's true, I'm willing to acknowledge it. Our mistakes don't define us after all, they REFINE us. I have learned that lately.

Still, without even knowing why it's so difficult to get rid of this paralyzing fear, it's quite the challenge facing it.

I know I can get going. I just need to stay present.
I'll apply all the advice given here and have faith. I thank you all for your encouragement and for your sincere efforts to support and aid me in my development.

I love you all. Thank you so much.

(06-22-2018, 01:27 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 01:07 PM)Agua Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 12:39 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Actually, all I want to hear at this point is the truth and if there's no external attack, I consider it great news. My reasons for believing it could be so is because I have grown up with these people trying to keep me down. Still, they get better as I do, I have noticed. So maybe that's another good reason to keep cords attached. I'm actually relieved to think that it's not them, because I don't WANT to have to detach any cords from them if I don't have to. (although, I may have detached from mom at some point before awakening or later)

I am doing what I can and each day, I am getting stronger. I am grateful for every shitty thing that's happened so far, because without it, I would not be like I am now. I still struggle with these issues, but it's getting easier and easier all the time.

Although, I should point out that if the issue is inside me and I've cleared all these ego issues and STILL have this inexplicable debilitating fear I struggle against without even understanding what I'm afraid of, I could totally see past life issues being a part of it. Still internal, but that would explain why it's so deeply rooted and hard to understand.

At any rate, I thank you ALL for your helpful advice and shall try all of this. Thank you SO MUCH.

And thank you Peregrine and IndigoGeminiWolf for your heplful suggestions!

I appreciate all suggestions, advice and general aid and I love you all. Thank you.

What I was trying to suggest is that you focus on your part of what is happening, since this will bring you into a position of power.
It might be that you deal with an issue connected to other lifetimes, but still you have to start working through it with what you can access now at this very moment..

I have dealt myself and working with otjer people concerning psychic attack, energetic introjects, entity attach,ents and "energy vampires". I'll give a few examples so you can see what I mean and why it is crucial to solve YOUR part:

Entity attach,ent:an entity can only attach to you when you invite it, this cannot happen against your will.
Attach,ent often occurs in very early years, when you are alone and desperately beg for someone to be with you.
Thats the invitation.
Or you are in a helpless situation and call for anyone to help.
Thats the invitation.
The attachment is a mutual agreement them, so to say. You win something, the entity attaching wins something.
You have to find out what your gain is, otherwise you wont be willing to let the entity go.
In fact, in most cases, when people realize there is an attachment an they could theoretically let the entity go, in 80% of the cases people are not yet WILLING to let it go, but want to spend some time with the "arrangement" consciously.

Regarding energy vampires, it is also a mutual deal:
as long as they feed on your energy. they need you, as long as they need you, they wont leave you!
So, many times people do NOT want to get rid of those, because it gives them a lot of security.
So, you gain something, they gain something.

And this principle is very often hidden beyond the surface.
Unless you realize what your part is, unless you realize what you gain from the situation, you will have an internal conflict.
Consciously you might want to end the situation.
Unconsciously however you want the situation to persist.

As long as one side is unconscious, you have no chance to change the sitiuation.
The more energy you invest in your conscious drive, the more energy your unconscious drive will invest.
I guess you know what i mean.

I did not read too many of your posts, please forgove when i am uninformed.
Why dont you move out to another place on your own?
Wouldnt that solve the situation for you?

What also came to my mind, and please forgive me saying this blunt open:
when I read about that guitar example, i couldnt help but feel that its a pretty lame excuse.
I know this very well from my own life, i also sometimes have really lame excuses

is anyone forcefully keeping you from playing guitar?
I remember another post a couple weeks ago which was also about playing guitar.
So you're having all these "convincing" reasons why you cannot even start playing.
But you know what?
Instead of thinking about it, if you would have practiced just 30 minutes a day in those weeks, you would alteady be able to accompany a lot of songs!
But instead of taking that as criticism or a personal devaluation, just grab a guitar and play.
Then you will be able to basically play some songs very soon!

I'm not defensive. I am LONG past the point of feeling the need to "defend" myself from things I don't really take personally anymore. As long as it's TRUE, I can work with it.

I'm not trying to make excuses for not playing. I know I have to, I just CAN'T UNDERSTAND why I'm afraid to? It doesn't make any sense to me.

I'm well aware that I still have to work through it if it's a past life thing. I'm just trying to figure out WHAT the root cause is so I can figure out the best way to fix/heal it. But it seems like I'm being told I don't need to know why I'm afraid in order to let it go, so that's good. I'm just worried that the issue at the root might remain. I dunno.

I haven't moved out cause I have no money. That will change when I'm either a) making enough money from process service (certification classes for my county start in July) or b) teaching abroad (my goal is to get a BA first so I can teach in Japan, but once I have my process server certification, I can look into TEFL jobs in places like China or Thailand or something if I want to move out soon)

That being said, I figured etheric cords don't really get weaker over distance. Are you saying they do? Either way, I know that spending time around people who wanna do stuff that keeps me in the Matrix isn't healthy for me.

and if I AM just making lame excuses, I'd still like to know WHY. Oh well... Truth is, I don't mind if my reasons are actually excuses or if my excuses are lame. To me all excuses are lame and none are lame. To me they all serve a purpose in our development and I choose to just be grateful for that function they serve spiritually.

As long as it's true, I'm willing to acknowledge it. Our mistakes don't define us after all, they REFINE us. I have learned that lately.

Still, without even knowing why it's so difficult to get rid of this paralyzing fear, it's quite the challenge facing it.

I know I can get going. I just need to stay present.
I'll apply all the advice given here and have faith. I thank you all for your encouragement and for your sincere efforts to support and aid me in my development.

I love you all. Thank you so much.

removed

(06-22-2018, 02:07 PM)Agua Wrote: [ -> ]The part about excuses was no judgement, I myself have mastered the art of excuses to a high degree !
It was rather pointing out a dynamic within all of us, we have a tendency to keep things as they are, mostly because we fear the unknown.

About "knowing the root" of your issue(s), there is two kinds of "knowing".
The first would be an intellectual knowing, if for example someone with psychic abilities told you about the root.
That wont help much, since it doesnt really help in solving the issue.

The other "knowing" is a knowing that comes from having experienced it.
That is "real knowing".
However, most likely you are not yet ready to face the "root", it would probably be too overwhelming.

The root of it can never be "intellectualized", more often than not it cannot even be put into words.
The root of it is a strong energy of a certain emotional quality.
You probably would not want to face it completely right now

However, the basic quality of the "root" is also present in what you experience right now, just in a "weaker" form.
Your system normally allows only as much of the enrgy as we can handle at a given time.
It might be very challenging, but manageable.

So, if you stay present with what you experience, you gain more and more capacity to "process" this energy.
You dont have to understand it, you have to experience it.

Especially with the fear you are talking about:
is it more a "conceptual" fear? something you dont feel but figure that it must be there somewhere?
Or can you avtually feel the fear?

If you can feel it, thats really great!
You could try the following:
-allow the fear to arise
-be as relaxed as possible
-surrender to the fear, accept it fully, allow it fully
-whenever a part of your body tightens, feel the tension
-if possible, relax the tightened muscles

The worst thing that can happen would be, the fear could become very strong.
Thats fine, although very unpleasant.
Allow it to become as strong as it can, fully allow it.

When you do this completely, the ego-facet that had the fear dies. The moment you allow the fear completely with zero resistance, it ceases to exist and you end up in a state of calmness and peace.

The ego-facet might "resurrect", the fear might come again, but then you dont have to fear the fear anymore since you already survived it before

I did this after an ayahuasca trip where overwhelming fear of death arose in me and persisted for many days.
I couldnt close that door anymore and could barely make it throigh my days.
After a couple of days, following a suggestion from my friend and teacher, i did what i described above.
I gabe up all resistance and allowed the fear completely.
I was expecting hell to break lose, to die or even worse.
The fear got extremely intense, i was close to freaking out completely.
I relax and allowed it completely, accepting whatever may come.

And then -boom- nothing!
Nothing at all!
No more fear, just peace and calmness.

The fear arose later again at two or three occasions, but i didnt fear the fear anymore.
After that, i havent experienced that fear again.
But if I would, so what...

Thank you so much for this! I'll totally do that right now!

What you s makes a lot of sense. It's not an intellectual fear, but a feeling of fear and anxiety I can't understand why I'm feeling. I can feel it physically in my body too: Especially in the orange and yellow chakras. Sometimes though I have a hard time with strong sexual energy as well. Mixed with the fear.

Anyway, I'll do what you described (right now) and see how that works out for me. THANK YOU. I have faith it will work, but if anyone else has any suggestions, I am very open to them. Thank you all once again!

(06-22-2018, 04:16 AM)peregrine Wrote: [ -> ]I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

In our culture we teach kids "the magic words": please, thanks, forgive me/sorry. These words are also often encouraged by pope Francis.

What would Frank Zappa say to all this?

[Image: quote-shut-up-and-play-your-guitar-frank...-63-47.jpg]

removed

It's the fear of being self-directed vs other self-directed.

You just have to push through it every day. The more that you react to it, the more powerful it becomes.

(06-22-2018, 12:39 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 06:08 AM)Agua Wrote: [ -> ]Most likely this is not what you want to hear, but I'll offer it nonetheless:

I have the impression you are trying to "externalize" your problems.
It seems you are seeing other people, astral entities and so on as the source of your difficulties.
I believe this is very far from the truth!

While much of what you describe COULD also PARTIALY be the case, the MAIN root of all of this is INSIDE of YOU!

It could be helpful to fully accept responsibility for your life and your life circumstances.
Not in the sense of "who is to blame?" but in the sense of "who has the power?"!

I found looking for outside sources is an ego trap that keeps yourself locked in the very state you are in.
Remember, any psychic attack, any entity human or non-human attaching to you ALWAYS needs YOUR own issues and distortions to attach to or to attack you there!

I would recommend starting with taking as much responsibility for yourself as possible and build from there!

(with that i am NOT implying it is easy, not implying all issues are solved when you take full responsibility, and surely NOT implying you have to do it alone or on your own, definetely not!
I just recommend this to start with and have a better position to deal with it!)

Actually, all I want to hear at this point is the truth and if there's no external attack, I consider it great news. My reasons for believing it could be so is because I have grown up with these people trying to keep me down. Still, they get better as I do, I have noticed. So maybe that's another good reason to keep cords attached. I'm actually relieved to think that it's not them, because I don't WANT to have to detach any cords from them if I don't have to. (although, I may have detached from mom at some point before awakening or later)

I am doing what I can and each day, I am getting stronger. I am grateful for every shitty thing that's happened so far, because without it, I would not be like I am now. I still struggle with these issues, but it's getting easier and easier all the time.

Although, I should point out that if the issue is inside me and I've cleared all these ego issues and STILL have this inexplicable debilitating fear I struggle against without even understanding what I'm afraid of, I could totally see past life issues being a part of it. Still internal, but that would explain why it's so deeply rooted and hard to understand.

At any rate, I thank you ALL for your helpful advice and shall try all of this. Thank you SO MUCH.

And thank you Peregrine and IndigoGeminiWolf for your heplful suggestions!

I appreciate all suggestions, advice and general aid and I love you all. Thank you.

Instead of cutting cords with people it might help you to cut cords with the wounds they trigger or even caused in your younger days.

Often if you do this the relationships will change and not only are you freeing yourself to outgrow the old patterns but you free them as well to relate to you and others from a different place/perspective/loop. From there some relationships grow apart naturally and others change for the better.

As to the fear. Likely it is from many wounds that undermine your security but I wouldn't be so sure you are over the loss of your friend just yet. That is a pretty large reminder or trigger to the survival fear you already had.

To lose someone you expected to always be there to the point you took them for granted. It's a pretty scary sign of the uncertainty of life. Try not to judge your father he over nurtures his dog as his fears make him wish someone would over nurture him.

Often wounds are passed down through families. If you ever plan to have kids it's even more motivation to heal this so your children do not end up carrying it.

(06-23-2018, 09:15 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: [ -> ]It's the fear of being self-directed vs other self-directed.

You just have to push through it every day. The more that you react to it, the more powerful it becomes.

Yeah, I was thinking about it yesterday and I realized it was mostly just me being programmed to feel I can't do stuff on my own. Parents, teachers, government... all training me to be dependant. This is just me feeling lost in the desert, like the JEws when they freed themselves from Egypt. That was the interpretation that seemed more useful. So I focused on what little I WAS comfortable with and could understand and decided to use that as my first base. Like a camp set out in the desert, if you will. I start off with the exercises and stuff I'm used to doing so that the guitar doesn't FEEL like such a foreign thing and the motions feel natural. That's something I AM familiar with and it's a good way to expand my comfort zone so my stretch zone will be further out too. Taking pressure to be able to play anything off and just being humble enough to appreciate small accomplishments like learning how to hold the pick properly and learning basic picking exercises, proper finger independence exercises, downpicking exercises, hand stretches, alternate picking, etc. and knowing I have resources to allow me to explore further gives me a sense of grounding. Now I am feeling less fear and less vital chakra blockage. Usually, strong sexual urges go along with the fear and now I am feeling more sexually balanced and less anxious. So that sense of grounding through basic small exercises helps me to feel like I have something stable to move on from and humble practice of taking pressure to be even remotely impressive off allows me to comfortably appreciate where I'm at enough to feel confident in moving forward.

I have created a mental map for progression as well to help me feel less "lost" so to speak: I compare my path on guitar to the densities.

Right now, I am in "First density" if you will- getting a sense of grounding, becoming comfortable with the foundational aspects the entire exploration is built on. You pass through Red ray grounding before getting to orange and yellow ray creation.

All that stuff is part of my "first density" then of basic foundational technique and feel for operating the guitar and movement and whatnot.

Next would be "Second density" of interaction. I guess this is where I'd start actually playing. Yet just as animals lack true free will typically, as second density is reliant on instincts and intuition, this would probably be learning songs I have not written. Although the more I learn, the more I can create. After all, orange and yellow rays ARE creative.
So I'd be exploring what I can do creatively with other stuff, but within genres and heavily influenced by what I'm playing from others.

Then would come the third density of learning to create my own stuff, deciding what kind of stuff I wanna create and coming into my own in terms of artistic direction. Lessons in free will... of guitar songwriting. I also expect this is where one would be facing major personal plateaus and needing to overcome them.

Then 4th density would be learning to put all my passion into it and explore it at finer detail.

5th density would be probably a lot of music theory and exploration of other stuff. Real academic and theoretical stuff.

6th would be fine tuning and hitting another REALLY big plateau. The kind where you get to be just REALLY advanced at your guitar playing and you don't know where to go from there. Once you find where to go from there, I guess you're in 7th? I dunno. The idea can be refined as I continue to explore it.

Right now, viewing where I'm at as being the "first density" of guitar playing gives me a better sense of direction, so I'm using it right now.

I also came across this article about how we use sexual energy to create and how elements of danger, obsession, mania, etc. all play into passionate creation and sexual energy is the energy which fuels it. The article recommended finding a muse, be it a lost lover, a dead family member, dedicating one's creation to one's god, service, etc. etc. Whatever serves as your muse to truly motivate you.

Here are some of the things I'm using to inspire me:

Simply wanting to create, especially music.
Independence.
Making harvest (Yeah, I'm using that as a motivator. My soul intends to make harvest so why shouldn't I?)
Improving relationships I have hurt.
And also, I have decided I REALLY desire to find a way for people struggling like me to finally be able to do it. If I learn how, I can give that path to the rest of the world and help many people awaken to their own creative talents. I truly believe this is one of the big things I incarnated on the planet to do, and would love to get it done within the next 4-5 years, as I saw a 2017 Ra channeling on Youtube where Ra said the harvest would be within the next 4 or 5 years. So actually, I guess it'd be the next few or several years then. Better do what I can, because if harvest IS in the next several years and if it involves having to die, I wouldn't want to miss it.

If that's not how it works and we've got more time, great. Still helps to live like I only got several years Wink

Anyway, thank you all for all the helpful advice! I appreciate it and believe it was helpful. So thank you all so much!

I'll continue to see where these pursuits take me.

Thank you all, and I love you.

(06-24-2018, 10:21 AM)Glow Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 12:39 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-22-2018, 06:08 AM)Agua Wrote: [ -> ]Most likely this is not what you want to hear, but I'll offer it nonetheless:

I have the impression you are trying to "externalize" your problems.
It seems you are seeing other people, astral entities and so on as the source of your difficulties.
I believe this is very far from the truth!

While much of what you describe COULD also PARTIALY be the case, the MAIN root of all of this is INSIDE of YOU!

It could be helpful to fully accept responsibility for your life and your life circumstances.
Not in the sense of "who is to blame?" but in the sense of "who has the power?"!

I found looking for outside sources is an ego trap that keeps yourself locked in the very state you are in.
Remember, any psychic attack, any entity human or non-human attaching to you ALWAYS needs YOUR own issues and distortions to attach to or to attack you there!

I would recommend starting with taking as much responsibility for yourself as possible and build from there!

(with that i am NOT implying it is easy, not implying all issues are solved when you take full responsibility, and surely NOT implying you have to do it alone or on your own, definetely not!
I just recommend this to start with and have a better position to deal with it!)

Actually, all I want to hear at this point is the truth and if there's no external attack, I consider it great news. My reasons for believing it could be so is because I have grown up with these people trying to keep me down. Still, they get better as I do, I have noticed. So maybe that's another good reason to keep cords attached. I'm actually relieved to think that it's not them, because I don't WANT to have to detach any cords from them if I don't have to. (although, I may have detached from mom at some point before awakening or later)

I am doing what I can and each day, I am getting stronger. I am grateful for every shitty thing that's happened so far, because without it, I would not be like I am now. I still struggle with these issues, but it's getting easier and easier all the time.

Although, I should point out that if the issue is inside me and I've cleared all these ego issues and STILL have this inexplicable debilitating fear I struggle against without even understanding what I'm afraid of, I could totally see past life issues being a part of it. Still internal, but that would explain why it's so deeply rooted and hard to understand.

At any rate, I thank you ALL for your helpful advice and shall try all of this. Thank you SO MUCH.

And thank you Peregrine and IndigoGeminiWolf for your heplful suggestions!

I appreciate all suggestions, advice and general aid and I love you all. Thank you.

Instead of cutting cords with people it might help you to cut cords with the wounds they trigger or even caused in your younger days.

Often if you do this the relationships will change and not only are you freeing yourself to outgrow the old patterns but you free them as well to relate to you and others from a different place/perspective/loop. From there some relationships grow apart naturally and others change for the better.

As to the fear. Likely it is from many wounds that undermine your security but I wouldn't be so sure you are over the loss of your friend just yet. That is a pretty large reminder or trigger to the survival fear you already had.

To lose someone you expected to always be there to the point you took them for granted. It's a pretty scary sign of the uncertainty of life. Try not to judge your father he over nurtures his dog as his fears make him wish someone would over nurture him.

Often wounds are passed down through families. If you ever plan to have kids it's even more motivation to heal this so your children do not end up carrying it.

I understand. Thing is, what's funny is that this friend of mine went through the same damn thing before I ever met them. I wasn't fully understanding of how terrible that was for them and I suppose this was my catalyst to be more understanding. But whenever I made attempts at reconciliation, they were met with utter rejection. And yeah, you're right. I try to reconcile with this friend in 5D and yet I have found myself fearing the thought. Almost as though my feelings about them are different. Less positive or maybe just less open. More fear based. Fear of all the aspects of the past that drove us apart and fear that the aspects I could not control back then, things that were unfair to me will continue. A lack of appreciation so to speak and a general un-willingness to hear out my side of things. I try to remind myself this person was plenty fair to me until what happened and all that happened was what I wanted/needed to happen for my spiritual growth. Yet I still have a hard time finding full closure without working with them on it but I have sometimes found myself scared to do so because of a fear of those old patterns repeating. I suppose I COULD just cut the cords to those old patterns, but the kind of change to the relationship I want is one I have not experienced. I suppose though that I can still envision it and this time, cut the cords to those old patterns and truly BELIEVE I have what I want to help consciously manifest my desire. Thanks for the advice, Glow!

You are so kind EvolcingPhienix that this thing will subside. It will, feel safe and sure. If you have like coffee and toast in the morning or ehat3ver for breakfast, bless it and feel “this is ,y time for myself, no one can 8ntrude, how lovely is this time to myself “ I promise you. You it will help, Heart

(06-24-2018, 04:42 PM)flofrog Wrote: [ -> ]You are so kind EvolcingPhienix that this thing will subside. It will, feel safe and sure. If you have like coffee and toast in the morning or ehat3ver for breakfast, bless it and feel “this is ,y time for myself, no one can 8ntrude, how lovely is this time to myself “ I promise you. You it will help,

Thanks Flofrog. I'm feeling very hurt still about the friendship breakup and fact is, I am thankful for your kind words right now. II'll try your advice. Thanks.

EvolvingPhoenix

AnthroHeart

EvolvingPhoenix

Sacred Fool

Agua

flofrog

AnthroHeart

EvolvingPhoenix

Agua

EvolvingPhoenix

EvolvingPhoenix

Agua

EvolvingPhoenix

loostudent

loostudent

Agua

GentleReckoning

Glow

EvolvingPhoenix

flofrog

EvolvingPhoenix